InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Damaged Soul ❯ Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own these series

 

A Damaged Soul

 

Chapter 13

 

“What did you wish to speak to me of, miko?”

 

Kagome crossed her arms over her chest and looked at Seshoumaru directly, “What happened to me?”

 

Seshoumaru's gaze remained stoic and he didn't answer.

 

“Well?” Kagome was growing impatient, “How did Sango and Miroku come to be here, and-and…”

 

The diayoukai knew exactly what she wanted to know but refrained from answering. He had promised his brother.

 

“Why does Inuyasha look like you!?”

 

Seshoumaru knew it cost her to ask that question and he decided to answer, keeping his promise in mind. He did not hate his brother anymore. He never had actually. Inuyasha had just been a mild irritation to him. But he could see the pain his brother was going through and inu youkai were very protective of family, however they may show it. He may have caused his brother physical harm from time to time but he had never killed him.

 

“Inuyasha is now full youkai.”

 

Kagome stared at him. “How?” It was barely a whisper.

 

“It was you, miko. Do not fail to remember that he has human blood as well as demon blood running in his veins. After his treatment of you, of which, some of the particulars I know not, his demon side, which has claimed you for quite a while, now, was enraged and after seeing the pain you were in, and the pain inflicted on to you by him, his demon side enveloped his human side. Now, although he no longer has any human blood running in his veins, his memories remain.”

 

Kagome's eyes were wide with disbelief, “Are you trying to say…”

 

Seshoumaru's stoic face did not change a bit, “Yes miko. Whenever he harmed you physically, his human emotions were so strong at that point, that they sealed his youkai side in and it could do nothing but watch helplessly as your blood was spilled.”

 

Almost hesitantly, Kagome ventured, “You said that his youkai has claimed me. What does that mean?”

 

“It means that till you forgive my brother for what happened and make peace with yourself, he will eventually die as he will be unable to survive without you, that is the consequence of taking a mate. We will continue this conversation at some other time, miko.”

 

With that, he left smoothly, leaving behind a shocked Kagome. Although he hadn't really answered her question, Seshoumaru had given her a lot to think about, and as he raced through the forest, he thought a little smugly to himself, Maybe now, the miko will emerge from, her state of depression, for she is indeed one of those beings who cannot bear the thought of the pain of another.

 

That night as they all gathered to eat, Kagome noticed that Inuyasha was not there. In a soft voice, she asked, startling her old friends, “Where is Inuyasha, you guys?”

 

Sango was so shocked to hear her friend speak, and to her that she could not say anything and spluttered. It was Miroku who answered, easily masking his own shock, “I do not know, Kagome. Ever since you left, he has stopped eating with us, sometimes, not eating at all.”

 

Kagome just bowed her head. Standing up, she grabbed another bowl, filled it with food and grabbing her own as well, looked pointedly at Seshoumaru.

 

Seshoumaru's eyes were closed and he said in an indifferent voice, “Go towards the springs. He will sense you.”

 

Kagome didn't bother to thank him, just whirled around and left in the direction of the springs. She walked a small distance, determined not to think, when suddenly she felt his presence. She walked towards him, letting her instincts guide her. She finally came upon him. He was sitting on a rock, like a dog, looking down at his reflection in the water and slashing his claws at it.

 

She knew he knew that she was here, but he didn't acknowledge her and part of her hurt.

 

“Inuyasha.” In a soft, but firm voice.

 

He stopped and his ears perked up, swiveling in her direction, but he still didn't turn around and face her.

 

“Inuyasha.”

 

This time her tone was stern, and his ears drooped a little bit, like a puppy who had been scolded by his master.

 

“Look at me, Inuyasha.”

 

This time he spoke. His voice was rough and scratchy, “No.”

 

“Look at me.”

 

He shook his head.

 

“Look at me now, Inuyasha!”

 

He turned his head to the side, and muttered, “Can't. I can't look at you.”

 

Kagome moved forward, following her instinct, which was telling her that she had to move carefully around him, to guide him back to her. All the pain, all the suffering was forgotten in an instant as she saw his pain. And it had always been that way, she realized, not bitterly. For him, she was willing to do anything, no matter the price. She didn't know how to forgive him this time, didn't know if she was capable of it, but when she saw the state he was in, her heart burned. It twisted inside her chest, ached till she couldn't take it. She wanted to go up to him, to hold him tight, to protect him. From this pain, from every pain he suffered. Because she still loved him. She hadn't forgiven him, no, time would take care of that. But despite not having forgiven him, she still loved him.

 

In a strong voice, she said, “Inuyasha, I want you to look at me. I want you to stand up and face me. I want you to do it. So stand up and LOOK at me.”

 

He did. He stood up, and turned around slowly, till he was facing her. His eyes were closed. Kagome took one look at him and closed her eyes as pain washed over her. He had altered so much in their time apart and not all changes were for the better. His cheeks were hollow, dark circles under his eyes. His clothes were hanging off him, but the look on his face was the one she couldn't bear to see. Self-loathing, weariness, defeat and despair, all rolled in one.

 

Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes and said gently, softy, “Inuyasha.”

 

He opened his eyes. She held out a bowl, “Come eat with me.”

 

He looked at her, confused, bewildered, What was she doing? She hated him. She hated him, right?

 

“Come on.” She sat down on the soft ground and put his bowl next to her. Her own bowl in her lap, she looked up at him, “Well, what are you waiting for?”

 

He sat down next to her and just stared at her.

 

Kagome started eating, then she looked up from her food, and commanded, “Eat.”

 

Inuyasha looked at his bowl, “I don't want it. You can have it.”

 

Kagome looked at him, her gaze growing hard. She looked at her bowl. Her food was nearly finished. Pushing it aside, she came to a decision. It didn't matter. She was going to draw him out of the shell he was now in. It didn't occur to her, that by making up her mind to heal him, she was slowly healing herself, her mind, her wounds.

 

She picked up his bowl and lifted the chopsticks to his mouth. He stared at her, not understanding what she was trying to do, and if a small part of him understood, it wasn't believing it. Why was she doing this? Why wasn't she acting like she had been? How could she forgive him, after all that he had done to her?

 

“Open your mouth, Inuyasha.”

 

He just stared at her.

 

Growing impatient, she snapped, “Open your mouth! If you're going to behave like a child, then you're going to be treated like one.”

 

He opened his mouth and accepted the morsel. Still staring at her, he chewed slowly. She busied herself, in putting together another bite of food, not wanting to look at his heartbreakingly vulnerable gaze. His eyes were widening, minute by minute, as if he expected to be struck down any moment and couldn't understand why he wasn't being. She fed him the next bite and he accepted it, opening his mouth wide.

 

Ina few minutes, the food finished and she put the bowls aside, and sat next to him. She stared at the ground and her cheeks heated slightly, as she felt his gaze on her. Did he expect her to run away? Was that why he was not talking? Was he afraid of saying the wrong thing? As these questions, burned in her mind, she turned around to face him.

 

She didn't know what she was going to do. What she was going to say, but to her surprise, she found herself, stretching her hands forward and running them across the jagged marks along his cheeks. Holding his face in her hands, she brushed his marks, with the pads of her thumbs.

 

He had stopped breathing. Holding his breath, he watched her lean forward, and touch him. Touch him on the most sensitive part of his face. She stroked his markings, her eyes curious, wondering. Her breath was hitting his lips, so close was she. But there was nothing sexual about the situation, nothing indeed. He held his breath, not wanting to scare her, not wanting her to run away, wanting her to stay. He closed his eyes, letting her hands soothe him. Soothe him the way he needed to be soothed.

 

His eyes popped opened when she said, slowly, “You're a full demon now, aren't you?”

 

He looked into her midnight blue eyes and nodded.

 

“Are you still my Inuyasha?”

 

In a hoarse voice, he asked, “Which one would that be?”

 

She looked into his eyes and her thumbs didn't stop from tracing his markings, “I don't know. I don't which Inuyasha I have, which Inuyasha I had.”

 

Hi voice, still rough from the tightly leashed emotion, murmured, “I don't know either. But I'll become whatever you want me to be. I'll do whatever you want me to do.”

 

Her eyes sparkled now, with unshed tears, “I loved the hanyou. I didn't shun his human side, and I didn't shun his demon side, but he betrayed me. He hurt me. Will you hurt me? Will you hurt me if I try to love you? Or will you do to me what the hanyou did?”

 

“This Inuyasha will never hurt you. I would rather die first.” She saw the tear slipping down his cheek and she looked at it curiously, then leaning forward, she did something which startled them both. She licked it away. Then leaning back, she looked in his eyes. She was practically sitting in his lap but she didn't notice this. Inuyasha did though, but he didn't move, not wanting to scare her away.

 

“I don't know how to forgive you.”

 

She saw his eyes blur with painful tears and her heart wrenched, but he still didn't say anything.

 

“I want to. I want to forgive you, but I don't know how. I don't know how to forget. How to forgive you. Please don't hate me for that.”

 

She leaned her forehead against his and closed her eyes. She was startled when his hands, cupped her chin. He looked into her eyes, “I could never hate you. And I know, that you can't forgive me. I understand that. I've accepted that fact. And I know that I don't deserve to be a part of your life. I can't hate you for that. I love you. I always did. So did the human, but he was too besotted with the undead clay priestess. He sealed me away when he attacked you, using our body. I watched it, you know.” He turned his head to the side as Kagome stared at him, shell shocked and he continued,

 

“I watched how he attacked you, using my claws. I heard you beg, cry. I tried to stop, but his emotions were so powerful, that it was impossible. I raged, I growled, I begged, I pleaded, but he was past all reasoning. And after he left you alone, in the cave, I was so tightly leashed, that I couldn't even get past him to heal you. I'm sorry. I know being sorry is never going to be enough. If I hadn't been weak, if I had been strong enough to overcome him, you wouldn't have suffered. It's all my fault and I accept it. Just-“ He broke off, an closed his eyes before turning his face back to her, “Just let me protect you. You don't even need to see me. Just let me do this one thing. I have nothing else left. Please. I'm begging you!”

 

Kagome stared at him and then in a composed voice, asked, “Is it okay if I do something right now?”

 

He nodded cautiously and she slid her hands from his face to the lapels of his haori and then burying her face in it, burst into tears.

 

Inuyasha knew that she needed to let it all out and he held her tight against his body, nuzzling the top of her head and growling low in his throat. She cried hysterically, her hands fisting his haroi.

 

Her hysterical, heart wrenching sobs turned into whimpers and soon into hitched breathing. As she calmed down, she just leaned against him and looked at the springs, her mind blank, her heart eased. She felt almost empty, washed out. It was a very peaceful feeling.

 

“We are so fucked up, aren't we, Inuyasha?”

 

He hadn't let go of her, but she heard him mutter, “Keh. Yeah we are.”

 

“I feel better. After so many days, my heart actually feels light.”

 

He nuzzled her hair tenderly, “I'm glad.”

 

“I died.”

 

He closed his eyes, “I know. I was there. He wouldn't let me out.”

 

They both knew who they meant by `him'.

 

“I know you were there. Just before I saw Seshoumaru, I felt your presence. I hated you, you know. For a while, after I woke up, I hated you. I wished I had never met you, but when I met Sango, I stopped hating you. I started dying inside. Slowly. But maybe I can heal now. I want you to teach me.”

 

She looked up at him. He stared back. He knew that in that moment, he would have cut out his own heart and given it to her if she had just asked.

 

“Teach you what?” His voice was hoarse, pleading. He wanted to do something for her, be it anything.

 

“I want you to teach me how to trust you. I want you to teach me how to forgive you. I want you to teach me how to love you again. I do, you know. I do love you, but I'm scared. I'm scared that you'll hurt me.”

 

She saw him flinch but putting her hand on his cheek, she said gently, “I don't want to be scared, so I want you to teach me how not to be scared.”

 

 

Inuyasha stared into her eyes and said slowly, “When I've taught you, then can I court you? In the Iinu fashion?”

 

She smiled now, a true smile, “Yes. In fact, I want you to kiss me right now.”

 

As his heart jumped for joy and he leaned in to taste her, another being, nearby sat back against his tree, pleased. A small hint of a smile played on his lips, and as the wind played with his silver tresses, two hearts slowly started healing.

 

Many miles away, a spider hanyou raged and a priestess who sat in a corner of the room, meditating, felt the glimmers of her own rage, but she pushed it down, and concentrated on how to extract the human out of the full demon, Inuyasha.

 

A.N: Now seriously, I need reviews for this. I spent five hours writing and editing this chapter, which reminds me, I really need a beta. If I get one, you'll get your chapters faster instead of after a month. And I counted the votes and …..oh who am I kidding, I didn't count the votes, I just paired Inuyasha with Kagome. And don't think that the story ends here. There is a lot more angst coming up…..I don't know when, but it is, hopefully, maybe, I don't know. I'm making this story up as I go along. Now if someone with good English skills can come forth and help me out, I'll be very grateful. And if you don't then…..well, never mind. REVIEWS! REVIEWS! REVIEWS! Oh and a BETA!!!!