Fan Fiction ❯ Freedom* ❯ My Stupid Mind, prologue 2 ( Chapter 2 )

I'm back with the second prologue chapter. I was hopeing to make this the first chapter but I didn't feel that Aiden, the second main character (Obviously not Japanese), didn't make enough sense. His character is based on a couple key components, one is the Childhood Kurdt Cobain, don't worry there are no shotguns nor is there Courtney Love at any point in the story. Actually I might have her die a horrible death to cheers, can you tall that I hate her. One last note if you remember the last prologue chapter, this unlike that one, is actually from before the start of the first chapter during the tI'meline of this story, which promises to be about as in order as Slaughterhouse Five by Vonnegut, but this one they are actually living it, not dieing on a battlefield in Luxemburg (A/N: Wow I really just ruined that story for anyone who never read it). Anyway now for me to stop typing in a mindeless drivle with no actual point and start writing the actual story.

Prologue two: My Stupid Mind

-Don't know what to call this so I used the name of a song by Big D and the Kids Table-

-This is also a journal/ diary entry note the differences from kaori's-

My whole life as far back as I can remember I've had flashbacks to all of the embarrassing moments of my life, maybe that's what caused me to become such an introvert. It started with my life of regrets in Kindergarten, I don't actually remember what happened I just remember the feeling, a feeling like the earth was trying to engulf me but couldn't but I still wanted to be covered, a crush that felt so heavy that It could kill all other memories. To this day I'm afraid of saying anything wrong to the point that I have become extremely awkward sober, the only tI'me I feel normal and even near presentable is 3 beers in. I scared every girl that I ever liked. it leads me to think; maybe I'm not fit to be with another person maybe I have to many irrational fears, to many awkward moments for any girl to ever like me. I guess I don't really have any friends, but I can understand why. I am a bit of a jock, but no one will ever admit to me that I am athletic, they want to think that I am inferior. I guess that in a way I am inferior, I don't get any breaks for my skill, I just get told I suck. These two things are what leads to the stunning lack of confidence in myself, which is in turn my saddest life.

Listening to: Modest Mouse - 3rd Planet

The Urge - Closer

Nirvana - Territorial Pissings

Reading: The Perks Of Being A Wallflower- Chboskey

I"s- Some Japanese Guy

Watching: The Phillies Sucking at baseball

The 700 club (what a bunch of nuts)

This entry is really quickly written after the last entry, only 2 hours. Yesturday night I went to another party, I had to go late, because if I went on tI'me they would probably just throw me out, if they knew it was me not someone like the Will from Collingswood or some lie like that. I think they would care about my random drunkenness, but I never let anyone leave with me, I cant risk being found out as such a man, it would only make my life worse. Almost no one talks to me in any positive way, all it ever is someone making fun of me, or asking me about some homework crap or something like that. The only thing that would change is that people wouldn't ask me for homework help, I would be alone, it doesn't take long for things to spread in a school of 700 or so. Rumors only hurt me in a way that nothing does, I'm an awful student but the kids there know I'm smart so in a way I'm excepted in about the same way I was when I moved here at 11 months, I'm welsh, but it doesn't matter I haven't been back since I moved here so you wouldn't know that. Any way a girl at school who I had a small crush on, now I think shes just having fun playing with my head, asked me today who my best friends were. I hesitated it was the hardest question to answer, I said john I guess. Another girl who for a second I, with my usual delusions, thought I had a chance with, but girls don't like guys with no friends. She still talks to me so I think she thinks of me as a joke to tell her friends. Why must she be so cruel to such a loser as me?

I wish I knew why, I feel like I am personifying "Why Bother" by Weezer. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, I hope my soul holds out till wrestling season so I can let out my anger and not be called a spaz. Which is a very unfitting description because I have the patience of a hindu cow. You don't piss me off, and if not needed I sit silently for hours. Maybe it's because I don't fit into the traditional sense of cliché cliques. I don't care any way why should I?

Why bother? It gonna hurt me

Its gonna kill when you dissert me.

This happened to me twice before,

Isn't gonna happen any more!

Sometimes when I'm lost I relate my life to music its something that I do, thegirl I was talking about her name is Aleka, when ever I talk to her I feel like im part of the song Float on by modest mouse, but that doesn't matter I know that she doesn't like me at all.

I know it was short a discombobulated its supposed to be, its part of Aiden's character, and if you complain about his raging self doubt, his lack of love, or any other character flaw, I might hunt you down and rip your fingernails off and go Iraqi prison on your ass (There will be the double shot). If you just say the story sucks which it probably does I won't do anything. Also most of the remaining story won't be told by diary, because that would just be me copying The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and I don't want to do that.