Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Fist Of The North Star Fan Fiction / Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction / Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction / Trigun Fan Fiction / Vampire Hunter D Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction / Hellsing Fan Fiction / Shaman King Fan Fiction ❯ Dragonfane's Dark Tournament ❯ Hercule vs. Jorgen ( Chapter 13 )
DISCLAIMER: Dragonfane does not own any animes, cartoons, anime characters, cartoon characters, anime quotes or cartoon quotes nor did he ever say he owned them. GOT IT?!?! THEN LET'S GO!!!
The demons are now calmed down and have settled back in place. Gohan is confused as to why his question was not answered and why he is here in the first place. BIG_DADDY is in the ring with a mike, Jed is still in the crowd beating up some demons who stole his ice cream and Dragonblade, Porunga, Gunlord (still in a coma and muttering something about dinosaurs and pie), Cooler, Sailor Dark, Lyona, Rach-Chan, Rachel, Thunderchaos, Seto, and a now vampirified (I made that word up) Raditz are all crammed into the announcer's booth. Jorgen and Hercule are both on the opposite sides of the stadium prepping for the battle.
Hercule: (Doing push-ups on one finger) One, two, three- (Hears a sickening pop behind him and doubles over in pain) Ow! My back! It hurts like it's never hurt before which has never been before! WHY NOW?!
Videl: Oh dad… this is so embarrassing.
Lyona: Whoa! He'll feel that in morning!
Sailor Dark: You got that right Lyona. It's the beginning of half-time here at the Dark Tournament folks. Today we have specially prepared matches for you.
Porunga: The only catch is that it's for fun…wait... (ducks underneath the announcer's desk and searches through files of unorganized papers) Where did I put those?
Thunderchaos: What he's trying to say is that this is a match where anything goes.
Cooler: That's right. Our contestants are now prepping up outside the ring. Hercule is cringing in pain and Jorgen is flexing to the ladies…(peers out the glass window) who seem to be burning "We Love Shishiwakamaru" banners and replacing them with banners with Jorgen's face imprinted on them…along with several heart tattoos and saying "We Love Jorgen Von Strangle".
Dragonblade: Save the commentary for fight Cooler.
Raditz: Bah! This is boring. I'm off! (Leaves the announcer's booth) *I need fresh blood.*
Jorgen: (Flexing in a mirror) Who's a pretty boy? Not you of course! (Grabs a demon and throws him into the mirror shattering it then flexes for the ladies)
Female demons: (All faint)
Hercule: (Struggling to regain his posture. He stands up and gives the Victory symbol only to be pelted with garbage)
Videl: (Now embarrassed and trying to cover up her face)
Pan: (Trying to hide a laugh)
BIG_DADDY: (Is now rolling on the ground in laughter) Oh…my…God…what a loser! HA HA HA HA HA!! (Suddenly realizes that he was speaking into the mike and quickly stands up, brushes himself off and turns to the audience) My fellow demons and select few non-demons in the audience! It is with great pleasure that I bring you the best of the best, the cream of the crop, the greatest, the best…
Random demon: (Shouts at from the highest part of the bleachers) JUST GET ON WITH IT! WE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN SO JUST GET A MOVE ON!!
BIG_DADDY: Oh fine, mister bossy. I give you…… DRAGONBLADE'S HALF-TIME EXTROADANAIRE!!!!! (The jumbotron suddenly lights up and displays multiple colors. Rock music plays and a dragon appears form and roasts several people daring to approach him. Then he takes to the skies, does an immelman, a zero-G roll, a loop, then swoops in front of the camera and disappears from the line of sight as the words Dragonfane's Half-Time Extraordinaire fall from the sky and crush several people underneath it. The dragon lands again, glares at the screen and shoots out red-hot flames toasting the screen. The jumbotron then goes blank and shows BIG_DADDY'S face)
Seto: Ladies and not-so-gentlemen! Dragonblade's Dark Tournament is sponsored by Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more off car insurance. And by Fosters. Fosters: Australian for beer. (Pulls out a bottle of Fosters and takes a swig)
BIG_DADDY: Tonight! We will be featuring not one, but two of the world's most beefy men in their utmost beefy-ness and mind boggling human strengths!
Jorgen: Watch your words foolish mortal boy!
BIG_DADDY: What bitch?!
Jorgen: I dare you to say that to my face!
BIG_DADDY: Is that a challenge?!
Jorgen: If the boot fits I guess so!
Rachel: Oh bloody hell. We're not going to get anywhere at this rate!
Jed: KICK HIS ASS BIG_DADDY!!
Gohan: STAMP THAT TWIG INTO THE GROUND JORGEN!!
BIG_DADDY: Well, it looks like we're both on everyone's hot list tonight.
Jorgen: If that's what you consider `hot' then I guess so.
Hercule: Can we just start the match already?!
BIG_DADDY: Fine fine. (Walks to the center of the ring) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IN THIS CORNER, WE HAVE THE UNDISPUTED (snickers) MARTIAL ARTS CHAMPION OF THE WORLD (snickers again) HERCULE SATAN!!! (Hercule enters the ring to a chorus of boos except by some demons who actually believe he is the Earth's savior) *Losers.* AND IN THIS CORNER, THE MIGHTY, THE BEEFY, THE UNDISPUTED, THE GREATEST, THE BEST, THE ALMIGHTY UNDERTAKING, BONE BREAKING, AB FLEXING, TITAN AMONG TITANS….JORGEN VON STRANGLE!!!!!!!! (The audience erupts into cheers as Queen's "We Will Rock You" starts) Fighters take you marks….get set….AND GO!!!
Hercule: Ready to whupped on little man?
Jorgen: Unfortunately it is you who will get whupped on puny human being. Look at your puny human abs. They are so puny and stupid and flabby.
Hercule: Well…I train everyday! I lift 750 lbs a day just to get stronger!
Jorgen: Puny human methods of training. You carry only 750 lbs. You only use muscles to make yourself strong. I do that to but I know how to use my strength! (Flexes and slams the ground with both of his fists and knocks Hercule to his feet and shaking the entire arena)
Porunga: (Picks himself up and grabs a mike in the announcer's box) Holy moly! That was some sweet stuff!
BIG_DADDY: People I don't believe it! Jorgen Von Strangle not only managed to knock Hercule to his feet but he also managed to shake the entire arena as well and knock everyone in the crowd on the ground! It's simply amazing I tell you!
Gohan: *What have I gotten us into?*
Hercule: Whoa! That's pretty good! How'd you get so strong? You use any weapons at all? Why don't you use your little fairy wand?
Jorgen: BAH! Fairy wands. They are so weak and insignificant. I use this!! (Pulls out his ginormously ginormous fairy wand)
Hercule: And what about your fairy wings? Don't you have those?
Jorgen: Puny fairy wings! I use jetpack! (Busts out a jetpack and takes to the skies and does a u-turn halfway into the ozone layer and draws energy into his wand) AAAAHHHH!!!! (Dives into the ground like a comet and in a blast of yellow light he slams his wand into the ground and gives off a tremendous amount of energy blinding everyone as the arena erupts in a giant dome of light)
Porunga: WHOA! Jorgen has just given off a serious amount of energy people! I can barely tell where anything is, it's so bright! (Suddenly a chair flies through the window and hits him in the face knocking him out cold. Rach-Chan picks up the mike as the light dies down. Jorgen is standing there and Hercule is just barely hanging on to the edge of the ring)
Hercule: Darn it all! Why couldn't I keep my big mouth shut? (Pulls himself up with difficulty and stares at Jorgen)
Jorgen: Puny human. Your body is so weak, even tiny little wind can blow you away.
Hercule: Well…you see… thing is…(motions for him to come closer. Jorgen walks forward) You see I got a grandkid in the audience and if I lose she might lose her faith in me. She looks up to me and I can't let her down. Please! You've gotta let me win!
Jorgen: …I will let you win. Under one condition. (Pulls out a sword and hands it to Hercule) You must injure me at least once within one minute or I shall be forced to crush your body beneath the absolutism weight of my abs and crush your bones into a fine powdery dust! (Stamps his foot on the ground and creates an imprint)
Hercule: Okay. (Takes sword) Sounds easy enough.
BIG_DADDY: Wow people! Jorgen has just made a bet that Hercule can't scratch him in one minute. If he does he'll be knocked out by Jorgen and lose the match!
Hercule: (Poses with sword) Get ready big guy! Here I come!
Jorgen: Bring it puny human being!
Hercule: YAAHH!!! (Lunges at Jorgen and unleashes many swipes and slashes which simply bounce off him, dealing absolutely no damage at all) Wa-wa-wa-what?!?!?!
Jorgen: Are you even trying? You can't even injure me with such a blade because it is so pathetic and worthless! You cannot defeat me! I am mighty and you are not!
Hercule: (Tosses away sword) *Okay, Hercule. Think. You've gotten yourself outta situations like this before. How can you bribe him so that no one finds out you're a fake? Hm…he seems to admire his abs and physical strength a lot. AHA! That's it!*
Jorgen: What is taking so long? Hurry up and attack so I can squash you like bug!
Hercule: Mr. Jorgen.
Hercule: You sure do like your abs don't you?
Jorgen: Of course! They are my pride and my joy! They are the abs to end all abs! They are-
Hercule: All right! I don't need your life's story! Now listen here. I know how I can get your abs beefed up even more than ever if you'll just throw the fight for me.
Jorgen: (Stares then laughs) What can a puny human with muscles that couldn't hurt a tiny little shrub do for someone as mighty as me!!
Hercule: (Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a video labeled "Biceps, Triceps and Abs in five seconds or less") Here. This is the ultimate video in muscle size increase. Just one sessions guarantees that in five minutes you'll have biceps, triceps and abs beyond comparison.
Jorgen: Interesting. So I will throw the fight for you, no?
Hercule: Wait! I-I mean… yes!
Jorgen: Fine then. But if you go behind my back I shall smite you with a thousand curses ten times worse than the curse on Davy Jones' locker!
Hercule: Deal! (Tosses him the video and suddenly acts heroic) HA! You cannot defeat me Jorgen! My strength is unlimited! You'll never get anywhere with those flashy light tricks and mirrors and invisible wire! You're a disgrace to the name of a warrior such as I!
Jorgen: Bring it on human trash! I will crush your bones into dust and then feed them to the rats!
Hercule: Well then! You asked for it! (Poses) Here it is! The Ultra Megaton Punch!! (Takes a running charge at Jorgen) HAAAAAAA!!!!! (Lands a swift punch on his nose but Jorgen just stands there)
Jorgen: o-o' *I'm supposed to get knocked out by these? Meh, whatever.* (Suddenly reels back and throws himself out of the ring for the ten count)
BIG_DADDY: AND THE WINNER IS HERCULE!!! (Boos along with everyone else)
Dragonblade: Well, people that ends the first part of my half-time extraordinaire! Tune in next time for a battle twice as intense and mind boggling as ever! So don't touch that dial! We'll be back!
Yu Yu Hakusho announcer: The first round of the half-time extraordinaire is finished and now the second round is about to begin. Will it be just as intense and mind boggling? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode!!