| "The Marines Journey - The SHODAN crisis" Reviews/Comments [ 57 ] |
| Pages (4): [ « < 1 2 3 4 ] |
Title: After much consideration...
Reviewed By: Nicknack On: September 29, 2004 03:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
You seriously need to liven up the story: the characters hardly go anywhere or do anything interesting, it's the same thing every chapter. I read the last review - even a fic done for a laugh should have some direction
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Reviewed By: BigWillyStyle On: September 28, 2004 09:40 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 5 of 10
Overall Rating: 6 of 10 Comment/Review:
Some of these bad reviews giving type people ought to remember one thing: this is what I like to call a 'muck-about' fic - it obviously is. Sure it's never going to be published, but that's the whole point. It's fanfiction! Sure there's a bit of fancharacter overload, but it's like a budget game that you buy and have a moderately enjoyable play on for awhile, then discard. I imagine that a fic of this calibre was something that you maybe spend a half an hour/a few hours a night writing up. It's no epic and there's no plot, but that's not the point - it's just something you read for fun - For a laugh. I think those other reveiws forgot that. I'll probably just quickly read a bit of these chapters each day. The story is no award-winner, but it's clearly not trying to be, it's just a laugh. Maybe other people should remember that. I will give this a '6' overall. Like those 60% games you buy for a few bucks and have a go at, it's not Lord Of The Rings but it's a story, and a laugh in a few places.
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Title: Sue's - They're like ants
Reviewed By: SKILL9000 On: September 28, 2004 04:07 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
Another hideous Sue-fic. Study the Sue, learn the Sue, remember that everyone HATES THE SUE.
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Reviewed By: Future World On: September 28, 2004 03:59 CDT
Comment/Review:
I shall offer some advice: you need to work on the characters. To be very, very blunt, they suck (a lot). I found the characters to be very predictible, in fact you could just switch the names around and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference. They have no life, no depth. They are, as some say in fanfic circles, "cardboard cutouts" or flat characters. It's all so artificial and forced. This characters have no specific personalities, they're just vessels used to support your primary uber-character, in fact all the 'support' characters might as well be one character - they have no feel life or personalities to call their own. (And the whole "guy named after the author 'falls' into the character's world and becomes friends with them a few paragraphs later" has been done so many times.)
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Reviewed By: Monteblac On: September 28, 2004 03:52 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Comment/Review:
It is said that a thousand monkeys can write the works of Shakespeare. This was obviously written by something that is less than a monkey. It's just plain wrong.
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Reviewed By: Lady Pyra On: August 10, 2004 12:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
The fiction was decent, not the best that I've seen, but certainly not the worst. Piccard could use some more practice writing fiction in paragraph format but then so could I. People please if you are going to review be positive and give advice on how the author could do better. DO NOT FLAME. Flaming is just a waste of time on your part because most authors will just ignore you. If you MUST comment then give positive criticism.
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Title: What's up with that cyberdemon?
Reviewed By: Ms Bruce On: August 07, 2004 07:56 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 1 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 1 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 1 of 10 Comment/Review:
So how the hell did Dark Piccard (that's a really bad idea BTW) get hold of Cyberdemon parts? How did he get a giant goat (HellBaron, whatever) for one thing!? IT MAKES NO SENSE, and where did all the parts and stuff come from?! OH THE HUMANITY Also, the Cyberdemon is a warrior of Hell - He works for Satan. How the hell did Piccard (once more, bad self-insert) get it to work for him? Surely the hellish parts used to construct it would corrupt everything? Did Piccard overpower it with his amazing manliness and reprogramme it whilst it was still strapped down? But you can't reprogramme it because it's brain is still organic? HOW CAN A SEMI-ORGANIC LORD OF HELL SUDDENLY START WORKING FOR THE GOOD GUYS?! There are WAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY too many plotholes in this. If it were up to me, you'd get zero for overall rating. You "obviously-never-had-and-never-will-have-a-girlfriend-sex-depraved-one-step -away-from-paedophile-pervert-freak" (that's what my sibling says, and she only read a little bit)
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Reviewed By: Disappointed Girl On: August 07, 2004 07:48 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is crap
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Title: Sir
Reviewed By: Lancealot On: August 07, 2004 07:47 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 4 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 1 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 2 of 10 Comment/Review:
After reading as much as I could, I came up with a conclusion: you need practice. This fanfic is terrible, really, really bad. This should have been a practice-fic, the sort you write but never show to people. It shouldn't be allowed on the Internet. Your characters are horribly cliched and uninspired. I've read so many stories about characters that behave exactly the same, and all your characters act the same. They've like clones... so it is somewhat ironic that one of your characters uses the tired 'clone of the original' plot device (GUESS WHAT? EVERY SINGLE AUTHOR HAS THAT IDEA! IT SUCKS! IT'S BEEN DONE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE). To improve yourself, you really need some fresh ideas, try building on things you know and drawing from personal experiance - don't bother trying to make a big cool fantasy/sci-fi epic with all these mystical characters (IT DOESN'T WORK!!!). Your characters are all "cardboard cut outs" and they are hogging all the attention from the Sonic cast (it's a fanfic - IT SHOULD BE ABOUT THEM) in that annoying way that only badly made fan characters can do. Although your spelling is fine, your plot is terrible and, indeed, non-existant. None of your ideas are original, they've all been done to death. I did not enjoy it. When you write things people are suppossed to enjoy it. How can you ever hope to become a good writer otherwise? Although some hentia-fans might be happy with your (incorrect BTW) sex, you need to consider your other audiences
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Reviewed By: Jiece18 [MediaMiner Member] On: July 04, 2004 00:17 CDT
Comment/Review:
Loved Chapter 69!
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Reviewed By: Jiece18 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 24, 2004 22:32 CDT
Comment/Review:
Keep it up. This story is very interesting!
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Title: studious student
Reviewed By: derrick On: June 23, 2004 05:28 CDT
Comment/Review:
great introduction to the story full of detail and gets the action started will read on hope the good work continues
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Title: studious student
Reviewed By: derrick On: June 23, 2004 05:16 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
ok piccard here we go you asked me to r+r all you chapters and as this is one of them this i my first review a good prolouge and explaination of the move from the other fiction site which to prevent unnecessary and pointless advertising i will not mention. Good luck with the writing and i will read on with some professional interest
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Reviewed By: IYWriterGirl(not signed in) On: May 27, 2004 14:59 CDT
Comment/Review:
i don't mean to offend you but do you have to update so much? I still have to read chapter one (I am one of your fans too... w/ your arena fic also) I know i should praise you for your updateing skills but alas... Kyla
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Reviewed By: Jiece18 [MediaMiner Member] On: May 23, 2004 22:42 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Great Story! I haven't had a chance to read the whole thing, but from what I have read, I am going to realy enjoy this story.
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