Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Like A Pack Of... What? ❯ Day 1: Hotel Theatrics and the Mad Axe-Man ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh. I don't even own Nixxus Gene Lexus, as he belongs to my dear friend Seto-chan (who needs an account. hinthintnudgenudge)

Warnings: Shonen ai, that means boyxboy, folks. And OOC-ness, which is abundant because it's what makes this story so funny. I try to make them in-character as much as I can, but I usually wind up failing. Ah well, the OOC-ness is supposed to be there, everyone. Don't like it, don't read. If you like it or find it amusing or both, read on and enjoy the insanity!

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Log of the Road Trip

Day 1

I’m going to kill them all. Particularly Nixx, for making me write this. Damn him. If he weren’t Mokuba’s boyfriend I’d… do something violent. Damn, he’s going to read this. How did Mokuba get me to do this anyway? I don’t remember him feeding me anything strange again…

So far, we’ve nearly run off the road several times, I’ve decided to never go anywhere with these fools again and that Nixx and Mokuba cannot be trusted together, the mutt has been a bottomless pit and has eaten the food everyone snuck into the car, Taylor almost fell out a window (I wish he had fallen out), we almost ran out of gas and are currently at a gas station, and we’ve only been driving for about 17.6 miles and I’m already going insane.

-S. Kaiba

Seto boredly strums his fingers on the steering wheel while he waits for the others to return from doing whatever it is they’re doing in the grocery store. Under his breath he mutters curses directed at the group of psycho’s he’s driving to the mall.

Yes, the mall. After pulling aside the two little brats that started this whole mess he finally figured out where the hell they’re going. Although him being the one driving and not knowing where they’re going is a little strange… okay, so it completely makes no sense what-so-ever.

But anyway… so their destination is a mall. A mall that is “conveniently” three days away.

Seto really wants to kill something at this moment. I pity the next person who tries to talk to him.

“Big brother?”

Seto twitches.

Mokuba looks at Seto in confusion. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“No.”

Mokuba blinks. “Okay… Joey wants to know if he can get a puppy.”

“He is a puppy.” Seto mutters. “And no.”

“Oh, okay. Bakura wants to know if you want anything.” Mokuba says.

“And his exact words were…?”

“…” Mokuba looks away. “You don’t wanna know. Oh, and-”

“I don’t want to know, Mokuba.” Seto interrupts.

“But this one’s important!” Mokuba exclaims.

Seto sighs. ‘I really don’t want to deal with this…’ “Fine, what is it?”

“Yami says you should go jump off a cliff, Bakura suggested a bridge, and Joey suggested the top of the company skyscraper. Oh, and Yugi and Ryou say they’re sorry for any trouble Yami and Bakura may and will cause in the next ten minutes.” Mokuba says. He looks worriedly at his brother when he begins hitting his head against the steering wheel. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

Seto whimpers. “No.”

-BOOOOOM!-

The two siblings turn and stare at the gas station building as a window and the glass door blow out of it and shatter. The ground shudders beneath them. Seconds later Duke, Serenity, Joey, an unconscious Tristan come running out of the building. Joey has been forced to carry Tristan and he also has a dog plushy in his hands. Behind them comes a cheerful Nixx holding several bags of pixy sticks and right behind him are Ryou and Yugi, who are dragging their yami’s out of the store. Ryou has Bakura by the ear and is chewing him out while Yugi is gripping Yami’s shirt sleeve and keeps shooting him disappointed looks.

After a bit of arguing, they are forced to change the seating arrangements in the van because Yugi and Ryou no longer wish to sit by their others halves. It takes a lot of yelling, arguing, and unwanted stress to get things arranged the best they can get.

Fifteen minutes later they’re all finally back in the van and ready to go. Joey is still up front with Seto. Behind the two of them are Yugi, Ryou, and Serenity and behind them are Duke, Tristan, Nixx, and Mokuba. In the very back are Yami and Bakura, who are not at all happy with the seating arrangements.

Nobody says a word as they pull away from the gas station, as Seto’s tense enough as it is. Even Joey feels it’s best not to say anything, whether he’s bored or not. But of course, the quiet tension won’t last too long before something else happens.

“Look, it’s Malik and Mariku!” Nixx suddenly exclaims. “Stop the van! Lets see if they want to go!”

Seto twitches.

“Please big brother.” Mokuba begs. “Pretty please with sugar on top?”

As always, Seto gives him with a heavy sigh and pulls over to the side of the road. In the back, Nixx rolls down his window. “Hey guys! Wanna ride?” He yells to the two blondes.

Malik rubs his ear. “You don’t need to yell.”

Mariku’s eyes light up. “A ride? Where are you going? Can we go Malik? Please can we go?”

‘I knew I shouldn’t have given him sugar before we left home.’ Malik things. “Fine. We can go.” He looks into the van. “If there’s room for us.”

Mokuba and Nixx beam and Yugi rolls down his window to talk to the two as well.

“There’s plenty of room.” Yugi tells the two. “Mariku can sit in the back with Yami and Bakura and you can sit up here with me, Ryou, and Serenity.”

“Yay!” Mariku charges straight for the back. Via the window. Because of this he has to climb over Nixx and Mokuba and then he gets tangled in some of the ribbon holding back the suitcases.

Meanwhile, Yugi, Ryou, and Serenity scoot over so Malik can sit down.

They eventually get settled down, although Mariku did make all the suitcases fall free of the ‘barricade’. He’s discovered that some of them are quite heavy.

Seto hit’s the accelerator and they’re back on the road.

“Hey Malik, why are you guys out here anyway?” Yugi asks.

“Isis sent us out to get her some tampons.” Malik replies brightly. “Although I’m not entirely sure what they are. Do any of you know?”

Serenity giggles, Yugi and Ryou sweat drop, Joey groans and mutters, “a potentially dangerous weapon”, Seto ignores them all, and the others remain thankfully oblivious.

Malik blinks. “Was it something I said?”

“Lets sing a song!”

Seto has decided those are his least favorite four words to be used together. He has also decided that he will never again willingly go anywhere with the other occupants of the van.

For the past hour and a half, nonstop mind you, the gang has been singing and it’s all because of Bakura and Mariku and their brilliant idea’s. It started off simple enough with ‘the song that never ends’ which changed to ‘the song that gets on everybody’s nerves’ after a half hour. Then it switched to some Disney movie songs, lead by Joey and Yugi and now they’ve gotten back to normal road trip songs.

“99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer! Take one down and pass it around! 98 bottles of beer on the wall!” Bakura sings loudly.

Nixx picks up the next one. “98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer! Take one down and pass it around! 97 bottles of beer on the wall!”

And so it continues, around and around the van. Everyone except Seto sings. It makes one wonder if they’re purposely trying to annoy Seto.

It’s when they get to “55 bottles of beer on the wall…!” that Seto finally loses it.

“SHUT THE HELL UP DAMN IT!!!”

The van falls into silence and everyone stares at the heavily breathing Seto in shock. Joey doesn’t even want to yell at him for cursing in front of his little sister for fear of the CEO’s wrath.

Five minutes pass. And then thirty. The group begins to grow restless with no one talking, particularly the yami’s. Nixx takes to staring out the window, Mokuba rests his head on Nixx’s shoulder, Bakura and Mariku whisper quietly back and forth, Yami glares at the two he’s stuck with, Ryou pulls out a book to read, Yugi finds a map and begins looking at it, Duke and Tristan glare at one another while plotting ways to get close to Serenity, Serenity looks out the window, and Joey discovers a box of raisins he lost.

All is still silent. We all know that can’t last too long.

“I GOTTA PEE!” Mariku suddenly shouts frown the back.

Seto nearly slams onto the brake. Actually, he does slam on the brake. This makes the rear end of the car rise a few feet off the ground, sending everyone crashing toward the front and the suitcases dislodge themselves again, before the rear end hit’s the ground again with an audible ‘THUMP!’.

There’s silence for a moment inside the van. Outside, numerous angry people honk their car horns at them.

“Can we find a rest stop or something?” Mariku asks, looking around the road. “I really gotta pee.”

“I told you to go before we left the house.” Malik mutters. “But no, you didn’t listen. Idiot.”

“Don’t make me crawl up there.” Mariku threatens, lilac eyes darkening.

“I dare you.” Malik replies.

“SHUT UP!” Seto roars, slamming his fist down on the steering wheel.

The two Egyptian’s do so, staring at Seto in something akin to shock.

After a second or two, Mariku leans over to Bakura and whispers, “What crawled up his ass and died?”

Bakura just shrugs. “Dunno.”

So after an unscheduled pit stop at a rest stop, Seto practically floors it trying to make up for last time. Everyone else clings to something in the car or to one another, and Yugi and Ryou find themselves wishing they hadn’t sent their yami’s into the back as punishment. Tristan and Duke cling to one another screaming girlishly. Serenity says nothing and tries her best not to look out the window. Nixx comforts Mokuba, who’s slightly frightened by his brother’s behavior. Malik, Bakura, and Mariku shout, “Go! Go! Go!”, clearly enjoying themselves while Yami edges away from them and prays to all the gods and goddesses he can think of to live through this so he can apologize to Yugi. Up in the front, Joey whimpers and clings to his seat while muttering, “Please don’t crash, please don’t crash, please don’t crash…!” The one time he does open his eyes he yelps and screams, “WATCH THE CAR, DAMN IT!”

Seto expertly zooms around the vehicle in front of them, driving as calmly as ever as if the high speed he’s going at (93 mph to be exact).

“Kaiba! Slow down!” Joey yells. “You’re gonna get us all killed!”

“If I slow down will you all shut up so I can hear myself think?” Seto asks, speeding up a little.

“Yes!” Everyone except Malik, Bakura, and Mariku yell. Of course, the three crazy people yell, “No!”

“I’ll get the duct tape, you get something to tie them up with.” Ryou mutters to Yugi, who nods in agreement and pulls out a roll of pink ribbon with hearts of them.

Ryou looks at the ribbon for a moment. “Yugi…? Nevermind, I don’t want to know.”

“Téa gave it to me for Christmas.” Yugi explains. “I forgot I put them in this jacket pocket, that’s all.”

“If you say so.” Ryou doesn’t look too convinced.

Ten minutes later, the two lights have convinced Malik to agree to be quiet for a while and have gotten him and Yami to help them tie up Bakura and Mariku and duct tape their mouths shut.

Seto slows down to the speed limit when he’s sure there will be quiet for a while.

An hour later, everyone except for Joey has relaxed and Bakura and Mariku have begun to break out of their cocoons of duct tape reinforced pink ribbon. Ten minutes later the two have begun trying to break free by chewing through the duct tape and ribbon. Yami’s beginning to get frightened.

“Aibou-”

“No, Yami. They are not rabid.” Yugi says firmly.

Ryou looks at Yugi in confusion. “How did you know what he was going to ask?”

Yugi grins. “His side of the mind link is wide open. It doesn’t help that I keep getting images of Bakura and Mariku foaming at the mouth.”

Ryou’s eyes flicker to the back for a moment. “Maybe I should check up on him…”

“I’m sure they’re just messing with Yami’s head like usual, Ryou.” Malik says, having overheard the conversation. “Mariku keeps cackling through our mind link.”

Ryou bites his bottom lip. “If you say so.”

Fifteen minutes later Bakura and Mariku have broken free and are plotting. Yami’s cowering in fear in a corner. In front of them, Mokuba is drifting off to sleep in Nixx’s lap, and Duke and Tristan are playing cards. In front of those four, Ryou, Yugi, Malik, and Serenity are quietly talking about what they’re going to do once they get to the mall. Up in the very front, Seto is driving and trying not to pay attention to the others and Joey is still clinging to the seat, and has decided to never trust Seto with driving ever again.

“Hey, Seto!” Nixx calls. “Lets find a place to stop for the night. Mokuba’s falling asleep in my lap.”

“And you don’t like that?” Seto retorts.

“Would you like for me to have my way with him?”

“Go to hell, Lexus.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Do it anyway.”

“Make me!”

Seto growls and then turns around, letting go of the steering wheel and stepping on the acceleration.

“DAMN IT, KAIBA! THE ROAD! THE ROAD!” Joey yells, grabbing the steering wheel while Seto attempts to climb in the back to strange Nixx. “A MONKEY COULD DRIVE BETTER THAN YOU! HELL, BAKURA COULD DRIVE BETTER!”

Ryou groans. “Please tell me he did not just say that.”

Malik pats Ryou on the back. “Sorry, Ryou. He did.”

In the back, Bakura perks up at the mention of him driving. “Can I drive?”

“NO!” Ryou shrieks. “I am never letting you behind the wheel of a car again! Ever!”

“It wasn’t that bad.” Bakura says. “Just because I crashed into a few things and pretended to be a NASCAR driver doesn’t mean I’m a bad driver.”

“Never, ever again. Never, never, never, never, never again.” Ryou murmurs. “Not a bad driver. Ha! The very thought makes me ill…”

Malik and Yugi both scoot away from their white-haired friend, beginning to doubt his sanity and fear for what little they have remaining.

After Mokuba makes Seto calm down and Joey’s screaming gets him to pay attention to the road again, the search for a hotel to stay in begins.

Less than fifteen minutes later they find one, and then the problems begin anew.

First of all, Bakura decides to freak out about the van and the number of people in it. “No! Don’t get out of the van, Ryou!” He yells.

Everyone turns to look at the white-haired thief. Ryou sighs. “What is it this time?”

“There’s thirteen of us in here! Whoever’s the first one out of the van’s gonna get killed!”

Ryou makes an exasperated noise. “Bakura, I highly doubt that we’re going to die just by stepping out of the van. Unless there’s a mad axe-man waiting in the bushes for a van with thirteen people in it to pull up. And since you and Mariku are the mad axe-men, I don’t think we have much to worry about.”

Bakura looks slightly disappointed.

The next problem comes with the hotel rooms.

“What do you mean there’s only five rooms?!” Seto yells at the top of his lungs, which turns out to be really, really loud.
“I’m sorry sir,” The woman at the desk says. “but we only have five rooms left.”

Grumbling and glaring at everyone, Seto pays and takes the cards for the rooms and heads over to where the group is waiting. “There’s five rooms.” He says dully.

“I wanna be with Mokuba!” Nixx shouts, practically clinging to his boyfriend.

“You have a snowball’s chance in hell, Lexus.” Seto says with a glare, then he shoves the cards into Ryou’s hands. “You organize this.”

Ryou blinks for a moment and then his eyes light up. /Bakura! Seto’s leaving me in charge of the rooms!/

Bakura lazily pokes Yami in the arm, making the ex-pharaoh jump and glare at him. /./That’s nice././

/What happened to you wanting to play matchmaker?/

/./That was you././ Bakura replies. /./But if you really want me to help, then I will././ A smirk crosses his face as he ducks a punch from Yami. /./Put Kaiba and Wheeler in the same room././

/We’ll have to put more than two people in each room./ Ryou reminds.

/./Fine, put pink-boy and his lover in there with them. And Mariku and Malik are with us././

Ryou sighs. /I should have expected that… So Yami and Yugi get a room together and then Duke and Tristan and Serenity gets her own room./

/./Sounds fine. Now leave me to torment the pharaoh././

Ryou rolls his eyes and then dampens the mind link between them so Bakura can go back to doing his ‘duty’ of annoying Yami with the help of Mariku. “Guys, I’ve figured out who’s sleeping where.”

The entire group, with the exception of the three yami’s, turn to face Ryou.

“Seto, Mokuba, Nixx, and Joey will be in room 302. Yami and Yugi have room 305. Tristan and Duke are in room 301. Serenity’s in room 303. And myself, Bakura, Mariku, and Malik have room 308.”

“SAY WHAT!?” Joey yells. “There’s no way I’m sleeping in the same room as rich-boy! Put me with Serenity!”

“Joey, that room only has one bed.” Ryou says patiently.

“I don’t care! I’d rather sleep in the same bed as my sister rather than with that jerk or the pink boy!” Joey yells angrily.

“You’re sleeping with Seto and that’s final.” Ryou says.

Mokuba, Nixx, Malik, Mariku, and Bakura snicker at that statement.

“You know what I mean!” Ryou yells.

Bakura tries to make a straight face long enough to say, “Yes,” but fails miserably and starts laughing once again.

“See if you get any during this entire trip.” Ryou mutters, hoping Bakura hears his statement.

“WHAT!?” Bakura yells. “No, Ryou! You can’t do that to me! Please!”

Ryou giggles and hands out the card keys to the responsible ones in each room. This means he gives one to Mokuba, one to Yugi, one to Duke, Serenity gets hers, and he keeps the one for his group.

“So what should we do until night fall? We can’t stay down here, obviously.” Duke says, gesturing to the clerk who looks about ready to march over and ask them to leave the lobby.

Thanks to Yugi’s quick thinking, they soon have a plan. “Lets go up to mine and Yami’s room and order dinner. Until nightfall we can play games and stuff. It’ll be fun! Like a sleepover!” Yugi says excitedly.

“A sleepover, Yugi?” Malik teases, making the smaller boy blush.

“It just, popped out.”

The woman at the desk begins coming around to ask them to leave.

“Alright! Time to go!” Malik yells, deciding to round up everyone. “Come on! We’re going up to Yugi and Yami’s room for a while. All of us.” He looks directly at Seto when he says this.

Seto glares, not at all happy that he’s being ordered around. But then Mokuba gives him one of his pathetic little looks and Seto twitches and gives in.

Which is how they all wind up in Yugi and Yami’s hotel room, sitting on the beds or on the floor and in Seto’s case, leaning against a wall trying to look intimidating. Oh, and Joey is, for some reason or another, in the closet. Nobody knows exactly what he’s doing in there. All they know is that he’s been in there ever since they all got into the room.

“Alright,” Joey says suddenly. “I’m coming out of the closet now!”

Mariku and Bakura start snickering, Nixx smirks, Serenity blinks, Duke raises an eyebrow, Ryou and Malik sigh, Yami, Tristan, and Mokuba sweat drop, and Yugi chokes on his soda. Before anyone can contemplate where Yugi got the soda, Joey steps out of the closet dressed in a Victorian style green dress.

There’s silence in the room.

Then Bakura voices just about everyone’s opinion. “Wheeler, what the hell?”

To everyone’s surprise, Joey just grins. “Heh, lost a bet with Lexus and had to do this. It’s not as bad as I though it’d be. At least Roman, Alexandrian, and Téa aren’t here to see me like this.”

As if it’s his cue, Nixx snaps a photo and begins laughing. “I am so showing this to everyone!”

“WHAT! Lexus, give me that camera!” Joey screams, lifting up the skirt of the dress so he can run.

Nixx just sticks his tongue out and runs away from Joey.

And so begins the game of ‘keep the camera away from Joey’. During this time, several amusing pictures are taken. One of Joey tackling Nixx, the next of Joey glaring at the person taking the picture, two of Joey tripping over Yami and Yugi, and the personal favorite of Mokuba, who took one in secret, one of Joey tripping and falling into Seto’s arms.

Mokuba has promised to give Serenity a picture of that one, just because she finds it utterly adorable.

And so ends the night, with Seto developing a serious headache, Joey knocked out from hitting the wall too hard after Seto shoved him away, Nixx is having trouble breathing because he’s laughing too hard, and the others are wondering if they’re going to survive all seven days with these people.

One day down.

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Shiro: And so ends day one. Six more days of chaos and craziness to go! That means there's six chapters left of this story. Thank Ra.

Bast: That is a good thing. That means once this is over you can-

Shiro: (excitedly) Get started on the sequel!

Bast: (glares) I was going to say, get back to working full-time on 'Family Bonds' and 'The Chaos of First Meetings'.

Shiro: Oh... Darn.