Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Ebony and Ivory ❯ Of Ends and Means ( Chapter 37 )

CHAPTER 37: Of Ends and Means

 

Yuki woke up slowly. He didn't want to get up. His lungs hurt more than they had the day before. He wondered what had happened. Had he had an attack? Was that why he had had such a strange dream? What had it been about? Akito… Kyo's bracelet… his true form… I failed, and Kyo hugged me. His greatest fear and his greatest wish, in one dream. It had seemed so real, though. He had been able to smell, and feel, and he actually had been in pain. He was in pain now.

 

Yuki sighed. Today he would go back to the Main House. And he would probably never see Kyo again. He would never be able to hug Kyo. He had to let that go. He would never see Kyo smile at him again. He would never spar with Kyo. Come on, Yuki. You have to get up. You have to go. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

 

“Hatori?” Yuki murmured.

 

“Akito called him back to the Main House,” said Kyo's voice.

 

Yuki opened his eyes at once. “Kyo?” How was it possible to feel so much joy and so much pain in the same moment, just by hearing someone's voice? Oh no. Something had happened and Yuki could feel again. What? He closed his eyes. I thought I said I didn't want to see him again. Yuki couldn't tell him to go away now. Besides, it didn't matter anymore.

 

“He'll probably be back this afternoon or evening,” Kyo was saying. He grinned. “Until then I'm under strict orders to stay with you and make sure you don't do anything stupid. Do you want to sit up?” Why on earth did he suddenly look so happy? Like nothing had happened.

 

“Um… yes.” Why am I so tired that I can't sit up? Wait… letting Kyo help involved Kyo touching him and… but before he could reconsider, Kyo had helped him sit up and lean against some pillows, and had given him a hug in the process. Yuki was so startled that he could barely think. He knew he was supposed to push Kyo away, or at least freeze, but Kyo had already let go and sat down in the chair beside his bed before Yuki recovered from the shock. What had Kyo said? Hatori had left without him?

 

“He… left? Why…” He looked around the room, confused and slightly panicked. The suitcase was gone. “Did he… take my suitcase with him?”

 

“No, Tohru unpacked it for you.”

 

“What?” Honda-san too?

 

Kyo frowned. “Yuki, you're not still going back to the Main House, are you?”

 

Yuki looked at him, wondering why he wouldn't still be going back to the Main House, and then felt his eyes widen as a horrible thought struck him. What if it was true? Did Akito…? Was Kyo wearing the bracelet? Yuki was afraid to look.

 

“Yuki-nii, are you okay?”

 

Yuki closed his eyes, then opened them, then looked. Gone. “It wasn't a dream,” he whispered.

 

“What?”

 

Yuki pressed his lips together. “I'm sorry.”

 

“Wha… why? I mean… Yuki…” Kyo sounded slightly panicked.

 

Yuki leaned his forehead against his hand. How did it go wrong?

 

“Yuki, what's wrong?” Kyo sat on the bed in front of Yuki and touched his shoulder. “Why are you upset?”

 

Yuki looked up at him. “Why aren't you?”

 

Kyo blinked. “What do you mean?” He smiled. “You said you don't hate me. Why on earth would that make me upset?”

 

He really has a one-track mind, doesn't he? “But the bracelet…”

 

“Oh, that.”

 

“`Oh, that'? You don't even care?”

 

“Yeah, I care. But you don't need to beat yourself up over it. It's not your fault.”

 

“Yes it is, because…”

 

“Yuki, were you the one who took my bracelet?”

 

Yuki opened his mouth to answer, then closed it. “But…”

 

“But nothing. You don't hate me, right?”

 

Yuki hesitated for a second. “Right.” He blinked a few times. “Sorry. This is weird.”

 

“Weird? This is the first time in two months that you've acted normal.”

 

“But…” Yuki leaned back against the pillows. I failed. I failed him. “I…” And I hurt him, and it was all for nothing. He put a hand to his forehead.

 

Kyo got off the bed, and sat back in a chair. After a moment, Yuki looked at him. He looked confused, and hurt, and disappointed. Then Yuki remembered his hug. His smile. “Kyo?”

 

“Was I wrong?” Kyo asked softly. “You… you really don't want to be friends? I thought… you said that…”

 

Yuki's eyes widened. “No… I mean, yes, I do, I… I just…”

 

Kyo smiled again, tentatively. “Then why are you so upset?”

 

“I…” Yuki looked down. “Because I failed you. It… it's a long story.” He sighed. His breathing hurt.

 

“Yuki, if you're worried about the bracelet, I'll get it back.”

 

“He said he'd keep it.”

 

“It'll be okay. So far it hasn't been too much of a problem, since I've been in this form since yesterday night. And yeah, I'm a little worried, but I can handle it. I'll worry about it later. What I'm most concerned about now… is whether I have you back.”

 

Yuki looked up at him. A slow realization came to him. That's right. I can like him now! I can be his friend! Yuki's eyes were wide. He was afraid to believe it was true. “You still want me back?”

 

“Yuki, for the last month you've acted like you hated me. The least you can do now is by my friend again. Don't you like me still?”

 

Yuki tentatively began to smile. “Yes.” He felt his smile grow. Kamis, it felt good. “Yes, yes, yes! I like you. I like you and I want to be your friend… Kyo-nii.”

 

Kyo was beaming. “Good. That's settled.” He sat on the bed again, next to Yuki, and wrapped an arm closely around him. Yuki hugged him tightly for a moment, and then let go and only leaned against him, eyes closed, relishing the feeling of being touched. He had pushed people away for so long, afraid any touch would make him lose his will. “Hey, don't fall asleep,” Kyo said, giving him a gentle shake. “I want an explanation, you know.”

 

Yuki blinked, and looked up. “What?”

 

Kyo raised an eyebrow. “For the last two months? An explanation. I feel like I've been playing a crazy game without any rules. I want to know what the rules were, and whether I won.”

 

Yuki laughed, startling himself. Kyo beamed. Yuki realized that he hadn't laughed once since Akito had told him he had to hate Kyo. This brought him back again to the realization that he had failed. His smile faded. “I'm really sorry.”

 

“Okay. I get it. You're sorry. But I still want an explanation. Do you feel well enough to talk for a while? Because I'd rather wait until you can give it to me all at once.”

 

Yuki's lungs already ached, and his breath felt raspy. “I don't think I'll be able to talk for too much longer. Besides, it seems like you already know a lot. Why don't you tell me what you know, and then later when I'm feeling better, I'll fill in the gaps.”

 

Kyo thought for a minute. “Well I guess I don't really know anything. There was a lot of guesswork. But I talked to Saito-san. He showed me your letter.”

 

Yuki slapped his forehead. “Oh gosh. I didn't even think of that.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“That you might see the letter, and that would give it away…”

 

Kyo let go of him slightly so that he could look Yuki straight in the eyes. “Yuki, I want you to stop being disappointed that I found out you don't hate me right now.”

 

Yuki felt strange having Kyo so close to him, but he didn't pull away. “No, I'm glad of that, just not…”

 

“No more being disappointed.”

 

“I failed…”

 

“Stop.”

 

Yuki sighed. “Okay, you read my letter to Saito and then what?”

 

Kyo settled back again, his arm still around Yuki's shoulders. “Well before that was your asthma attack, which… well, I wasn't entirely honest with you. You called me Kyo-nii, and you were acting all normal again, and I thought that was weird, because… well, just because. So then I talked to Saito—um, I bumped into him at the park—and found out from him that you'd been caught, which you never told me.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“Yeah, so anyway, we talked for a while, and agreed that something was up, and I thought you were protecting Tohru somehow.”

 

“Honda-san?”

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I know it wasn't her. I'm not going there right now.” He pressed his lips together for a moment. Was he angry? “But anyway, then I was thinking about it, and thinking that it was weird how you never seemed to want me to leave when I came when you were sick…” Yuki mentally kicked himself, and put his face in one of his hands. “Yuki, stop.” Yuki sat up again. “And then you told Hatori that I couldn't be your friend, instead of that you didn't want me to. But what really clinched it was the letter.”

 

“Letter?”

 

“The letter I wrote you, that you threw away. I found it in your garden box.”

 

“What were you doing in my garden box?” Yuki asked angrily, all the while wishing he had a stick to beat himself with.

 

Kyo folded his arms. “Well, obviously I thought my letter might be in it.”

 

“Why did you…” Yuki sighed. “Was I that obvious?”

 

“Stop being upset about it!” Kyo said, throwing up his hands. “I'm not upset.”

 

“But Akito took the bracelet…”

 

“Yuki-nii, I'm not worrying about the bracelet right now. So you don't worry about it either, okay? I don't want to have to say it again.”

 

“Okay,” Yuki whispered.

 

“Smile.” Yuki smiled wanly. “Well I was thinking a real smile, but I guess it's better than nothing.” Kyo sighed. “So anyway, that's all I really found out, but there was a lot I guessed at because of that. Come to think of it, I really didn't have all that much to go on. But I was kind of desperate to reach that particular conclusion.” He smiled at Yuki and put a hand on his shoulder. “So really, it's my fault I found out, not yours. I happen to be a better detective than you thought I would be, and I had Saito on my side.”

 

“Still…”

 

“Yuki, believe me, you played your part well. Too well.” Kyo winced, as though feeling the sting of an old wound. “But anyway, when Akito told me that he was teaching you a lesson, I realized that he was punishing you by taking my bracelet, and then things sort of came together. And then you said you didn't hate me, which confirmed it. But still, I'd like to know exactly what happened.”

 

Yuki sighed. “Do you think… I could rest for a while first? So that I'm not as sick, and so I can get my thoughts together? Because… because this…”

 

Kyo sat close to him again and put an arm around him, almost hugging him. “Okay. Get some rest. I'll get you some food, okay?”

 

Tears instantly came to Yuki's eyes. He's such a good friend. All this time he stayed loyal to me, no matter what I did… and I failed him. “Kyo-nii, please let me say I'm sorry.”

 

“Yuki, you did it because you cared, ne? You were going to go back to the Main House to hide it. That's a pretty big thing, right? You… I mean… I'm not going to say it didn't hurt… or that I'm completely okay, but… and Yuki, you definitely shouldn't be upset that I found out. I haven't been this happy in months.”

 

“But your bracelet…”

 

“So I keep out of the rain and keep my temper under control. Are you afraid of me when I don't have the bracelet?”

 

“I… I don't… it's not because of that, it's just that…”

 

“Okay, then. No problem. I'll get it back somehow. In the meantime, get some rest so you can give me an explanation. And get better, so we can spar again.”

 

Yuki smiled, a real smile this time. “Okay.”

 

“I'll be right back.” He gently clapped Yuki on the back, and went to get him some breakfast.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 

Kyo stayed in Yuki's room the entire day, only leaving to get meals to bring upstairs, or to use the bathroom. He did his homework while Yuki slept. He couldn't help it. He wanted desperately to be near Yuki. And it was so, so good to see Yuki like this. He kept beating himself up over everything, but the light was back in his eyes, at least to some extent. And he was acting semi-normal. And he liked Kyo, and wanted to be Kyo's friend. Kyo wouldn't leave him for anything.

 

He looked over at Yuki and watched him sleep for a few minutes. Yuki looked calmer now, not nearly as white, or maybe it was Kyo's imagination. The tiger lilies beside him had fully bloomed, and one or two were beginning to lose their petals. As Kyo watched, one came lose and landed in Yuki's hair, and stayed there. Kyo smiled, not really knowing why.

 

He glanced at his wrist, thoughtfully. What am I going to do? He sighed. He had never had to deal with losing his bracelet before. It felt very odd to be in his human form without the bracelet. Always before, the bracelet had been given back to him as soon as he turned back. He felt naked without it. And scared.

 

“Kyo-kun?” Tohru stood at the door.

 

Kyo smiled at her. “Hi.”

 

She smiled and came in, pulling up another chair. “I… I wanted you to know… that when I didn't go after you last night, it wasn't because I was scared. It was because Shigure-san told me that Yuki-kun needed to find you, and…”

 

Kyo patted her on the head. “It's fine. I know. And he was right. It really was just between Yuki and me.”

 

Tohru sighed, relieved. “So… how are things now?”

 

“He wants to be friends again,” Kyo said. He blinked back the moisture that came to his eyes out of nowhere. He was so emotional these days. It was irritating.

 

“That's wonderful!”

 

Kyo nodded, again annoyed at how emotional he felt. He wasn't sure what was going on, but just to look at Yuki and see the hatred gone and the acceptance back, and everything Kyo had desperately wished for over the last month and a half come true… it was enough to make anyone feel a little soft. And Kyo didn't really feel mushy. Just happy. He wished Yuki would stop beating himself up, though. I wouldn't mind as much if he didn't seem to be beating himself up more for the fact that it's over. Isn't that a little weird?

 

Kyo tried to think about it from Yuki's perspective. “It was probably pretty hard to do,” he said to Tohru. “And it obviously was hard on him. He…” No, Tohru didn't need to know that Yuki was crying. “He seemed like… it had been painful. He didn't want to do it.”

 

“His biggest fear was that you would find out.”

 

Kyo sighed. “I guess if I'd spent the last seven weeks telling myself that the worst thing in the world was that whoever I was trying to hide something from would find out, then that would probably be what I was the most freaked out about. But it's like… that's what's bothering him, not as much that he kept hurting me. Like the ends justify the means, and it's the ends he's not satisfied with. I don't think he wanted to hurt me, but still…” He paused, thinking. “I wonder if there's an explanation for that, too.”

 

He looked again at his wrist. “You know… it's kind of weird… not having it. Like leaving all your doors wide open when there's a wild animal, or violent criminal around. I…” He frowned. Then he shivered. “I wonder if… he knew that. And that's why he did it. But still… I mean, it's not like he needed to protect me. It's not like I'm a girl.” Kyo was still irked at this, but held his anger down. If he got too angry, he might transform. Besides, the last thing Yuki needed right now was anger.

 

“But Kyo-kun… he didn't know what else to do. If you had been in his place, and if it were Yuki-kun… and if Akito-san had threatened to hurt Yuki if you hadn't done something you hated… wouldn't you have done the same?”

 

Kyo sighed. “That's not the point.”

 

Tohru smiled. “Yes it is, Kyo-kun.”

 

“No one but Yuki could have done that. Maybe Hatori. It kind of scares me… that he could be like that, and it was just acting. I mean… I know I couldn't do that. I couldn't even pretend to hate him when I thought I actually did.”

 

“That's because Kyo-kun is Kyo-kun and Yuki-kun is Yuki-kun.”

 

“Yeah, well right now Yuki-kun is scaring me. I mean, can you imagine? If he never stopped liking me… if he liked me all the time just as much as he did at the beginning… I mean, Tohru, imagine pretending to hate Kisa.”

 

Tohru's eyes widened slightly. “He must be very good at hiding his feelings.”

 

“Hiding's one thing. Acting completely different is another. It's like… how can a person be like that? That's why I keep wondering… what if it wasn't all fake? I mean, he said it was, and I believe him, I guess, but… I can't understand how it's possible to treat someone like that when you like them, even if it's for a good cause. And I don't agree with him that the ends justify the means.”

 

“But if you could do something like that, and Akito told you to for Yuki-kun, to keep Yuki-kun from getting hurt, would you?”

 

Kyo was silent for a long minute. “I don't know,” he said at last.