Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ The Walls Between ❯ Paths Not Taken ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

"Miyako-san! Over here!" called Hikari, and Miyako turned almost all the way around before spotting her waving arm. Altering course, she picked her way through the tables set up on the sidewalk toward where her friend was sitting.

"Weren't there any tables inside?" she asked as she found a place to put her purse and sat down. "It's horrid out here today." She brushed a few strands of hair out of her mouth and off her damp forehead. She'd elected to forgo makeup today, since she would just end up sweating it all over and making it look terrible, so she wasn't in a very good mood to start.

"Not without a reservation," said Hikari. "I'm sorry. Have some iced tea, it's perfect." She poured a cup from the pitcher into a glass for Miyako. Condensation dripped from the pitcher across the table.

"Thanks." Feeling dehydrated, Miyako drank half the glass and then refilled it.

"Didn't Daisuke-kun want to come? He was invited, you know."

"I think he had to work this morning, but he hasn't been home since last night anyway." Miyako set her glass down and scowled at it.

"Where does he go? Has he told you yet?" Hikari craned her neck, trying to spot something inside the restaurant. Probably a server.

"He doesn't talk to me anymore. I think he's sleeping with someone."

"Surely not." Hikari waved to someone, and a moment later a server came over to take their lunch orders. Somewhat against her better judgement, Miyako agreed to split a poached trout with Hikari.

"Yeah, well, heaven knows he's not sleeping with me," said Miyako, after the server went away again.

"I don't think I needed to know that, Miyako-san." Hikari glanced away, embarrassed.

"Sorry. I'm so angry though! I wish he'd at least tell me if he's found someone else, so I could maybe go on with my life after an appropriate period of wishing him dead."

"I think you're over-reacting. Men do strange things sometimes. Maybe you're reading too much into a little thing."

"You don't know Daisuke. If he goes more than three days without sex, I swear his brain shuts down to everything else. He is without question the horniest person I've ever met. There's no way he could go months without sex and still function normally."

Hikari made a pained little sound and touched her lips with her fingertips, while her ears turned crimson. "I would really prefer not to talk about this here," she said quietly. Miyako, accustomed to saying whatever she wanted wherever she happened to be, made a deliberate effort to suppress this habit for Hikari's sake.

"Sorry," she said again. Oddly, she knew that Hikari was perfectly comfortable discussing the sex lives of practically anyone else. She wondered briefly what the difference was now ... maybe her friend just didn't want to visualize Miyako and Daisuke having sex.

"I'm sure there's nothing wrong," said Hikari. "You and Daisuke-kun have been together a long time. Daisuke-kun is a smart person. He wouldn't give that up for a fling, would he?"

"Well, we never agreed that we were actually in a relationship, you know. We were really just supposed to be roommates at first, and things ... I don't know, sort of snowballed. We go out sometimes, but I don't know if you'd really consider us to be dating when we do. He's so much fun to be around." Miyako rested a cheek on her hand and moodily swirled the tea around in her glass. "Maybe I was reading more into what we had than he was."

"I don't know why you two never got married. You look good together." Hikari was a lot more relaxed now, and looking more in Miyako's direction now that the topic had shifted away from sex.

"It never came up. Neither of us thought it was important. We're not the sort of people who ought to be having children, and marriage is just a tax and insurance convenience if there aren't any children."

"Hmmm," said Hikari. Miyako knew she didn't approve of people living together without being married, but never said anything out of respect for Miyako's right to make her own decisions. Miyako appreciated the courtesy, but wondered now if Daisuke would be taking their relationship more seriously if they'd gotten married.

There was a little morose silence until the meal arrived. Miyako wasn't really looking forward to poached fish at the moment, and played around with her soup while Hikari arranged her food and took a portion of trout.

"Itadaki masu," said Hikari, and Miyako echoed the sentiment without any conviction.

"I just want to know where he goes," said Miyako, after she'd eaten some soup and been persuaded to try the fish (which was actually quite good, and Miyako would have liked it a great deal if the day had been cooler). "Who he's seeing. It upsets me, and I don't think he cares."

"Well, I am completely over Ichijouji-san," said Hikari primly. "He didn't have the common courtesy to call me and break things off honestly. I haven't spoken to him since Yamato-san's last album party."

"Have you called him?"

"No. And he hasn't called me either, at all. He just left me alone at the party and I haven't seen him since. I'm thinking of calling Takeru-kun and dropping a few hints to see if he wants to ask me out."

Miyako laughed. "Why don't you just ask him out?"

Hikari shrugged a little and poked at her rice before eating a bite. "I don't know how to ask a man out. It's a lot more proper for him to ask me out anyway. What if he's got a girlfriend already and just hasn't mentioned her?"

"Tell you what, I'll call Takeru and see if he's with anyone and let you know if he's available. How's that?"

"All right," said Hikari brightly.

Miyako's cell phone rang then, chiming from inside her purse until she found it and turned it on. "Just a second," she said to Hikari. "Moshi moshi."

"Don't be upset," said Ken, reaching out toward Daisuke, who flinched away as soon as he was touched.

"I'm such a loser," said Daisuke.

"You're not a loser. Turn around and look at me, will you? It's okay, really."

Daisuke rested his forearms on his knees and refused to look at Ken. "I hurt you. I'm not cut out for this."

"You didn't hurt me much, and you're not going to do it again because now you know what you were doing wrong. So turn around, okay? Come on, Dai-chan, don't be like this."

Daisuke turned around and gave Ken his best "exasperation" look. Only this was more challenging than he'd expected, because Ken was still naked and stretched out, belly-down, across the bed like a relaxed cat. The soft curve at the small of his back where his outline dipped down and then rose up again over his rump caught Daisuke's eye. Licking his lips, wanting to kiss Ken and run his hands over that curve of firm flesh, he glanced away again.

"Why can't you just fuck me like we always do? I'm used to it. I like it. This was a mistake."

"Because I'm not going to let you turn into a quitter." Ken's fingertips found the fringe of hair at the nape of Daisuke's neck, and this time Daisuke didn't pull away.

"I need to call Miyako anyway," said Daisuke, reaching over for Ken's bedside phone. This was an excuse, and he knew it. He was pretty sure Ken knew it as well, but there was no help for that. In spite of his raging erection, he felt he needed a bit of time to calm himself down and psyche himself up before trying that again. So he put Ken off and dialed Miyako's cell phone.

"Moshi moshi," she said.

"Hey, it's me."

"Where are you?"

While Ken made himself comfortable, looking at Daisuke over the edge of the bed, Daisuke breezed past that question and said, "I'm going to be out the rest of the day, so don't wait up for me, okay?"

"I guess," said Miyako doubtfully. "So when are you going to be home?"

"I don't know. Eventually. See you later, okay?" Ken's fingers found the back of Daisuke's neck again, and Daisuke shivered.

"Yeah." She sounded upset, and that bothered Daisuke.

"It's okay, all right? I'm fine."

"Yeah," she said again. There was an awkward pause, and then an abrupt, "Bye," and she hung up.

Daisuke stared at the handset for a second before hanging up the phone. Then he let his head hang a bit, so that Ken's fingertips could caress the snipped hairs at the nape of his neck. "I feel so bad about Miyako," he murmured.

"It really isn't very fair to her, is it?" said Ken gently.

"Not even. I really ought to tell her what I'm doing, but I just can't. She'd be furious." He leaned back against the edge of the bed, into Ken's petting range, and closed his eyes when Ken ran a hand down his chest.

"The longer you wait, the most furious she's going to be."

Daisuke growled. "Where do you get off being logical about this? Leave me alone and let me fuck up on my own."

"No," said Ken. "I don't like seeing you eat yourself up with guilt. Guilt is my playground, you stay out of it." His hand strayed lower, and Daisuke squirmed a little as his cock was lightly petted.

"What do you suggest I do then? Oooh, no, don't stop that ..."

Ken scooted forward a little so that he could kiss the side of Daisuke's neck. "Come clean with her," he murmured into Daisuke's skin. "Tell her what's going on. I don't care if she knows, and I don't know why you do."

"She'd throw me out on the street. The apartment is in her name." Daisuke reached up to hook an arm around Ken's neck. "Why don't you come down here and fuck me?"

"Mmm-mmm," said Ken. "You come up here and fuck me."

"No. I hurt you."

"Because you were trying to take things too fast and I'm not used to it. If you'd slow down and let me help you, you won't again. Come on, Daisuke. Please?" He nibbled on Daisuke's throat, and Daisuke groaned a little.

"I'm just not good at this!" protested Daisuke, but he allowed himself to be lured back up onto the bed. Ken rolled over onto his side.

"Nobody's good at it the first time they try. And that's true for a lot of things, Dai-chan, you know that." He took one of Daisuke's hands and used it to lightly stroke himself, down his chest and over his flank. It only took one pass for Daisuke to give in and shift to caress Ken of his own volition.

"How can you have such dark hair and such light skin?" wondered Daisuke, brushing his fingers through the pelt of curled blue-black hair at the base of Ken's penis. "You're so beautiful. How do you keep from turning yourself on every time you look into a mirror?"

"Mmm," said Ken. "I must be immune to my own charm. But I'm not immune to yours, and I really wish you'd stop teasing me and come here and kiss me."

"You always tease me, though."

"I'm always serious when I tease you. I tease you with a purpose."

Daisuke moved as if to kiss Ken, but diverted at the last second to his lover's creamy throat. He stretched himself out as well, relaxing on his side next to Ken's body and kneading the flesh of his lover's hip with his free hand. "So tell me what I'm supposed to be doing then, Ichijouji-sensei," he said, his lips moving against Ken's skin. He felt ridiculous; he ought to know what to do. He'd had it done to him plenty of times. The proper procedures and such ought to be ground into his very being.

"This is fine for now," moaned Ken. "You just tried to go too fast before. Take your time. Make me want you more than anything."

"You don't already?" But Daisuke said this softly, and Ken either didn't hear him or didn't feel it was worth an answer.

It was actually very pleasant, and highly arousing, to worship Ken's body the way he was accustomed to Ken worshipping his. Things came to Daisuke's attention that had never really noted before, such as how responsive Ken was to stimulation along his neck and collarbone, how sensitive were his inner thighs. Daisuke's ill ease went away in the first few minutes and he started to enjoy this. Ken wasn't like Miyako, not at all. Sex with Miyako was so straightforward and usually so quick, but Ken's body was different, his responses were different and the requirements were apparently very different. Actually, that seemed extremely obvious to Daisuke after the notion occurred to him. Trying to skip straight to sex with minimal foreplay worked with Miyako, but of course it wouldn't work with Ken.

A thin sheen of sweat began to dampen Ken's skin, and Daisuke liked this a great deal. He reached down to brush his fingers over Ken's cock, and was rewarded with a sharp spasm and a loud groan. "Daisuke," Ken hissed softly, and strong hands closed over Daisuke's wrist to hold him there.

Daisuke paused to pry Ken's hands loose. "This isn't going to work if you come too soon," he murmured.

"I know," Ken replied, breathless. "Kiss me."

Daisuke obeyed, and felt Ken squirm beneath him, rubbing as much of his body against Daisuke's as possible. After a moment, he broke loose and dragged himself down across Ken, kissing down his throat and over his shoulder. "Maybe I should tie you down," he mused. "Then I could do whatever I wanted."

"Oooh, yes."

"Would you like that?"

"Yes."

So Ken told him where the ropes were kept, and then gave him instructions which Daisuke followed meticulously in order to tie Ken's wrists securely but without cutting off circulation. It turned out to be important to tie the knots a certain way, so that they wouldn't slip and become too tight, and yet could also be released quickly. Daisuke never knew before that Ken took such care with him, and once the business was finished he took a moment to run a hand tenderly over Ken's smooth cheek.

"Who's into the BDSM shit now?" asked Ken softly, as he turned his head to kiss Daisuke's hand.

"Shut up," said Daisuke, but he was smiling.

"I love you," said Ken, lipping at Daisuke's fingers.

"Yeah, you say that now that I've got you where I want you."

"I loved you ten minutes ago too."

"Mmm-hmm," said Daisuke, resuming his explorations unhindered.

Every now and then, Ken would murmur a request, asking to be kissed, or touched in a certain place or in a certain way. After a little while, Daisuke realized that he'd been doing this all along, only it was nonverbal before his hands were bound - he would take Daisuke's wrist and guide him, or nudge Daisuke's mouth in a certain direction. Am I just that bad at making love to him? Daisuke wondered, but when he sat up a little to gaze thoughtfully at Ken's face and closed eyes, and listen to his rapid breaths, he knew that wasn't it. Rather, Ken was indirectly telling him, possibly for the very first time, what he liked. How he preferred to be touched.

Ken already knew what Daisuke liked, and could employ this knowledge so efficiently that he could have Daisuke begging in minutes. Knowing what Ken liked, what could drive him insane with desire, put Daisuke on more of an equal footing.

Ken never trusted me before, but he trusts me now.

Daisuke understood implicitly when the time was right to take the lubricant off the table and use it. He had never felt quite like this before. His level of arousal was very different from usual, when it would be him almost crying with passion instead of Ken. This also felt very different from when he would fuck Miyako. It was expected for him to penetrate Miyako, since that was just the way it worked. It was highly unexpected for him to do likewise to Ken, and the whole scenario caught at his breath in his throat and lifted the veil of reality.

This time, when he brought up Ken's leg and arranged himself to push inside, Ken was writhing and whispering, "Yes ... yes ..." This time, when he started to thrust in - and he moved a lot slower this time as well - Ken's muscles failed to painfully cramp, but rather welcomed his invasion firmly and evenly. Ken arched and moaned, half on his side and still restrained, his lower legs gripping Daisuke tightly in wordless approval.

Daisuke remained silent, watching Ken's abandon with fascination and obediently shifting position when requested, so that his slow thrusts struck Ken exactly right. He'd never imagined to see Ken like this. He couldn't have forced himself to look away.

Climax came more quickly than Daisuke expected, almost taking him by surprise. It hit him like a wall in the back, and he had to lean against Ken's leg for support, devastated. A soft whimper from Ken brought him back to reality a little, and he reached down to stroke Ken's penis; the reaction was an almost immediate orgasm on Ken's part, and a further wave of sensation that would have sent Daisuke to his knees if he hadn't been on them already. He closed his eyes, panting against Ken's thigh and playing with Ken's cock to make his lover twitch and drag out the moment.

"Dai-chan," murmured Ken. "Let me go."

Daisuke didn't move for a few seconds, but then forced himself to let go of Ken's leg and lay down across the other man's body in order to reach one of Ken's wrists. He freed it with a sharp tug in the proper spot, and then snuggled down against the warm skin beneath him. Ken released his other wrist and then put his arms around Daisuke's shoulders.

"I don't know how I lived without you," said Ken softly, after a long time. The words took a moment to register with Daisuke, who was drifting in that halfway point between sleep and wakefulness.

"Mmm," said Daisuke. He was so comfortable. "I wish I didn't have to go home."

There was another long pause, and then Ken said carefully, "You don't ... really have to."

"I'm not moving in with you again, Ken." Daisuke said this into Ken's chest, too exhausted to budge.

"I'm not asking you to. I'm just saying you could. If you wanted to."

"I'm not moving in with you again," Daisuke repeated.

He felt Ken's hand stroke languidly through his hair, gently smoothing the tangles and muss that came from the efforts of sex. "I'm still not asking you to. I'd like it if you did, but I won't push you into anything. I just think it would be a good idea."

"How do you figure?"

Ken's shoulder moved under him in a shallow shrug. "You could tell Miyako about us, and if she threw you out, at least you'd have a place to go."

"There's no ifs about that one," said Daisuke. "I know she would."

"You can't hide this from her forever."

Daisuke started to say that he certainly could, but then sighed and didn't. The longer he concealed his relationship with Ken, the more unfair to Miyako things became. "I know. Shit. It would be a hell of a commute to work."

"You're already doing that every weekend, though. And you could always find another job, one in Tamachi."

"I like my job," said Daisuke, sullen. "Fuck."

Ken went silent then, brushing his fingers through Daisuke's hair. It was relaxing sensation, and made Daisuke feel small and precious. Maybe ... maybe he should give the whole Ken thing another chance. Today had been different, special. Ken seemed different now, more willing to allow Daisuke the freedom to do whatever he liked, more compliant to Daisuke's wishes rather than insisting that Daisuke always comply with his. He hadn't even seen any of Ken's famous jealousy. Maybe it was gone. Maybe Ken really had changed.

"I don't want to hurt her," said Daisuke finally, knowing that it was a feeble protest.

"I don't think there's any way around that now."

"This would be a lot easier if she hadn't somehow fallen in love with me. She had no right to do that." Daisuke pushed himself off Ken and rolled over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling with one arm over his forehead.

"She probably couldn't help it," said Ken softly. He rolled over as well, laying on his side next to Daisuke and pulling the blankets up to cover their legs. "I don't know why everyone who meets you doesn't fall instantly in love with you."

"Stop saying shit like that. You're going to give me an ego." Daisuke grinned a little.

"You deserve one. You deserve everything."

"Oh, shut up. You are so crazy."

"Mmm-hmm," agreed Ken easily.

"Well, shit," said Daisuke, surrendering. "If I'm going to go get my ass kicked by Miyako, there's no time like the present."

Miyako knew there was something wrong when she opened the apartment door and saw Daisuke's shoes in the foyer next to an unfamiliar pair made of black patent leather. "Daisuke?" she called, kicking off her own.

"Yeah, I'm here," said Daisuke from within, and he sounded very unsure of himself. A yawning pit of horror opened up in Miyako's belly. Things were not right.

"I thought you weren't going to be home tonight. Who else is here?" But then she walked the rest of the way into the apartment and saw that it was Ichijouji Ken, standing protectively near Daisuke.

Somehow, it all made perfect sense to Miyako as soon as she saw him, standing in the middle of the room and looking so imperial in a black wool business suit. Only Ken could manage to look comfortable and regal in something that must have been sweltering hot.

"Good afternoon," he said softly. Only Ken could manage to make those words sound so cold and unwelcoming and yet so polite at the same time.

"What the hell are you doing here?" asked Miyako. "Daisuke, what the hell is he doing here?" She looked around, noticing the suitcase and a few boxes of things packed next to it. "Are you moving out!?"

Daisuke shrugged, looking guilty. He was half-leaning against the couch, slouched over like a child anticipating a scolding. "I figured I'd save you the trouble of throwing me out."

"Why? Don't tell me it's Ken you've been fucking." Daisuke said nothing, and Ken looked steadily at her, neither his gaze nor his expression changing in any way. Miyako's purse fell to the floor as shock completely altered her perceptions. "It is, isn't it! You're leaving me for another guy!?"

"Miyako," said Daisuke, but she cut him off.

"Do you hate me that much? Am I that bad that I put you completely off women? You hate Ken! You're leaving me for someone you hate!" She put her hand over her mouth and turned her back. Something hot and wet moved over her fingers, but she refused to think that she was crying. Crying would be weakness, and one didn't show weakness to someone like Ken.

"I don't hate you!" said Daisuke. "I didn't even know you cared anything about me until after I'd already gotten back together with Ken!"

"Back together with Ken! You mean you were fucking him before!? Was this prior to or after you told me you couldn't stand to be in the same prefecture as him? Was I some kind of rebound or were you just wasting time with me while you couldn't have him? Why didn't you tell me you were gay instead of sleeping with me and making me think you cared?"

"She's hysterical," said Ken quietly. Miyako knew that he was right; she felt disconnected from herself, as if these accusations were being said by someone other than herself. Some part of herself was still quite calm and rational, but that part seemed to have no control over what she said or did.

So she proved him right by whirling around and saying, "You shut the fuck up, you son of a bitch! How dare you set foot in my home!" She even tried to slap him, but Ken caught her wrist effortlessly and held her. He was very strong, and his expression still never wavered.

"Please calm down," he said, still sounding so damnably reasonable. "I shouldn't have to remind you that it was yourself and Hikari-san who elected to set Daisuke and myself to reconcile."

"I didn't know you were going to turn him against me!" She twisted her wrist, trying to get free, and eventually Ken let go.

"I didn't turn him against you," said Ken.

"No, he didn't," said Daisuke, like an echo. "I'm not even against you at all. Look, you never told me you loved me, okay? I'm sorry about this. I didn't know you cared at all, and by the time I did it was too fucking late. I don't want to say this is your fault, because it isn't. But it's not mine either, and it's not Ken's."

"You used me," said Miyako, crying now and turning her back again.

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"Just ... just get out. Take your boyfriend and get the fuck out."

They did. Ken carried out Daisuke's little bonsai tree atop a pair of boxes, and Miyako ran into the bedroom and slammed the door when she saw it. She collapsed, sobbing, onto the bed. She felt betrayed, discarded, lied to, used, manipulated, wronged.

But it hadn't really come as a surprise.

After a few minutes and a little movement, Miyako heard Daisuke say, "I should go in and talk to her."

"No," said Ken. "Leave her alone."

Daisuke sounded doubtful when he said, "She's so upset, though. I didn't want to hurt her."

Ken's voice dropped a little in tone. "You'll only hurt her more if you talk to her now. Give her a few days, and then you can call her, okay?"

"You really think that's best?"

"Yes."

Eventually, the sounds of the two men moving about the apartment ceased, and Miyako heard the front door close. Daisuke was gone.