InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Emergence ❯ Awakenings ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
A/N: Okay so I really, really want to know what you think of this chapter. It's one I worked really hard on am actually satisfied with and so feedback would be great. Anyway on with the story...

~ * ~

InuYasha looked out the small window of the tiny cabin he and her mother would be sharing for the next twenty-four hours. He felt the ship move as it began the journey across the sea. When he first saw the vessel they would be taking he had been astounded by the sheer size of it. Mentally he snorted; You’d never know how big it is, by the size of this room. Kaede-baba’s hut is a fucking castle compared to this place.

InuYasha however, quickly let go of his negative thoughts. One day, a single day and he would be reunited with Kagome. He could stand the confines of this space as long as he had seeing her to look forward to.

“You know InuYasha, you don’t have to stay cooped up down here. You are free to wander the deck.” Asami offered.

InuYasha looked at the human woman and wondered not for the first time how she was able to read him so well, just like Kagome could. He wondered if it was some strange gift of their family. Really strange since there aren’t many, except maybe Kagome and her mother, who would see the ability to read the moods of a temperamental inu-hanyou, as a gift.

Kikyou had never been so attuned to him. With her he felt like he always had to hold back part of himself. He had feared angering or offending her and she had in fact on several occasions cautioned him against being violent in her presence, as if purifying youkai wasn’t violent. Of course she saw her own violent actions as performing an act of good, removing the taint of youkai from the world.

He would never deny that a part of him loved her, but he now knew that most of him loved the idea of her, the dream that she could fulfill, of not being alone anymore. She was an important part of his past and of who he was now, but that was the key to it all, the one thing it took him so long to realize. She was his past, and Kagome, if she could forgive him, was his future.

“You’ll be all right?” he asked.

Asami smiled. Such a thoughtful boy once you get past his brash demeanor. Kagome could do far worse than a boy like him. “I’ll be fine. I doubt I’ll be accosted here in the room. I don’t much care for sailing, so I probably won’t be leaving the room the entire time, but I certainly don’t expect you to stay in here with me. I know you are not used to feeling so confined.”

InuYasha nodded before leaving the room and quickly ascending the stairs. The smell of salt and water hit him along with the crisp cool air. He took a deep breath and felt refreshed, shedding the tension of his body as his hair fanned out behind him in the steady wind.

He didn’t look back to where land was surely in sight but instead chose to stare out toward the endless horizon. InuYasha found himself struck by the beauty of the vastness before him and knew that it was Kagome’s influence. Before she quite literally fell into his life, he had never truly taken the time to notice the world around him. Of course that was do in part to the fact that he spent most of his time fighting for his life, but not entirely.

In the past he had always pretended it was stupid every time Kagome would point out a flower or a waterfall and gasp, eyes alight with wonder, or at night when she would look up at the stars and sigh not understanding how it was that everyone didn’t spend hours looking up in amazement. The truth was that because of her he did see the beauty in the things she pointed out, but more than that he appreciated them because of what they did for her.

He marveled at how she was able to find things to be happy about in his violent world of youkai, where she saw far too much blood and death, especially for a girl who should only ever have to look upon beautiful things. He thought back to one of the nights they spent together, before they had entered that village, the one that had changed everything.

Everyone needed a break. They had been hunting the last shard for over a week without even the slightest hint as to where it could be. He protested, mostly for show since the longer it took to find the shard, the longer Kagome would continue returning to the past and the longer he would have to gather his courage to ask her to stay with him.

He also didn’t want to push Sango and Miroku too hard since he would never be able to tell them how much it meant to him that even though they had completed the task of getting vengeance against Naraku, they still chose to stay and help him complete the Shikon no Tama.

He walked Kagome to the well, only she didn’t seem to be in any hurry to leave. She looked up at him. “InuYasha... I know I said I was going home, but I was thinking...Maybe I should wait until morning. I thought it might be nice, to spend some time together, just us... We haven’t gotten to do that in a while.”

Now had he been a different sort of man he would have said something like ‘that sounds nice,’ or ‘I’d like that.’ Instead he said. “Keh, whatever.”

When Kagome slipped her hand into his and smiled he knew that she heard what his heart had said, ‘I couldn’t think of anything I’d rather do.’

She looked skyward as they walked and the comfortable silence was interrupted by a soft exclamation. “Wow. InuYasha look up. It must be a meteor shower. I’d never be able to see this in my time. Would you mind if we sat and watched it a while?”

Again the things he could have said didn’t matter, because when he sat down and said, “Whatever wench, don’t see what all the fuss is about,” again she heard what he didn’t say.

He glanced at her as she laid back and could see the lights of the falling stars as they danced in her eyes. A soft smile graced her lips and finally he laid down beside her.

“It really is amazing, don’t you think?” Kagome asked. “The stars are so far away that old ones die and new one are born thousand of years before we ever see them.”

He didn’t know what to say so he remained silent, but she didn’t seem to mind. She never minded when they were alone like this if he didn’t say anything. It was as if just being with him was enough for her and that was a feeling he cherished.

“Sometimes I wonder how different the sky would look in my time without out all the lights blocking out the stars. Would I even recognize it as the same sky? Could it have changed so much that it would seem like an entirely different world?” She posed. “I feel that way sometimes that I’m a part of two different worlds, but that I don’t quite belong in either of them.”

“Maybe you belong in both.” He offered because that was his secret hope that she belonged not only with her family but with him as well and that in the end she would be allowed to continue to travel to both worlds.

She looked at him with a strange sadness in her eyes. “But that would mean that you do too. Human and youkai, part of neither, but belonging to both, just like me.”

It took every ounce of his will not to take her in his arms and kiss her, to keep from proclaiming his love to her. Surely she was not a creature of this earth, of the cruel world into which he was born. How could he have ever been so lucky to have such a being thrust into his life?

He knew that if he opened his mouth he would say something and ruin this moment between them, so again he kept silent, hoping she would read how much her words had meant to him in his eyes. Her hand slid across the grass and she entwined her fingers with his own before lying back down.

The steady stream of streaking lights slowed to an occasional path being cut through the sky before she spoke again. “Do you think hanyou and youkai get reincarnated?”

“Never thought about it.” He replied, which was a lie. He had thought about it wondering if it would be possible to see Kagome again in another life if she was forced to leave his world and he was forced to stay. “Why?”

He could sense her anxiety. “I was just curious.”

“Try again.” he said.

She sighed softly. “Please, I don’t want to make you mad and ruin this memory. I need it, to take with me, once you’re gone. I don’t have nearly enough. I don’t think I ever will.”

Then he knew. She was talking about after he went to hell with Kikyou. “You know, I ain’t going anywhere, not like your thinking, so much has changed. I’ve changed.”

“I’m glad.” She whispered and he could smell the faint odor or unshed tears. “You don’t deserve hell. You deserve to be happy. Know that whatever you chose to do with the jewel and with your life that I’ll support you as long as it makes you happy.”

Kami, he did not deserve her. He felt like shit for all the times he hurt her and even worse because if what had happened this time, but he had genuinely believed that he had been protecting her.

He knew she was confused about why he had returned to treating her so coldly, but he couldn’t bring himself to explain. Not to her, not to anyone. Mostly because he didn’t want her to know but also because he knew that she would have said it didn’t matter and him, being the selfish bastard that he was, would have let himself believe her, to believe anything, not to have to let her go.

He hadn’t meant to carry her on his back all the way into the village, but, he had been distracted by the feel of her legs around him, the way her breath brushed across his neck. Her feet hadn’t even hit the ground before the whispering had started.

His beautiful, pure-hearted Kagome hadn’t understood why the villagers were treating both of them so coldly, but not Miroku and Sango and he had made it clear to all that she was not to be told. She didn’t need to hear the things that were being said about her, the all too familiar scornful words often heaved at his mother.

He had been forced to watch her closely every second until they were away from that village. No one would hurt her, not while he was still breathing anyway. After he knocked around the first group of men trying to come after the demon’s whore no more had followed and Kagome hadn’t been tainted by their hate.

From that day on he vowed to keep her at arms length. That he would not give into his hearts desire. Kagome would not suffer as his mother had even if it killed him and there were times when she would smile at him or when his harsh words caused her tears that he was sure it would.

InuYasha fingered the bracelet infused with spiritual power and youki. He smirked. Who would have thought two energies meant to destroy each other could work together to give him a chance to be with Kagome? He chuckled lightly. His heart swelled with pride and love. Kagome would that’s who...And my friends, my family. That bouzo, Kaede-baba, Sango, hell even the runt and Kirara.

InuYasha went below only to eat preferring to spend his time in the open air. Night fell and away from land the stars were nearly as bright as they were above his forest in the past. He smiled at finding it the same as he remembered. I’ll have to remember to tell her. Kagome would want to know that when it came right down to it things, that lasting ones, never really changed.

~ * ~

While InuYasha had actually enjoyed the boat ride he was glad to once again be on dry land. He did notice that Kagome’s mother seemed infinitely more glad than he and he could detect the rapidly waning scent of sickness coming from her. He frowned, a little upset with himself that he hadn’t noticed while on the ship, even if it was only seasickness.

“Let’s go.” Asmai said. “The hospital is less than an hour away.”

InuYasha nodded and followed Kagome’s mother to a waiting car and they were on their way. The entire ride neither spoke and InuYasha used the time to think of all the things he wanted to tell Kagome.

~ * ~

InuYasha looked at the large white building with apprehension. Kagome, his beautiful Kagome was now within his reach and yet he couldn’t seem to make himself follow her mother as she headed for the doors. Too many conflicting emotions were swimming inside him. He wanted to see her, needed to and yet he found himself afraid. He absolutely refused to even think that she wouldn’t wake up but he was given to wonder, could he stand it if she didn’t remember him?

Asami glanced back at the young hanyou and could understand his hesitance. She went back to him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We just have to have faith in Kagome.”

InuYasha refused to let it be said that he didn’t have faith in his stubborn, clumsy, recklessly brave, amazing, human wench and so, this time, when her mother stepped towards the building, he followed.

The doors opened of their own accord and InuYasha was immediately overwhelmed by a myriad of scents, mostly unpleasant and none of them Kagome. He wrinkled his nose and took shallow breaths to try and distinguish and become accustomed to the smells and sounds of this place.

The most prominent smell was that of cleaning substances, followed closely by sicknesses, blood, old and new, excrement and death. Thankfully most were scents he was used to. There were also the scents of many people along with those of fear and sadness.

They stepped into what he was told was called an elevator. The doors opened once to admit a woman dressed in white and he scented briefly, new life, woman’s blood and joy.

InuYasha didn’t need to be told when to exit because as soon as the elevator door opened he smelled her. He stepped out not caring if her mother was following; She was so close. He was finally going to be able to see her after so long.

All his earlier worries vanished at the prospect of seeing Kagome, his Kagome, for the first time in more than two cycles of the moon. Never did he miss her more than on those two moonless nights he spent without her. InuYasha was only vaguely aware that the kid and the old man had joined Kagome’s mother walking along behind him and he didn’t care.

He stopped in front of a closed door and reached out to open it, but paused with his hand on the handle. InuYasha took a deep breath and closed his eyes trying to prepare himself for what was on the other side of the door. He steeled his countenance, determined not to let any of his inner turmoil show on his face.

InuYasha entered the hospital room. His face lost all of its usual hardness at the sight before him. That pale, frail looking girl on the bed couldn’t possibly be his Kagome. His Kagome was strong and so full of life. He took in the thin tube going into her nose as well as one attached to her arm. Her once long hair was nothing more than inch long spikes and could see a scar on the side of her head that extended along her face, across her cheek.

A burning, prickling started behind his eyes and he blinked it away. Kagome’s family was standing in the doorway, watching and praying as he walked over to the bed. He slipped his clawed hand into her own. “Oi wench I came, so now you can wake up.” he said.

The girl would have jumped up if she had been able to. That voice she knew that voice. She felt a tug at her soul. He was calling out to her. The darkness began to recede as a soft pink glow grew in the distance. ‘I want to wake up. He’s calling me.’

“Come on stupid girl.” he coaxed in a soothing voice. “Who’s going to keep me line if you don’t wake up?”

‘I want to wake up. I need to wake up. Please, let me wake up.’ The girl saw the light growing coming closer. ‘DAMN IT I WANT TO WAKE UP.’

InuYasha smiled as an almost inaudible whine escaped her lips. He leaned closer forgetting that her family was watching, and began to nuzzle her cheek softly trying to encourage her to wake. “That’s it wench.” he said. “I know you’re in there. I know you want to wake up for me.” Another whine and this time she squeezed his hand. “Come on Kagome. Wake up...Wake up, for me.”

Slowly the girl opened her eyes. The light hurt but at least she could see. She heard several gasps from the doorway. “Oh my.” the woman with the kind voice said softly.

InuYasha looked to Kagome’s mother with a genuine smile on his face. Asami walked over to stand beside her daughter.

The girl looked back and forth between the two people beside her bed. The boy he looked familiar but something was wrong. Something was held to her lips. She felt cool liquid course down her throat. She looked again at the boy trying to convey her confusion.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“InuYasha do you think she is confused because of the spell. Maybe she only remembers the way you usually look.” Asami offered. She turned to Souta and Jii-chan. “Close the door and make sure no one comes in.”

When it was done InuYasha removed the bracelet. Kagome looked at him and smiled. “Your face.” she rasped. “Know.”

“I am going to get the doctor.” Asami told them. InuYasha nodded and put the bracelet back on. She left the room.

“Hide?” She questioned.

“Yeah. I have to hide how I really look.” he told her. “Once you get a little better I’ll tell you why.”

The door opened and Asami came in with the doctor. He walked over to the bed. “Hello Kagome. I am glad to see you awake at last. I am Dr. Sato.” he said. “Now your mother has told my that you recognize InuYasha. Do you recognize anyone else?”

Kagome looked around at those gathered and shook her head. “Feelings know.” She said.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” Dr. Sato offered.

“Keh, she means that she feels something, like she should know but don’t.” InuYasha said. Kagome looked at him and smiled. She gave a small nod. Both the doctor and Kagome’s mother looked at him with surprise.

“Interesting.” the doctor said. “Now can you tell me what you remember about InuYasha?”

Kagome’s furrowed her brow in concentration. She spoke clearly enough in her head but she was having trouble making the words come out like she wanted. “Know face apart name, not why.” she replied.

The doctor looked to InuYasha. He rolled his eyes and sighed. “She knows my face and my name, but she didn’t know they went together until she woke up.” he said. “And she don’t know why she knows me just that she does.” InuYasha wondered if the man was stupid of something. It was perfectly obvious to him what Kagome was trying to say.

“Very well.” Dr. Sato announced. “I am going to get someone to come remove the feeding tube and then help her get cleaned up. Mrs. Higurashi if I could speak to you outside for a moment.”

When they were alone again Kagome spoke. “Stupid.” she said angrily.

InuYasha looked at her. “You ain’t stupid.” he told her.

She glared at him. “Stupid.” she insisted. “Words bad.”

“That don’t make you stupid.” he told her. “I bet you say exactly what you mean inside your head but that when you try and say it, it just don’t come out right.” She nodded. “See you ain’t stupid. I have that problem all the time. You just need some more time to get back to your old self. Besides I can understand you fine. That guy was an idiot.”

Kagome gave a small laugh.

Out in the hall Mrs. Higurashi stood before the doctor. "Well..." she asked.

"Your daughter's trouble with speech and the memory loss are quite normal for this type of injury." he said. "I would say this though, the young man will no doubt be very important to her recovery. As the only one she recognizes and because he seems to have a remarkable understanding of what your daughter is trying to express, he will be our best resource in her recovery."

The nurses came in and InuYasha stepped outside to wait. Kagome hadn't wanted him to leave. He was the only thing that made complete sense, but he had promised to come back just as soon as she had been taken care of and that he would stay with her as long as she wanted. Kagome gagged as they pulled out the feeding tube. Next they half carried, half dragged her to the bathroom. She was given a shower and had to admit it felt very good.

"Now do you think that if we remove the catheter that you will be able to call for someone in time to make it to the bathroom?" the nurse asked. Kagome nodded. "All right, bare with me girl this is going to hurt and it will also hurt the next several times you have to go to the bathroom okay." This made Kagome nervous but she nodded anyway.

Inwardly, once the tears had stopped, she cursed the damn nurse. She should have been told it would hurt like hell, or that it would feel like glass breaking inside her, so she could have been more prepared. At least it was over. As they carried her back to bed she caught a look at her self in the mirror. Wait...That's...That's not me. I'm not supposed to look like that... I know I'm not... Oh Kami... I look so ugly... I'm ugly...

Asami came to her side as tears poured down her daughter's cheeks. "Baby, what's wrong?" she asked. Kagome shook her head. A soft knock came at the door.

"Can I come in yet?" InuYasha called.

"No." Kagome cried.

"Why don't you want him to come in?" her mother asked.

"Ugly." she whispered. "No see.”

Asami felt her own eyes grow damp. My poor little girl. "You aren't ugly." she said gently. "You're hair will grow back and soon you'll be just as you always were."

"See then." Kagome said stubbornly. Another knock came. "Go away."

Asami got up and stepped out into the hall. "What the hell is going on?" InuYasha demanded. "I can smell her crying in there."

"She doesn't want you to see her." Asami told him.

"Why the hell not?" he asked. "I came all this fucking way just to be with her."

"InuYasha, please. She doesn't want you to see her as she looks now." Asami explained. "She thinks that she is ugly."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." he said. "Besides I've already seen her. I'm going in there whether she likes it or not." He opened the door and walked inside.

Asami couldn’t help but think that for once the young hanyou’s stubbornness was going to be a real asset. Kagome was going to need someone who wasn’t afraid to stand up to her, or to make her angry enough to force her to try her best to get better.

Kagome saw him and turned her head away closing her eyes as if because she couldn't see him he wouldn't be able to see her. "Leave." she said softly.

"I ain't going anywhere wench." He growled.

"Please." she pleaded. "Ugly."

He sighed. "You always told me that it didn't matter what I looked like." he said. "Why should it matter what you look like?"

"Talk easy." she scoffed. "Beautiful you."

He blushed and leaned close to her. "Then it should be easy for you to say too."

"Lie." she insisted.

He leaned closer still and cupped her cheek in his hand. "I wouldn't lie to you." he said.

She still looked skeptical even as a deep blush covered her cheeks. A shaky hand reached up and brushed the long scar. "Forever." she told him.

"I could make it go away." he offered. "But it'll hurt a little and you'll have to trust me."

"Know trust." she said.

He growled a little. "It'll only hurt for a minute." he said. "Make sure you stay still. It will take a few times before it is completely gone. Ready?"

She nodded. She bit down hard on her lip as here opened the wound with his claw. Tears poured down her cheeks and InuYasha winced. As quickly as he could he finished and then began to lick her cheek slowly. He noticed her shudder as he slowed the bleeding with his tongue. Finally after few moments his saliva had healed the cut. The scar was much less visible and not as long. He would have to do it at least once more for it to go away completely.

"Done?" she asked.

"I'll have to do it again before it is completely gone, but it is a lot smaller now." he told her. "I think we should wait though. Someone will get suspicious if your scar disappears over night." She didn't really want to wait but she nodded.

Asami knocked before stepping inside. Her gaze lingered on Kagome's face. "How?" she asked.

"InuYasha." Kagome beamed. "Show."

Asami pulled a small compact out of her purse. Kagome looked at her face and found that it did indeed look noticeably better. Then her eyes lingered on her hair. A soft frown creased her brow. "It will grow back dear." her mother said. "Give it time."