Crimson Regret

Ryou's Ending: Don't Let It Go

Ryou's POV

God dammit this is stupid! This shrink is making me want to jump off a cliff and kill myself. I requested that I get another one, a much better one. But all they tell me is that she's the best. I asked them to tell me if she has succeeded in actually changing a patient's point of view, none of them gave me an answer. So I figured to just go through with it. Now I'm always trying to act normal and make her think she's doing something good for me but every session she begins to piss me off. And now, she's making me consider cutting myself again.

I wish for the knife, I wish for the blade, I wish for the blood flowing out of my body, and…I wish I wasn't alive at this very moment. I wish I wasn't alive at all. I wish I killed myself instead of having my fantasy right in front of me with Bakura actually saying he loves me when he doesn't. Of course through out these events I went through after my withdrawal I had always known that I probably didn't hold a place in his heart. Taki filled that place. I sighed and I noticed that she looked at me. I didn't do anything except think some more to drown out her useless speech.

Bakura had been spending time with me when I almost killed myself again. I wish he just left me there like he wanted me too. I can feel it. His feelings sometimes scream for me to leave him alone. And that was just exactly what I was doing. If he hated me then that meant other people hate me and will influence others to hate me too. It's all just a vicious cycle. So I was trying to do them all a favor and tried to rid myself for them. That way they wouldn't be blamed for murder because I'm the one who did it. They'll just file it for suicide.

"Ryou?" I heard 'my' doctor ask, snapping me out of my daze. I looked at her she was holding a mirror out in front of me reflecting me on the other side. As I looked into my reflection I didn't like it. I saw what people saw, a useless being that only exists as the way bugs should exist. Was to be extinct.

"What do you see?" she asked me.

"I see me," I replied.

"How do you view yourself?"

"Someone who's about to become normal again."

"How do you think other people view you?"

"As another stranger on the street."

"Good. Now what emotion are you feeling?"

"I feel fine. I think this is the first time I've ever felt happy." I said smiling.

Yes this is the first time I've ever felt happy. It's going to be done tonight. I'll write Yugi a note that I'm sorry that we have to do this separately. I think it's much better dying alone. I saw her smile at me. I have a feeling that I will be released soon. Bakura doesn't have to know. He seems to think I'm getting better and that isn't the case. If anyone would look hard enough, like Yugi, I wouldn't be here laughing in my head at their blind stupidity. She handed me a bottle of pills. Well looks like I found a way to kill myself without having to spill my blood at all so no evidence would be left and no one would notice because I would just look like I fell asleep.

"I want you to take two of these everyday. Don't overdose. I'm trusting you to be able to handle that will you?" she told me.

"Yes I will. Thanks to you I think I might actually be better," I said smiling at her. I stood up and left after giving me a hug. She was going to release me already. She deemed me fit to release. Just as I thought, this was going great.

Bakura isn't even here with me anymore. He's been spending time with Taki. I wondered what does she have that I don't? I know exactly what. He doesn't have to deal with me at all. Then why did he bother to save me those couple of times, nurse me back to health, and then just leave me in the dark like always? Like they say, old habits die-hard. I'm always left in the dark with no one there for me. I have just tonight and I'm going to make it count. In the deep dark hours no one will notice me dead at all.

It's amazing in what can happen in times like this. I wonder why I didn't think of this before. To him swallowing pills will look like nothing. Heh, I can't believe myself.

Why do I think of such suicide at this time?

Better yet, why do I even bother considering Bakura's feelings?

He never did anything for me, except nurse me back to my old self with false words. I can't believe how stupid I was when it's been down to me twice. Just like before. Maybe that night when he told me he loved me it was just so he could screw me. (A/N: That part was in Dark Crimson Rivers in his ending remember?) God how blinder can I get? I'm such a fool for believing everything he ever said. You know while he was nursing me back to health again after my second suicide attempt I believed everything he said. He kept telling me things. I don't know what happened to me. Maybe I was just out of it.

Bakura's words and warmth still seems to plague my mind and when he let go I was left with no flame inside my heart. It disappeared when he left me again. He didn't exactly say it but I could tell. It seemed that he only liked me when he has someone to comfort. I guess when I became useless to him he went back to Taki who was always all over him as if she needed him.

I reached my house. There I walked in. I wasn't surprised to see it empty. I'm always alone. No one is ever there. Here I thought I was getting better but I guess I just go back to my old self to the suicidal and would just jump out at a chance to die. Everything is always spelled out for me.

Like right now.

I pulled out the anti-depressants in my pocket. I looked at the directions. She said take two everyday. Here it says the same thing. Heh, there's enough here to kill me. I'll do it later. I placed it on my nightstand. I moved back into the guest bedroom since Taki moved out after the project. I could tell she wanted to stay because she gets free lodging and food. Greedy isn't she? I'm happy she moved out. Of course before she left back to her apartment I saw their -ahem- shared kiss. I couldn't help but be jealous.

But it doesn't matter. After tonight I won't have to face it again, ever. But first…I need to live my last moments with doing the only thing that kept me sane.

I picked up the blade and all I saw was red.

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Bakura's POV

I can feel it. Something's wrong. I feel like it was going to be the worst thing to happen. I don't know where it's coming from. But somehow I feel regret. What do I have to feel sorry for?

I looked around to where I'm standing. I'm standing right in front of a stand serving ice cream with Taki. This feels right and so familiar but at the same time…I just don't know. I always feel like I have to get out of here and rush back to the house. It's as if my body was giving my mind signals that something would happen. Like at the time when Ryou…

Oh my god, Ryou!

No, nothing's happening. It was just like last time when I felt this only to find that he was just upset with the shrink. I ran off on Taki and she didn't talk to me for about a week. Yeah, nothing's wrong. Just the psychiatrist driving him mad again. I thought he picked another one I guess not.

But I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was about to go wrong.

I heard noise of thunder striking in the sky. Then rain started to fall down. Yes, this day couldn't get any worse.

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Ryou's POV

My god I feel so tired but refreshed. I've self-mutilated myself over and over again for the past many hours, few wouldn't be a good word since it's already been about almost twelve hours? I wiped the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes again. I couldn't help it. Tears kept pouring down my face as I began to tear at my skin with the blade. Every slash reflected the emotional pain I've endured over the years without really knowing it. Some of them I've realized too late.

I leaned against the wall with my legs bent at the knees that were parallel with my chest and my arms wrapped around to keep them up. My head rested on my knees. I looked straight ahead at the wall across from me. I was sitting against a mirror. I didn't wish to turn around because I was so afraid to see myself, of what I had become. I've never looked at the mirror in a long time. People change over the years and I am one of them except I turned to the bad side of direction as my original psychiatrist puts it.

I noticed that Bakura wasn't here yet. I wondered why. But then again why should I care? It's not like he'll come home if I tell him to. Taki would be able to convince him since he somehow calms down for her. I wish he killed me when he had the chance. He had three chances: the first time he started to abuse me, and my first and second suicide attempt. I wondered why he bothered to keep me alive. Maybe it was just for his amusement to see how long he can keep me alive before I lose it and run away. I should just run away.

Standing up slowly to prevent myself from collapsing I began to clean up all the blood on the floor and wherever they showed up. I changed into some new clothes and pocketed my anti-depressants. I'll kill myself somewhere else. I picked up the note I left for Yugi to give it to him before I leave…forever.

I walked along the streets outside. It was raining hard. I wonder why it's raining so hard. Did the heavens decided to take pity on me? No there's no such thing. At least I think so. I found Yugi's place and slipped the letter in the mailbox. I made it so it looked like some friend sent it to him from overseas that way Yami won't open it and tell Bakura to stop me. Besides it won't matter I'll be dead before any of them could reach me.

I reached the park because there are plenty of places to hide in the mini-forests, as I like to call it. I walked around surveying the surroundings that this body would see for one final time. I smiled wistfully at the inanimate objects. They're so fortunate that they can't feel a thing at all. To them there's no such thing as feelings. They don't exist. I wish that I were the same. But the thing about being human and emotionless is that the sentiments would just come back. So I can't help it.

I heard Bakura's voice coming from behind me. I turned slightly to see his there with Taki hanging on his arm like some freaking preppy girl. If he couldn't stand Anzu then why is he with Taki? I should stop thinking like that. I'm just being selfish again. I better hurry before they reach me. I ran quickly and hid in the mini-forests. I know no one will find me here because no one ever comes around here except maybe Yugi but I don't know.

I took out my bottle of pills. It was time to drown the contents.

The only thing I ever regretted was that I never provoked Bakura to kill me when he was making me black and blue.

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Bakura's POV

Taki and I were walking around the park. She was talking about something I couldn't comprehend because I wasn't listening. My mind was thinking about that bad feeling I had. It didn't seem to settle. Of course that's when I saw the back of the source I was sure it was ahead of us. He turned around I saw Ryou. What was he doing here?

When I saw him bolt away I can tell he was trying to avoid me. But then after seeing him the feeling intensified and it hurt. Maybe he was going to do something drastic again? Well I won't let him. I gently made Taki get off me and I ran after him after telling her to stay there. I had a feeling that I would regret this later on. I just hope I get there in time before Ryou actually does kill himself.

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Ryou's POV

I examined the full bottle and wondered why I brought the whole bottle here. Well here goes nothing. I tilted it to my lips and tilted my head back so I could drown the whole thing. I began to swallow exactly what came down slowly so I wouldn't choke. It was very hard but I did my best.

I can feel it. I can feel myself slipping away by the second. I just need one more.

Before I could my hand was seized and the pills spilled out except for one. Just the one I need. I opened my eyes to see Bakura standing there. What the hell is he doing? Isn't this what he wants? I know he wants me to go away and the only reason he keeps saving me is because he has to and Yami would just blame him and send him to the shadow realm. Yami would think it was because of the beatings I went through from Bakura. It's not out of the goodness of his heart.

"What are you doing?" he demanded. I shook my head saying nothing.

"Dammit Ryou! Why do you keep doing this?"

I didn't answer and managed to get the one pill on my free hand. I popped it in my mouth and swallowed. I smiled slightly.

"You're too late Bakura."

I told him before slipping right into a deep permanent sleep. Finally I'm free of everything.

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Normal POV

Bakura quickly dialed the emergency on the cell phone thanking Ra at the same time for learning how to use it. They put him on hold. He cursed and just cut it off. Picking Ryou up and carrying him bridal style he rushed all the way to the hospital. He dodged crowds and ran through traffic until making it to the hospital. He told them what had happened. The nurses quickly placed Ryou in an E.R. Bakura sighed in relief. But it wasn't complete relief because this would determine if Ryou lived or not.

Now all he had to do was wait.

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It's been a few hours. A doctor finally stepped out of the room. Bakura stood up. The doctor went up to him.

"Your friend is very lucky that you made it here in time. We were able to pump out the contents that he swallowed. If you didn't get here sooner the pills would've taken effect. You may see him now."

The doctor said and Bakura sighed in relief. He then walked into the room Ryou was put in. He saw him sitting up just looking at the white sheets as if he didn't hear the door open or acknowledged his presence.

Ryou's POV

Dammit! Why did he have to be there?! He's always around! I can't do anything. Why did he have to help me? I was fine! I heard him come in but I didn't look at him or even spared a glance. I didn't want to talk to him. And if he were smart enough he'd get the message. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them while resting my chin on my knees.

I was almost there. I'm surprised myself that I managed to attempt suicide again after three months. I'm surprised I even attempted it again. It was said that if you did it once and stopped you couldn't do it again. Looks like I made it past that rule. I felt like crying. I don't know why. Living just hurts so much when you have nothing to live for.

I noticed Bakura hasn't said anything yet but he didn't leave. Why doesn't he just leave with Taki or something? That bitch is probably somewhere waiting for him. She acts like he's the only thing she has. Well it looks like he's been proving her wrong by saving me for no reason except so he wouldn't go to the shadow realm at all.

Tears spilled over my eyes. I brushed them off and wept silently so Bakura wouldn't hear. But I doubt it because I could help but muffle it on the sheets. If I tried this three times shouldn't he know about how much I wish to die?

-sniffle-

I heard him walk over and placed his arms around me. It felt comfortable but I know that they're just lies. I pushed him roughly away. I didn't want him here. I want him gone. I hate the fact he keeps lying and I still listen to him.

"Go away," I whispered.

"But-" he began but I interrupted him.

"I said go away, get out! Come back when you're done playing with Taki!" I yelled out at him while swatting the pillow around so he wouldn't come any closer. But he didn't leave. He just stood there at a distance. Dammit why is he still here? What's he trying to do? I want to be alone? Is that so hard to understand?

"Get out! Otherwise I'll call the nurse to show you out!" He still stood there as if daring me to do it. I began sobbing again. "I wanted to die. Is that so hard to accept?" I managed to get out in my crying. I wrapped the thin sheet around my neck tying it tightly to let the air not enter my lungs. I pulled hard at the end straps so it'll have more effect.

"Ryou stop it!" He yelled and tried to stop my by seizing my hands while trying to untie it from my neck. I struggled for him to let go.

"NO! Let go of me! Why do you care?! You don't really need me around!"

"Well then why don't you leave?"

"Because no one wants me around either! They're all liars! Just like you!"

I felt him let go and I fell back on the bed. I sobbed even more. I shut my eyes tightly and curled up into a ball. I wanted to die again. But I couldn't because he was still there. I felt him slip his arms under me and picked me up. I gasped in surprise but I didn't struggle.

"I'm taking you back." He said before walking out of the room and signing me out with protesting that I was capable. He carried me all the way back to my house. I noticed we were getting stares but Bakura didn't mind them. Across the street I spotted Taki. She looked red in the face. I couldn't tell by anger or embarrassment. She ran across the street through traffic and suddenly boom, a car hit her. (A/N: For you flyingshadow370 from FFN) Okay that was weird.

I just wondered why Bakura is even doing this. He spelled it out that he didn't like me anymore. Is he just trying to torture me again? Does he really hate me that much? When we arrived he placed me on the bed and walked out. I hate to admit it but I miss sleeping here. I could barely move. I felt very tired. I looked around to see nothing had changed. The door opened. Bakura came in with some clothes. Obviously mine. He handed them to me and I slowly sat up, taking it from him. I changed. Now what? Bakura came over and sat on the bed next to me.

"Are you ready to listen?" he asked sternly. I just nodded slightly. If he has anything important to say I can listen.

"I'm sorry," he began, "I was just being stupid." I had an urge to say 'that's right' but refrained from doing so. "I didn't mean to do anything that offended or hurt you."

"What makes you think I would be hurt by anything you've done?" I said. I'm lying to myself. Everything he ever did hurt me. He said he wouldn't leave me well he's done that twice. So much for promises. I was nervous. My hands clutched tightly at the sheets. This is so hard. I wanted to jump out and hug him saying that he didn't have to apologize because maybe it was always my fault. But I held myself back. He pulled me into an embrace. I didn't bother to move. I was too weak to do anything anyways.

"I was so afraid. I was afraid that I'd turn back and hurt you even more. So I always looked the other way. But no matter what I do I always look back because I can't help but miss you. It looks like I've done more than I expected." He said. I felt his emotions through our link. I couldn't help but break down and cry. Why didn't he say anything? He didn't have to hide it from me. Dammit why am I forgiving him? Why can't I find any answers?

I completely sat on his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. My head rested on his shoulders. Then we just sat there for a while in a tense but comforting silence. I sighed and looked at him. I placed my lips over his and pushed him down on his back. I nibbled on his bottom lip and flicked my tongue across it asking for entrance. I slipped my tongue in his mouth. We dueled for dominance and I let him take over. We both pulled away before we pass out.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for lying to me," I answered.

"Is lying such a crime?"

"In your case, yes."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Easy, get up and walk away."

I tried to get off but I couldn't since something was holding me back and I have a pretty good idea on who it is. I sighed and lied my head down on his chest.

"Please don't do this again. I want you to be straightforward. I hate being hurt," I said softly.

"I won't," he said. I bet he's lying again. But I guess I can live with it since he never promised. Still, it feels like he cares…and understands. If I'm wrong let me be a fool.

Feeling loved is the best feeling in your life…even if it is false.

-Owari-

Kinshin: Well there's Ryou's ending! The longest chapter I've ever written. Now I just have Yugi's ending to do! I hope this ending is much better than the one in Dark Crimson Rivers. But anyways thanks for your reviews and visits!

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