Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Black & White Heart ❯ What He Wanted ( Chapter 25 )

Chapter 25: What He Wanted

He's everything you want,

He's everything you need,

He's everything inside of you

That you wish you could be.

He says all the right things,

At exactly the right time,

But he means nothing to you

And you don't know why.

Everything You Want - by Vertical Horizon.

------

"What?" Yuki asked quietly, as Haru sat up away from him at the edge of the bed.

The atmosphere had suddenly become very serious, and Yuki didn't like it. Haru was looking far too solemn for someone who just a second ago was attacking him. But he had no time to think about what he had just remembered saying to Haru last night, something was wrong, something wasn't right, and what did he mean 'Tell you everything?'. The thought that Haru had come to live with them for a reason had only flitted across his mind a couple of times, but he'd never really thought about it. Haru had been so happy over the past week, it surely couldn't have been anything bad.

…Right?

"Haru? What's wrong? What's going on?"

Haru could feel his own heart beating faster as the nervousness kicked in. Was he really going to tell Yuki what had happened? Why he was here? Why he had wanted to do nothing but stay close to him? Haru tried to calm himself by putting on a faint smile.

Yes, Yuki had said he loved him, he could tell him now.

"I didn't just move in with you just like that, there was a reason….I guess it's time I told you."

Yuki sat up from the bed and sat opposite Haru on the second bed, so he could see straight at his face what was going on. Haru however simply looked down at the floor, avoiding his questioning gaze.

"It was Akito," Yuki's eye rose worryingly at that name, "And…and something I did…something that…" Haru paused as he willed himself to remember the day he had deliberately blocked from his mind,

"Something that I'll never forgive myself for."

The look on Haru's face, it made Yuki feel like his own heart was breaking. What on earth was going on? What was Haru going to tell him?

"My Black personality, you of course know the story about, the whole vending with training, with Kyo and stuff like that, but it didn't work. When I met you of course that all changed, but there was something else that changed as well. It was this strange feeling directed at Akito…whenever he was around you."

{{{{ Where's Yuki gone? Haru pondered to himself, wandering around the Main House looking for his favourite zodiac member. He had just come back from training and wanted to tell Yuki he'd managed to kick Kyo into a tree, he'd like that. Turning round one corner, he saw Yuki standing at the end of the corridor, staring through a window. Smiling and walking quickly towards him, he suddenly stopped when Akito walked up behind Yuki, placing one hand delicately on his shoulder. Ducking into an open door, Haru watched as Akito said something to Yuki, who didn't move to look at him and continued to stare out the window. He couldn't hear what Akito was saying, but Haru's eyes darkened when he traced one finger down Yuki's arm. He could see Yuki flinch slightly at the touch, and he gritted his teeth.

"Keep walking…" Haru growled quietly, before Akito whispered something in Yuki's ear and finally walked away, letting his hand stay on Yuki's arm until he walked out of reach. }}}}

"I didn't know why at the time, I'd never really paid that much attention to Akito before, he didn't seem to be too interested in me as long as I stayed in the Sohma estate like everyone else. But every time he was around you…the way he looked at you…it was like I could feel my blood start to boil, getting hotter every time I was around him. I began to hate him, I didn't even know why. After a while I began to see a pattern, that every time you ever came round to me, I would see Akito walking the hallways with this sickening little smile on his face. Then every time you looked at him you would look so terrified." Haru paused, still not looking at the very concerned Yuki in front of him,

"So I just put two and two together and came up with the biggest mistake of my life."

"Stop it." Yuki suddenly stated, making Haru finally look up at him. Yuki was sitting right at the very end of the bed, his eyes shining in the candlelight, "Whatever you're trying to tell me, don't." Yuki had never seen Haru act like this, he could see it was causing him great pain to explain what had happened, and he didn't like that expression on Haru.

But Haru ignored him, there was no way he was going to stop now he had started.

"I can't. A part of me knew I couldn't go up against the head of the family, which is why I managed to keep control over it, but every time I saw Akito it just got pent up so much I couldn't stand it. That day when he came to the school to talk to Tohru, I was watching when he turned to you. I can tell you now, if Tohru hadn't had pushed Akito that day…" Haru narrowed his eyes at the memory, the look Akito had caused on Yuki's face, "I would have killed him there and then. For quite a while after I desperately tried to keep away from him at the Estate, because I knew that this time I couldn't trust myself not to do anything…" Haru peered over at the red and white roses in the corner, as another flash of lighting from the storm outside illuminated the room for a moment.

"Unfortunately that didn't work."

{{{{ "Haru I have to see Mashiro before I go to work so I'm having to leave a little earlier, do you want a lift to school?" said Haru's father, grabbing his wallet and Swiss Army Knife he got for his birthday last month and putting them in the pocket of his jacket.

"Yeah, thanks."

Haru grabbed a can of drink from the fridge and grabbed his school bag, running up behind his father as they walked out the front door. Mashiro, Momiji's father, and his own, were in the same line of business and quite frequently had little meetings and chat's about the market and profit lines. Stepping into the deep blue Suzuki, they drove the short distance over to his home.

"I shouldn't be long."

Haru nodded as his father pulled up outside and stepped out the car. As he waited, he became fascinated by a leaf that had got caught in a current of breeze and was swirling round and round in the same spot of air. Suddenly the car door opened and his father stepped back inside.

"Over at Hatori's apparently." }}}}

"One week last Thursday, that day I didn't turn up at school, my father needed to see Momiji's dad over at Hatori's so he was going to give me a lift to school on his way to work. As he talked with him, I just wandered down one of the hallways to waste time when I heard Akito through one of the doors. He was just sitting there talking to one of his birds, I'm not even sure he realised that I was there."

Yuki watched with very anxious eyes.

What had Akito done?

He had to have done something, Haru…he looked like he was about to burst into tears. Suddenly Haru brought his hands to his face, clenching his fingers against his eyes in a vain attempt to stop the tears that really were coming. At this gesture Yuki leapt straight of the bed and knelt down in front of Haru, half concerned and half horrified eyes as he put his hands on Haru's shoulders.

"What he…what he wanted to do to you…he just…" Haru clenched his eyes shut, wanting to block out the memory, "I…I couldn't stop…if I…" he chocked through sobs, as Yuki felt his body begin to shake under his hands, "If I'd just walked away I wouldn't have…"

Panic wasn't a strong enough word for this. Something was seriously wrong, and Yuki wasn't sure, with the state that Haru was putting himself in, whether he really wanted to know.

"Haru, Haru calm down." He tried to say steadily, but coming off just as nervous.

Haru's emotions could change so quickly, it was quite surreal sometimes, but seeing Haru like this made Yuki both angry and terrified at the same time. Terrified because, what had happened to him must be so hurtful to try and explain, and angry because whatever it was, Akito was obviously something to do with it, and knowing that he had hurt Haru one way or another made him want to hurt Akito right back.

Haru, hands still shielding his face, took a deep breath and went silent for a moment. Yuki released the grip on his shoulders and sat back against his heels, just kneeling on the floor looking up at Haru, who had now turned his head away so Yuki didn't have to see the wet tear tracks on his cheeks. He didn't want to break down like this, it was the last thing he had wanted to do, but he never realised explaining this to someone could be so hard, having to remember in detail what happened for a second time had just overwhelmed him. He had to tell Yuki, he had too. Maybe he would feel better afterwards. Taking another breath, Haru continued with his story.

{{{{ Slipping down the wall, Haru sat on the ground, eyes wide staring at the wall across from him. Akito, what…what was he saying? Wasn't he cruel enough to Yuki already? Why did he have to say these things? These…disturbing things?

"…he'd like that wouldn't he?" Akito continued his one-sided conversation with the tiny sparrow sitting on his window ledge, pecking away at random patches unable to understand what Akito was speaking to it.

For its own mental stability, it was lucky it couldn't understand.

Haru however wasn't as fortunate, and above the faint murmur of his father talking further down the corridor in a room, all he could hear was Akito. Akito, and a certain name being repeated on his lips over and over again, a name that Haru did not want to hear coming from that…that monster of a human being. Haru stayed balanced on his feet as he crouched by the door, his fists closed shut tight at Akito's words.

"And that Ox, what an idiot." Haru's ears perked up at his zodiac form being mentioned, "I wonder what he would do, silly child." The sparrow hopped innocently over to Akito's arm draped over the window sill, and fluttered over it to the other side. "He'll never know how much fun Yuki can be, when he can do nothing but do as you tell him to."

Haru bit his bottom lip in an attempt to stop this surging feeling he had inside him. He should get up and walk away, then he wouldn't have to listen to this. As much as he HATED the fucking bastard, he was still the head of the family, he was sti--. Haru stopped his train of thought and opened his eyes, he never swore in his white personality…never.

Unless… }}}}

"…I couldn't…I couldn't stop myself…"

{{{{ "Especially when he does what you want him to do…" Akito continued mysteriously, until he turned swiftly when his door slid back harshly to see Haru standing in the door way, looking just about ready to murder someone.

Or Akito more specifically.

His eyes seemed to flash on the verge of an insane anger. It was both his Black and White personality that wanted to make him suffer for wanting to hurt Yuki, so it was twice as bad. It was the first time his two personalities were agreeing with each other, and the anger that surged through him was so intense, it was like he was a completely different person altogether. Without saying a word Haru suddenly rushed at Akito, throwing him back against the wall gripping his thin arms so tightly his finger nails dug straight into his skin.

"HATORI!" Akito screamed, having no match against this Haru, but the pleas fell upon deaf ears as the only phrase repeating over and over again in Haru's mind was to kill him, kill him,

KILL HIM!!!! }}}}

"I turned on him." Haru said, disturbingly quiet as he stared at the floor to the right of Yuki, "The hold I had kept on myself saying he was the head of the family just didn't seem to be important anymore. I don't actually remember that much about what I did, I just remember thinking over and over again that I wanted to kill him, and I was deadly serious." Haru looked down at his hands, his eyes narrowing sadly, "But the part I remember after that, I…" his breathing as slowed, almost as if he was in a trance at the memory, "I…"

{{{{ "HARU!!"

Haru's father had raced into Akito's room when he heard the screaming, only to come face to face with his own son attacking the head of the family.

"HARU! NO!"

Running up behind him, he grabbed Haru from behind and tried to pull him off Akito, holding the frantic boy against his chest as he yanked at Akito's clothes, hair, anything he could get his hands on, his eyes ablaze with rage! This was a kind of fury no one had ever seen in Haru, or probably even Haru himself had felt. No matter how strong his father was, he could barely keep the hysterical Haru away, lurching forward to hit Akito as many times as he could, shattering cries and words at how he could possibly be thinking of doing those things to Yuki, you ignorant, perverted,

"SICK FUCKING BASTARD!!!!"

Akito was in no condition for fighting back, and was being thrown about like a rag doll trying to cower away from the pain with his arms. But it was here when he suddenly noticed something shiny out the corner of his eye, and as Haru lunged for him again, Akito quickly grabbed what was on the floor and held it out in front of him in defense.

"HARU THAT'S ENOU-"

Suddenly, the chaos that had filled the room subsided. The screams and cries of pain and anger, vanished. Everyone was still. Everyone was silent. Haru stood over a kneeling Akito, his father still holding him back against his chest, arms tightly wrapped around him trying to pull him away. The insane anger in Haru's eyes disappeared as quickly as it came. Something…something was warm by his ribs, something…that was spreading. He slowly looked down to left side, where he saw Akito's hand just passed him, holding the handle of something he couldn't see, where a sickening red blood was seeping onto his shirt. And as if that was worrying enough, the terrifying thing was…

Is that it wasn't his own.

He didn't need to turn around….

He didn't need to look…

Slowly, he felt the his fathers arms slip away from him, the warmth on his back fall away, and a dead thump on the ground behind him. Akito let his arm fall limp from the air, his own hand covered in the blood, the Swiss Army Knife that had fallen out of the jacket pocket of Haru's father having been spotted on the ground, embedded in the chest of the very same person, the person he hadn't been aiming for. Akito staggered up from the ground, fell backwards a few steps and fell against the wall, sliding back down to the ground.

Haru stayed standing exactly where he was, staring down at Akito, his eyes glazed staring more through him then at him. His breathing was slow, his heart beat was slow, he didn't want to turn around, he didn't want to see, he couldn't…there was no way that…

"What's going on?"

Mashiro wandered through the door and grabbed on to the door frame in horror. He ran immediately to Haru's father, but whatever he was frantically saying to them all, Haru didn't hear.

He stared, unmoving, practically not breathing, as he came down off the adrenaline rush and entered the shock and unbelievingly truth of what he had just caused. Without moving his wide and traumatised eyes, he raised his arm to touch the warm blood on his shirt, clenching the cloth.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!! YOUR FAULT!!! I'VE DONE NOTHING!! IF YOU HADN'T ATTACKED ME THIS WOUDLN'T HAVE HAPPENED! YOUR FAULT!! YOU CAN'T BLAME ME!! YOU KILLED HIM I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

Killed? Did he…

Haru finally turned around, looking down at Mashiro who was sitting on the floor, one leg bent and his head resting on his arm on his knee, looking shaken down at the still body of his father on the floor.

Knife.

Blood.

He…he had…

"YOU KILLED HIM!"

And Haru ran. }}}}

Yuki at this point, had to sit back against the bed on the floor, unable to even think for a moment at what Haru had just told him. This, this was completely unbelievable! How could this have happened?! And Haru! He had been so happy this whole week, what the hell was going on!? Yuki looked back up at Haru, who was now holding his head in his hands. His eyes went wide for a minute when he realised what Haru must have been thinking, so swiftly sat back on the bed next to Haru and brought him round to hug him.

"Don't you dare Haru, that isn't your fault, you should know better than to believe anything Ak…he says." Yuki didn't want to say Akito's name in front Haru now, nor ever again. Yuki had first hand knowledge of the mind games Akito could play on people, he wasn't going to let Haru fall into his traps.

"Don't worry." Haru whispered, so faintly Yuki could barely hear it, "I know better than that, I know what he's like, it was just the shock, that's why I ran. It doesn't matter what he says, even if I did start the fight, it was still Akito who picked up the knife, it wasn't my fault…it wasn't my fault…it wasn't…my fault…"

"Haru STOP IT!" Yuki said forcefully. He knew that tone of voice all to well; Haru didn't believe himself when saying that, he was just trying to convince himself so it didn't hurt so much, "It was NOT your fault!" Yuki forced Haru's hands away from his face and looked at him straight in the eye, "It wasn't your fault." He said softer, but just as stern.

Haru looked at him through tear blurred eyes, as Yuki used his thumb to wipe away the tears that just seemed to fall freely now. Slowly, Haru leant forward and rested his forehead on Yuki's shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut as Yuki wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly as he cried into his shoulder, letting the emotions he had kept hidden deep down for over a week finally let loose.

Yuki didn't know what to do. All he did know was that he didn't want to let Haru go. The pain he must have been going through this week, and he didn't see it! He didn't pick up on it!! He was with him every possible free second of the day and he didn't see how much he was suffering!! Yuki found himself furious at his own lack of pure ignorance, and the more Haru clung to him, the more he found himself wondering just how much Haru really did love him. This whole week, all he seemed to want to do was to be with him, every moment of free time Yuki would find Haru along side him. At school, at home, walking to school, anywhere, and that's when he looked happy. It was then another thought entered his mind, what about Haru's mother?! She must be mortified at what had happened and!.....

…and why hasn't Haru spoken to her since?

Haru clung to Yuki like a life beacon, he couldn't let go of him, he couldn't let go, being this close right now, it's what he needed. Even after hearing that horrible story, Yuki didn't blame him, and to hear that from Yuki of all people, it was all he needed to believe it himself. It wasn't his fault, if Yuki said it wasn't his fault, then it had to be true. A part of him felt a little lighter, but unfortunately there was still more to come. The tears for the moment had stopped, and he needed to tell Yuki the rest of what happened.

"It's…that's not the end of my little story," Haru said attempting to make it light hearted, but failing rather miserably.

Yuki simply hugged him closer and rested his chin on Haru's head, he didn't want him to see the fact that the pain this was causing Haru, was causing Yuki pain too. He could feel the tears at the corners of his eyes, tears for Haru, tears that showed he cared a lot than he had been putting off this week. For some reason, during Haru's confession of what had happened, the confusion over his feelings for him suddenly didn't seem to matter. It was becoming clearer, but for the moment he wouldn't ponder that, he needed to be here for Haru and Haru alone.

"When my mother found out what had happen, she just…lost herself. She couldn't stop screaming, the whole morning and afternoon I sat there with her. She screamed, I just stared at the wall. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what to think, I think I was just in some kind of shocked trance because the time just flied by. I know Mashiro was there trying to calm her down, but in the end, all he could was just be there to make sure she didn't harm herself, and just let her scream, just let her…let her scream at me."

Yuki eyes widened. After what he had just gone through was his mother blaming him as well?

"I remember when she finally stopped screaming, she turned to me and just…just stared at me, almost as if she was wondering why I was there. I remember…I watched her walk into the Kitchen…and the next thing I knew was seeing Mashiro holding her back, she was struggled with tears streaming down her face stabbing at the air with a knife trying to get to me."

Yuki couldn't hold it in anymore, and let the silent tears fall down, dripping off his cheeks on Haru's hair as he hugged him closer.

"She'd lost her mind, what with me being…what I am, then with this happening and unable to do anything about because of what Akito was, it was like the only way to make her feel better was to get rid of me. As she started screaming again, I saw Hatori walk in the room, having dealt with…Akito, I'm presuming. I knew what Hatori was doing when he walked in front of her, grabbing her hand that held the knife to stop it, and holding his other hand up to her forehead. This whole time I just sat on a chair, staring up at my mother screaming how much she hated me, when suddenly, she went quiet. She dropped the knife and slumped down to the floor."

Yuki didn't need to ask why Haru hadn't spoken to his mother anymore.

"He had erased the memory of my dad, for her own sake, but to do that I had to leave her memory too, or I think she might wonder why there was a boy wandering around her house when she had never had a husband."

Haru went silent for a moment, his eyes closed more peacefully then before under Yuki's chin, feeling a little more relaxed. He felt sleepy now, so warm in Yuki's arms, he was tired, but he needed to finish first.

"So, I left. There was no way I was going to stay in the Estate for another second longer. Mashiro said he would help me out money wise so I could find my own place, but I still wasn't sure what to do, so I decided to go to Shigure to ask for his advice as he lives outside. I didn't have to tell him why I was moving; I just needed a couple of questions that was all. When I arrived there though, it would seem Hatori had already guessed what I was going to do, because the second I arrived Shigure…" Haru smiled sleepily against Yuki's chest, "He hugged me. He said I didn't have to say anything, but he knew what had happened. I thought I'd be angry that Hatori had told him, but to be honest, I was glad. I didn't have to hide anything, so I could ask him things properly; I wouldn't have to act fake and happy in front of him."

"But you were fake and happy in front of me weren't you?" Yuki suddenly asked, amazed at how strong Haru really was.

"No," Haru said softly, "I never acted happy in front of you, I was happy. I think…I think Shigure knew that, which was why he said I could live with him, and you. So while he made plans for everything, I went over to Mashiro's and stayed the night there. Not that I could sleep, but when I got up the next morning to go to school, he asked me why I was going, how could I possibly think of school when it had barely been 24 hours since…what had happened. But I said to him that it wasn't school I was thinking of…it was the fact that I could be with you."

-- "You know," pondered Tohru, "Haru has been acting very affectionately today, I wonder if something's happened? He hasn't stopped wanting to hug you all day."

Yes, that Friday when he came back, Haru hadn't stopped hugging him all day, and then when they came home they found him sitting there with Shigure, announcing he was going to live with them. Was…was he really the reason Haru was able to cope with this for so long? Just by being near him? Was he really the reason?

"It's you who makes me happy Yuki. Even something as tragic as that, seeing you just makes me smile again." Haru smiled sleepily against Yuki's chest, "I love you Yuki…I don't know what else I can say to you, I love you. I love you so much all I want to do is be with you like this."

Yuki could feel his own breathing becoming uneven as he tried to fight back against the tears. He closed his eyes tightly shut and bit his bottom lip. He was fighting this feeling again, this confusion that he suddenly realised…

…actually wasn't there anymore.

Two boys.

Two relatives.

It was the same excuse every…single…time.

Two people.

Two hearts.

In love.

…..what was wrong with that? Why is it wrong? It's not wrong. It was right! It was alright to love Haru back! Who cares about principles of the world, wasn't it the principle of the heart that matter the most? It was okay to love Haru, it was okay to say he loved him. He did, he loved him!! All those times he was with him ever since that first day, all the times he was feeling so depressed, and one look at Haru and he'd feel happy again. All the times he had seeked him out thinking it was just someone else's company he needed, it wasn't that at all! The only reason he always searched out for Haru was because Haru was the only person in this whole world to make him feel human, to make him feel loved, like he wasn't the waste of space on this planet Akito had always made him feel!

The confusion was gone, and the battleground in Yuki's heart stopped as this feeling trying to get through burst forward, flooding every inch of him with a happiness and contentment he had never felt before. He put his hands on Haru's shoulders and gently pushed him away from his chest, and as Haru looked up at him wondering why,

Yuki kissed him.

One hand through his hair, the other on Haru's hand on the bed, Yuki closed his eyes for the first time since they had first kissed. He had finally realised, he knew what this feeling was, he knew what he wanted….

He wanted Haru.

To be continued…