InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Blackout ❯ Betrayal ( Chapter 6 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Adventure / Angst | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 02.18.2014 | Pages: 4 | Words: 8.5K | Visits: 1.7K | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Adventure / Angst | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 02.18.2014 | Pages: 4 | Words: 8.5K | Visits: 1.7K | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha or any of the publicly known characters, plot, etc. I’m just renting them from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz, etc. I do own the plot of this story and any original characters I’ve created. I will make no money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of my readers.
Betrayal
Kagome sat with her arms wrapped around her raised knees, staring into the flickering flames. It was not even noon yet, but Sango and Miroku had decided to set up a quick campsite. They were preparing a hot lunch for everyone from Kagome’s bag, but she suspected that their real motive was to buy themselves some time to gather their thoughts before the impending group discussion. The one where everyone decided what the hell they were going to do now. That sounded like so much fun, she could hardly wait. She had no idea where Inuyasha was. Probably loitering around camp, just out of sight. She was tempted to yell ‘osuwari’ and listen for the thud, but then she didn’t really want to see him at the moment.
Kagome was not happy with him. He had obviously known she was pregnant for at least a week, since the day Shippou said she smelled differently, and probably longer. And in all that time, do you think he could have done her the small courtesy of manning up and telling her? No, she had to find out during her freaking morning sickness. How could someone as valiant and fearless in battle be such a coward? It wasn’t as though keeping silent was going to make this little problem of theirs go away! Just how long did he think he could keep this from her? Did he think that in a little over eight months the baby would pop out and she’d stupidly say ‘oh, look, a baby’?!
The ‘osuwari’ was on the tip of her tongue now, but she managed to hold it back. She was sure Inuyasha hadn’t intentionally left her in the dark. It had probably been a case of procrastinating until it was too late. That didn’t make it excusable, but it did limit his offense to simply being a baka. Oh, yes, he was definitely a giant baka.
But then, so was she. Had Sango not suggested taking precautions against pregnancy the morning after she slept with Inuyasha? Inside the hut, as she was helping her clean up, the taijiya had mentioned a special tea that could be brewed which stood a good chance of preventing pregnancy. Unfortunately, Sango could not remember the exact recipe, and didn’t want to accidentally poison her friend. That meant going to the village healer or flying back to Kaede’s village, either to talk to the old miko or obtain contraceptives from the modern era. None of which appealed much to Kagome, in her hung-over state. She had been so incredibly miserable that she rejected all proposals out of hand. In doing so, she brushed off the very real possibility of pregnancy with an ‘it won’t happen to me’ attitude. Now she wished that Sango had insisted, not that she blamed the taijiya. She hadn’t exactly been pleasant to deal with at the time.
By the time she felt like herself again, it was too late for any feudal era contraceptive to work. That meant getting a morning-after pill from the modern era. But she was pretty sure that required some sort of parental involvement since she was only fifteen—not a discussion she wanted to have with her mother. So instead of doing the responsible thing, though difficult and awkward it might have been, she had taken the easy way out, falling back on her brilliant ‘it won’t happen to me’ idea. She had never felt more like a dumb, naïve teenager than she did right now.
That was what the teacher always said in health class, she reflected. ‘It can happen to you. If you’re going to have sex, use protection.’ They had also discussed the various potential consequences of unprotected sex, principally STDs and pregnancy. While Kagome wasn’t worried about the former given the identity of her partner, she was definitely concerned with the latter. The phrase ‘ruin your life’ had been tossed around, mostly in the educational context. Essentially, the responsibility of being a parent meant you couldn’t finish high school, go to college, or get a good job. Your chances of marrying a halfway decent man apparently went down the toilet as well. To say nothing of how it would affect one’s ability to traipse around feudal Japan, fighting youkai and collecting pieces of a pain-in-the-ass ancient jewel.
This line of thought of course brought her around to the only preventative strategy left open to her: abortion. She considered that for a few moments, then firmly rejected the idea. It left a queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach which had nothing to do with morning sickness. There was now a tiny future person growing inside her womb, and she didn’t think she could bring herself to snuff out its life just so hers could be better. She hadn’t been raped, and the baby’s father wasn’t some stranger or a casual romantic interest. It was Inuyasha, the man she loved and hoped to marry and raise a family with someday. Besides, if those dreams came true for her, then she likely wouldn’t even need the higher education or well-paying job that this child would supposedly prevent her from obtaining. Would her life really end up being ‘better’ without this child? Would it bring her and Inuyasha closer together, or drive them apart?
That was the million-dollar question, and of course she had no concrete answers at this stage. The upcoming group discussion should at least tell her whether everyone was still willing to let her travel with them. They had all agreed, explicitly or implicitly, that she could continue to do so despite her uselessness as a miko. But if anything, pregnancy only made her more helpless and vulnerable. Later on, it would render her slow and clumsy, and probably pretty miserable to have as a traveling companion. She would likely have to remain in her time for at least the third trimester, but the next four or five months were still up in the air. If it was left to her, she would choose to stay with them and try to help accomplish the mission in any way she could. But it really wasn’t her decision, since it would be their responsibility to take care of her as she grew bigger, moodier, and less mobile. She would not force that burden on them against their will.
Kagome continued to brood in silence for a few more minutes, feeling as though she was stuck in some sort of pseudo-reality. This probably wouldn’t seem real to her for some time, maybe not until she saw the ultrasound or felt the first kick. Part of her wanted to sink into denial, but that would just be foolish. When had Inuyasha’s nose ever been wrong about anything? And if her period failed to come and she wasn’t pregnant, then there was potentially some other scary medical issue. So no, she wouldn’t even entertain the possibility that Inuyasha was wrong. That would be counterproductive; instead, she should focus on what do to moving forward. As no doubt her friends were preparing to do.
At last the food was ready. Kagome gratefully took her cup from Miroku, practically drooling at the aroma. She was ravenous after so violently losing her breakfast, but forced herself to eat at a steady pace. Fortunately, her stomach accepted the nourishment happily and without complaint. She knew that morning sickness could strike at any time of the day, but evidently hers was of the ‘classic’ variety. At least that would make it easy to plan around if it kept up.
“Inuyasha!” Sango called. When said hanyou did not appear, she growled in frustration, not happy about being stuck holding his food. Plus, they definitely needed him to participate in their dialogue. “Where is that baka hanyou?”
“Hold up a sec, Sango-chan,” Kagome told her. She inhaled deeply, then released everything in an ear-splitting shout.
“OSUWARI!!!”
The shocked masculine cry, immediately followed by a heavy, painful-sounding thud, was immensely satisfying to Kagome. She didn’t bother to hide her pleased grin as she returned to her meal.
Sango chuckled quietly to herself for a moment. “Inuyasha, you’d better come quickly or she’ll probably do it again!” Evidently, that would not be necessary. “Oh, here he comes.”
“I might do it again anyway,” Kagome stated, only half joking. She was somewhat disappointed that Inuyasha had given in so easily.
“I wouldn’t blame you,” the taijiya told her. “I’d probably give him at least one for every day he held out on you.”
Kagome found that idea very interesting. Maybe she would try to get him a handful of times over the coming days. It would be sweet indeed to elicit some more reactions like that, to catch him when he least expected it…
Miroku and Shippou exchanged a look, both shrinking back slightly from the sadistic glint in Kagome’s eye. They naturally empathized with a fellow male, but Inuyasha was on his own for this one. His action—or inaction—was pretty indefensible. Besides, there are times in a man’s life when he knows that no good whatsoever will come from opening his mouth. This was one of those times.
Inuyasha plopped himself down at the campfire in a huff, as far away from Kagome as he could manage. She didn’t particularly care if he was upset about the ‘osuwari.’ As far as she was concerned, he could take his indignation and shove it. Fortunately, Inuyasha refrained from saying anything that would make matters worse. Instead, he snatched the cup from Sango and inhaled the contents in about twenty seconds. Then he tossed the cup into the fire, belched, and crossed his arms over his chest petulantly. He looked every bit the teenager dragged somewhere he didn’t want to be, compete with upturned nose and snooty glare.
All Kagome could do was shake her head and massage her temple. This was supposed to be the father of her child.
Really?
She could almost see them now, Inuyasha and a little miniature version of him, sitting and pouting at her with that exact same ‘why is Kagome so mean’ expression. And suddenly she wondered if this experience would be like raising one child or two. But she pushed away the sudden anxiety and tried to think positively. Inuyasha was capable of acting like an adult; he just chose not to do so much of the time. Hopefully fatherhood would speed up his incredibly sluggish maturation process.
Besides, her little vision was likely more fantasy than reality for another reason. This child was quarter-youkai, probably the first in history. No one had any idea what it would look like. Would it inherit Inuyasha’s ears, his looks, his claws, his unnatural strength? What would its lifespan be? It would certainly make sense that the human side would show through more than it did for Inuyasha, though the hanyou’s youki was so strong that she had a feeling the little one would be very different from a normal human baby. Her best guess, if she had to speculate, would be that the child would resemble a hanyou, only less powerful. Its features would perhaps be less exceptional, and its time of vulnerability when the youki receded would probably be longer. None of that truly mattered to Kagome; all she really wanted was a healthy, happy baby boy or girl.
And when she began thinking about their baby, holding it in her arms for the first time, her heart swelled. Despite the various threads of anxiety winding inside her head, on a purely emotional level her imagination left her solely with a feeling of warmth. This was a product of her and Inuyasha’s love, after all. Even if said love remained forever one-sided, and their relationship did not work out as she hoped, she and this child would have a future. It would not ruin her life, though it would certainly set her off down a different path. She knew she could always count on her family’s support. And if she was never able to attend advanced schooling or land a lucrative job, there was always the shrine to fall back on. The Higurashi family had a legacy, of which she was the rightful heir. She could live at the shrine and work a menial job just to pay the bills, as countless single mothers had done before her. Most importantly, her child would grow up safe and happy, knowing that it was loved by family members from three separate generations.
And if the father was not in the picture, then that was a void she would just have to have work extra hard to fill. She would tell her child stories of its father, his bravery and courage, and his caring heart. And someday, when the child was old enough, she would tell the true tale of love and heartache, betrayal and healing that was Inuyasha’s past. How that story ended remained to be seen. Kagome certainly hoped for a happily-ever-after. But it was comforting to know that even if her and Inuyasha’s relationship never bloomed to its full potential, she and her child would have a bright future.
Her mood improved, she dared a glance at Inuyasha, whom she was surprised to find gazing at her contemplatively. A moment later he noticed the eye contact and looked away, blushing lightly. Kagome was more than a little perplexed by this behavior, and wondered what he had been thinking about. But she didn’t way to pry. He had apparently left his unjustified irritation behind him, and she did not want to inadvertently cause a relapse.
Miroku too apparently sensed that emotions had settled, for he cleared his throat and spoke up.
“Well, first of all I suppose congratulations are in order,” he declared, somewhat hesitantly. “Congratulations, Inuyasha, Kagome-sama,” he said, bowing to each of them in turn. Sango and Shippou nodded their agreement, but both looked fairly uncomfortable while doing it. Inuyasha merely grunted but Kagome returned the bow.
“Thank you, Miroku-sama.”
“Don’t mention it, Kagome-sama. I meant what I said; even here, I believe we all feel a certain sense of joy at the conception of your child. However, I believe that you will all agree with me when I caution that this situation is…complicated.” Of course, no one disagreed. “So the question which confronts us is this: where do we go from here?”
Silence reigned for several moments, as each member of the Inu-gang reflected privately. Eventually, Miroku resumed his role as leader of the discussion.
“The way I see it, we have two options. First, we could continue on our quest as if nothing has changed, heading north in search of Naraku. Or second, we could return to Kaede-sama’s village for a short while, to allow Kagome-sama to consult with her family.”
To Kagome’s surprise, no one objected or complained that there should be a third option—namely, her staying in her time for the foreseeable future. Even Inuyasha’s facial expression indicated complete agreement with Miroku as to the decision to be made. And she knew that the monk’s phrase ‘to consult with her family’ was not a polite euphemism for ‘remain behind.’ Miroku honestly thought she might want to discuss this matter with her family, which she realized was probably a good idea. But crucially, he was leaving it up to Kagome to decide what she wanted to do, after talking about it with all the people who mattered to her. Including the individuals sitting around this campfire right now.
Kagome blinked back a few tears, sniffling once. No one questioned the reason for her display of emotion, not even Inuyasha. Shippou hopped into her lap, and she hugged him gratefully. This show of solidarity was nothing short of amazing to Kagome. Her friends all valued her company so much, that they would be willing to throw rationality to the winds just to keep her by their sides. As long as she wanted to stay, she was welcome. She loved them all, so much.
“I would like to stay,” Kagome stated, softly but with conviction. “I want to help all of you for as long as I can.”
Miroku and Sango smiled in relief, and Shippou hugged her arm tighter. Somewhat disconcertingly, however, Inuyasha kept his expression stony and neutral, giving nothing way.
“I’m glad, Kagome-chan,” the taijiya told her. “The pregnant women in my village could continue about their daily lives without a problem for most of the term, but none of them ever left the village. There will come a time when it will be too uncomfortable for you to travel. We probably have four to five months left before that happens. We’ll just have to make sure we kill Naraku in that time,” she declared firmly, pounding her fist into her hand.
“Agreed,” Miroku interjected. “So then the issue becomes whether we return to the village now, or continue heading north.”
Kagome shrugged. “I’d like to see my family, but it doesn’t have to be right now. Do you think we’re close to finding a lead?”
“It’s impossible to know for sure,” Sango replied. “We could find something tomorrow, or not for a whole lunar cycle.”
“Let me ask you this, Kagome-sama,” Miroku said. “What would the average pregnant woman be doing right now in your time?”
Kagome considered that for a moment. “Probably trying to set up her first prenatal appointment.” When all she got was blank looks, she hastened to explain. “Prenatal care is special medical care for pregnant women. In my time, there are doctors that specialize in it, and they say every pregnant woman should see one. I guess it makes the pregnancy run smoother and helps to detect problems ahead of time.”
Miroku nodded. “I expected as much. And your time also has advanced medical care to help with the delivery as well, correct?”
“Yeah. Most people nowadays go to the hospital to deliver, so they can get good treatment quickly in case there’s an emergency.”
“So would you like to return to your time now so you can start getting this ‘prenatal’ treatment, Kagome-sama?”
Kagome’s first thought, oddly enough, was to wonder whether her mother’s health insurance covered prenatal care for a dependent. She was sure her mother wouldn’t care either way; she would want her daughter to have prenatal care, even if they had to dip into her college fund to pay for it. Now that she thought about it, she definitely wanted modern medical care throughout her pregnancy, a decision which Miroku had obviously been trying to lead her into. But that didn’t answer the question of when. Should they head for the village now or spend some more time looking for Naraku first? The answer came from a most unexpected source.
“Let’s head back now.”
To the speaker all eyes turned, wide with shock.
“What?!” Inuyasha demanded defensively. Miroku was the first to recover from his astonishment.
“I-it’s nothing, Inuyasha. We were just surprised to hear that from you.”
“Keh,” the hanyou answered gruffly, re-crossing his arms over his chest. “Do you people have any idea how dangerous it is to get knocked up? Women die in childbirth all the time! I bet a lot less people die in Kagome’s time, right?”
Kagome nodded, still not quite believing her ears. “T-t-that’s true. Mortality rates among infants and mothers are much lower in my time.”
“There, you see! Kagome should have the best medical care from start to finish.”
The way he said it, with absolute conviction and not even attempting to hide his concern, left Kagome truly touched. He didn’t care how much of an inconvenience it was, or how many times she would have to go back to her time. He just wanted the best for her and their baby. This was the Inuyasha she wanted to father her child, the confident man who was not afraid to show how much he cared, and knew exactly what his priorities were. He didn’t even spare a relatively minor concern like catching Naraku a second thought. It was truly amazing how quickly Inuyasha could shift between the two extreme versions of himself, child and adult, or to something in between.
“Thank you, Inuyasha,” was all she said, but her adoring tone caused his cheeks to color, and he seemed to lose some of his confidence. An observation confirmed when Miroku spoke up next.
“Yes, Inuyasha, a very wise and considerate decision.”
Inuyasha reacted to praise as he always did, with embarrassment and a hasty attempt to cover his true motives.
“K-keh. We ain’t likely to find Naraku if we keep going, anyway. That bastard hides until he’s ready to be found.”
That was true enough, but nobody was buying his excuse, least of all Kagome. But since he had made such a mature, thoughtful decision, they would let him off the hook.
“Then it’s settled. Shall we get started heading south again?”
“One moment, Miroku-sama,” Kagome interrupted reluctantly. There was one little issue she feared that Inuyasha had not thought through yet. “Inuyasha, you know that going back to my time means telling my mother about what happened, don’t you? And don’t even think about saying that I have to tell her myself. This is your responsibility too.”
The sheepish look which briefly passed over the hanyou’s features indicated that he would have told her exactly that. And likely earned himself a nice ‘osuwari’ for his trouble. Escape route firmly closed, he next tried to convince himself that his newfound ‘responsibility’ wasn’t so bad.
“Might as well get it over with, I guess,” he declared with a sigh. “She would figure it out pretty soon anyway. And it’s not like your mom will disown you.”
“No,” Kagome answered after a brief hesitation. “She probably won’t even get that mad. I just know she’ll be extremely disappointed in me.” And that would be worse than all the anger her mother could possibly conjure up.
“W-well, just tell her it was all my fault. I’m tough. I can take it.”
Kagome had to crack a smile. Here was her selfless Inuyasha again, willing to throw himself under the proverbial bus for her sake. She wouldn’t allow it, but appreciated the offer nonetheless.
“No, I don’t want that. If I lied to save face, I’d just be disappointed in myself. We’re in this together, Inuyasha. Okay?”
His eyes widened at her statement. Perhaps he realized that she was referring to much more than dealing with her family. She would probably never know exactly what was going through his head in that moment. But when he nodded resolutely, with an air of solemnity, she felt that he was making a promise, to her and to himself. Now, if only she could have plucked up the courage to ask what it was.
But the moment passed quickly. Miroku and Sango stood to break down camp, and Shippou asked if he could have a stick of pocky. She considered refusing, but gave in. It wasn’t Shippou’s fault that Inuyasha had procrastinated, and it really hadn’t been the kit’s responsibility to tell her. Given what she had learned about the hanyou this afternoon, however, she knew that she had already forgiven him. He would not be receiving any retaliatory ‘osuwari’ in the coming days. Instead, she would see if she could rekindle the relationship they’d enjoyed before the mysterious creature’s attack a week ago. If they could go back to being happy and carefree, even for a short time, it would do wonders for both of them.
Inuyasha had been the same way, to an even greater extent. Withdrawn to the point of barely saying a few words to anyone over the course of the day, he seemed to be merely going through the motions of reality. He was probably even more conflicted and confused than she was. She would have given anything to have to break up a fight with Shippou, or ‘osuwari’ him for being a jerk. Anything to prove that he still possessed his old brash confidence, one of the things which had drawn her to him in the first place. As she got to know him, of course, she discovered how insecure and sensitive he was under that hard exterior. That had only pulled her in deeper. And just as she had been closer than ever to solving the complex emotional puzzle that was Inuyasha, the consequences of one night of recklessness sent them back to square one. Or so it had seemed for the past two days. Once Inuyasha had gotten his head around their mutual predicament, he would open up to her again. She hoped.
That evening, she decided to do something to get Inuyasha—and herself—out of their respective funks. The other day she had discovered a set of hanafuda cards in a hidden pocket of her bag. How they had gotten there, she had no idea, but the game would hopefully provide a welcome distraction for the group. Hanafuda cards were old, but probably not old enough so her friends from the past would have seen them. But if she and Souta could learn as kids, then so could these adults from the past. She had no concerns whatsoever about Inuyasha’s ability; he was more intelligent than he let on. Shippou was young, but she was confident that he would get it too. Once she had retrieved the cards, she clapped her hands together brightly, startling everyone.
“Okay, gather around! I’m going to teach you guys how to play a game.”
Shippou perked up immediately. “A game from your time, Kagome?” the kit asked, tail twitching with excitement. Kagome could see the wheels turning in his head; he didn’t even know what the game was yet, but he already wanted to beat the pants off everyone. Under other circumstances, she might have expected the same type of reaction from Inuyasha, who was also highly competitive. The hanyou did not react that way this time, but he was eyeing her with mild interest. She would take it. It was a damn sight better than brooding in sullen silence.
Her friends formed into a circle and she dealt the cards, face-up so she could describe the rules and the significance of each card. She was just explaining the difference between normals and special cards when everything went to hell.
Her breath caught in her throat. No, please, not now. Why now?! But the shinidamachu circling overhead was not going to vanish into thin air, no matter how much she wanted it to. If only Kikyou had appeared later, or even before the discovery of her pregnancy. In either case, Inuyasha might not have been such an emotional wreck. And neither would she, for that matter.
“Go,” she told him, voice cracking with the effort. She stared down at the grass, knowing that if she looked into his eyes, staring sadly back at her, she would lose her resolve and beg him to stay. The naïve little girl in her wilted, the part of her which had believed her pregnancy would change their relationship for the better. A fool’s hope. Truly, the only constant which had ever existed between them was Kikyou. She was always there, even before her resurrection, preventing Inuyasha from moving on and acting on the feelings Kagome still hoped were in there, somewhere. And here she was again, once more pulling Inuyasha away, physically and emotionally. Kagome accepted the place Kikyou would always hold in his heart, but that did not make her visits any easier to deal with.
Eventually, she heard the soft, unhurried footfalls indicating Inuyasha’s departure from camp. When he was gone, she heaved a broken sigh and dried the few tears which had escaped past her eyelids.
“Um…you know, Kagome-chan, I’m kind of tired tonight,” Sango declared, trying and failing to keep her tone casual. “Maybe you could teach us this game another time?”
“Yes, it is fairly late,” Miroku observed, looking around and blinking as if he was having trouble seeing in the barely-fading light. Even Shippou nodded, scooting closer to her with wide, concerned eyes.
Kagome managed a sincere, sad smile. “Thanks, guys,” she said, genuinely grateful. The last thing she wanted to do right now was play a game. In fact, she considered asking Kirara to take her home. But she knew that she would never be able to sleep unless she saw Inuyasha return to camp. How long would he and Kikyou stay together? Would he be able to look her in the eye when he returned? These questions and more taunted her, luring her in like a moth to flame. And though she knew she would burn, she had to stick around for the answers.
He found her reclining upon the low-hanging bough of an ancient maple tree, her vivid red hakama standing in stark contrast to the soft, pinkish hues of the fading leaves. She opened her eyes as he approached, and slid down to land softly among the leaf litter. He drew to a halt before her, keeping his expression guarded as she regarded him silently. Then she looked away, revealing a small, sad smile.
“Inuyasha…you came,” she observed quietly, with an air of astonishment.
“Don’t I always?” he replied, bewildered. His heart thundered in his chest. But Kikyou could not possibly know the reason he had considered refusing her summons this evening. And whatever the cost, he had to prevent her from finding out. Eventually he would have to tell Kikyou about Kagome’s condition, the child he had sired, but not tonight. Now was not the right time. If the secret was revealed this evening, the only thing he could foresee was disaster.
“Indeed, you do,” she admitted. “Though as of late, my doubt grows stronger each day.”
“I will always come, Kikyou,” he told her sincerely, in a clipped tone tinged with annoyance. Had he given her any reason to doubt his loyalty in the past? Even now, he was here when he really didn’t want to be, when every thread of conscience he possessed was telling him how much of an ass he was for leaving. Kagome was likely growing more depressed by the second back and camp. He hoped they could wrap this up soon.
Kikyou nodded, but otherwise ignored his words. “So, have you had any fortune in discovering Naraku’s location?”
“No,” he replied quickly, grateful for the change of subject. He considered telling Kikyou about the animated corpse they had fought, but decided against it. The explanation would take too long, and he didn’t really want Kikyou to find Naraku anyway. It would be better for her, and for his peace of mind, if she stayed as far away from the dark hanyou as possible.
“I see. So you have no leads at all as to—”
“We don’t, Kikyou.”
She narrowed her eyes, and Inuyasha realized his mistake. There was a fine line between surreptitiously moving the conversation along, and making it too obvious that you were doing so. Evidently, he had inadvertently crossed that line.
“You seem anxious tonight, Inuyasha,” Kikyou observed with an edge of suspicion. “I trust all is well?”
She took a step closer to him, peering into his eyes, and Inuyasha had to fight the urge to fall back. Instead, he met her gaze straight on, willing his expression into neutrality.
“Fine, Kikyou. I’m…I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.”
“Really?” she asked, her tone indicating disbelief. “And how fares my reincarnation?”
“K-Kagome’s fine, too.”
“Fine?”
“Yeah, she’s…fine.”
For several heartbeats, Inuyasha feared she was going to press him further. But after studying him intently for what seemed a small eternity, she turned away.
“Very well, then. I shall take my leave. Until we meet again, Inuyasha.”
In moments, she was gone, borne off into the night by her shinidamachu. Inuyasha released the breath he’d been holding, tilting his head back and rubbing his neck as relief flooded his system. Kikyou had apparently bought his lame-ass attempt at covering up his earlier anxiousness, a miracle as far as he was concerned. Kami, he was a moron. But then, conversation had never been his strong suit. Evidently, lying wasn’t either. But Kikyou had accepted his words, which was all that mattered. That, and the fact that it hadn’t taken very long. Hopefully, Kagome would not be too upset with him.
Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was amiss. The answer struck him as soon as he turned to make his way back to camp. The direction in which Kikyou had soared off…was the same way he was now facing.
“Shit!” he cried, sprinting through the trees as fast as his legs could carry him. But with a sinking feeling in his gut, he knew he would be too late. He had failed. The confrontation he dreaded above all others was about to take place, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
“So, Kagome, this is how you seek to replace me.”
Her voice was just as frightening. Low and steady, but resonating with the same intense hatred, it shook Kagome to her very core. She could barely muster the mental capacity to breathe; her words utterly failed her. Kikyou waited a few moments for an answer which was not forthcoming, then smoothly drew and nocked an arrow, aiming it squarely at her reincarnation’s chest.
“I should kill you now,” she declared, voice rising with unrestrained emotion. “It was a mistake that I did not end your miserable existence and reclaim my soul as soon as I was revived. A mistake I should rectify.”
But though her eyes narrowed, her grip on the arrow remained firm. The string was drawn taut, but the projectile was not released. The silence crawled on, broken only by the growing sound of hurried footfalls. This was the scene which greeted Inuyasha as he burst onto the scene a few moments later. Kikyou with Kagome dead in her sights and intent to kill oozing from her being. The rest of his companions frozen off to the side, afraid to move. The hanyou did likewise, lest he cause the infinitesimal amount of muscle activity required to release that arrow. It was all on Kikyou now; the decision was hers and hers alone.
She lowered the bow. In an instant, Inuyasha had placed himself protectively in front of Kagome, shielding her from any further threat. He growled low, but resisted the urge to draw Tetsusaiga. Even now, Kikyou was quietly returning the arrow to its quiver and slinging the bow over her shoulder. Much of her violent aura had diminished, replaced principally by sorrow. Finally, head lowered, whether in sadness or shame, she spoke.
“I could not do it,” she whispered. Then her head came up, fire once more burning in her eyes as they seemed to bore straight through Inuyasha to glare at the quivering girl behind him.
“You deserve to die!” she exclaimed vehemently. “But…I cannot bring myself to harm an innocent.” Her last words were delivered with equal parts regret and disappointment.
At last, Inuyasha found his tongue. “Kikyou, wha—”
“Do not take me for a fool, Inuyasha,” the miko snarled, spitting out his name as though it tasted foul on her tongue. “That twinge of youki in her belly does not lie. Nor does it seem unfamiliar. At least do me the courtesy of admitting to what you have done.”
Inuyasha fumbled for a response, in large part because he had never seen Kikyou this furious before. Even her voice and expressions as she sealed him to the Goshinboku and immediately after her resurrection could not compare to the wrath currently rolling off her in waves.
“Nothing to say?” Kikyou demanded. “I should have expected as much from a creature without any shred of honor.”
Inuyasha flinched as if struck, head snapping to the side. He could almost feel the stinging slap against his cheek. He shrunk back, like a beaten child. If anything, his reaction only goaded Kikyou further.
“Was it nice, Inuyasha? Having a young, nubile body to keep you warm at night? A wet, willing cunt to sate your animal lust upon? Did you even try to make love as a man, or did you simply rut her like a beast?”
Kagome gasped, her innate protectiveness of Inuyasha welling within her. It was one thing for Kikyou to threaten her, or condemn her as deserving of death. It was another to demean Inuyasha’s hanyou heritage, which never failed to boil her blood. Especially when such degradation was completely unjustified.
“K-Kikyou,” she said quietly, having not quite found her voice yet. “It’s not what you—”
It happened so fast. With Inuyasha dumbfounded into a stupor, all Kikyou had to do was take one step to the side, nocking an arrow as she went. The projectile impacted the tree less than half a meter above Kagome’s head, pulling a shocked squeak from the girl, her temporary bravado driven to the winds by the murderous intent raging from her opponent once more.
“Do not lie, you shameless slattern!” Kikyou snarled, the last of her composure seeming to desert her. “Do not think that I am ignorant of one truly responsible for Inuyasha’s betrayal. When a pretty girl dresses like a whore, she must be advertising herself as such. And when a pretty whore spreads her legs, what man can resist? You lured him in with your body, then attempted to snare him with the one thing this cursed form of mine can never produce. But you will fail. Inuyasha will remain loyal to me!
“Inuyasha,” she pleaded, a clear attempt at sweetness which instead came out painfully coarse. “This fallen woman sought to deceive you, to trap you by becoming pregnant with your child. But she has miscalculated. She thought she was pure enough to defy the laws of nature, but she was wrong. Now her power as a miko must surely have deserted her, rendering her as useless as any common harlot with a whelp in her belly. Do not fall into her ploy. Come with me. We shall complete the Shikon no Tama, destroy Naraku, and journey to the afterlife. We shall be together, as we were meant to be.”
Kagome’s world narrowed, shrinking to the two individuals directly in front of her, the miko and the hanyou. Nothing else mattered. She waited with bated breath, staring at Inuyasha’s back, trying to read his body language for any clue as to what is answer might be. The signs were not encouraging. His shoulders were slumped, his posture depressed, lacking in any sort of conviction. His hands, often clenched into fists during times of tension, instead hung limply by his sides. No matter how Kagome looked at it, his bearing was one of surrender. Her heart grew heavier with each passing second, as more and more doubt took hold in her consciousness. Then, at long last, he spoke, without raising his head.
“I…I can’t do that, Kikyou.”
The miko scoffed, covering fresh hurt with renewed aggression. “Of course you can’t,” she repeated in a mocking tone. “Not when saddled with your pregnant whore.”
Since Inuyasha’s back was to her, Kagome missed the way his eyes widened at Kikyou’s statement, or how he opened his mouth to protest. As it was, Kikyou resumed speaking before he could find the words, and all Kagome could gather from the exchange was more passive acceptance on his part.
“I do understand your position, Inuyasha,” Kikyou told him, a small amount of respect taking the edge off her harsh tone. “You have enough honor to take on this burden, at least. Very well, then. I shall take my leave. I will even be generous. Feel free to continue your fornications. They do not matter. Just remember, Inuyasha, each time you find yourself fucking your little paramour. Remember that your life belongs to me. When Naraku is defeated and all things which should not be in this world have vanished, you and I will join one another in the afterlife.”
Then, she was gone. Kagome watched until the glow of the shinidamachu vanished overhead. Silence returned to the camp, the most oppressive stillness she had ever known. She closed her eyes, oddly wishing for the thing which had first set her down the path to this moment of utter heartbreak. Sake would numb her pain, give her a dreamless sleep, and perhaps even make her forget this horrible night. What she wouldn’t give for another blackout. But that would be too easy; the nearest drop of alcohol was likely kilometers away. And she simply did not possess the energy to accomplish the movements of her legs necessary to walk, or even to stand. Instead she crawled listlessly over to her sleeping bag and lay down upon the soft fabric.
She sensed Inuyasha’s eyes upon her, but the only sound he made was a soft curse. Then he too was gone, storming noisily into the forest.
Kagome stared blankly into the fire, feeling nothing.
A/N – Wow, I kind of surprised myself with how vicious Kikyou was. If she seemed to be behaving irrationally or contradicting herself, it was intentional. I think that’s what most of us do when we’re crazy mad/hurt, lash out at everyone regardless of how much sense we make. Kikyou is only human, after all.
Also, please note that I am not trying to make a pro-life statement with this chapter. Leaving my own personal beliefs completely out of it, I just think that Kagome is the type of person who would choose to have the baby, especially since Inuyasha is the father.
Finally, a side note on abortion in Japan. According to my limited research, it is officially illegal, but there are several broad exceptions that make abortions fairly common and more or less socially accepted. So it’s reasonable for Kagome, who doesn’t really know the laws, to think that she could get an abortion if she wanted one.
Betrayal
Kagome sat with her arms wrapped around her raised knees, staring into the flickering flames. It was not even noon yet, but Sango and Miroku had decided to set up a quick campsite. They were preparing a hot lunch for everyone from Kagome’s bag, but she suspected that their real motive was to buy themselves some time to gather their thoughts before the impending group discussion. The one where everyone decided what the hell they were going to do now. That sounded like so much fun, she could hardly wait. She had no idea where Inuyasha was. Probably loitering around camp, just out of sight. She was tempted to yell ‘osuwari’ and listen for the thud, but then she didn’t really want to see him at the moment.
Kagome was not happy with him. He had obviously known she was pregnant for at least a week, since the day Shippou said she smelled differently, and probably longer. And in all that time, do you think he could have done her the small courtesy of manning up and telling her? No, she had to find out during her freaking morning sickness. How could someone as valiant and fearless in battle be such a coward? It wasn’t as though keeping silent was going to make this little problem of theirs go away! Just how long did he think he could keep this from her? Did he think that in a little over eight months the baby would pop out and she’d stupidly say ‘oh, look, a baby’?!
The ‘osuwari’ was on the tip of her tongue now, but she managed to hold it back. She was sure Inuyasha hadn’t intentionally left her in the dark. It had probably been a case of procrastinating until it was too late. That didn’t make it excusable, but it did limit his offense to simply being a baka. Oh, yes, he was definitely a giant baka.
But then, so was she. Had Sango not suggested taking precautions against pregnancy the morning after she slept with Inuyasha? Inside the hut, as she was helping her clean up, the taijiya had mentioned a special tea that could be brewed which stood a good chance of preventing pregnancy. Unfortunately, Sango could not remember the exact recipe, and didn’t want to accidentally poison her friend. That meant going to the village healer or flying back to Kaede’s village, either to talk to the old miko or obtain contraceptives from the modern era. None of which appealed much to Kagome, in her hung-over state. She had been so incredibly miserable that she rejected all proposals out of hand. In doing so, she brushed off the very real possibility of pregnancy with an ‘it won’t happen to me’ attitude. Now she wished that Sango had insisted, not that she blamed the taijiya. She hadn’t exactly been pleasant to deal with at the time.
By the time she felt like herself again, it was too late for any feudal era contraceptive to work. That meant getting a morning-after pill from the modern era. But she was pretty sure that required some sort of parental involvement since she was only fifteen—not a discussion she wanted to have with her mother. So instead of doing the responsible thing, though difficult and awkward it might have been, she had taken the easy way out, falling back on her brilliant ‘it won’t happen to me’ idea. She had never felt more like a dumb, naïve teenager than she did right now.
That was what the teacher always said in health class, she reflected. ‘It can happen to you. If you’re going to have sex, use protection.’ They had also discussed the various potential consequences of unprotected sex, principally STDs and pregnancy. While Kagome wasn’t worried about the former given the identity of her partner, she was definitely concerned with the latter. The phrase ‘ruin your life’ had been tossed around, mostly in the educational context. Essentially, the responsibility of being a parent meant you couldn’t finish high school, go to college, or get a good job. Your chances of marrying a halfway decent man apparently went down the toilet as well. To say nothing of how it would affect one’s ability to traipse around feudal Japan, fighting youkai and collecting pieces of a pain-in-the-ass ancient jewel.
This line of thought of course brought her around to the only preventative strategy left open to her: abortion. She considered that for a few moments, then firmly rejected the idea. It left a queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach which had nothing to do with morning sickness. There was now a tiny future person growing inside her womb, and she didn’t think she could bring herself to snuff out its life just so hers could be better. She hadn’t been raped, and the baby’s father wasn’t some stranger or a casual romantic interest. It was Inuyasha, the man she loved and hoped to marry and raise a family with someday. Besides, if those dreams came true for her, then she likely wouldn’t even need the higher education or well-paying job that this child would supposedly prevent her from obtaining. Would her life really end up being ‘better’ without this child? Would it bring her and Inuyasha closer together, or drive them apart?
That was the million-dollar question, and of course she had no concrete answers at this stage. The upcoming group discussion should at least tell her whether everyone was still willing to let her travel with them. They had all agreed, explicitly or implicitly, that she could continue to do so despite her uselessness as a miko. But if anything, pregnancy only made her more helpless and vulnerable. Later on, it would render her slow and clumsy, and probably pretty miserable to have as a traveling companion. She would likely have to remain in her time for at least the third trimester, but the next four or five months were still up in the air. If it was left to her, she would choose to stay with them and try to help accomplish the mission in any way she could. But it really wasn’t her decision, since it would be their responsibility to take care of her as she grew bigger, moodier, and less mobile. She would not force that burden on them against their will.
Kagome continued to brood in silence for a few more minutes, feeling as though she was stuck in some sort of pseudo-reality. This probably wouldn’t seem real to her for some time, maybe not until she saw the ultrasound or felt the first kick. Part of her wanted to sink into denial, but that would just be foolish. When had Inuyasha’s nose ever been wrong about anything? And if her period failed to come and she wasn’t pregnant, then there was potentially some other scary medical issue. So no, she wouldn’t even entertain the possibility that Inuyasha was wrong. That would be counterproductive; instead, she should focus on what do to moving forward. As no doubt her friends were preparing to do.
At last the food was ready. Kagome gratefully took her cup from Miroku, practically drooling at the aroma. She was ravenous after so violently losing her breakfast, but forced herself to eat at a steady pace. Fortunately, her stomach accepted the nourishment happily and without complaint. She knew that morning sickness could strike at any time of the day, but evidently hers was of the ‘classic’ variety. At least that would make it easy to plan around if it kept up.
“Inuyasha!” Sango called. When said hanyou did not appear, she growled in frustration, not happy about being stuck holding his food. Plus, they definitely needed him to participate in their dialogue. “Where is that baka hanyou?”
“Hold up a sec, Sango-chan,” Kagome told her. She inhaled deeply, then released everything in an ear-splitting shout.
“OSUWARI!!!”
The shocked masculine cry, immediately followed by a heavy, painful-sounding thud, was immensely satisfying to Kagome. She didn’t bother to hide her pleased grin as she returned to her meal.
Sango chuckled quietly to herself for a moment. “Inuyasha, you’d better come quickly or she’ll probably do it again!” Evidently, that would not be necessary. “Oh, here he comes.”
“I might do it again anyway,” Kagome stated, only half joking. She was somewhat disappointed that Inuyasha had given in so easily.
“I wouldn’t blame you,” the taijiya told her. “I’d probably give him at least one for every day he held out on you.”
Kagome found that idea very interesting. Maybe she would try to get him a handful of times over the coming days. It would be sweet indeed to elicit some more reactions like that, to catch him when he least expected it…
Miroku and Shippou exchanged a look, both shrinking back slightly from the sadistic glint in Kagome’s eye. They naturally empathized with a fellow male, but Inuyasha was on his own for this one. His action—or inaction—was pretty indefensible. Besides, there are times in a man’s life when he knows that no good whatsoever will come from opening his mouth. This was one of those times.
Inuyasha plopped himself down at the campfire in a huff, as far away from Kagome as he could manage. She didn’t particularly care if he was upset about the ‘osuwari.’ As far as she was concerned, he could take his indignation and shove it. Fortunately, Inuyasha refrained from saying anything that would make matters worse. Instead, he snatched the cup from Sango and inhaled the contents in about twenty seconds. Then he tossed the cup into the fire, belched, and crossed his arms over his chest petulantly. He looked every bit the teenager dragged somewhere he didn’t want to be, compete with upturned nose and snooty glare.
All Kagome could do was shake her head and massage her temple. This was supposed to be the father of her child.
Really?
She could almost see them now, Inuyasha and a little miniature version of him, sitting and pouting at her with that exact same ‘why is Kagome so mean’ expression. And suddenly she wondered if this experience would be like raising one child or two. But she pushed away the sudden anxiety and tried to think positively. Inuyasha was capable of acting like an adult; he just chose not to do so much of the time. Hopefully fatherhood would speed up his incredibly sluggish maturation process.
Besides, her little vision was likely more fantasy than reality for another reason. This child was quarter-youkai, probably the first in history. No one had any idea what it would look like. Would it inherit Inuyasha’s ears, his looks, his claws, his unnatural strength? What would its lifespan be? It would certainly make sense that the human side would show through more than it did for Inuyasha, though the hanyou’s youki was so strong that she had a feeling the little one would be very different from a normal human baby. Her best guess, if she had to speculate, would be that the child would resemble a hanyou, only less powerful. Its features would perhaps be less exceptional, and its time of vulnerability when the youki receded would probably be longer. None of that truly mattered to Kagome; all she really wanted was a healthy, happy baby boy or girl.
And when she began thinking about their baby, holding it in her arms for the first time, her heart swelled. Despite the various threads of anxiety winding inside her head, on a purely emotional level her imagination left her solely with a feeling of warmth. This was a product of her and Inuyasha’s love, after all. Even if said love remained forever one-sided, and their relationship did not work out as she hoped, she and this child would have a future. It would not ruin her life, though it would certainly set her off down a different path. She knew she could always count on her family’s support. And if she was never able to attend advanced schooling or land a lucrative job, there was always the shrine to fall back on. The Higurashi family had a legacy, of which she was the rightful heir. She could live at the shrine and work a menial job just to pay the bills, as countless single mothers had done before her. Most importantly, her child would grow up safe and happy, knowing that it was loved by family members from three separate generations.
And if the father was not in the picture, then that was a void she would just have to have work extra hard to fill. She would tell her child stories of its father, his bravery and courage, and his caring heart. And someday, when the child was old enough, she would tell the true tale of love and heartache, betrayal and healing that was Inuyasha’s past. How that story ended remained to be seen. Kagome certainly hoped for a happily-ever-after. But it was comforting to know that even if her and Inuyasha’s relationship never bloomed to its full potential, she and her child would have a bright future.
Her mood improved, she dared a glance at Inuyasha, whom she was surprised to find gazing at her contemplatively. A moment later he noticed the eye contact and looked away, blushing lightly. Kagome was more than a little perplexed by this behavior, and wondered what he had been thinking about. But she didn’t way to pry. He had apparently left his unjustified irritation behind him, and she did not want to inadvertently cause a relapse.
Miroku too apparently sensed that emotions had settled, for he cleared his throat and spoke up.
“Well, first of all I suppose congratulations are in order,” he declared, somewhat hesitantly. “Congratulations, Inuyasha, Kagome-sama,” he said, bowing to each of them in turn. Sango and Shippou nodded their agreement, but both looked fairly uncomfortable while doing it. Inuyasha merely grunted but Kagome returned the bow.
“Thank you, Miroku-sama.”
“Don’t mention it, Kagome-sama. I meant what I said; even here, I believe we all feel a certain sense of joy at the conception of your child. However, I believe that you will all agree with me when I caution that this situation is…complicated.” Of course, no one disagreed. “So the question which confronts us is this: where do we go from here?”
Silence reigned for several moments, as each member of the Inu-gang reflected privately. Eventually, Miroku resumed his role as leader of the discussion.
“The way I see it, we have two options. First, we could continue on our quest as if nothing has changed, heading north in search of Naraku. Or second, we could return to Kaede-sama’s village for a short while, to allow Kagome-sama to consult with her family.”
To Kagome’s surprise, no one objected or complained that there should be a third option—namely, her staying in her time for the foreseeable future. Even Inuyasha’s facial expression indicated complete agreement with Miroku as to the decision to be made. And she knew that the monk’s phrase ‘to consult with her family’ was not a polite euphemism for ‘remain behind.’ Miroku honestly thought she might want to discuss this matter with her family, which she realized was probably a good idea. But crucially, he was leaving it up to Kagome to decide what she wanted to do, after talking about it with all the people who mattered to her. Including the individuals sitting around this campfire right now.
Kagome blinked back a few tears, sniffling once. No one questioned the reason for her display of emotion, not even Inuyasha. Shippou hopped into her lap, and she hugged him gratefully. This show of solidarity was nothing short of amazing to Kagome. Her friends all valued her company so much, that they would be willing to throw rationality to the winds just to keep her by their sides. As long as she wanted to stay, she was welcome. She loved them all, so much.
“I would like to stay,” Kagome stated, softly but with conviction. “I want to help all of you for as long as I can.”
Miroku and Sango smiled in relief, and Shippou hugged her arm tighter. Somewhat disconcertingly, however, Inuyasha kept his expression stony and neutral, giving nothing way.
“I’m glad, Kagome-chan,” the taijiya told her. “The pregnant women in my village could continue about their daily lives without a problem for most of the term, but none of them ever left the village. There will come a time when it will be too uncomfortable for you to travel. We probably have four to five months left before that happens. We’ll just have to make sure we kill Naraku in that time,” she declared firmly, pounding her fist into her hand.
“Agreed,” Miroku interjected. “So then the issue becomes whether we return to the village now, or continue heading north.”
Kagome shrugged. “I’d like to see my family, but it doesn’t have to be right now. Do you think we’re close to finding a lead?”
“It’s impossible to know for sure,” Sango replied. “We could find something tomorrow, or not for a whole lunar cycle.”
“Let me ask you this, Kagome-sama,” Miroku said. “What would the average pregnant woman be doing right now in your time?”
Kagome considered that for a moment. “Probably trying to set up her first prenatal appointment.” When all she got was blank looks, she hastened to explain. “Prenatal care is special medical care for pregnant women. In my time, there are doctors that specialize in it, and they say every pregnant woman should see one. I guess it makes the pregnancy run smoother and helps to detect problems ahead of time.”
Miroku nodded. “I expected as much. And your time also has advanced medical care to help with the delivery as well, correct?”
“Yeah. Most people nowadays go to the hospital to deliver, so they can get good treatment quickly in case there’s an emergency.”
“So would you like to return to your time now so you can start getting this ‘prenatal’ treatment, Kagome-sama?”
Kagome’s first thought, oddly enough, was to wonder whether her mother’s health insurance covered prenatal care for a dependent. She was sure her mother wouldn’t care either way; she would want her daughter to have prenatal care, even if they had to dip into her college fund to pay for it. Now that she thought about it, she definitely wanted modern medical care throughout her pregnancy, a decision which Miroku had obviously been trying to lead her into. But that didn’t answer the question of when. Should they head for the village now or spend some more time looking for Naraku first? The answer came from a most unexpected source.
“Let’s head back now.”
To the speaker all eyes turned, wide with shock.
“What?!” Inuyasha demanded defensively. Miroku was the first to recover from his astonishment.
“I-it’s nothing, Inuyasha. We were just surprised to hear that from you.”
“Keh,” the hanyou answered gruffly, re-crossing his arms over his chest. “Do you people have any idea how dangerous it is to get knocked up? Women die in childbirth all the time! I bet a lot less people die in Kagome’s time, right?”
Kagome nodded, still not quite believing her ears. “T-t-that’s true. Mortality rates among infants and mothers are much lower in my time.”
“There, you see! Kagome should have the best medical care from start to finish.”
The way he said it, with absolute conviction and not even attempting to hide his concern, left Kagome truly touched. He didn’t care how much of an inconvenience it was, or how many times she would have to go back to her time. He just wanted the best for her and their baby. This was the Inuyasha she wanted to father her child, the confident man who was not afraid to show how much he cared, and knew exactly what his priorities were. He didn’t even spare a relatively minor concern like catching Naraku a second thought. It was truly amazing how quickly Inuyasha could shift between the two extreme versions of himself, child and adult, or to something in between.
“Thank you, Inuyasha,” was all she said, but her adoring tone caused his cheeks to color, and he seemed to lose some of his confidence. An observation confirmed when Miroku spoke up next.
“Yes, Inuyasha, a very wise and considerate decision.”
Inuyasha reacted to praise as he always did, with embarrassment and a hasty attempt to cover his true motives.
“K-keh. We ain’t likely to find Naraku if we keep going, anyway. That bastard hides until he’s ready to be found.”
That was true enough, but nobody was buying his excuse, least of all Kagome. But since he had made such a mature, thoughtful decision, they would let him off the hook.
“Then it’s settled. Shall we get started heading south again?”
“One moment, Miroku-sama,” Kagome interrupted reluctantly. There was one little issue she feared that Inuyasha had not thought through yet. “Inuyasha, you know that going back to my time means telling my mother about what happened, don’t you? And don’t even think about saying that I have to tell her myself. This is your responsibility too.”
The sheepish look which briefly passed over the hanyou’s features indicated that he would have told her exactly that. And likely earned himself a nice ‘osuwari’ for his trouble. Escape route firmly closed, he next tried to convince himself that his newfound ‘responsibility’ wasn’t so bad.
“Might as well get it over with, I guess,” he declared with a sigh. “She would figure it out pretty soon anyway. And it’s not like your mom will disown you.”
“No,” Kagome answered after a brief hesitation. “She probably won’t even get that mad. I just know she’ll be extremely disappointed in me.” And that would be worse than all the anger her mother could possibly conjure up.
“W-well, just tell her it was all my fault. I’m tough. I can take it.”
Kagome had to crack a smile. Here was her selfless Inuyasha again, willing to throw himself under the proverbial bus for her sake. She wouldn’t allow it, but appreciated the offer nonetheless.
“No, I don’t want that. If I lied to save face, I’d just be disappointed in myself. We’re in this together, Inuyasha. Okay?”
His eyes widened at her statement. Perhaps he realized that she was referring to much more than dealing with her family. She would probably never know exactly what was going through his head in that moment. But when he nodded resolutely, with an air of solemnity, she felt that he was making a promise, to her and to himself. Now, if only she could have plucked up the courage to ask what it was.
But the moment passed quickly. Miroku and Sango stood to break down camp, and Shippou asked if he could have a stick of pocky. She considered refusing, but gave in. It wasn’t Shippou’s fault that Inuyasha had procrastinated, and it really hadn’t been the kit’s responsibility to tell her. Given what she had learned about the hanyou this afternoon, however, she knew that she had already forgiven him. He would not be receiving any retaliatory ‘osuwari’ in the coming days. Instead, she would see if she could rekindle the relationship they’d enjoyed before the mysterious creature’s attack a week ago. If they could go back to being happy and carefree, even for a short time, it would do wonders for both of them.
* * *
A couple days later, Kagome was forced to come to terms with the reality that she wasn’t going to get her wish. Apparently, being carefree and being pregnant did not mix, for either parent. She certainly would not characterize herself as ‘free of care.’ Her emotions were still chaotically mixed, an amalgam of regret, excitement, and worry. She could never seem to settle on one before another reared up and sent her off on a whole new mental tangent. As a result, she had been distracted and less sociable than usual, though at least her other friends seemed to understand. Inuyasha had been the same way, to an even greater extent. Withdrawn to the point of barely saying a few words to anyone over the course of the day, he seemed to be merely going through the motions of reality. He was probably even more conflicted and confused than she was. She would have given anything to have to break up a fight with Shippou, or ‘osuwari’ him for being a jerk. Anything to prove that he still possessed his old brash confidence, one of the things which had drawn her to him in the first place. As she got to know him, of course, she discovered how insecure and sensitive he was under that hard exterior. That had only pulled her in deeper. And just as she had been closer than ever to solving the complex emotional puzzle that was Inuyasha, the consequences of one night of recklessness sent them back to square one. Or so it had seemed for the past two days. Once Inuyasha had gotten his head around their mutual predicament, he would open up to her again. She hoped.
That evening, she decided to do something to get Inuyasha—and herself—out of their respective funks. The other day she had discovered a set of hanafuda cards in a hidden pocket of her bag. How they had gotten there, she had no idea, but the game would hopefully provide a welcome distraction for the group. Hanafuda cards were old, but probably not old enough so her friends from the past would have seen them. But if she and Souta could learn as kids, then so could these adults from the past. She had no concerns whatsoever about Inuyasha’s ability; he was more intelligent than he let on. Shippou was young, but she was confident that he would get it too. Once she had retrieved the cards, she clapped her hands together brightly, startling everyone.
“Okay, gather around! I’m going to teach you guys how to play a game.”
Shippou perked up immediately. “A game from your time, Kagome?” the kit asked, tail twitching with excitement. Kagome could see the wheels turning in his head; he didn’t even know what the game was yet, but he already wanted to beat the pants off everyone. Under other circumstances, she might have expected the same type of reaction from Inuyasha, who was also highly competitive. The hanyou did not react that way this time, but he was eyeing her with mild interest. She would take it. It was a damn sight better than brooding in sullen silence.
Her friends formed into a circle and she dealt the cards, face-up so she could describe the rules and the significance of each card. She was just explaining the difference between normals and special cards when everything went to hell.
Her breath caught in her throat. No, please, not now. Why now?! But the shinidamachu circling overhead was not going to vanish into thin air, no matter how much she wanted it to. If only Kikyou had appeared later, or even before the discovery of her pregnancy. In either case, Inuyasha might not have been such an emotional wreck. And neither would she, for that matter.
“Go,” she told him, voice cracking with the effort. She stared down at the grass, knowing that if she looked into his eyes, staring sadly back at her, she would lose her resolve and beg him to stay. The naïve little girl in her wilted, the part of her which had believed her pregnancy would change their relationship for the better. A fool’s hope. Truly, the only constant which had ever existed between them was Kikyou. She was always there, even before her resurrection, preventing Inuyasha from moving on and acting on the feelings Kagome still hoped were in there, somewhere. And here she was again, once more pulling Inuyasha away, physically and emotionally. Kagome accepted the place Kikyou would always hold in his heart, but that did not make her visits any easier to deal with.
Eventually, she heard the soft, unhurried footfalls indicating Inuyasha’s departure from camp. When he was gone, she heaved a broken sigh and dried the few tears which had escaped past her eyelids.
“Um…you know, Kagome-chan, I’m kind of tired tonight,” Sango declared, trying and failing to keep her tone casual. “Maybe you could teach us this game another time?”
“Yes, it is fairly late,” Miroku observed, looking around and blinking as if he was having trouble seeing in the barely-fading light. Even Shippou nodded, scooting closer to her with wide, concerned eyes.
Kagome managed a sincere, sad smile. “Thanks, guys,” she said, genuinely grateful. The last thing she wanted to do right now was play a game. In fact, she considered asking Kirara to take her home. But she knew that she would never be able to sleep unless she saw Inuyasha return to camp. How long would he and Kikyou stay together? Would he be able to look her in the eye when he returned? These questions and more taunted her, luring her in like a moth to flame. And though she knew she would burn, she had to stick around for the answers.
* * *
Inuyasha trudged through the forest, feeling thoroughly sick to his stomach. This was quite possibly the most guilt-ridden he had ever been in his life. He had gotten a girl pregnant, his best friend no less, and was now strolling off to meet another woman. A woman his pregnant friend was deeply insecure about. Yep, he was dirt, plain and simple. He would do Kagome the courtesy of trying to keep his rendezvous with Kikyou short. It wasn’t like they had much to talk about these days, anyway. And Kagome had been barely holding herself together back at camp, unable to even look at him. He knew he was dragging her feelings for him—whatever those might be—through the mud, and felt terrible for it. But the trouble was that if he refused to go see Kikyou, then he would feel guilty for an entirely different reason. Whatever might be said of the dead miko, he had to go to her when she called. He owed her that much at least. He found her reclining upon the low-hanging bough of an ancient maple tree, her vivid red hakama standing in stark contrast to the soft, pinkish hues of the fading leaves. She opened her eyes as he approached, and slid down to land softly among the leaf litter. He drew to a halt before her, keeping his expression guarded as she regarded him silently. Then she looked away, revealing a small, sad smile.
“Inuyasha…you came,” she observed quietly, with an air of astonishment.
“Don’t I always?” he replied, bewildered. His heart thundered in his chest. But Kikyou could not possibly know the reason he had considered refusing her summons this evening. And whatever the cost, he had to prevent her from finding out. Eventually he would have to tell Kikyou about Kagome’s condition, the child he had sired, but not tonight. Now was not the right time. If the secret was revealed this evening, the only thing he could foresee was disaster.
“Indeed, you do,” she admitted. “Though as of late, my doubt grows stronger each day.”
“I will always come, Kikyou,” he told her sincerely, in a clipped tone tinged with annoyance. Had he given her any reason to doubt his loyalty in the past? Even now, he was here when he really didn’t want to be, when every thread of conscience he possessed was telling him how much of an ass he was for leaving. Kagome was likely growing more depressed by the second back and camp. He hoped they could wrap this up soon.
Kikyou nodded, but otherwise ignored his words. “So, have you had any fortune in discovering Naraku’s location?”
“No,” he replied quickly, grateful for the change of subject. He considered telling Kikyou about the animated corpse they had fought, but decided against it. The explanation would take too long, and he didn’t really want Kikyou to find Naraku anyway. It would be better for her, and for his peace of mind, if she stayed as far away from the dark hanyou as possible.
“I see. So you have no leads at all as to—”
“We don’t, Kikyou.”
She narrowed her eyes, and Inuyasha realized his mistake. There was a fine line between surreptitiously moving the conversation along, and making it too obvious that you were doing so. Evidently, he had inadvertently crossed that line.
“You seem anxious tonight, Inuyasha,” Kikyou observed with an edge of suspicion. “I trust all is well?”
She took a step closer to him, peering into his eyes, and Inuyasha had to fight the urge to fall back. Instead, he met her gaze straight on, willing his expression into neutrality.
“Fine, Kikyou. I’m…I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.”
“Really?” she asked, her tone indicating disbelief. “And how fares my reincarnation?”
“K-Kagome’s fine, too.”
“Fine?”
“Yeah, she’s…fine.”
For several heartbeats, Inuyasha feared she was going to press him further. But after studying him intently for what seemed a small eternity, she turned away.
“Very well, then. I shall take my leave. Until we meet again, Inuyasha.”
In moments, she was gone, borne off into the night by her shinidamachu. Inuyasha released the breath he’d been holding, tilting his head back and rubbing his neck as relief flooded his system. Kikyou had apparently bought his lame-ass attempt at covering up his earlier anxiousness, a miracle as far as he was concerned. Kami, he was a moron. But then, conversation had never been his strong suit. Evidently, lying wasn’t either. But Kikyou had accepted his words, which was all that mattered. That, and the fact that it hadn’t taken very long. Hopefully, Kagome would not be too upset with him.
Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was amiss. The answer struck him as soon as he turned to make his way back to camp. The direction in which Kikyou had soared off…was the same way he was now facing.
“Shit!” he cried, sprinting through the trees as fast as his legs could carry him. But with a sinking feeling in his gut, he knew he would be too late. He had failed. The confrontation he dreaded above all others was about to take place, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
* * *
Kagome stared transfixed, her gaze drawn inexorably to the twin pools of swirling blackness no matter how strongly she wanted to look away. Those eyes, darkened with malice, seemed to probe deep within her. It felt as though her very soul was on display, exposed to that cruel gaze, an icy wind which cut her to the bone. The pure, unadulterated hate sent shivers coursing up and down her spine, goose bumps rising on her bare skin. At times in the past, those eyes had reflected only sorrow and emptiness, as lifeless as the body housing them. Now, however, they burned with loathing, an unquenchable firestorm of rage. Powerless before such fury, Kagome gulped and waited for the licking flames to reach her, like a maiden bound at the stake. “So, Kagome, this is how you seek to replace me.”
Her voice was just as frightening. Low and steady, but resonating with the same intense hatred, it shook Kagome to her very core. She could barely muster the mental capacity to breathe; her words utterly failed her. Kikyou waited a few moments for an answer which was not forthcoming, then smoothly drew and nocked an arrow, aiming it squarely at her reincarnation’s chest.
“I should kill you now,” she declared, voice rising with unrestrained emotion. “It was a mistake that I did not end your miserable existence and reclaim my soul as soon as I was revived. A mistake I should rectify.”
But though her eyes narrowed, her grip on the arrow remained firm. The string was drawn taut, but the projectile was not released. The silence crawled on, broken only by the growing sound of hurried footfalls. This was the scene which greeted Inuyasha as he burst onto the scene a few moments later. Kikyou with Kagome dead in her sights and intent to kill oozing from her being. The rest of his companions frozen off to the side, afraid to move. The hanyou did likewise, lest he cause the infinitesimal amount of muscle activity required to release that arrow. It was all on Kikyou now; the decision was hers and hers alone.
She lowered the bow. In an instant, Inuyasha had placed himself protectively in front of Kagome, shielding her from any further threat. He growled low, but resisted the urge to draw Tetsusaiga. Even now, Kikyou was quietly returning the arrow to its quiver and slinging the bow over her shoulder. Much of her violent aura had diminished, replaced principally by sorrow. Finally, head lowered, whether in sadness or shame, she spoke.
“I could not do it,” she whispered. Then her head came up, fire once more burning in her eyes as they seemed to bore straight through Inuyasha to glare at the quivering girl behind him.
“You deserve to die!” she exclaimed vehemently. “But…I cannot bring myself to harm an innocent.” Her last words were delivered with equal parts regret and disappointment.
At last, Inuyasha found his tongue. “Kikyou, wha—”
“Do not take me for a fool, Inuyasha,” the miko snarled, spitting out his name as though it tasted foul on her tongue. “That twinge of youki in her belly does not lie. Nor does it seem unfamiliar. At least do me the courtesy of admitting to what you have done.”
Inuyasha fumbled for a response, in large part because he had never seen Kikyou this furious before. Even her voice and expressions as she sealed him to the Goshinboku and immediately after her resurrection could not compare to the wrath currently rolling off her in waves.
“Nothing to say?” Kikyou demanded. “I should have expected as much from a creature without any shred of honor.”
Inuyasha flinched as if struck, head snapping to the side. He could almost feel the stinging slap against his cheek. He shrunk back, like a beaten child. If anything, his reaction only goaded Kikyou further.
“Was it nice, Inuyasha? Having a young, nubile body to keep you warm at night? A wet, willing cunt to sate your animal lust upon? Did you even try to make love as a man, or did you simply rut her like a beast?”
Kagome gasped, her innate protectiveness of Inuyasha welling within her. It was one thing for Kikyou to threaten her, or condemn her as deserving of death. It was another to demean Inuyasha’s hanyou heritage, which never failed to boil her blood. Especially when such degradation was completely unjustified.
“K-Kikyou,” she said quietly, having not quite found her voice yet. “It’s not what you—”
It happened so fast. With Inuyasha dumbfounded into a stupor, all Kikyou had to do was take one step to the side, nocking an arrow as she went. The projectile impacted the tree less than half a meter above Kagome’s head, pulling a shocked squeak from the girl, her temporary bravado driven to the winds by the murderous intent raging from her opponent once more.
“Do not lie, you shameless slattern!” Kikyou snarled, the last of her composure seeming to desert her. “Do not think that I am ignorant of one truly responsible for Inuyasha’s betrayal. When a pretty girl dresses like a whore, she must be advertising herself as such. And when a pretty whore spreads her legs, what man can resist? You lured him in with your body, then attempted to snare him with the one thing this cursed form of mine can never produce. But you will fail. Inuyasha will remain loyal to me!
“Inuyasha,” she pleaded, a clear attempt at sweetness which instead came out painfully coarse. “This fallen woman sought to deceive you, to trap you by becoming pregnant with your child. But she has miscalculated. She thought she was pure enough to defy the laws of nature, but she was wrong. Now her power as a miko must surely have deserted her, rendering her as useless as any common harlot with a whelp in her belly. Do not fall into her ploy. Come with me. We shall complete the Shikon no Tama, destroy Naraku, and journey to the afterlife. We shall be together, as we were meant to be.”
Kagome’s world narrowed, shrinking to the two individuals directly in front of her, the miko and the hanyou. Nothing else mattered. She waited with bated breath, staring at Inuyasha’s back, trying to read his body language for any clue as to what is answer might be. The signs were not encouraging. His shoulders were slumped, his posture depressed, lacking in any sort of conviction. His hands, often clenched into fists during times of tension, instead hung limply by his sides. No matter how Kagome looked at it, his bearing was one of surrender. Her heart grew heavier with each passing second, as more and more doubt took hold in her consciousness. Then, at long last, he spoke, without raising his head.
“I…I can’t do that, Kikyou.”
The miko scoffed, covering fresh hurt with renewed aggression. “Of course you can’t,” she repeated in a mocking tone. “Not when saddled with your pregnant whore.”
Since Inuyasha’s back was to her, Kagome missed the way his eyes widened at Kikyou’s statement, or how he opened his mouth to protest. As it was, Kikyou resumed speaking before he could find the words, and all Kagome could gather from the exchange was more passive acceptance on his part.
“I do understand your position, Inuyasha,” Kikyou told him, a small amount of respect taking the edge off her harsh tone. “You have enough honor to take on this burden, at least. Very well, then. I shall take my leave. I will even be generous. Feel free to continue your fornications. They do not matter. Just remember, Inuyasha, each time you find yourself fucking your little paramour. Remember that your life belongs to me. When Naraku is defeated and all things which should not be in this world have vanished, you and I will join one another in the afterlife.”
Then, she was gone. Kagome watched until the glow of the shinidamachu vanished overhead. Silence returned to the camp, the most oppressive stillness she had ever known. She closed her eyes, oddly wishing for the thing which had first set her down the path to this moment of utter heartbreak. Sake would numb her pain, give her a dreamless sleep, and perhaps even make her forget this horrible night. What she wouldn’t give for another blackout. But that would be too easy; the nearest drop of alcohol was likely kilometers away. And she simply did not possess the energy to accomplish the movements of her legs necessary to walk, or even to stand. Instead she crawled listlessly over to her sleeping bag and lay down upon the soft fabric.
She sensed Inuyasha’s eyes upon her, but the only sound he made was a soft curse. Then he too was gone, storming noisily into the forest.
Kagome stared blankly into the fire, feeling nothing.
A/N – Wow, I kind of surprised myself with how vicious Kikyou was. If she seemed to be behaving irrationally or contradicting herself, it was intentional. I think that’s what most of us do when we’re crazy mad/hurt, lash out at everyone regardless of how much sense we make. Kikyou is only human, after all.
Also, please note that I am not trying to make a pro-life statement with this chapter. Leaving my own personal beliefs completely out of it, I just think that Kagome is the type of person who would choose to have the baby, especially since Inuyasha is the father.
Finally, a side note on abortion in Japan. According to my limited research, it is officially illegal, but there are several broad exceptions that make abortions fairly common and more or less socially accepted. So it’s reasonable for Kagome, who doesn’t really know the laws, to think that she could get an abortion if she wanted one.