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| "Drifting" Reviews/Comments [ 92 ] | | Pages (7): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 › » ] | Title: *loud whistle*
Reviewed By: KatieTakesflight [MediaMiner Member] On: June 01, 2005 09:29 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
WOW! In truth I've only read through chapter four but WOW, nonetheless. You are impecable at capturing the emotions of the characters. Another strong point of this work is the skill with which believably you discribe Kagome's psychological delima (SP). Many who attempt more "Cerbral" stories come off sounding pretentious. You do not. Also, you have a great facility with language and this definatly helps keep the story interestng and engaging. There are only two critisms I have of this, please do not take offense to them, I only say this because I would like to see you improve upon your already exceptional skill. The first thing is that the chapters are a bit short. It feels as if as soon as I get into the meat of it the chapter is over. The second thing is that you spend a lot of time discribing emotions that would be better shown using examples of character actions (this is basically the old show don't tell thing). Other than that great job and keep up the fantastic work. I look foward to reading more of your work in the future. Ciao!
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Pahhur [MediaMiner Member] On: May 20, 2005 22:35 PDT
Comment/Review:
You do a very good job in representing the emotions, focusing in on Kagome's dispair, love, and guilt. However, even though you can write this part of the story now, you cannot write off Naraku and InuYasha and Kagome's first kiss within a couple sentances. (If you do cover it in a chapter later than three I apologize.) The style of the writing flows well, but some things happen without ryme nor reason. Some more character description would help as well. Good work and keep submitting to FFARG
| Reviewed By: Kicnlus_inuforeva [MediaMiner Member] On: May 17, 2005 20:18 PDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love the two May chapters!!!! I just caught up right now with all of them - more Inu+Kag pleeeeaaassseee! But it's great!
| Reviewed By: cj flutterbye On: May 16, 2005 16:59 PDT
Comment/Review:
she forgot her dress?? who is that boy anyway?? hummmm
| Reviewed By: kamackie21 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 14, 2005 22:29 PDT
Comment/Review:
Oooooooh....what is up with Hiroshi? Hmmmmm.... Good chapter Claire...keep up the good work!
| Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: devildice708 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 11, 2005 16:57 PDT
Comment/Review:
Thank for submitting this piece to FFARG. This is a very good chapter. The writing style is well-refined and I could picture everything. It also stays true to its chapter name, "Addiction". But maybe this is just me, but I feel like that in this kind of writing style the scenes kind of rush on by. It started when Kagome waited for Inuyasha when he wasn't there to meet her. 'Kagome was on the verge of panic. He said that he would be here. He wouldn't just leave me. She focused on the spot where he had seen him last. She sat down, keeping her eyes open for any sign of him, sitting completely still so that her body would not distract her as waited for him. Hours and hours passed as the girl sat, seemingly in a trance. She stilled her breathing in hopes that she could hear his approach, letting no other sound penetrate her ears. And, slowly, night fell on her wasted body.' This was the part that rushed on by for me, and then it ended. It kind left me hanging (which sometimes can be a good or bad thing, and it was kind of a mix of the two for me). If you could, try and make some scenes or parts longer or drag it out a little more. Other than that, this is a very good Inuyasha fic. Once again, thanks for submitting this to FFARG.
| Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: May 07, 2005 19:16 PDT
Comment/Review:
Very nice chapter! Interesting things seem to be developing, and I can't wait to see what they might be! The overall plot is interesting, and while I don't dare to make assertions as to where you're going with it, I look forward to the ride! Keep up the great work! Till next time!
| Title: FFARG: You asked for it!
Reviewed By: Azurite [MediaMiner Member] On: May 02, 2005 21:35 PDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, I was actually pretty impressed with this start! It's actually quite vivid for something taking place during the night. However, Kagome seemed kind of "dead" in the way she moved and thought. Making an attempt to write in the active voice (Kagome does the action, instead of the action was done by Kagome) will cut that down. Indicators of passive voice are words like "was" and "had." Truthfully, I couldn't find anything glaringly wrong with this first chapter-- it looks quite good, and I empathize with Kagome!
| Reviewed By: futekioosha [MediaMiner Member] On: April 21, 2005 14:17 PDT
Comment/Review:
okay, okay, you said mischevious not eval........ there I said it :) Poor 'gome and yasha...why does kagome think that yash doesn't want her?? Thanks again for the chappie. Please remember that I am a card carrying member of SAR so this review may not be up to par.
| Reviewed By: DarklessVasion [MediaMiner Member] On: April 21, 2005 09:43 PDT
Comment/Review:
Aww...they were so close! Kagome was finally opening up and talking. But she drew back, her fears returning and making her doubt InuYasha...doubt herself again. She may be out of her self-induced vengeful limbo, but she still has a long way to go to understand her feelings, to mend what has been broken. She saw their relationship as obession on her part...what she fails to realize is that InuYasha was just as obsessed as she. In denying him, she has hurt them both, and we all know that our doggie-boy is not the best with putting his thoughts into words. He is a perfect example of; "Actions speak louder..." He loves her. She loves him. Sometimes...that just isn't enough...and then sometimes, it is. -- Great chapter
| Title: Second Chances ( Chapter 19 )
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: April 21, 2005 08:50 PDT
Comment/Review:
Hmmm, what a poignant and beautifully worded chapter! Just awesome, really. I think you did a fantastic job with finding words to convey what you meant. The orphan girl fascinates me. I can't wait to see what you have planned for her! You asked me before, if you should keep writing. I say yes, and I say this in the same way that you've said it to me: you write because it is in your heart. Now I'll say this, too. Write because you have a story to tell, and if it is worth hearing in your head then it is worth saying to everyone. It is irrelevant if anyone else gets the gist of what you're saying, so long as you say it. The only slight problem I noticed was a shift in POV's, and while this wasn't a huge issue since it didn't flip-flop, for some it can be distracting. Other than that, no real critique. You're moving along brilliantly, and I can't wait to see what else you have in store! All the best with love and support, Sueric
| Title: Blur ( Chapter 18 )
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: April 20, 2005 18:43 PDT
Comment/Review:
You know, it doesn't surprise me that Kagome could not/would not do it. I think it would have surprised me if she had. There is no valor in giving in to hatred and anger. Sometimes it is harder to forgive, or at least to let go. I think InuYasha knew this, too. As much as everyone loves to think that he is a brainless ruffian, I am glad to see that you don't. I love your portrayals of the characters in this fic. Your writing is gathering more flow and a smoother feel. I'm very impressed with the growth you've made as a writer and will continue to make so long as you practice. Terrific chapter, and I am looking forward to the next! Thanks for sharing this story with us! All the best, as you know, Sueric.
| Title: Out of the Darkness ( Chapter 17
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member] On: April 20, 2005 18:36 PDT
Comment/Review:
I find this interesting. The taka youkai seem very unlike the creatures who attacked the village, and this fascinates me. I could make conjecture or try to figure out who or what or why but I think I shall simply leave it to you and move on to read your next chapter! YAY!!!!! Awesome, as always, dear!!!
| Reviewed By: futekioosha [MediaMiner Member] On: April 19, 2005 12:03 PDT
Comment/Review:
MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Evil you call us?? Ha! I laugh at your ascertation! Ha ha ha! Wow, seeing yasha as the taka really caused reality to come upon kagome in relation to her actions. Poor grief stricken kagome. It's a good thing she has yash. This was a nice little pivitol (sp- don't shoot meh) chapter, maybe it took this complete break for kagome to heal. I'm sure that the angst is long from over, I can only wonder what other obstacles will be left for kagome and inuyasha. How are my favorite monk and taijia doing?? I'm happy that they are healing as well. Thankies for the chapter. *snorts* eVaL??? I think not :)
| Reviewed By: cj flutterbye On: April 19, 2005 10:42 PDT
Comment/Review:
Yup, that answers my question. Yasha was lurking about there, .... and she caved.
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