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"Journey of Illumination" Reviews/Comments [ 9 ]
 Reviewed By: barachan again  On: March 02, 2009 19:53 CST
Comment/Review:
Sorry, I lied its episode 15 and chapter 30. Where Mitani says he'll go back to the go salon.
 Reviewed By: Barachan  On: February 28, 2009 23:20 CST
Comment/Review:
Hi, 5-5 is not a star point it is one diagonally above the 4-4 star point. Also in the manga Mitani did go back to the go salon or atleast he said he was going to try and go back, however at the moment where escapes me. I wish I had my manga with me unfortunately its at home. Its probably in vol 18 side story 4 which is all about Mitani Yuki.
 Reviewed By: Dr4g0nsB4n3  On: March 16, 2006 20:54 CST
Rating(s):
Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Wow this is probably my favorite Hikaru no Go fanfiction ever! It's a lot like the TV show/manga except in Akari's PoV which is just an amazing idea. I love Aakri's Determenation to become a pro and I hope she makes it. Also I can't wait to see Hikaru's face when he finds out!
 Reviewed By: fuuinsennin [MediaMiner Member]  On: March 05, 2006 19:40 CST
Rating(s):
Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
This is very well written, and i like the little throwbacks to japanese culture. Akari has always been one of my favorite characters, if only because she was a much more likable character then all the rest(aside from Sai), so its interesting to read a story on her. Her motivations for becoming a pro were also very well fleshed out. I look forward to more.
 Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member]  On: May 09, 2005 23:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
Once again you've given us another refreshing chapter to read. The pace for the chapter moved well. However, you only grazed the surface of what went on before the lunch period came about in the school scenes. You mentioned homeroom and English class in a bit more depth but that was about it. You started out with a nice pace in the story and then rushed it a bit so you could get to the crux of the story her Go match with the head of the Go and Shogi Club. You then went back to the pace you established earlier. It seems to me as though the fic is being played through a VCR and when you get to the school scenes you hit the fast forward button and stop on a few random scenes before hitting fast forward again till you get to the Go scenes. Every scene in the story should be given the same amount of attention and move at the same pace. I know Go is the main focus of the series but what happens outside the Go games is just as important. You introduce characters and situations that should be given equal attention and will help with the flow and pace of your story.
 Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: devildice708 [MediaMiner Member]  On: May 09, 2005 20:38 CDT
Comment/Review:
At your discretion, I only checked the story to see if it flowed well and it did for me, especially considering the writing style you chose in writing this. I could vividly picture each character and each scene that took place. The only minor thing that bothered me was how you skipped some things in the story, which is kind of common in this 'writing style'. Example: 'The first four periods passed quickly with each teacher going over the general outline of the course and handing out a list of assignments.' But of course, no one wants to know what happened during those four periods if nothing interesting happened, but I just wanted to point it out. Overall, I enjoyed this, and I can't wait to see where this goes!
 Reviewed By: Cliodhna Glen [MediaMiner Member]  On: April 28, 2005 21:41 CDT
Rating(s):
Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
This is a very nice Hikaru no Go fic. I like the development and exploration of characters such as Akari, whom others have considered "side" or "unimportant" characters. Your spelling and grammar structure is solid; the only problems I really noticed were that your blocks of description tend to have wordy sentences. Some of these could be reworked for clarity, as Sueric mentioned. There were a couple instances of dropped words (a "the" and an "it", IIRC), but nothing that affected the quality of the story. Later on, the the dialog became a bit choppy; even with a relatively "static" conversation, where there's not a lot of physical motion, you'll want some description of action or emotions to help the conversation flow more smoothly. I'm not particularly fond of Japanese in fics, even if the story is set in Japan; I prefer to see Japanese words left out of stories that are written in English (unless there isn't a suitable translation), simply for the benefit of those who don't know even basic Japanese. Honorifics are fine, since many dubbed anime and translated manga are starting to use the honorifics as well. This is shaping up to be a very good, very solid fic by the time it is totally polished and complete.
 Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Sueric [MediaMiner Member]  On: March 04, 2005 06:14 CST
Comment/Review:
While I'm not familiar with Hikaru no Go, I did enjoy your first chapter! There are a few minor things that could use some tweaking, such as, "When he had first colored them in fifth grade ..." The 'them' used here was a little confusing. I had to stop and think about what 'them' might be. --- "He had looked at her smiling face in confusion searching it. When he reached her lips, he answered smile with one of his own and nodded. For two years, she had touched up his roots until he had left to become an insei. She guessed he had found someone else to do it for him or he started doing it himself. Still it was a memory that she treasured." This passage was a little stilted, IMO, and should be rearranged. The 'he answered smile' part of the passage seems as though it is missing a word or just isn't a well-worded response, and the final sentence, when read with the context of the sentence directly before, leaves the reader wondering if she missed coloring his hair or if she missed the idea that he had found someone else to do it. --- Those sorts of things aside, I thoroughly enjoyed your chapter, and I didn't feel that not knowing the series was a problem. The characters were vibrant and you portrayed them with care and affection. Speech patters flowed well, and I commend you on the overall feel! Very nicely done!
 Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member]  On: March 04, 2005 02:18 CST
Comment/Review:
First off let me start this review by saying how much I enjoyed reading the first chapter of your story. It was wonderfully written. Having just starting to get into Hikari no Go myself I found it refreshing to read a story where Hikari and Sai weren't the main focus of the fic. It's refreshing to read a story where the focus is on the development of the characters like I can tell this one is going to be. Every so often it's refreshing to read a fan fic that moves at a nice slow pace and allows the characters to shine through like this one. You have a very good grasp of the characters and of the basic setting for this series. You know the basics of the game well enough that it showed when writing the Go scene and I can tell you've don your research into the Japanese school year and commuter system. Plus you know when to use just the right amount of Japanese in the story. That said I will say this I don't know Japanese but I have heard from people who do that Sempai could also be spelled Senpai with an N though which is the proper term I'm not too sure. That aside spelling and grammer are done beautifully and your willingness to use a beta shows. You left comments on the story till the end and didn't litter it with author's notes throughout the story to explain things. This is one fanfic I for one will enjoy seeing how it develops. Keep up the good work. I see wonderful things for your writing.

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