Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Ebony and Ivory ❯ Consistently and Intentionally ( Chapter 47 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket, which was written by Natsuki Takaya, or Frankenstein, which was written by Mary Shelly.

 

A/N: If my description of Frankenstein's monster doesn't quite sound like what you're used to, that's probably because you've only seen the movie and haven't read the book. In the book, he's just as intelligent as any other human being. (And he doesn't have screws in his head, either.)

 

A/N 2: I completely made up the Sohma family history, except for the part about Kazuma's grandfather. However, I think my ideas are reasonable.

 

A/N 3: I just realized that this chapter is kind of duel perspective. Sorry; it just kind of happened. You're smart. You can figure it out.

 

 

CHAPTER 47: Consistently and Intentionally

 

Kyo lay on the roof. He hadn't been up here by himself for a while. But he needed to think.

 

“Kyo-nii?”

 

Kyo turned. He winced slightly when he saw the bandages. Oh yeah. “Hi, Yuki-nii.” It had been two days since Akito had hit Yuki with a plate. Poor Yuki had been thronged by his fan club that first day. Kyo sighed. Another person got hurt because of me.

 

Yuki came and sat beside him. He was silent for a minute, looking at the stars. “Kyo, I don't want you to go.” He turned. “Please. It's not because I'm scared. But you're my best friend. I don't want to have to say goodbye.”

 

Kyo looked away. “Why are you saying `please'? It's not like I can do anything about it.”

 

“But you're not afraid of him.”

 

“What does that have to do with anything? I'm still the cat.”

 

“What do you mean?” Yuki asked. “He's the one who wants to lock you up. If you're not afraid of him, don't let him.”

 

Kyo sighed. “You don't get it.”

 

“What do you mean, I don't get it? Why are you letting him do this?”

 

“Yuki, the cat's always been locked up. It has nothing to do with Akito.”

 

“So you're letting yourself get locked up because it's tradition?” asked Yuki, sounding appalled.

 

Kyo didn't want to see the look on his face. He curled up a little, and hugged his knees.

 

“Kyo, I'm not going to lose you because it's traditional. That's ridiculous.”

 

“Yuki, the cat has to be locked up. Don't you get it?” He held up his left arm. “I've only got this keeping me from becoming a monster. Do you have any idea how easily this could get taken, or broken? Do you seriously think I could ever function as a normal member of society when I'm like this? Look what happened when Akito just took it for a little while.”

 

Yuki looked away. “You've managed to do it for the last thirteen years, haven't you? It's never gotten broken, or stolen by anyone but Akito. And even then it wasn't as much of a problem as we thought it would be.” He looked back at Kyo. “Do you think you're a monster, Kyo?”

 

Kyo cringed. No one had ever asked him that. Well, no, Akito had. And then there had been a correct answer. Of course he was a monster. He would never be anything but a monster. But Yuki… Yuki had said no. He had told Akito that he didn't think Kyo was a monster, even though he knew that the correct answer was that he did. Kyo was pretty sure that that had meant more to him than anything he had ever done had meant to Yuki. He sighed. “I don't know.”

 

“What is a monster?”

 

“Someone that causes others pain,” Kyo whispered.

 

Yuki paused. “I think there's more to it than that,” he said quietly. He looked out at the stars. “I think a monster is someone who causes others pain consistently and intentionally.” He looked at Kyo. “You don't do either of those.” He looked away again. “It's impossible to avoid causing others pain. We've all done it, probably even Honda-san at some point. We're human. Humans make mistakes. People hurt each other physically and emotionally, directly or indirectly. Does that make us all monsters?” He looked at Kyo. “Am I a monster because I hurt you?”

 

“Wha… no… of course not…”

 

“Then you aren't a monster either.”

 

Kyo looked away. “That's not right,” he said at last. “Frankenstein was a monster, wasn't he?”

 

“Frankenstein was the creator.”

 

“Whatever. The creature was a monster, wasn't he?”

 

“When did you ever read Frankenstein?”

 

“Just answer the question.”

 

Yuki sighed. He was silent for a long time. “I think it depends on the eye of the beholder,” he said at last, quietly. “When I read the book, I didn't see him as a monster until he vowed revenge on Frankenstein and started killing people because of it. But even then, it was hard to hate him. However… however, I don't believe the premise that society can make someone evil. At the same time, though… for people to see you and run away, screaming… that would be enough to make someone want to avoid human contact entirely. To run away. But you… Kyo, you haven't done that. You're open, and friendly, and… even when you were in your true form, you would let me come near you, and touch you.” He moved a little closer to Kyo.

 

“In some way,” Yuki continued softly, “I guess I'm Frankenstein. After all, the rat in the story is the reason why you're like this, even if he really doesn't have anything to do with me. And for a long time, you were like Frankenstein's monster. You wanted revenge. But you never intentionally hurt other people to hurt me, and that's important. And you didn't want to kill me—not after a while, at least. You just wanted to prove that you were better than me. And even then, you might not have been like that if people hadn't said you were supposed to hate me.

 

“I thought you were stupid for being like that—that's why I always called you a stupid cat. Because I thought you were stupid to just think of yourself as the cat. But now we're friends. You don't hate me for being the rat anymore. You're not clinging to the old legend like you used to. But you hate yourself for being the cat. You still think you're a monster. I don't understand. Why are you being a stupid cat again?”

 

Kyo sighed deeply. What Yuki said… it almost made sense. “But what about my true form, Yuki?”

 

“That doesn't make you a monster.” Yuki spoke with such simple sincerity that Kyo was struck silent for a minute.

 

“Then what does it make me?” he asked at last. “If I'm not a monster when I'm in my true form, then what am I?”

 

“My cousin, Kyo.”

 

“You can honestly say you look at me and see no difference?”

 

Yuki paused. By the time Kyo had gotten his bracelet back… he really hadn't been afraid of it anymore. He had been a little nervous when Kyo was in it, but more that he would say or do something that would hurt Kyo's feelings. “I can't say… there's no difference at all,” he said at last. “But… I'm not afraid anymore. It's more… I don't know how to act when you're like that, so I'm a little nervous… but not that you're going to hurt me, if that makes sense. More that I'll hurt you.”

 

Kyo stared at him. “Are you serious? You're… not scared anymore?”

 

Yuki smiled and shook his head.

 

“But I still look like a monster, Yuki. You can't deny that!”

 

“Looking like a monster doesn't mean you are one.” He looked at Kyo and wrapped an arm around him. “You weren't born a monster. And to your credit, you haven't let yourself become one. I… admire that.”

 

“Yuki…”

 

“No, listen,” Yuki said, letting go. “I know a lot about the history of the Sohma family. You know how I like history. And a lot of it is actually interesting. For instance, almost every ox has had a Black side. The teasing just triggered Haru's.”

 

“Really?” Kyo asked, looking at him. “So what's your point?”

 

“After I saw your true form for the first time, I looked into the history of the previous cats. I'm not really sure why. Do you want to know what most of them were like?”

 

Kyo considered. “Should I?”

 

“I think so.”

 

Kyo hesitated. “Okay.”

 

Yuki was quiet for a moment. He seemed to be choosing his words. “This might surprise you, but they weren't all guys. I think three were girls.”

 

“Really? Damn, I wouldn't wish this on a girl.”

 

Yuki smiled. “And you know, all of them except you hated the respective rat of their generation their entire lives.”

 

“Well, that's hardly a surprise.”

 

“No, it didn't surprise me either, until you were the exception. Anyway, most of them became bitter, regardless of their circumstances. They were angry at everyone, for everything, lashing out all the time. Several used their true forms against others.”

 

“What?!”

 

“I'm only telling you what I've heard. When they got too angry, they would take the bracelet off, and go on a rampage. They were monsters.”

 

Kyo hugged his knees slightly tighter. “Great family history I've got, huh?”

 

“But they weren't all like that,” Yuki continued, looking up at the stars. “Some were kind. Two, I think, fell in love. One of those was shihan's grandfather, by the way. When they were locked up, people would mourn, and many questioned the wisdom of such a practice. But even those cats… Kyo… you're the first cat who's ever controlled himself in his true form. You're the first who doesn't automatically go on a rampage when you're like that.” He looked at Kyo and smiled a little. “Do you see what I'm saying? Even the cats who weren't monsters… you're less of a monster than they were.”

 

Kyo looked down. His eyes fell on his bracelet. “I can't imagine using it against someone.”

 

“There were people possessed by the ox spirit who deliberately used their Black side against people, too. Few could ever control the beginning of it, though. Somehow… our generation seems to be changing things. Haru can control himself when he's Black. Not very well, I grant. But he can. And he can control the onset to some extent as well, or so he's told me. He's getting better at it too. And I'm the first rat who hasn't looked down on the cat for being the cat. Actually, a lot of the rats were pretty bad about that. However, I'm not the first who wanted to get away from the family, and didn't like the attention. There's almost always been a bond between the rat and the Jade Emperor. Interestingly, it was almost always a reluctant bond on the part of the rat.”

 

“Was the Jade Emperor always male?” (A/N: laughs up sleeve)

 

“I think so. The rat was usually female, though, so you can imagine how that worked out. It's kind of disturbing.”

 

Kyo was grinning. “The rat was usually female?”

 

“Shut up, Kyo.”

 

“Why doesn't that surprise me…?”

 

“Kyo, I swear, mention it again and—”

 

“Okay, okay,” Kyo said, laughing. “What was the Jade emperor like, though?”

 

“Well, they usually weren't messed up. They were always eccentric, and often isolated, and some were slightly power-crazed, but none were like Akito. Oh, and did you know? Akito's only the second Jade Emperor ever to be the head of the family.”

 

“Oh, really? I thought that was a given.”

 

“Of course not. Akito's father, Akira, was the head of the family. He wasn't the Jade Emperor, obviously. I think he was nice.”

 

“Really? You knew him?”

 

“I was really, really little. But I remember he smiled a lot. And he and Akito were very close.”

 

Kyo was quiet for a minute. His mind had returned to the previous subject. “Yuki, do you really think I'm not a monster? Please, please tell me the truth. I know you don't want to hurt my feelings, and that even if you do think I am, you don't want to say it, but I really need to know the truth. Please. I have to know. And don't answer me right this second. Think about it for a minute.”

 

Yuki paused. He really wasn't unsure of his answer. When the subject had started a few minutes ago, he had felt nervous, afraid that he would find something in him that actually did think Kyo was a monster. He had been afraid to think about it too deeply. But now that he had, he realized that his answer was the same, and now he could say it boldly. So after the requested minute had passed, he took Kyo by the shoulders. Kyo had been looking away, so Yuki lifted his chin so Kyo was looking into his eyes.

 

“You're not a monster,” Yuki whispered. Kyo looked at him closely. Yuki's eyes were different, somehow, than they were when he'd said he hated Kyo. At that time, it seemed that he was forcing himself to look at Kyo. This wasn't forced. Kyo's eyes misted. He still thought he was a monster. That wouldn't change so easily. But he knew Yuki was telling him the truth as Yuki saw it. Yuki really didn't think he was a monster. Kyo was amazed. He had never thought it was possible that someone could really think that way. He nodded, and Yuki let him go.

 

Kyo sat still a moment, thinking. Yuki was smart. And he was usually a pretty good judge of character, too. And he wasn't like Tohru, who loved and accepted everyone. Yuki had said that he believed some of the previous cats were monsters. But he didn't think Kyo was. He really didn't think that. Maybe… maybe it was just possible… “So… it's kind of like some cats are monsters, but that doesn't necessarily mean that cats are monsters?”

 

“It doesn't matter that you're the cat. The circumstances that are caused by being the cat might make someone more likely to become a monster, but being the cat doesn't mean you're a monster. Kind of like how you're more likely to become abusive if you've been abused. But some people become abusive even if they haven't. It's rarer, but it happens. You have a choice over whether to become a monster or not, Kyo. You've chosen not to be a monster.”

 

Kyo looked at Yuki. Yuki absolutely, completely believed what he said. “But my mom…” he said suddenly, his tears finally falling. “If I'm not a monster, then why did mom kill herself because of me?” He buried his head in his hands. Then he felt Yuki's arms around him, and he hugged him tightly. “Yuki-nii, why…?”

 

“I don't know,” Yuki whispered, rubbing Kyo's shoulders. “Maybe she didn't realize you had a choice. Maybe she was too weak. I don't know. But what I do know… is that it's not your fault.”

 

“How can you say that?” Kyo asked, letting go. “How can you say it's not my fault? Can you imagine what it would be like to raise the cat? It was because of me!”

 

“You didn't intend for it to happen.”

 

Kyo broke down. “But still…”

 

“I know.” Yuki put his arms around Kyo again, and Kyo let himself be hugged. “I'm not saying it's irrational for you to feel that way. I know it's hard. You want it to be someone's fault when something like this happens. But it's not your fault, Kyo. It happened because you're cursed, and your mother didn't know how to handle it. The curse isn't your fault.”

 

Kyo gave a sob and leaned into Yuki, nestling against his shoulder, catlike. Yuki sighed gently, rubbing Kyo's shoulders. “You know, Momiji's mother reacted just as badly,” he said. “And it's not just the curse. We're not the only ones who have parents that lose it because of something that's not our fault. People with deformities, mental illnesses, handicaps… it's not their fault if their parents can't deal with it.”

 

“It's not their parents' faults.”

 

“It is more so than theirs. But you're right. If anyone is to blame, it's the people around them. The reason why the Sohma family is so messed up is because there's no support for anyone. You're either strong enough to deal with it, or you aren't. And there's no one there to help you be strong. If you're weak, either you get pulled in and become someone you never wanted to be, or you run away. That's what happened to your mother. You couldn't be there for her, Kyo. You were a kid. You didn't understand. There was nothing you could have done differently. It's not your fault.”

 

Kyo stopped crying after a while, and sat up a little, though he still leaned against Yuki's shoulder. He felt cool, for some reason. The soothing kind of cool, like ice applied to a burn. “I want to believe you,” Kyo whispered at last. “But I can't. Not yet.”

 

Yuki nodded. “I understand.”

 

“But I… I believe… that you believe you.”

 

Yuki looked at him. “Does that help?”

 

Kyo nodded. “Other people, like Shishou and Tohru… they say things like that, but they don't say why. And I always wonder whether they really believe it, or whether they pity me and want to make me feel better. But you said why.” He rubbed his head against Yuki's shoulder. “You're different.”

 

Yuki felt a little awkward, and looked at Kyo. Kyo's eyes were closed. He looked sleepy, kitten-like. Understandably emotionally exhausted. Yuki smiled a little, and relaxed. He ruffled Kyo's hair. “You know, you act a lot like a cat when you're tired.”

 

Kyo smiled a little. “Got a problem with that?”

 

Yuki laughed a little. “No.” He massaged the back of Kyo's head. “So what, would this be scratching you behind your ears?”

 

“Mm-hmm,” Kyo murmured, closing his eyes a little tighter. “Feels good. Shishou used to do that.”

 

“Did he really?”

 

“Yeah. When I was little. He used to call me his kitten. And he is absolutely the only one who is ever allowed to call me that.

 

Yuki laughed again at the thought. “Don't worry.” He continued rubbing Kyo's head for another minute, then stopped when he began to feel Kyo's deadweight. “Kyo?”

 

“Hmm? Why'd you stop?” the cat murmured sleepily.

 

Yuki laughed. “You're falling asleep. And you'll catch cold if you sleep out here, and I can't carry you down the ladder.”

 

“You're so damn logical,” Kyo groaned, sitting up and yawning. “Okay.”

 

“Ready to go in?”

 

“Do I look like I've been crying?”

 

Yuki considered. “A little. We can go in from the balcony.”

 

“Yeah. Sounds good.”

 

They climbed down, and Kyo washed his face before going downstairs. For some reason, he didn't feel embarrassed that he had allowed Yuki to see him cry. After thinking about it for a minute, though, he decided it made sense. He had seen Yuki cry. He was more embarrassed that he had let Yuki scratch him behind the ears. He frowned slightly, then shrugged, deciding Yuki would probably be the last person to tease him about that, at least in front of other people. Yuki teased him plenty when they were by themselves. But it was never mean-spirited. And Kyo teased him back. He smiled suddenly, realizing that he was the only person Yuki let tease him.

 

“Kyo-kun?”

 

Kyo turned around, and smiled at Tohru. “Hi.”

 

“Are you… okay?”

 

“Um…” Kyo considered. “I don't know. But I just had a long talk with Yuki-nii, and… I feel better. Thanks. Um… so yeah. Graduation's coming way too soon, you know?” He wasn't quite sure why he had said that. He wished he hadn't, because now Tohru looked troubled. “Sorry. I'm kind of tired. And hungry.” This was a surprise, but he really was. “Are there any leftovers?”

 

“Um… we used most of them up for dinner, but I can make you something!” Tohru offered cheerfully.

 

“Sure… just something quick and easy. Onigiri or something.”

 

“I'd be happy to!” she said smiling. Kyo followed her down the stairs. If Yuki really thought he wasn't a monster, was it possible Tohru felt the same way? And if so… if so, was it possible that… she might like him?

 

Kyo pushed the thought from his mind. So that what, he could have a one-month fling with her? There was no way he'd put her through that. And anyway, that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted something permanent. Maybe Yuki's right. Maybe I should ask Akito to let me stay out. But then he sighed. She'd end up getting hurt, wouldn't she? So would Yuki, probably. Akito's not going to let him alone.

 

Suddenly he tensed as he sat down at the table. Wait a second. If I go away, who's going to protect Yuki and Tohru from Akito? He frowned as he mulled this over. If I didn't protect her then, the least I could do is protect Tohru for her. What kind of jerk would I be if I don't even do that? Besides, I promised. And who's going to keep an eye on Yuki if I'm locked up? He looked at Yuki and Tohru, who had just come downstairs. Is it possible that I'm needed? And that I can make up for what I've done?

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>& gt;>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Only Yuki's perspective now

 

Yuki sat at the table, adjacent to Kyo and across from Tohru. The latter two were chatting. Kyo was smiling. Yuki was relieved. He was very worried about Kyo, now that he knew the real reason Kyo was giving into his fate. He felt a sense of urgency. If Kyo could only see that he wasn't a monster and that he had a reason for remaining on the outside… then it would all be okay. But there was only a little over a month left. It was almost impossible that he would see that in the next month. And then it would be too late. Once Kyo was confined, Yuki would never be able to make him see.

 

I wish he had more time! If only he had more time, then… he's on the edge. I know he is. But it's a several month edge, not a several week edge. When I told him he wasn't a monster, I think for a split second he believed me. It will take a while before he can believe it consistently, though. Longer than he has.

 

Yuki's eyes widened. What if I could ask Akito… to give him more time? Yuki's heart skipped a beat at the thought. He told me to stay away from Akito. But maybe… maybe… what if he asked for more time… I… Yuki looked at Kyo. That's got to be it. He just needs more time. Damn it, and if all that stuff hadn't happened, I would have had three whole months. Yuki frowned, realizing he was asking himself a “would've, could've, should've” question, as Kyo would term it. He probably wouldn't have confided that in me if I hadn't told him about Akito. And I wouldn't have told him about Akito if that hadn't happened. He looked at Kyo again. I think I know what they mean now about a stitch in time. If time can be stitched ahead of time, for Kyo… who knows what might happen?