Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Final Christmas ❯ Final Words of the Condemned ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: Don't own characters. Do own the plot line in this story though… that's worth something, right? _________________________________________________________________

Chapter 8: Final Words of the Condemned

 

October 25, 2005

 

The end is just around the corner. I can feel it. I have officially lost all hold on the cards three days ago. Syaoran is now the master of the cards, though they do still keep me company everyday within the confinements of the hospital. The day my hold over them was relinquished, they had surrounded me in their warm light. It was their farewell to Kinomoto Sakura and I knew it. And I embraced it whole-heartedly.

 

I gave everyone a fright five days ago when I had an attack. Wouldn't wake up for two days straight, according to the doctors. When I had crawled my way back to the realm of the living, Syaoran gained full control of the cards and the long-time ritual had finally come to an end.

 

Kero stays by my bedside everyday, just like Syaoran does. Apparently the attack had showed them that it could happen at any given time - not like they didn't know that before - and had cause them to stay with me stubbornly. Kero even gave up on his ever-lasting quest for sweets to become a bedside companion… full-time.

 

Syaoran has become my unwavering vigilant these last few months. As touching as it was in the beginning, I have become concerned about the dark shadows under his eyes. He's becoming thinner as well. Seems as if he's suffering from the disease just as I am. I had told him to go home to rest and eat, but every time I bring up the idea, he stares at me. His excuse for not leaving: `Any minute could very well be the last. I couldn't forgive myself if I left you when that moment comes. I won't.' Now, how could I argue after that statement?

 

Tomoyo, Eriol, Yukito, Touya, father, and many more people have visited me frequently in the last couple of months. Of course, the others were not daily routine visitors like family members and close friends, but it is nice of them to see me every week. Although, I can almost swear to hearing Kero and Syaoran both growling at the other visitors when they stand too close to my bed. Odd… but it's nice of them to finally get along with each other.

 

Somehow, I have a feeling that this will be my last and final entry in this journal the nurses had set up for everyone at the beginning of my battle. Each entry done by a different person, yet all written within the same book. Never read by anyone but the writer of the entry themselves. I must admit to it's help. No cooped up emotions. Not bad, eh?

 

My body's growing weaker with each passing day and darkness has begun to creep around me, waiting to pull me in. And soon, it will succeed.

 

I no long fight the oncoming death. Instead, I find myself welcoming it with opened arms if it will prevent anymore pain from happening on those I hold dearest. They've suffered alongside me during the year and it's enough. If my dying now would spare them anymore suffering, then so be it. A year of suffering is enough, don't you think?

 

But the one holding me back… preventing me from seeking death out is my Syaoran. After what we went through to get to where we are, I'm not ready to let it go. I doubt I ever will. However, if let go I must, then I shall wait until the day arrives when he can join me. No matter how long, I'll wait. He's my other half, so how can one move on without their other half? It's simply impossible. I love him. and should anyone end up reading this, I can only say `live everyday of your life as if it were you last. For if you don't, and when the last does come, you won't have a life worth looking back on.'

 

Sincerely yours,

 

Kinomoto Sakura