Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Yugioh: Christmas Party ❯ Dude, Where's my Millenium Rod? ( Chapter 11 )

Disclaimer: I don't own anything that starts with an Y...besides that Yellow rubber ducky.

*Gw, Bakura, and Yami are the only sane ones left, while everyone else is acting strange*

Seto: *throwing handfuls of money out the window*

Malik: *playing jazz saxophone*

Ryou: *really beating the crap out of Tristan*

Tristan: *getting the crap beat out of him by Ryou*

Marik: *running around like a leprechaun claiming someone stole his lucky charms* That's me lucky charms! They're magically delicious! He ho!

Yami: *staring* Gw.... Fix this.

Gw: *pushes button* I wonder if this will work.

Tea: *twitches* Can someone please make out with me? *Wanders around*

Yami: *runs after her* DON'T FIX IT! DON'T FIX IT!

Bakura: GIVE ME THAT! *Grabs controller* No one can make out with Tea but me! *Hurls it at a wall*

Controller: *crackles and fizzes... Then starts playing music*

*Everyone (accept for Gw, Bakura and Yami) starts a conga line*

Everyone: Conga, Conga, CONGA!

Bakura: *falls on the floor covering his ears* FOR THE LOVE OF RA! MAKE IT STOP!

Gw: . . . . . . .Yami! You're the pharaoh! Do something!

Yami: uh . . . . . . . *Banishes controller to the shadow realm*

*Everything goes back to normal*

Marik: Why do I suddenly feel Irish?

Malik: why do I have a saxophone?

Tristan: and why am I so seriously injured?

Bakura: um...don't look at me! I just started the conga line!

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Mokuba: So what are we going to do again?

Marik: *sigh* we are going to go through the basement and find Bakura and Yami.

Mokuba: then what.

Marik: I'm going to whack them in the head with this. *Holds MALLET2000*

Mokuba: Where did you get that?

Marik: uh . . . . . . . .Santa Claus?

===============================================

*Ryou, Joey, Tristan, Malik and Tea are watching TV*

Ryou: *remote control in hand* There is nothing on this blasted telly!

Joey: *jumps up* wait! Turn back to The Happy Dolls Christmas Adventure!

Ryou: *rolls eyes* *flips to the weather channel*

Weather dude: *standing in the blizzard* This is the Channel 01 weather forecaster and it is simple to say no one is going to have a merry Christmas Eve right now, the blizzard that is storming through town is leaving everything in a white blanket. *Camera zooms to the road, where you can see two people frozen. * . . . . . . . Like I said before, the blizzard should end Christmas morning, just in time for the kiddies to open up their presents...

Tristan: Alright!

Joey: I actually thought I was gonna to die in this place!

Malik: *in thought* Aw fuck nuts. Once we leave this fuggin' hellhole I'm never going to able to spend a moment alone with Tea! *Filled with murderous rage* It's all because of those stupid idiots Joey, Tristan and Kaiba!

Joey/Tristan: *doing Yami's happy dance*

Tea: *looking at Joey and Tristan* I'm not going to say anything. *Looks at Malik whose fist are clenching and unclenching* um, is something wrong Malik?

Malik: *snaps out of it* huh? Oh nothing's wrong Tea. I was just, um, worrying about Yami, Bakura, Mokuba and my yami!

Tea: *worries* Oh I hope they are all right! I really shouldn't have tricked Yami and Bakura into going down there...

Malik: *in thought* I just wish there was someway you could forget about them and focus more on me! *Light bulb appears above his head* I know just what will make you forget about your troubles Tea!

===============================================

Bakura and Yami

Yami: *freezes* *cocks his head and listens*

Bakura: *turns to look at him* What's the matter with you?

Yami: *whispering* didn't you hear that?

Bakura: *also whispering* hear what?

Yami: hear that!

Bakura: What in the hell is that?

Yami: I don't know! I just heard something!

Bakura: Oh great, now it's something...

Yami: *continues to walk*

Bakura: What are you doing?!

Yami: *turns around* going to check it out. *Walks* whatever it was could very well have Mokuba...or Marik.

Bakura: oh fine, make it seem like I'm the wimpy yami around here.

Yami: your are the wim-*get thwacked by the M2000*

Bakura: hahaha-I mean-oh no, pharaoh! *Carefully approaches unconscious Yami*

Marik: *smacks him*

Bakura: *waves his arms around* Ahh! It burns! *Falls unconscious*

Marik: *giggles* That was fun!

===============================================

Malik and Tea...are not a couple

Tea: *blindfolded, having Malik lead her by the hand* If your trying to lead me to some more mistletoe it isn't going to work.

Malik: oh come on, I'm not that shallow. *Stops* You can take off your blindfold now.

Tea: *take off blindfold* ...A pool?

Malik: *grin (slightly perverted grin)* Yeah, While I was wandering around Kaiba's mansion I stumbled on this--cool, right?

Tea: yeah, *suspicious look* but why did you bring me here?

Malik: *innocent smile*to swim of course! *Through some ancient magic, Malik changes into blue swim trunks*

Tea: (O_o)

===============================================

Yami: *comes to* ...where am I? *Looks around*

Yami is tied securely to chair with a still unconscious Bakura sitting in front of him. Yeah, he's in the security room and only Ra knows where Marik and Mokuba are. Anyway, It's dark and there is the smell of fondue in the air.

Yami: *in thought* Isn't this just dandy. I'm in some weird place while Bakura's probably upstairs doin' who knows what to Tea. Geez my life stinks.

Bakura: *sneezes*

Yami: Who's there?

Bakura: *sneezes* pharaoh? Is that you?

Yami: well, duh.

Bakura: where are we? *Moves* and why are we tied up?!?

Yami: I dunno, I'm tied up too.

Bakura: *sneezes* It's your entire fault.

Yami: Why are you sneezing?

Bakura: *sneezes* I dunno. Maybe something I'm allergic to is in here.

Yami: *through his super-human hearing* shh! Someone coming!

*Marik and Mokuba walk into the security room*

Mokuba: *whispering* do you think they are conscious yet?

Marik: probably...*flips light switch*

*Everyone stares at each other for a moment*

Yami/Bakura: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!(Bakura: *sneezes*)

Marik/Mokuba: AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

Yami/Bakura: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Marik/Mokuba: AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

Yami/Bakura: AAA-

Mokuba: could someone please stop screaming?!

Marik: *takes a breather* You guys scared the shiznits out of me, geez!

Yami: *like rabid monkey* What the hell is going on here! *Begins to fidget furiously in his chair* I demand and explanation!

^^^

An: due to lots of cursing in the next scene, all bad words will be replaced with the word "puppy".

^^^

Bakura: *trying to suppress murderous rage* What the puppy are we doing here?

Yami: and why the puppy are tied into two puppy chairs?!

Mokuba: um, uh.... Dunno, some part of puppy Marik's puppy evil plan.

Yami: Mokuba! You can't say puppy! What if your puppy brother puppy heard you!? You need to watch your puppy mouth!

Mokuba: I don't give a puppy! He never lets me have any puppy fun!

Bakura: THAT ISN'T THE puppy POINT! I WANT puppy OUT OF THESE puppy ROPES!

Marik: puppy, you really need a puppy chill pill.

Bakura: puppy. *Sneezes*

===============================================

Tea: *in black swimsuit, making laps around the pool*

Malik: *watching* *in thought* Yes...this is all part of my plan. I'll simply use my Millennium Rod to put mind control on Tea! She will drown for a couple seconds then I swoop in to save her! Not only will I get my tongue down her throat when I resuscitate her, she love me for saving her! (An: is that plan just a tiny bit cruel?) *Mental evil laugh*

Tea: *calls to Malik* Come on Malik! Don't just float there and watch me! Come over here!

Malik: just a second! *Feels his trunks for his rod...feels again...and again...) *in thought* WHERE IS MY ROD?!?

Rod: *at the bottom of the swimming pool*

Malik: aw, nuts.

===============================================

Bakura: *sneezes* What the hell is in here?!

Marik: nothing but fondue and a whole bunch of security monitors.

Bakura: *sneezes* fondue?!? Everyone knows I'm severely allergic to fondue!

Yami: I don't give a crap about your weird allergic reactions, I just want to know why we are tied up in two chairs in the basement!

Bakura: *sneezes* yeah!

Marik: *evil grin* You see all apart of my evil plan, which in a couple of seconds will continue on into phase two.

Mokuba: There's a phase two? You told me that we were going to dress them up in girl's clothes and make `em dance.

Bakura/Yami: (O_o) (*sneeze*)

Marik: ...uh, speaking of phase two. *Pulls out rope*

Mokuba: what's that for?

Marik: *slowly advances on Mokuba* sorry Mokuba.

Mokuba: ....................EEEEEEEEEEP!

===============================================

Malik: *repeatedly going down to the pool floor looking for his rod*

Tea: *watching* *In thought* I wonder what he's doing.

Malik: *comes up, takes a breath, and goes back down*

Tea: ...

Malik: *at the bottom of the pool* *In thought* I just have to find that rod. My relationship with Tea depends on it. *Continues to look...and finds it! * Sweet beans!

Then Malik lets out an evil laugh, which was a stupid thing to do because he was underwater. About mid-way through that psychotic laugh, he realized that his oxygen capacity was unusually low, and he had a long way to go to reach the oxygen above him. (No oxygen+Lots of Water=bad)

Malik: . . . . . . .aw nuts. *Goes unconscious*

Tea: *realizes that Malik hasn't come up* Oh no! *Attempts to save Malik*

===============================================

Mokuba: *tied up* Marik! How could you! I thought you were my friend!

Marik: sorry, evil deeds go before friends.

Bakura: you stole my motto! *Sneezes*

Yami: what exactly are you planning to do to us?

Marik: *evil demented trademark grin* *begins to pace to and fro* You see, I really don't like the holidays.

Bakura: We already knew that.

Marik: *rolls eyes* I'm not done. *Continues to pace* Anyway, when Mokuba called my hikari up on the phone the most devious idea came to me. What if I could--if possible--destroy Christmas--FOREVER!

Mokuba: Destroy Christmas?! Why, you're off your rocker!!

Bakura: We already knew that.

Marik: *continues to pace* But Mokuba was the biggest part of my plan. When I found my way into his heart, all of Kaiba Corps information was opened to me! As were the darkest secrets of Seto Kaiba! And his darkest Secret? His Porno Stash!

Yami/Bakura: KAIBA HAS A SECRET PORNO STASH?!

Yami: How come I wasn't informed of this?!

Mokuba: oh no.....I can't believe I was played for a fool.

Marik: Don't worry little Mokuba, my explanations are far from over. *continues* I also discovered Kaiba's secret stash of various fun things, and from there I did something absolutely insane!

Bakura/Yami: What?

Marik: I created a bomb!

Bakura: Ra! You must be on crack or something.

Marik: but your quite wrong (some other drug)! You see, using the technology, pornography and various firecrackers here in Kaiba's mansion I created a device I call--the porno bomb.

Yami: And what exactly do you plan to do with this--bomb of porn?

Marik: on the first seconds of Christmas I will detonate this bomb and satellites will receive strange subliminal messages! The satellites will put these messages on every television station. And all the minors will be exposed to it, causing millions of angry mothers to be confused and shocked. The news will spread. and in it they will eventually band together and destroy the commercial advertising of Christmas! Causing the holiday to slowly wither away and die! MWAHAHAHAHA! (an: ...........that was the weirdest thing I ever had to write)

Yami: YOU ARE INSANE?!

Marik: Am I?! Or Am I just one of the millions of evil geniuses in this world who never....have families to spend time with on the holidays.....never have any presents to open...*winces*..never sings any holiday songs....

Bakura: Oh gosh, you are such a baby! We all know that I am just as evil as you--and probably twice as insane--but you don't see me doing something as idiotic as this.

Marik: shutup. Anyway, by the time the clocks strike twelve in Domino city this mansion will explode!!!!!!

Yami: YOUR GOING TO KILL EVERYONE?!

Marik: I prefer not to call it killing, but sacrificing people for my evil deeds--yeah, that's killing I guess.

Bakura: Geez, this is the worst party I've been to in all of my days.

Yami: well, there was that one at Tristan's beach house during spring break....

Bakura: *grimaces* oh yeah.

===============================================

Everyone: (O_O)

Gw: ........that was one weird chapter.

Joey: I can't believe you are actually going to kill off everyone.

Tristan: I know, this fic sucks!

Marik: that's all you mortals do--whine and complain. *mimics Tristan in a high pitched voice* it's too cold! it's too hot! That zebra just ate my sandwich! *stops* RA! Don't you ever shutup?

Gw: . . . . uh, anyway, It's all a part of plot construction, and I'm not done yet!

Seto: *with various lawyers*If my brother is even remotely injured in this story, I swear I'll sue the pants off you Gw!

Gw: uh, here, take this aspirin.

Seto: *grabs it* Alright, aspirin! *takes it all* *falls down twitching on the floor*

Serenity: SETO!!!

Gw: tsk, tsk, tsk. Anime characters never learn.