A Habit

Part 3: Family?

Shuuichi's POV

It's interesting to meet them, Yuusuke and Hiei. Yuusuke seems only to hold a conversation most of the time and Hiei just continues verbal fights with Kurama. To someone it'll look like Hiei was talking to himself. Somehow he knows what Kurama is thinking and it pisses him off. I wonder how he could do that. I shrugged it off thinking that it's just something he has.

I wondered why they left Kurama with me. It's just weird. But anyways I enjoy the company. Not like I have anything here.

I glanced at the clock and saw that it was only two. Yuusuke and Hiei left already. Suddenly it became boring. I was actually amused by Hiei's and Kurama's bickering, even if I could only understand Hiei's side of the conversation.

Then he remembered his mother saying that we were going to have guests. It was my father and half sister that were coming over. Suddenly I felt nervous. I didn't feel comfortable around people that much. Now I want to slice myself. I just wanted to feel hurt instead of that feeling of dad leaving us because he said something about me. I couldn't remember the word but I know that I felt hurt when he left.

I walked upstairs to my room. I locked it before Kurama could come in. Somehow he actually knows everything and I didn't want him to stop me. I know it sounds crazy, how can a fox know what a human does? But I think it's true. He is different and I can feel it.

I got out my razor. But at this moment, it's not what I need. I took out a knife. It was okay because I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted it to be more painful because I didn't want to deal with the memories of my father leaving because it hurt. I positioned the knife at the back of my palm straight up. I stabbed right through. I bit my lip to keep crying out from pain.

It hurt!

Living just hurts! It's too painful. I don't want it.

I pulled it out and blood started coming out quicker than usual. Maybe because it is so deeper than anytime I've cut myself. I walked to my bathroom and turned the sink water on. I took out the black shirt that was keeping it from spilling on the carpet or my clothes. Blood always show on colors and I didn't want to be discovered yet.

I put my injury under the water. I bit my lip again to keep from yelling out. It hurts! I can't stand it! I felt tears fighting to come out but I didn't let it out. I forced them down my throat. I didn't want to be weak like my father told me. Now I remember, he called me weak. He told me I was useless. He told me that I couldn't hold my own. He told me I was a coward.

I'd like to see him try this. Try to end his life. Good riddance. I think he's afraid to die. Isn't he?

I sighed. I wrapped the bandages around my wound. I didn't care if I didn't stop it at all. It's not like my life matters anyways. He said I was just a waste of a soul. I was only a waste of space.

I went over to my bed. I felt tired. I think that it's because of all this blood I just lost. It's more that I used to lose. I didn't care. I want to sleep. Before I could I heard rapping at the door. I wonder why Kurama likes to stay with me anyways. I opened the door and let him in. I left it partially open in case he wanted to leave. I lied down on the bed and fell to sleep.

* * *

I woke up later that day and heard shouting coming from downstairs. I wish they would be quiet for someone to sleep.

I got up and went downstairs. Seems like mom got hear earlier than expected.

When I came down this isn't want I expected to see. I saw Yuusuke and Hiei, dad and a girl about my age, my half sister I believe, and a man between six and seven feet tall. He had fox ears and a tail.

I stood in their line of vision. I saw that they were conversing with each other. Mom and dad were fighting and the others stayed clear and talked amongst themselves. I saw that my half sister was shamelessly flirting with the sliver haired man. I could tell she didn't like Yuusuke and Hiei since they're a couple. I guess not all people who think they're angels are really angels. They're too judgmental. I can't believe she just judges them like that. Why won't she be in their shoes and see how it feels to be ignored and hated for being different.

Since I wasn't noticed at all I decided to walk out through the front door. After I changed into something more suitable. I walked up stairs and changed. Then I walked back down and passed them all. I noticed that they didn't even give me a glance at all. Maybe they did and just didn't think of it as something? I guess. Well life isn't fair and it's just too bad that I'm the one who can't be selfish for something else then wanting to destroy myself.

I opened the door and shut it behind me. I think they heard that but I really didn't care.

I ran.

I didn't care where I was heading. Next thing I knew I ended up in the bridge I use to go to when I need time alone to myself or to think. I began walking and stopped to stare at the water running under the bridge. I wish I could be like the water. It's so free but it doesn't feel anything at all.

I also wish for the same thing. I wish to not feel anything at all. Then maybe it would've saved me from the pain that I'm feeling now. I feel it, the tugging at my heart. It hurts and I can't get it to go away.

I wonder that if you have emotions means you're human right? So I guess animals would be human too. Most of them have emotions as they protect their young intentionally. Does that make them human too?

I sighed. I didn't believe in that bullshit. People just use that as a method to change other people to believe what they believe so it could all be the same. It disgusts me. Why try to change something when someone else doesn't want to?

"What are you doing here?" I heard someone ask a few feet away. I turned to face him and noticed that it was the silver haired man. I smiled a fake smile. Not that smiling really matters.

"Nothing. I'm just standing here," I answered.

"Oh."

"So what's your name I don't believe I caught it," I asked.

"You know me," he answered looking at the running waters ahead.

"Huh?" How could I know him?

"The fox." He said giving me a clue. They fox? Wouldn't that be… Oh.

"Kurama?" I questioned.

"Youko Kurama."

"Shuuichi Minamino. Nice to meet you again. So why are you out here?"

"My job."

"Job?"

"I'm supposed to watch over you." He answered.

"More like babysitting right? There's no need. Besides I think my half sister needs it more than I do." I said.

"Really?"

"Yes after all she's dad's favorite. He said she's stronger than I am after all. My dad will deny me everything. Until then I guess everything will be back to normal. I'll see you," I said walking away. Watch over me? Bullshit. He's just babysitting. He should waste his time on someone else that needs it. I don't need someone hanging around as my shadow. I feel like a burden and I just want to end the person of their burden.

I looked behind to see him following me. I sighed. I guess I could talk to him instead of walking home with silence that I still crave. I motioned for him to walk beside me. And I started a conversation.

When we arrived my mom started asking me questions. I just waited until she calmed down.

"I was just taking a walk," I answered.

"Just tell me next time before you go out okay? I worry something might happen- What happened to your hand?" she asked suddenly. I forgot about my left hand. I quickly thought up of an excuse. "I got clumsy and accidentally twisted it by accident."

"Like always. Even when you were little you were always accident prone," I heard my father say. My mother looked and glared at him.

"I don't think he asked for your opinion," she said icily.

"It's okay mom. People like to be judgmental today. I think they just want people to believe what they wish to believe. It's of no coincidence. Just wonder how would they feel if they were in the person's shoes that they were judging? Just think about that." I said and walked upstairs.

I think it became silent downstairs. I smirked. There's nothing to be worried about after all. Family only like you when you are what they believe should be right. Most of them won't accept you if you're different.

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Kinshin: Thanks people for the visits!

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