Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ ignorance was bliss ❯ Chapter 1

The next day was… awkward. Sakura didn't sleep very well that night, but forced herself to get up earlier than usual. She didn't know exactly what was going on, or what had been going on… so her method of dealing with it for now was to pretend that she saw nothing.
And to avoid Touya.

*-*-*-*

Touya had been able to carry his usual composure at breakfast, although his sister was mysteriously absent. 'This is not good. Not good.' But it seemed that his father knew nothing of it. Touya was more than relieved that his father had been out that night… at first for the time he could spend with his Yukito, and then for the delaying of conflict. 'She would've run to Dad for sure.'
His father served up Touya's pancakes, "Your sister left early… she said she promised a friend she would take over classroom duty today, because of some allergy."
Touya knew that his dad knew something was up. But hopefully, he would just think it was some other pre-pubescent tantrum. For once, he was glad that gaki, Syaoran, was in her life… he was a convenient throw-back.
"Fine by me, let that Kaijuu do what she wants…" His father smiled, simply. He was quite accustomed to this banter.
Touya made short work of his breakfast, and after taking his leave from the breakfast table, he got his things together for school. As he walked out the door, he slowly shook his head… he did get his calculator back. It was lying on the hallway floor, tossed away by a distressed sister, followed by a quickly slamming door.

*-*-*-*
Sakura didn't know what to think. But it obviously wasn't about her school work. Tomoyo had hailed her at least a handful of times during class, and at the breaks in between studies, waved her hand a few times in front of her face.
"Sakura-chan? Is something the matter?" Tomoyo asked quietly. She paused and looked at Syaoran's desk. He took this as a cue to silently get up and leave the room. This motion was the only thing that stirred Sakura at all.
'So much, too much…' Her thoughts couldn't even be completed properly. First Syaoran, and now… She put on a smile for her loyal friend, and waved a hand dismissively.
"I just didn't get much sleep… math homework, and all," At least she wasn't completely lying.

*-*-*-*

Syaoran's cold front faded as he leaned against the wall outside the classroom. 'Why didn't she, at least, say something. It's awkward not knowing…' He shuffled his feet in the floor. He had noticed something wrong, but hadn't worked up the nerve to say anything. He could've just tapped her on the shoulder, said her name, called her attention somehow. But she hadn't spoken a word to him since he - confessed.
'I feel like a criminal. Confessed. Who thought that up anyway?' He didn't have much time to think it over, as class resumed, and he had to watch Sakura ponder away in her own little world… without him in it.

*-*-*-*

When the day had ended, Sakura politely declined her friends offer to go shopping. She just wasn't up to it. Tomoyo thought of approaching her again… but if Sakura wanted to tell her, she would in her own time. Her faith in Sakura was undaunted.
She wanted to get home before her brother. This morning, she didn't run into Yukito on the way to school, so obviously she wasn't the only one avoiding what happened. Although she did leave earlier than usual… but she remembered that night again. It replayed in her mind over and over.

"Oyasumi nasai."
"Oyasumi."
"Oyasumi Sakura-chan."
"…" "…" "…"

Sakura froze in her steps as she had that night. As she turned, the door was pushed open to let in a full array of light. Her eyes moved from the calculator to the floor… where she expected to see a soccer uniform messily cast aside, but no. In that small eternity of a moment, she saw two full uniforms. Male uniforms. She knew the two voices as well as she did her own. Her eyes began to well with tears, and she finally looked to the bed again., to face her brother, not prepared to see what she had.
Yukito-san, and her aniki… in bed together. She didn't know what to make of it. But she could recognize the hurt that hung onto her heart like a iron claw that, in an instant, remembered how fragile a piece it was.
The next thing she could remember is her pillow, and her face buried into it as tears rolled down her cheeks. She felt betrayed. But why? She knew… she knew of Yukito's feelings. And suspected her brother's, but this… she didn't understand why they were together, and…
'Naked,' her face burned. She felt she was over Yukito, but part of her blush was anger, and her green eyes stayed true to their name. Could she be jealous of her own brother? She had been that day. That day Yukito confessed his feelings to her… and softly, politely, turned hers away.
She felt her knees grow weak, and held out her arm to catch herself on a nearby wall, only to be caught by two familiar arms, and staring into auburn eyes sketched with worry.

*-*-*-*

She had stopped so suddenly, and so had he. He tried to count in his head how many times he'd followed her home, to make sure she was safe. Which always made him wonder when he began to love her. It felt almost silly, someone so young admitting their undeniable love for another, just as young. But he knew what his heart and mind, together, told him. They spoke of it when she walked into a room, when she smiled, when her bravery shown brighter than the sun.
'Love.' But in an instant, he tried to search for a feeling, a presence of evil. That would explain her mood, wouldn't it? But there was nothing. He looked over her again, completely unnoticed, and his heart clenched as he saw her legs quiver, her gaze fixed onto the pavement, that he could no longer stand in the shadows.
"Sakura! Sakura… daijobu? Daijobu desu ka?" He shook her gently, as if to rouse her from fainting. She opened her eyes and looked at him for a moment, as if she had yet to realize who it was. "Sakura… Watashi…"
Her eyes snapped open, and her mind was clear then. She was thrown back to the moment Li-kun had told her… told her that he was in love with her. Straightening up, red-cheeked and flustered, she brushed herself off.
"Sakura? Is something wrong? In class today, you…" She was pulling away from him, his fingers trembled before slowly closing into fists to hold at his sides. He could do no more for right now, fearing he'd upset her more than he had already.
"… hai, daijobu," she managed, and put on a smile. Though, her eyes never met his.

*-*-*-*

The silence was deafening. They stood there for a good solid minute in silence.
"… arigato, demo… I should be getting home," trying to act in her normal fashion, swinging around to turn his back to him.
"Sakura." His tone stopped her in her tracks. "You going home straight from school, and not walking with Daidouji… why won't you talk to me?" He hadn't meant it to come out like. It was a question in his mind for the longest time, but he only meant for this particular moment. She was hiding something from him, and it was tearing him apart. And tearing the two further apart. "… is something wrong at home?"
He hadn't expected her to jump into his face that very second, "No! Nothing's wrong - noth-nothing's wrong at all!" Sakura choked out.
'So that's why she was so quiet today. Trying to hold back her tears… did I?… is this my fault?' Syaoran's hand worked ahead of him, and was offering his handkerchief before he could even think about it. It felt like the time they were at the playground, when she was crying over Yukito. He idolized Yue's power and strength, and sensed it in Yukito, but he couldn't forgive him hurting Sakura. "… daijobu desu."

*-*-*-*

Sakura turned her head up to look at him, and he raised his handkerchief to her, and it felt like déjà vu. He was always there for her…
'Always…' her mind's voice trailed as her forehead rested gently on Syaoran's chest, as it had that day. Everything she knew in the world felt as though it was shattered, and by so little. Everything changes, but why all in the same week? Defeat reincarnated sorcerer, have a boy confess his love, see her brother and his lover…
'… lover? But what does that mean??' She had so many questions, but no voice to ask them. 'Is that what love is…?'

*-*-*-*

He mutely rested his hands on Sakura's shoulders, indulging in the scent of her hair. Part of him wanted to take out his sword and slay himself with it, feeling like he was playing a role in a new Meg Ryan film or something. The rest of him, the majority, just wanted to hold his 'ying fa' in his arms for as long as she'd let him.
Although they stood there for quite some time, it felt like Sakura was pulling away too soon. Syaoran tried to hide the disappointment in his features, and gave her the smile. She didn't need his coldness now, and if he had the strength, she never would feel that chill again. What he couldn't figure out was why she was looking at him like that?
The only thing he could think was, 'She's so cute when she's blushing…'

*-*-*-*

'Does Li-kun want to do… *that*?… with… me?' Now, she was even more confused. She knew Yukito loved Touya. And she was sure, more than anything else, that Touya loved Yukito. So… was what she saw… love?
Taking a cautious step back, she nodded to him, "… arigato. Again." She tagged on quickly, biting her lower lip. He was blushing now as well, and both of them stared at the floor, as though it was the next best thing to the electric rice cooker. "… I really should be getting home."
There was silence again, but something seemed to snap in Syaoran, "Sakura. What's wrong-"

*-*-*-*

Voices were coming from around the corner. "Too bad coach was sick." "Soccer practice was cancelled?" "Yeah. So I guess I'm just going home, 'less you wanna go somewhere or something." "Ne, Touya-kun, is Sakura-chan…"
Syaoran winced at the name of his love's older brother. 'Great. Just great.' But then his attention was brought to the blanched expression on Sakura's face. He uttered softly, "Sakura…"
She didn't have a chance to answer, before her brother and Yukito rounded the corner. Swallowing audibly, she mustered all her strength. She made her hands into fists, and tucked them behind her back, smiling ear to ear.
"Yukito-san! 'niichan! Did I hear right? Practice was cancelled?" She tilted her head as if curious, when all she wanted to do was get away from there as fast as her legs, wings, cards, whatever the hell could carry her away that very moment.
"Er, yeah," Touya looked at Yukito, and back at Sakura. "Uh Sakura-," And then his eyes fell upon 'the brat'. "What are you doing here?"
"We were just-"
"Li-kun offered to walk me home, but I asked him if he wanted to go get an ice cream cone, ne?" 'Please, please… just play along…'
Syaoran looked at her a moment, and then nodded. The brother-boy friend, as in, friend that is a boy, animosity would have to be put on hold.

*-*-*-*

'She's lying. Her eyes are red. Her cheeks are wet and puffy. She's lying.' Touya, too, was putting aside his over-protectiveness for now… seeing how he had failed from protecting her from what she'd seen.
"Sakura-chan? Would you like me and Touya-kun to treat?" Yukito asked. He didn't want a wall to be built between them, especially not so soon after he hurt her. He knew telling her that her love for him was like one she had for her father wasn't entirely true… that she honestly did want to be with him. But his heart belonged to another, to the young man standing at his side. Quietly, in the back of his mind, he wondered if he'd always hurt her this way. She cried that time, too, he knew it, though he hadn't seen the tears. And she was crying now.
"Maa, maa, I'm sure I have enough for both of us," she nodded to affirm her position, and to avoid eye contact. She gently took hold of Syaoran's arm, and he looked at her again, and nodded once more.
"Yeah, we'll be headin' off now… Daidouji is probably missing us, too," And so, Syaoran added to the web of lies and deception. There was four more nods after that, each from a given individual, and they parted in silence. The senior pair standing their ground, as the youth briskly made an exit.
"She was lying."
"I know… I know." All Yukito could think to do was to rest a hand on his lover's shoulder. They would have time now to discuss exactly what they were going to tell her.

*-*-*-*

A block away from the star-crossed pair, the card mistress and her companion had slowed their pace to a steady walk of silence. Syaoran was bursting to ask what that was about, but suspected Yukito, now, of being the cause of Sakura's dismay.
'Thank goodness it wasn't me. Er, hey. Did Sakura just ask me out?'

*-*-*-*

Not noticing the blushing brunette beside her, she walked aimlessly, trying to sort the feelings in her heart, and the thoughts in her head. Although her thoughts were broken by an almost timid, but familiar, voice.
"Sakura… we're going the wrong way."
"Eh? I guess we are aren't we…" Sakura tried to laugh it off, but she just didn't have the heart.
"… you want to go to the park?" She nodded quietly. And so it was the whole walk there, in pensive calm.

*-*-*-*

Touya sprawled out on the couch, tapping his foot impatiently on the floor.
"Touya-kun, we only left them a couple of minutes ago," Yukito said, as he brought tea for the both of them into the Kinomoto living room.
"I can't believe I left her with that brat… I don't trust him, y'know, I don't trust him…"
"They're young," Yukito sat down beside Touya, and gently rested a slender hand on his thigh, "And in love."
Tea went flying as Touya spat, choked, and gagged. Yukito, with a calm smile, rubbed his back to help his love clear the obstruction. "They're too young for that sort of thing." And then it hit him. "Shimatta! After what she saw last night - if he tries something - she might - and they might -" Flames seemed to rise from his body as he shot up off the couch and made a march for the door.
Yuki slipped his arms beneath Touya's to hold him back, "I doubt Sakura-chan even understood what she saw… which is why we have to-" Touya's body stilled underneath his arms.
"We have to what? Tell her? … Tell her what exactly?"
"She knows how I feel. And I'm sure she knows how you feel…"
"I'm sure she'll take it well. 'Oh Kaijuu, by the way. I'm gay.' - although she probably would've taken that better than if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes." Touya clasped his hands over his eyes and forehead, tossing his head back, but they slowly fell away as he felt Yuki pull away.
"It bothers you to be… 'gay'?" Yukito put emphasis on the term. They had never used terms before. What does it matter now? "I understand that the world doesn't have to know, but… I didn't know you felt-"
"Don't." Touya's hand reached back and clasped Yuki's. "You know what I meant. I just don't know what to tell her. Maybe you should…"
"You're her brother…"
"You're practically her brother…"
"… in-law." They shared a quick laugh, but it was short lived. It just reminded them of the awkward situation they had found themselves in. "What she saw were two people, laying with one another… expressing their love for one another." Touya stroked his chin and thought about it.
"That… doesn't explain why we were naked."
"…"

*-*-*-*

Syaoran had made a great guess and what could make Sakura feel better, or at least feel at ease. They sat on the swings until the sun started going down.
"He loves my brother, you know." Sakura's tone was very matter-of-factly, and it struck worry into Syaoran. He knew this is how she dealt with the pain, and that the tears were soon to follow. He didn't know how to respond to that, either. Or, if he should. "I saw them… together. I knew my brother would feel the same. It's hard not to love him." A pause. "I didn't think it would hurt. Since I knew, you know? They're happy together. That should be most important… shouldn't it? First, and foremost." She was looking down at the handkerchief he had offered her, and crumpled it into her fist, as her eyes shut tightly.
"Sakura," her fist unclenched, and her eyelids parted. "You can't ignore your own happiness, even if it is for their sakes. You deserve to be happy, too."
"Yukito-san told me that one day… I would find someone to love, and to love me. But now… now I'm so - so confused." Syaoran tilted his head over to try and catch her gaze as she swung back on her heels. "I don't know what love is anymore. Once I thought it was just words that you used to say the feelings in my heart. But then…" She felt a hand gently rest over hers, pressing the handkerchief between them.
"I understan-"
"I don't think you do." She was met by a confused blink.