Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Chimaera ❯ Chapter 60 ( Chapter 60 )

Disclaimer: I don't own the G'boys, I just borrow them from time to time to play with and return them a whole lot happier, ne?

Rating: NC 17

Warnings: Yaoi, Lemon, sap, angst, Male Pregnancy, medical themes, WAFF, humor.

Pairings: 1x2x1

Archive: http://gundam-wing-diaries.150m.com

http://sweetlysour.net.

http://adultfanfiction.net

http://www.theforsakenwk.com

Many thanks to Ryouga and Yami_Tai for the beta. Also thanks to Yami_Tai for the title of this fic.

Notes: Set partially during the series but main bulk after the war. EW didn't take place. The Eve wars are finished and the peace retained. The pilots have all gone their own ways, Heero and Duo have made a life together both working for Preventer when Duo's world is turned upside down as his unknown past comes back to haunt him.

Dedication: To Velena who gave me the plot bunny for this little gem.

Status: In progress.

~ Indicates flashbacks ~

/ thoughts /

"Chimaera"

October. 2003 ShenLong

My apologies to those of you who have read this already for the re-posting but it appears that the first time I uploaded it the formatting was lost so I have re-loaded it and hopefully this time it will work. Shen ^_^

Chapter 60

A week had passed since Duo's mishap and things had settled down once more. Heero had done his best to try and prevent himself from 'mothering' Duo too much, keeping a careful eye on his partner but also keeping his distance. In return Duo had conceded that there were some things he couldn't do by himself anymore and so had begun to ask for help when necessary. Heero assisted him whenever he asked but didn't force the attention, opting to simply do whatever it was that Duo wanted help with and then leave his partner alone to continue by himself, something which Duo was grateful for. It was a big step for him to take, having relied only on himself for so long and even though he had been in his relationship with Heero for some time now and trusted the other man implicitly there was still the matter of pride.

Fortunately Heero could see that and so didn't make a big deal out of helping his lover. Living with Duo and discovering their relationship, while rocky at times, had also taught him a lot. Emotions he thought had long since deserted him were steadily coming back to the surface and Duo was responsible for that, even if he didn't know it. Heero was hesitant at first to welcome these new feelings back, but slowly, through trial and error he learnt to control them, embrace them and understand them. Now he often found himself wondering how he had gotten through all the past years without them.

Sure they could hurt at times, he'd discovered that on a few occasions but the good feelings far outweighed the bad ones. So it was with determination that he set about this task of trying not to smother his partner, even if his instincts screamed 'protect!' he did his best to quell it. Unfortunately his skills at keeping himself in check were to be tested to the full a week later.

****

Hearing the front door open and then close, Duo stuck his head around the kitchen door jamb and smiled as his eyes alighted on his lover. The smile quickly faded though when he saw the slump in Heero's shoulders and slightly pinched look to his face. Wiping his hands on the dish towel, Duo walked out of the kitchen and towards his partner, concern building as he noticed Heero's silence. He wrapped his arms around Heero's waist and drew their bodies as close as he could given his swelling abdomen. Nuzzling Heero's neck he whispered into his lover's ear. "Welcome home, honey. Dinner's nearly ready." When he didn't get so much as a twitch from Heero's lips he began to get concerned. "Heero? What's wrong?" he asked as he pulled back a little, trying to see his partner's eyes and read what was going on.

Heero did a good job of hiding his concerns behind his eyes, fixing a neutral look to his face. He sighed and pulled away; taking Duo by the hand he headed for the lounge room.

"I need to talk to you, Duo," he said softly.

Alarm bells were going off in Duo's mind and he felt his heart beat quicken. Whatever it was that was upsetting Heero he knew he wasn't going to like it either.

"Sit down."

Duo sat and turned to face Heero. "What is it? What's going on, Heero?"

Heero sighed again and ran his hands through his unruly hair. "Duo... I... That is..."

"Heero, whatever it is you're trying to tell me, just say it. I'm a big boy, yanno."

Raising his head, Heero stared deep into his lover's eyes, the concern and worry he saw there did nothing to alleviate his trepidation. Taking Duo's hand into his own, more to reassure himself than anything, Heero tried again. "Duo, I have to go on an assignment."

Duo blinked. "Assignment?"

"Hai. Une doesn't have anyone else she can use. The only other agent with the necessary skills is busy on another mission and none of the newer agents have the expertise needed for this."

"So it has to be you," Duo said softly.

Heero nodded miserably. "I really don't want to go but it isn't dangerous and I should only be gone a week."

"What is it?"

"A group that Preventer has had their eye on for a while. They're managing to hack into major companies and steal data. This data once combined with other data and resources could blow up into something quite nasty, which is why we need to stop it now."

"And what will your role be?"

"I'm to infiltrate as maintenance, access the main frame and download all the information they have, then I plant a virus and get the hell out and wait for the shit to hit the fan once they find their files are gone and the system is corrupt."

"That's when the rest of the agents move in and make the arrest while Agent Day sits back and holds onto the evidence," finished Duo.

"Pretty much."

"If you have to go, Heero, then there isn't much we can do about it. I trust you to be careful and come back to me. Just make sure you fry their system well and good." Duo gave him a warm smile. "No one can hack a system like you can, lover, and I'll be fine here by myself. I still have case files to work on which will keep me occupied, Siska will no doubt make sure I'm fed and the security is working fine." Duo began to let his tongue run away from him; he could sense a protest coming and didn't particularly want to hear it.

Sure enough as soon as he paused to take a breath the words began.

"I don't want to leave you here by yourself."

"I'm quite capable of looking after myself for a week, Heero."

"That's not the point, I know you can look after yourself, Duo, and normally I wouldn't hesitate to leave you by yourself, but this time it's different; you're pregnant!"

"Thanks for reminding me. Did you figure that one out by yourself or did the belly I'm getting give it away?!" Duo snapped and glared at his lover.

"I'm only thinking of you, Duo, so I've asked Quatre and Trowa to come and stay for the week I'm away." Heero held his breath as he dropped that bombshell knowing too well that Duo wasn't going to like what he'd done but he was concerned for Duo's health and safety.

"You. Did. What?" Duo's voice was low and menacing.

// Well, that went down like a lead balloon, // thought Heero. He'd known he was going to have a battle on his hands when he'd contacted Quatre and Trowa but he felt he hadn't had any other choice.

"I couldn't get anyone else that I trust to stay with you for the week. I tried Hilde but she's flat out on L2 with her wedding plans and the scrap yard; Chang is going with me on the mission; Sally can't be spared from the hospital and neither can Nurse Brown. I didn't think you would be particularly happy to have Dr. G here which left Trowa and Quatre. Please, Duo, it's only for a week and it would make me a whole lot happier knowing there is someone here to help you out..." Heero trailed off.

"In other words you don't fucking trust me to know what's best for myself and the child? To know my limits and not put myself or the baby in danger? Thanks a fucking lot, nice to know my lover has faith in me," Duo snarled. Violet eyes had darkened to a deep purple, the anger rolling off Duo's body backed by the pain and hurt reflected in his eyes.

"No, Duo. You have it all wrong."

"I don't think so, Yuy. In fact it seems very clear to me. Duo Maxwell, former Gundam Pilot, assassin and terrorist, explosives expert and master of stealth and thievery, falls pregnant and suddenly requires a baby-sitter, that I can't be trusted. That's what you're saying, Heero. I could be trusted to go on missions, carry out death and destruction, risk my own life several times over but as soon as I find I'm expecting a baby I need to be wrapped up in cotton wool and shut off from everything." Duo's voice had begun to rise in both pitch and volume as he let his anger and frustration boil out.

"I thought we had an agreement? You would back off with the mothering tendencies and I would stop pushing myself to do things that I'm not capable of doing whilst pregnant. I've stuck to my word; what about you?" Duo had retreated to the opposite end of the couch, his eyes blazing now as his anger took complete control of his mind.

"I only asked them to stay to keep you company and help you out," Heero repeated. "I thought you would appreciate some company, that's all."

"And it didn't fucking occur to you to ask me first?" It wasn't the thought of being without Heero for a week, nor the prospect of having Trowa and Quatre staying, even if the idea of having the overprotective blonde around sent shudders through his body; it boiled down to the fact that Heero had gone ahead and organized it all without consulting him first.

That hurt.

A lot.

Heero realized his mistake as soon as Duo spoke and bowed his head.

"Yeah, I thought as much. What am I, Heero? A fucking adornment that needs to be constantly supervised, checked on? I'm a friggin' human being with feelings and opinions too, not that that seems to matter much to you at the moment."

Heero looked up sharply. "That's not true and you know it, Duo."

"Might as well be for all the fucking consideration you show me, automatically doing things, organizing my life without asking me first." Duo could feel the tears threatening to spill. His anger had begun to recede, replaced by a feeling of helplessness, as if his life was being completely controlled by others and he had no say in the matter. Before he could disgrace himself by giving in to the tears he jumped up and bolted for the door, one hand protectively supporting his swollen abdomen.

"Duo!"

"Leave me the fuck alone, Yuy! Just leave me alone!" Duo yelled as he stormed out of the lounge room and headed for the outside.

Heero stood up to follow him but something in the tone of Duo's voice warned him to stay away. He sat heavily back upon the couch, his head cradled in his hands as he blinked back tears of his own and mentally berated himself. Duo was right. He should have asked him first if he wanted someone to stay with him in Heero's absence, not gone ahead and organized things. He'd thought he had been doing the right thing but now, when he thought back over Duo's words he couldn't help but think his reasons had been for his own benefit rather than Duo's.

By having someone to stay with Duo while he was on the assignment would put his own mind at ease, the knowledge that there was someone he could trust staying with his partner and keeping an eye on Duo was simply to satisfy his own selfish ego. It was as Duo had said. He didn't trust his lover to take care of himself. Running his fingers through his thick hair it was all he could do not to pull it out at his own stupidity. Of course Duo was going to feel betrayed, hurt and angry and he only had his own idiotic pride to blame.

"You fucked up royally this time, Yuy," he scolded himself. "It would serve you right if he never wanted to see you again." Heero sat bolt upright as he muttered the words. What if Duo didn't want to see him again? Didn't want to share his life anymore; went through the rest of this pregnancy alone, scared and unsure and all because he let his own selfish intentions get in the way?

What if he never got to see his child?

A lump lodged itself in his throat and his heart beat erratically in his chest with the thought of not being able to see the child he'd fathered. He had to fix this and fix it now. Fear laced his blood as he stood up and left the lounge room in search of his lover.

*******

Duo ran blindly from the mansion. He didn't know where he was going all he knew was that he had to get as far away from Heero as he could at that moment. The tears ran down his cheeks, evaporating in the wind as he ran, one arm still clutched around his stomach, supporting the muscles while his braid whipped behind him. He ran through the gardens at the back of the mansion and out into the larger, sweeping fields beyond, not pausing and ignoring the burning of his legs and lungs. When the pain in his side started, he reluctantly slowed his pace and spotting a tree, headed for it. He sat down on the grass and rested his back against the rough trunk, lungs desperately sucking in air while the tears continued to flow. The pain in his side eased to a dull ache and he drew his knees up as close to his body as he could get them with the bump he sported.

His thoughts turned inwards and he replayed the scene over and over in his head. He was still majorly pissed at Heero, not for having Quatre and Trowa come to stay but because he hadn't been asked. The more he thought back over his life the more pissed he became.

For as long as he could remember he'd always had someone control his life. Solo, Father Maxwell, Sister Helen, Doctor G... All his decisions had been made for him, from how often he would bathe or eat, to which targets he was to take out, which missions he was to perform. Even though he was now technically a free man, his life was still controlled to a point by others. His job dictated where he would go and what he would do, but that was all part of being employed and he understood that. This body of his, the make up of it again controlled him. He was different, able to conceive a child and again he was under another's control, someone else telling him what he could and couldn't do. Despite this fact he didn't blame the child or reject it for controlling him in that way; but Heero...

He'd finally begun to think that Heero was accepting and understanding that Duo had to do things by himself or in his own way, trusting him to ask for assistance when needed. And then this...

So much for the trust issue.

While Duo knew he could trust his partner with his life, trust him to watch his back, be there when needed; could he trust him with his heart?

Miserably, Duo hugged himself. He knew he'd probably overreacted to Heero's announcement but he couldn't help himself. Had Heero told him about the mission and then said he would have felt better if Duo had someone stay with him in Heero's absence then Duo probably would have agreed. But Heero hadn't, he'd just gone ahead and organized for Trowa and Quatre to stay.

"Fuck you, Yuy!" he screamed out to the sky, startling a bird in the tree. "I thought we had a partnership, made joint decisions, not went behind each other's backs! Too bad if I wanted to stay by myself. I'm pregnant for Christ's sake, not fucking helpless!" The tears began afresh, coursing down his cheeks and dripping to his thighs. He tilted his head back and banged it against the tree trunk. "Shit! Even the fucking tree has it in for me," he growled.

Looking up through the branches at the blue sky his sobs soon turned to hiccups as he began to question his life and the recent occurrences. "Why does everyone think I can't take care of myself? Why do they have to treat me with kid gloves? I know I'm taking a big risk here, fuck, I'm reminded everyday by the incessant pissing, friggin' mood swings and not to mention all the other shit!" He tore a piece of grass from the ground and tossed the sod away. "Why can't anyone ever ask me what I want? Is it that fucking hard to consider my feelings?"

// But have you considered Heero's feelings? // Duo's conscience prodded.

"Yes, I fucking have."

// Really? Could have fooled me. //

"What's that supposed to mean?"

// Think about it, Duo. All he's ever done is try to look out for you, keep you safe and free from harm for both yourself and the baby. //

"Smother me is more like it." Duo didn't like the niggling feeling he was getting.

// He will do anything for you, he shows you his love and devotion every day.//

"By constantly nagging at me to sit down and rest or shit like that."

// You know he's had a hard time with his emotions. //

"Yeah, but that doesn't give him the right to tell me what to do, or to organize a baby-sitter for me," Duo huffed.

// Put yourself in his place, Duo. What if it were Heero carrying this child? Don't tell me you would be any different. //

"I wouldn't wrap him up in cotton wool and continuously harp at him to take it easy."

His conscience snorted.

Duo was beginning to become uncomfortable with this conversation. He knew his conscience had a valid point. If the roles were reversed no doubt he would be just as concerned for his lover as Heero was for him.

// Are you sure you wouldn't be just as concerned? //

Duo picked at his sweat pants. "I guess you do have a point," he sighed.

// Just think about it from his point of view, see through his eyes, then make your decision. //

When Duo did stop and think, put himself in Heero's shoes he began to understand a little better. He was still pissed that Heero had made the arrangements without consulting him first but his anger had lessened. It was Heero's way of showing him how much Heero loved him, how concerned he was for his and the baby's safety. "I guess I should apologize and sort this mess out. But I'm still mad at him for going behind my back," Duo told his conscience.

// Talk to him. //

"Duo?"

Duo spun around. He didn't think his conscience could speak out aloud. A pair of pained cobalt eyes stared at him from beside the tree.

"Duo... I... Can we talk?" Heero's voice was unsteady.

Duo could see the hurt and fear in Heero's eyes and his heart tore. He'd done that, he'd put those emotions there and he didn't like it. Duo patted the grass next to him. "Sit down, Heero. We can talk here."

"Arigato." Heero sat in the indicated spot and leant against the trunk. He knew better than to try and hold Duo's hand, as much as he wanted to.

"I'm sorry I stormed off," Duo began.

"I'm sorry I didn't consult you first. You have every right to be angry with me. I can call Trowa and Quatre and put them off if you want to stay by yourself."

"Look, Heero. I am trying hard to let you look after me but it isn't easy, not the way we were trained, you know that yourself."

Heero nodded.

"I don't mind your concern, I can take some fussing and I can even suffer having 'Mother Quatre' stay while you're gone; but I don't like having my life organized for me. I do think I deserve to have some say in what happens to me."

"I know and I am so sorry. I just didn't think. I let my own selfish reasons get in the way when I should have approached you first. Please, Duo, don't leave me or take our child away from me, I couldn't bear that. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" Heero was pleading, wearing his heart on his sleeve and hoping to any god that would listen that Duo could forgive him for his mistake.

"Come here," Duo said softly and pulled Heero towards him. He cupped Heero's cheek and stared into his eyes. "I'm not about to leave you, Heero and whatever makes you think I would deny you your child?"

Heero met the sincere gaze. "I thought... with you so mad at me with the way I fucked up that you wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore and would want to take yourself and the child away from me for good." Heero's voice sounded as miserable as he felt.

Duo stroked his thumb across Heero's cheekbone. "I would never do that, Heero. This baby is just as much a part of you as it is me. I'm sorry too. Sorry for flying off the handle like that, for not listening properly to you, for scaring you."

"I promise I will never do anything like that again. I will always check with you before organizing anything."

"Good. And I'll try to be more tolerant, to see things from your point of view and let my brain engage before my mouth." Duo leant forward and brushed his lips against Heero's. "Want to take me back to the mansion and show me how you intend to make this up to me?"

Heero shivered at the husky tone. "It would be my pleasure," he murmured and stole a kiss of his own.

"I think I'm going to need a hand up,' Duo said sheepishly as he moved to stand and found his muscles had seized.

Heero carefully assisted his partner to stand and with his arm wrapped around Duo's waist for support, they headed back to the mansion. Duo was grateful for the assistance Heero offered, the dull ache he'd experienced earlier in his lower gut flared again with each step he took.

~ * ~

tbc......