InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sutôkâ Satsujin ❯ Chapter Five ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
I would trade; give away all the words that I saved in my heart. That I left unspoken. ~Rascal Flatts
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Inuyasha sat the empty cup on his nightstand. It was his fourth drink of the night. Even still, the alcohol did not ease the pain. It never did. All it did do was bring his emotions to the surface. They boiled over leaving him a sobbing mess. His cheeks were constantly wet, his eyes constantly burned, and there was a lump permanently in his throat. Life wasn’t supposed to be his hard, he knew that, but since that night 6 months ago, he hasn’t been the same. He’s been an empty shell. He motored around on autopilot at the office, but when he was home, he did little more than think.
The 52” plasma TV in the corner was just a dust collector, the brand new stereo beside the couch wasn’t even plugged in. Since her death, music was evil. Every song on the radio brought on memories of her. Hell, everything he did brought memories of her. It was enough to drive a man insane. Inuyasha knew something, sometime, had to give. She would want him to live…wouldn’t she? Or would she rather he follow her into the darkness?
The more he thought about it the more uncertain he became. Kikyo wasn’t an evil woman, she wouldn’t want to wish death on him, but she was a jealous woman. Not that she ever had anything to be jealous over. But would her jealousy be enough for her to wish he followed her into nothing? Maybe not. How could he live though? How could he go through the rest of his life without her by his side?
Just thinking about waking up in the morning to the permanently empty bed made him sick. Even after six months, he couldn’t fathom a life without her. Sighing deeply, Inuyasha downed his glass of Patron and decided on another. Why not?
He was almost to the kitchen when a knock on the front door startled him. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and Miroku was still at the office. He thought about ignoring it, but when a second knock — harder than the first— came, he begrudgingly crossed the living room. That didn’t take nearly as long as it would have if he still lived in the house. His apartment was considerably smaller in comparison, but he had to make the move. It was already hard enough climbing into an empty bed he couldn’t stand living in an empty house that they once shared.
Once he reached the door, he ran a hand down his face and took a deep breath. He was sure he looked like hell, like death, even. Nothing suitable for a visitor, even Miroku cringed when he saw him outside of the office.
Another knock.
“Okay, okay! I hear you, just give me a damn minute.” He set the glass he still held in his hand on the table to the right of the door and peered through the peephole. Damn, he thought and turned the doorknob. “What do you want Kagome?”
Kagome was the ever-perky neighbor that lived next door. Since he moved in, she wanted to be miss fix-it and try to heal his wounds. So far, she has not succeeded, but that did not stop her from making regular visits at all hours of the night.
“I just thought I would stop by and see how you were feeling. Can I come in?” her singsong voice could rival that of a morning bird chirping its love song to the heavens. To him it was just overly annoying.
“Like I could stop you.” His eyes roamed her length. She was wearing low, hip-hugging jeans and a Sinatra baby tee. Her thick ebony locks fell into soft waves down her back. The pale yellow light of the kitchen illuminated her face, free of any makeup. If and only if he wasn’t deep in mourning, he would think she was gorgeous. Since Kikyo, though, women in general did not appeal to him. Nothing appealed to him, actually.
“You know, you can’t stop something that is good for you.” She smiled her dazzling smile and turned to face the interior of his apartment. “Seriously, Inuyasha, how long have you lived here?”
Inuyasha watched as her brown eyes narrowed on every stack of boxes scattered around the small apartment. “Six months.”
He knew what was coming. She always had to point out that he had yet unpacked and the apartment was beginning to look like a pack rat’s dream. Or a neat freaks nightmare.
“Six months, yeah I thought so. Are you ever going to finish unpacking?”
“Maybe. Look, my unpacking is none of your damn business. I’ll get to it when I get to it.” He didn’t mean to be so harsh. The words just came out on their own accord.
She held her hands up apologetically. “You know, I could help you. If you would just…”
He growled low in his throat. She just didn’t give up. “I don’t need your help.” He started toward the kitchen. “Would you like something to drink?”
“Uh, sure, some coffee would be great.” He didn’t miss the surprise in her voice. Since she’d been coming over to ‘fix’ him, he never once offered her a drink. Actually, he was downright rude, and he would turn her away as soon as she started getting too personal for his liking. “Inuyasha, I know you think I over step my boundaries often but I just want to help you.”
He poured water into the water tank on the coffee pot and measured the perfect amount of coffee grinds to put in the filter basket. When she spoke, he didn’t even turn to face her. He could feel her eyes burning a hole into his back and he didn’t want to see what was in her eyes. He got enough of the sympathetic shit at work. “What do you want to help me do? Unpack? If so I don’t need your help, besides you wouldn’t know where to put anything.”
“Well, yeah, there’s that, but I could also be your friend, your shoulder. You know, when you need someone to talk to.”
“Feh, I have a counselor for that. That’s what she’s paid to do—listen.”
Dr. Yamaguchi was the therapist the police department made him see. Even though he was off duty when the murder happened he was still involved…he shot a man. That was enough for them to order therapeutic sessions. Not to mention the fact he lost his wife to the same man he shot.
“I know. You have to do that. Have to Inuyasha. I want to be the person you want to talk to. A true friend, but I can see it’s going to take time.”
Inuyasha turned to face her, leaned back on the counter, and crossed his arms across his chest. The muscles in his shoulders and across his chest bunched under the motion and he didn’t miss the appreciation in Kagome’s eyes. “Why?”
He almost smiled when Kagome licked her lips but he quickly gained control of his facial muscles. She didn’t even notice the small almost slip up, her eyes were too busy raking in his body from chest down. He watched her swallow thickly before allowing her gaze to snap back to his face. “’Why, what?”
“Why are you so persistent in helping me?”
She chuckled though it didn’t carry any humor. “Oh, that.” He watched her carefully. Her face scrunched up in thought. Soon, her bottom lip was being worried between her teeth. She always did that. He figured it helped her think, just like people who stick their tongues out when they are working hard on something. “I want to help you Inuyasha because you always look so sad. Even when you try to hide it, I can see the pain in your eyes. Something has hurt you. Be it a job, a girl friend…”
“There’s no girlfriend!” He snapped. She was doing it, getting too personal and it was pissing him off. No matter how friendly her visits start out they always end with her being showed the door.
Her deep mocha eyes widened at the tone in his voice then they narrowed thoughtfully. “Whatever. The point is you need someone to talk to. Someone you want to talk to, not someone who is paid to talk to you, or listen, or whatever it is a psychologist does.”
By the time the coffee finished brewing; Inuyasha was ready to kick Kagome out for the umpteenth time. He refrained, though, he offered a drink and he would let her have it. But he still didn’t like how personal she was trying to get. Instead of kicking her out, he changed the subject.
“How long have you lived here?” he asked pouring coffee into two mugs. He handed her the mug he bought while still in college getting his criminal justice degree. The mug was plain ceramic with a picture of a red mug, beside the mug it said: Instant Detective Just Add Coffee. The mug itself brought a small smile to his face. Lighting up the sorrow buried deep within his eyes. He could feel the difference in himself. Just the thought of a simpler time could bring him joy, if only for a little bit.
Kagome accepted the proffered mug and took a small tiny sip. Her face scrunched from the bitter taste. “Do you have any cream?”
He chuckled despite himself. Miroku would have some sexual quip about that question. “Yeah, sorry, I drink mine black and don’t even think to ask.” He went to the refrigerator and pulled out the last bit of French vanilla creamer he had left. “Here, there’s a little bit left.”
He sat down at the table knowing she would follow him. He couldn’t admit it but having her around seemed to take away some of the darkness that moved in. Sure, she was overly perky and a bit annoying, but having someone, anyone, outside of the office to talk to was kind of nice.
She nodded gratefully and popped the lid up. The cool white liquid turned her black coffee the color of caramel. After she finished off the last of the creamer, she followed him (just like he thought) to the table. When she pulled the chair out it squealed against the cheep linoleum.
She never met his eyes—something she didn’t do much of. Instead, she grabbed one of the stirrers from the holder on the table and concentrated on mixing her coffee. Minutes past before a word was spoken, and when she spoke Inuyasha nearly choked on his coffee. “Four years.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
Kagome stopped her stirring and took a small tentative sip. “Ahh, that’s good. You asked me how long I have lived here. Four years.”
The rest of the visit went smoothly. Kagome didn’t dig any deeper into Inuyasha’s past and the conversation became comfortable, welcoming. By the time midnight rolled around, Inuyasha had forgotten all about the fifth drink he wanted, and sleep didn’t seem so terrifying. With a small, thankful smile, Inuyasha climbed into his California king bed and slept peacefully for the first time in six months.

Morning brought new promises. The songbirds he hadn’t noticed in a long while were singing their happy tunes. The morning sunlight poured through the narrow slats of the blinds, warming his cheeks. Inuyasha thought he would never again see a day where he would wake up feeling refreshed and relaxed but today was that day.
Today was the day he could get ready for work without having an emotional breakdown. Today was the day that he would get his life back together. Most importantly, today was the day he moved forward. He would always love Kikyo and he would always regret not being able to save her, but he knew he had to move on. He had to because she would have wanted him to. She wouldn’t have wanted him moping around all day mourning for the woman he lost. He didn’t know why or how, but he knew the peaceful sleep he had last night was her way of telling him it was okay.
He heard the coffee maker in the kitchen perk to life. Thank god for automatic coffee makers, he thought moving to the bathroom. The normally cold tiles felt warm under his feet. The stale smell of his preferred brand of shampoo hung in the air. He welcomed the smell of masculinity. It was musky, sandalwood scent. Manly yet not overpowering.

The office was a buzz as usual. Paper pushers were busy sorting through files of anything and everything. Miroku was standing at the Chief’s door, undoubtedly bantering about something. Inuyasha made his way through the desks, vaguely aware of the stares he was receiving from his co-workers. He shouldn’t be surprised, today was the first day he looked like…well, himself. His clothes were not haphazardly thrown together; they were pressed, crisp, and neat. His hair was not the former rat’s nest; it was combed and silky smooth. His eyes still had a slight purplish tint under them but they were bright and alert. It was a definite change. Still, he didn’t like the stares. “What? You act like you have never seen me before.” Every set of eyes rolled back to their tasks and Inuyasha let out a pleased sigh. That’s how you do it.
Miroku on the other hand did not scare as easily. He came to the desk across his partner’s and stared open mouthed. “Dude, did you finally get laid?”
Inuyasha scoffed. Miroku had balls of brass, but if he didn’t watch it those balls would be mounted on his wall. “No. Only you would assume because I am well rested that I got laid…” he shook his head. “Seriously, dude. Even if I did get laid—which I didn’t—I forget where that is any of your business.”
Miroku chuckled earnestly and held his hands up in surrender. “Okay, man. So, the Chief has another assignment for us. Apparently, he thinks you’re well enough to back out on the field.”
“I am well enough. Even Dr. Yamaguchi gave me a clean bill of health.”
“Yeah, but Yash, it hasn’t been that long since…” he couldn’t say the words. No matter how long ago it was he wasn’t going to make his friend relive that horrible nightmare. “You know, I just think if you need more time you should take.”
Inuyasha started to tell him what he thought he should do when a voice bellowed through the room.
“Tashio!”
“Yo!” The person behind the voice turned in a complete circle and made his way to the two desks Inuyasha and Miroku occupied. Inuyasha stood to accept the envelope the young mail sorter swung in the air.
“What is it?” Miroku asked, coming to take his place by Inuyasha’s elbow.
“No idea.”
Grabbing the metal letter opener from the penholder on his desk, Inuyasha slid it under the sealed flap and sliced it open along the crease. A small folded piece of paper slid out and landed on the desk. Inuyasha’s eyebrows knitted together.
“It looks like a note.”
Miroku grunted in agreement. The small parchment sat on the desk for a few moments before either man could decide what to do. Finally, after a few agonizing seconds, Inuyasha picked the paper up and unfolded it. The handwriting was sharp and pointy, nothing he recognized, the words though, sent chills down his spine and the wound that began closing up burst wide open.
“No!” He gasped.
Miroku took the letter from Inuyasha’s hands and frowned. He read it silently.
Inuyasha,
This is not over yet. Your wife was just the beginning. I came to take both of you for making my life a living hell, but you surprised me. That will not happen again. I will take everything you hold dear. Remember this.
There wasn’t a name on the note or on the envelope. Inuyasha crumpled in the chair; his head was propped in his hands, palms covering his face. A harsh sob escaped his throat. “We have to find him, Miroku.”
“I know.” Inuyasha didn’t notice when Miroku left his side, but his friends booming voice jerked his attention. “Hojo, take this down to the lab and see what they can get from it.” Inuyasha watched as Miroku handed the envelope. Now, they had to wait.