InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The King's Mistress ❯ Standing Trial ( Chapter 32 )

Title: The King's Mistress

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter Thirty-One: Standing Trial

 

Rating: PG-13 (for language and, at times, implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, nor do I take credit for several of the historical ideas, facts, and realities I have taken and used.

 

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Have you ever pushed a snowball down a hill and watched it grow at an alarming rate, completely out of your control? Have you ever watched the tides of the sea creep slowly towards the shore, insidious but inevitable as it approaches the watermark it left before? Have you ever watched a flood appear before your very eyes as the rains come pouring out of the sky?

 

I have. And none of those metaphors could begin to describe how powerless and without hope I had come to feel in that week before Kikyou's trial. Life seemed to have taken me in its arms and then started running, without my permission and most certainly without my approval, and I found myself dreading the setting of the sun each night as that represented one less day that kept Kikyou safe, albeit locked away in the Tower. For I knew the moment her trial began, she was no longer on solid ground…was no longer a firm member of the living, but rather teetering on the boundaries of the condemned…and once that line was crossed, one rarely came back to salvation.

 

At least, that's how it seems to be in our society. We attend church every Sunday, and devoutly pray to our God for his forgiveness of our sins when the time comes, and yet we often cannot find such forgiveness in our own hearts.

 

But I suppose that is what makes us human; or at least that is the answer I always give to Inuyasha whenever he asks me what I believe separates humans from mere animals (he occasionally has moments, even now, when he feels inadequate, or allows his insecurities to overpower what he knows to be true, and in these moments he seeks reassurance from me). I always tell him that a mere animal cannot see his faults and try to learn from them. I tell him that an animal doesn't understand the concept of forgiveness, and most certainly cannot fathom the true depth of love that we all as humans seem to take for granted. They understand instinct, to be sure, but true love?

 

No…I don't think so.

 

Because of these beliefs, I had always maintained a faith in the goodness of mankind and the beauty of the human spirit, and yet, when it was put to the test, I found myself in doubt. With each day I felt my soul darken a little more as I wondered whether or not the nine men and women who would judge my sister and determine her fate could find it in their hearts to forgive her. I wondered if they could see that she had done nothing so horrendous that it warranted her death, or if they would hypocritically pass judgment on one woman while thousands of others throughout the country did the same thing she had and went unpunished…including myself…

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Kouga had probably read the letter at least a hundred times in the past few days, and yet, for some reason, he kept forcing himself to read it again and again, as though his heart didn't quite register the pain in Kagome's words, and kept going back to assure itself that there was some mistake, and that she would be coming back at any moment. Unfortunately, after about a week, reality finally sunk in, and Kouga felt the pain hit him full force as he was faced with a cold reality he'd never thought to return to after all those weeks traveling his sector: Kagome was gone, and she would never come back to him. She loved another…his rival…and yet again Inuyasha seemed to have won.

 

Though many believed him to be blind, Kouga was no fool, and he had seen the budding romance between the two from almost that first night when Kagome had shocked the world and asked her King to dance. She had looked at him in a way she looked at no one else, as though he were something that fascinated and puzzled her all at once, and Inuyasha, in turn, had gazed back at Kagome like a monster seeing an angel he knew he could never have.

 

Still, the wolf king had continued to hope against hope that, with time (and distance) the woman he loved would come around and see that while he was no Inuyasha she could still find a happy and loving environment in the North…as his wife. But it was not to be. It seemed that Inuyasha, the awkward hanyou King, had triumphed again, and stolen the one thing Kouga had truly found himself wanting out of all the prizes they had competed for over the years.

 

“Kagome…” Her name came off his lips in a cracked whimper, and he found tears at the corners of his eyes as he inhaled deeply the scent of roses, sitting on a couch in the middle of her chambers, which were still full of her presence and her beautiful smell.

 

He could still remember how he had returned triumphantly home after four long weeks traveling throughout the North, having masterfully ended any quarrels without bloodshed. He had leapt from his horse and into his home with a proud smile on his face, calling for his bride-to-be with exuberance in his voice. When at first she hadn't answered his call, he had thought her to be out on a ride, and so decided to have dinner prepared in his chambers for when she returned. But then, as the day wore on and she did not return, he had found himself growing anxious and somewhat irritated that she couldn't rouse herself to be present to welcome home her betrothed.

 

Calling out for someone to bring Kagome to him, he finally saw a young man cowering in the corner clutching a letter with fear on his face approach and say the letter was for him from Kagome. In that moment he had felt something within his heart crack, a cold ball of fear clutching at his gut as he slowly broke the proud Higurashi seal and came face to face with Kagome's perfectly sculpted cursive.

 

As he continued to read he felt the crack grow, widen, and deepen until, finally, as he read her final words he felt his heart shatter completely, along with all of the dreams he had been building and storing up in his mind for the past ten months.

 

She had left him. His angel…his pride and joy…his Kagome…was gone forever, and would never be his again. Frankly, some part of him recognized that she had probably never really been his in the first place.

 

At first the proud King had felt nothing but anger and humiliation at such a slight, and had decided it best to march down to the High Court with his army in tow and demand that Kagome return to him or he would declare war on Inuyasha. After all, in the eyes of the law he had every right to claim her as his own since she had signed the betrothal papers.

 

He had called furiously for his horse, and had begun to ride towards the High Court at a breakneck pace, determined to take back what was his…but when he reached the borders of the North he had stopped, something in his rage faltering, the blockade around his heart breaking and allowing the pain to seep in as he realized forcing her to return with him would not make him happy, and would certainly make Kagome miserable and spiteful for the rest of her life. He knew she would return if he demanded it, because she was a woman who respected the law, but he also knew she would never see him in the same light again, and that thought broke his heart more than the prospect of living a life without her in it.

 

He could be closer to her, he realized, by allowing her to leave him than he could be if he slung her over his shoulder and carried her to the alter and forced her to take her vows. She was a stubborn woman, and he knew that while she was forgiving and kind, she also held the ability to hold a grudge for a very, very long time…longer than even a demon's life.

 

Kouga shuttered visibly at the thought.

 

And so, in the end he had returned to his castle and his court, a broken man humiliated by the reality that he had not been good enough for a human woman. At least, that's what the people around him were whispering. But they didn't understand. They didn't understand that Kagome was so much more than a mere mortal…that she held power and strength within her that far exceeded any of them…that she was an angel from heaven and, frankly, better than them all.

 

In his eyes a saint had rejected him, and, as he continued to say that over and over in his mind, the pain became easier to bear. She had said in her letter that she left not because she couldn't bear a life with him, but because she couldn't live with herself knowing she would not love him as he deserved to be loved, and keeping that thought in mind Kouga was able to draw some warmth from her final words, even managing a smile as he read her endearments toward Ayame, insisting she was better for him.

 

Ah Kagome, he sighed inwardly, no one would be better for me than you…but he also knew that if he could not have his angel, then perhaps his best friend would at least make him happy.

 

But one could not simply turn their heart in a different direction with a command, because if this were possible Kouga knew Kagome would have commanded herself to love him in order to make everyone around her happy…and it would take time to bring himself around to the concept of loving Ayame as more than a friend. Still, with time (which he suddenly had plenty of now that he no longer had a wedding to plan), he had no doubt he could warm up to his childhood friend.

 

Kagome wanted him to forget her and move on…and that would never happen. But he could at least push the memories of her to the back of his mind and seal them away in a precious box, only looking at them when he was alone and feeling the pain grow within him all over again. His hope was that, eventually, he wouldn't have to open the box…that eventually Ayame would be enough to offer him comfort. But that would be a long time in coming, and until then he knew he would just have to endure the emotional pain alone, for he would never be so cruel as to force Ayame to listen to him lament his loss of his one true love. It would be hard enough for her as it was, knowing she was merely his second choice; his beloved only because another had rejected him…another who would always hold his heart.

 

And hold it she would.

 

Kouga knew that if Kagome ever wrote to him and said she was ready to come to him, he would drop everything and catch her in his arms. He also knew that if she asked him to be by her side as a friend, he could not refuse. All he could do was secretly hope that she did not ask such a thing of him for several years…because the only thing that kept his pain from being intolerable was the reality that he didn't have to see her every day, loyally attached to Inuyasha's side as the ungrateful and selfish King went about his life with his perfect wife on his other arm.

 

That was…if Kikyou survived her currently perilous situation.

 

In all honesty, Kouga had never particularly liked Kikyou Higurashi, though he wasn't sure if that was because of her personality, or because of the simple fact that her presence always seemed to bring Kagome so much pain despite the younger woman's insistence that she loved her older sister. Still, he couldn't help but feel a small amount of pity for the woman at the thought that she now faced death for the crime of having one night of weakness. Whether or not what she did was wrong or right on a moral standard, the reality remained that he knew dozens of women and men alike who were unfaithful throughout their lives and never received any sort of punishment. Kikyou's only sin that was greater than any of them was the fact that her husband was the High King…and for that Kouga pitied her.

 

But more than anything, he found himself pitying Kagome as he vividly imagined the worried expression that would no doubt be permanently etched on her face, her bright eyes dull with fear as she tried to go about her life and do all that she could to help her sister.

 

Kagome…his beloved…

 

He had imagined, so often, how their marriage would be a perfect one, with love and happiness and fidelity, proving to be a golden standard for others to follow. He had allowed himself to picture their children, with hair like his and eyes like hers, or perhaps the other way around, all of them with his strength of character but also with Kagome's intelligence, warmth, and compassion.

 

And now, suddenly, all those dreams were gone, never to be fulfilled. All those little children would never be born, and his perfect marriage would never be consummated. He had never even truly kissed her, always trying to be respectful of her needs, which, he had always sensed, leaned towards chastity as her heart was pulled toward another. So now, because of his hesitancy, he was alone with nothing more than his dreams as he imagined what it would have been like to kiss her full red lips or wake up with his arms around her warm body, her beautiful smile and pleasant laughter greeting him every day.

 

The sound of rain reached his ears, and Kouga broke from his reverie to see that the overcast sky had finally opened up to another storm, reflecting his inner turmoil and heartbreak. November was approaching, and he knew that soon the snows would arrive in earnest, evidenced by the fact that the rains had become heavier and the peaks of the mountains whiter with new-fallen snow.

 

His golden summer was over, though, in all honesty, he had felt sure the sun would never truly fade so long as Kagome was at his side, and now that she had gone he was certain the sun would be a long time in returning, and that when it did it would be forevermore shrouded by clouds.

 

“Kouga?”

 

The wolf king shook his head and turned to see who was calling his name to be greeted by none other than Ayame's caring green eyes peering out of her tan face, framed by her shocking red curls.

 

He smiled slightly, recognizing, even in his grief, that she truly was a beautiful woman, stunning in ways Kagome had not been. His Kagome had been a more subtle beauty, the kind that inspired awe and instant respect even though people weren't exactly sure why, while Ayame was a stunning beauty that would cause instant jaw-drops and wide eyes full of envy that she should be so blessed.

 

“Kouga…are you alright?” Ayame asked again, feeling slightly self-conscious under his gaze, knowing, painfully, that he was mentally comparing her to Kagome, the woman who had broken his heart.

 

In all honesty, Ayame wasn't sure how she felt about Kagome any more. On the one had, her protective nature was furious with the woman for breaking the heart of her dearest and most cherished friend, but on the other hand she was well aware of the endearment Kagome had added at the end of her letter, knowing she was simply being honest and following her heart while also trying to bring another woman some small amount of happiness.

 

The heart worked in mysterious ways, often not in the most convenient or desired direction, and that was why the redhead felt suddenly grateful, furious, and sorry for the woman who had abandoned her King to his current state of loneliness. Ayame knew Kagome had not chosen to love Inuyasha any more than Ayame had chosen to love a man who did not love her back. She also knew it was not Kouga's fault that he had fallen for a woman who would never be his, and that even as he tore her heart in two with every word and every look that he did none of it intentionally.

 

And as she watched her dear friend raise his head and meet her gaze with his own clear blue eyes, filled with pain, Ayame knew she would always be his to command, whenever he needed her, and that she would wait for as long as he needed her to wait. That was her curse and her blessing all at once…to love a man with her whole heart and soul.

 

Tears welled up suddenly in Kouga's eyes as he clutched Kagome's letter to his chest with both hands, the sound of crinkling paper the only sound filling the otherwise tomblike atmosphere of Kagome's chambers. “Ayame…” He sighed and swallowed, searching for control and knowing it would not come all at the same time. “I miss her so much…”

 

And with that the sobs came, wracking his body and causing him to double over as though in horrendous pain which, in truth, he was…the pain of his heart breaking in two, never to fully heal again.

 

Ayame rushed to his side and fell to her knees as he sank off the couch and to the floor, his head coming to rest in her lap as he fisted his hands in the skirts of her green gown, Kagome's letter falling harmlessly to the floor at his waist as he closed his eyes tightly and allowed his tears to fall, loud sobs breaking through his lips. Through it all Ayame just ran her hands mindlessly through his black hair, freeing it from its clasp as she sought to offer him some form of comfort, feeling utterly helpless.

 

“Oh Kouga…” she felt tears pool in the corners of her own eyes, but she fiercely fought them back, knowing now was not her time to grieve.

 

“Why couldn't she love me?” he whispered desperately in between sobs. “Why wasn't I good enough for her?”

 

Ayame felt her lips tremble. “It's not that simple, Kouga.” She drew in a deep breath. “We can't choose who we love any more than we can choose who our parents will be. That's just the way it is. Sometimes fate grants us the heart of the one we love, and sometimes it cruelly refuses to give us what we want more than anything else.”

 

Kouga sniffed softly. “How did you become so wise, Ayame? You sound like your grandfather.”

 

The redheaded woman smiled sadly, looking out one of the windows and towards the gray heavens as she replied. “Love has a way of changing you, Kouga. It makes us wise and innocent all at once.”

 

“Love…” He registered the meaning behind her words, knowing she was telling him she loved him and was there for him, but he still wasn't ready for it yet, and so, instead, simply smiled and welcomed the comfort of his friend as he mourned the loss of his Kagome.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

It had begun.

 

The day had finally arrived that Kagome had been dreading more than anything. That day Kikyou would take the stand and give her statement to begin the trial as the accused, followed by witnesses. Naraku would give his own statement the following day, followed by any other witnesses, evidence, or deliberations, at the end of which the court would call for final statements from anyone in the crowd, and then they would reach a verdict.

 

It was a simple process that would take several days and possibly a few weeks, depending on the number of witnesses, and Kagome had no doubt there would be many willing to stand up and say they had seen the Queen in a corner with Naraku on this day or that night. Some would probably even be willing to claim they'd seen the Queen in Naraku's bed, though that would be a lie. Still…if someone paid them enough, people would say anything…

 

And through it all, Kagome was left as nothing more than a helpless afterthought, forbidden to go to the trial by Inuyasha after he had learned of her unwarranted visit to the Tower a week earlier. Normally Kagome would have ignored his command, having already disobeyed a royal command once, but she had sensed he was also wishing for her company as he also remained behind, unable to go to the court and preside over the hearings like he normally would because it was his own wife on trial. Instead, Sesshoumaru had assumed the role, and now he, along with Bankotsu, Kagura, and other nobility throughout the country were hearing statements from Kikyou and witnesses as they passed judgment on what was seen as the greatest trial in the country's history: the judgment of their Queen.

 

Miroku and Sango had left for the trial early in the day, and that had left Kagome with nothing to do but wait…something neither she or Inuyasha were very good at. So they had passed the time with several arguments, and now they sat on opposite ends of his royal throne room, Inuyasha brooding with his arms crossed while Kagome tried to entertain herself by playing with Shippou, who, in his youth, was very frustrated with the tense atmosphere of the court.

 

But even though she would laugh with him and give him her brightest smiles, whenever the kitsune turned away Kagome would feel her worried frown return as her gaze was inevitably drawn out the far window and towards the great courthouse where she knew her sister was currently sitting through her first day of hell, or at least the mortal world's version of purgatory. After all, she hadn't exactly been condemned…yet…

 

“Kagome, would you read me a story?” Shippou asked after a brief game of hide and seek, sensing Kagome's heart was not truly in the game as she allowed him to `hide' a little longer than was necessary as she sat and brooded over her own problems.

 

Unwilling to disappoint the kitsune any further, Kagome allowed a slight smile to grace her features as she nodded. “Alright…what story do you want to hear?”

 

“The Legend of King Arthur!” He exclaimed excitedly, the tales of elegant ladies and knights in shining armor having quickly captivated his vivid imagination, as it did so many children.

 

Kagome found herself involuntarily wincing despite the fact that she wasn't surprised by his request, and she noticed as Inuyasha's ears flicked slightly in their direction, his first sign all evening that he was even paying attention to their conversation.

 

“But that's an awfully long story, Shippou,” she began patiently, unsure if she could handle reading about Arthur and the hopeless lovers Guenevere and Lancelot, separated by a lifetime of pledged fidelity to others.

 

“Please,” the kitsune pleaded, acquiring his adorably irresistible big eyes. “We have time. And we don't have to read the whole thing…”

 

“Keh, why don't you learn to read yourself, kid?” Inuyasha suddenly snapped from his side of the room.

 

“Inuyasha…” Kagome reprimanded, seeing that the comment hurt the child. But Shippou just screwed his face into what he believed to be an intimidating scowl in reply.

 

“I am practicing my reading, Inuyasha! I just can't read well enough yet on my own!”

 

“Then why don't you go and practice some more and get better, instead of bothering the adults with your stupid requests,” Inuyasha snapped back.

 

This caused Shippou to acquire tears, and that was the final straw for Kagome, who decided her own inner struggles were not worth seeing the poor boy reduced to tears. “That's enough, Inuyasha…you can go get the book, Shippou. I'll be happy to read it to you.”

 

The tears instantly vanished as the kitsune nodded happily and skipped out of the room on his errand, leaving Kagome on her knees in the middle of the room, the cold of the floor muffled partially by her skirts and by the wealthy red velvet rug. A fire burned in the nearby fireplace, the light dancing off of Inuyasha's currently empty golden throne, and the doors to the outside world remained firmly shut, protecting them, albeit temporarily, from all of its strife and pain.

 

For once they were truly alone as everyone had gone to the trial save for a few servants, and the hanyou was finally not a King with Kagome as his courtier…they were just friends without fear of being seen or heard by any spies. Even Yuka and Gideon had gone to the trial, and Kagome felt like all the layers between herself and Inuyasha had been stripped bare…neither of them had any friends to hide behind or any manner of protocol to follow; they were forced to deal with everything between them, including Kikyou, and, unfortunately, all day they hadn't handled it very well.

 

That didn't seem to be changing any time soon, either, made evident by Inuyasha's current mood and Kagome's short temper.

 

“You shouldn't spoil him like that,” he reprimanded sharply, as though he were a husband speaking to his wife in disapproval.

 

But Kagome was in too foul of a mood herself to dwell on the pleasant image as she snapped back. “And you shouldn't daunt him and insult his efforts to better himself.”

 

“He's not exactly a genius,” the hanyou grunted. “He should be much further along in his studies than he is.”

 

“He's only just turned nine, Inuyasha, what do you expect? He didn't even have the chance to work with a tutor until about a year ago. Given that, I'd say he's making excellent progress. I'm very proud of him, and you should be too.”

 

“I am proud of him, it's just that…”

 

“I don't even want to hear it,” Kagome interrupted. “That little boy looks up to you like a father. He respects you and desperately wants to be like you as he continues to grow up, yet all you ever do is put him down and make him feel unworthy.” Inuyasha winced slightly at that, but Kagome continued, undeterred and also needing an outlet for her own frustrations. “Everything he does, he does to please you. Can't you show your approval even once? It would make him feel so much better about himself.”

 

“Why do I have to coddle him?” Inuyasha snapped back. “I'm not his goddamned father!”

 

Kagome winced as he cursed, but continued on, undeterred, having heard much worse from his mouth before. “Maybe not by choice, but by God Inuyasha, the moment you took that boy into your care, you became his father figure since fate saw fit to remove his biological father. And it's high time you stopped acting like a child yourself and took some responsibility for it!”

 

Inuyasha stopped short of the insult on the tip of his tongue, suddenly feeling himself deflate. “Is that how you see me, Kagome? As a spoiled child?”

 

There was an underlying tone of hurt, and Kagome found herself instantly cooling at the sound, ever sensitive to the emotions of the man she loved. True, she fought with him, but unlike him, she was always careful to only throw dulled darts his direction, and whenever she felt she'd hurt him she was always quick to retrace her steps. “You know I don't feel that way, Inuyasha,” she sighed. “I just feel like you need to start thinking before you speak. Not everyone is like me, allowing your comments to roll of their backs because they accept it as a part of you.”

 

It was a compliment mixed with a reprimand, and Inuyasha wasn't sure whether to feel elated or crestfallen. On the one hand Kagome was saying she loved him as he was, flaws and all, but on the other she was also saying he hurt her often, and that she had to learn how to look past that.

 

He hated the idea of ever hurting her.

 

His eyes going soft, Inuyasha unfolded his arms and turned to look at the woman he loved for the first time in several hours, his tone gentle. “Kagome, I…”

 

But just as he was about to speak Shippou returned, proudly carrying the large red volume in his arms, marching straight up to Kagome and handing it to her, not even noticing the tension between the two lovers in the room…so typical of a child being oblivious to the problems of adults.

 

Still, as she accepted the book, Kagome looked up at Inuyasha and gave him a smile, seeking to assure him that his message had been made clear, and the hanyou felt himself relax somewhat. That's what he loved so much about her; her ability to read his intentions despite the fact that he so often failed to put his feelings into words. The reality that he'd never told her that he loved her, and yet she still remained at his side was a perfect example of this. He knew eventually he'd have to tell her if he wanted her to stay with him, but for now, she was patient, and he was grateful.

 

“So Shippou,” Kagome began as she allowed the kitsune to settle in to her lap, opening the book and scanning the random page with her eyes. “This is such a big book…where do you want me to start?”

 

She knew the answer before he even spoke, because it was his favorite part, and yet Kagome still couldn't help but wince slightly as he smiled and announced his request for all the world to hear. “When Guenevere and Lancelot first meet!”

 

Kagome swallowed. “Alright, let me see…” She thumbed through the worn volume until she found the appropriate chapter, and as a group all three of them joined King Arthur and his court at the fateful joust where Guenevere and Lancelot first met, describing the joyful atmosphere, but also speaking of Guenevere's betrayal after discovering Arthur had slept with his sister Morgaine le Fay, and how she was desperately searching for a knight to surround and protect her, and how she found what she was searching for in Sir Lancelot of the Lake, the handsome and honorable Knight known for his connections to the Lady of the Lake and all her mystical powers.

 

“And in that moment, as Guenevere watched her new Champion ride before her with his spear held vertically before him in victory, the fair Queen felt something within her heart beat faster, the abnormally fast rhythm increasing as the armored Knight stopped before her and removed his helmet.” Kagome swallowed as she read aloud, her eyes desperately wishing to look up at Inuyasha, who she knew was watching her intensely…she could practically feel his eyes burning through her skin.

 

But somehow she resisted, and continued reading, trying to prevent Shippou from suspecting anything was amiss.

 

“Before her, Guenevere saw a man surpassed by none in either grace or stamina. Beads of sweat rested upon his noble brow, stray locks of hair, dark as the midnight sky, glistening from his previous exertions in the arena. His eyes, sharp with intelligence, gleamed as he watched her steadily, as though he would read her very soul like an open book, and in that moment the Queen of the Summer Country felt a warmth spread through her, starting at her heart and ending at her fingertips. A whisper from fate hummed in her ear, and suddenly Guenevere knew that she had, at last, found her loyal Knight…and such a reality was both thrilling and terrifying all at once, for she was still the lawful wife of Arthur, and had hoped to always be faithful. Yet one look at this new youth's face and the Queen knew she could never hope to remain so. Her fate had been sealed, and she somehow knew that she would never again touch another man but the one before her.”

 

There was a long pause as Kagome swallowed, her throat dry as she felt surprisingly warm and aroused reading about such true love in the presence of Inuyasha, wondering what thoughts were running through his mind and yet still not daring to look up as she flipped the page…

 

“Knowing everyone watched her, Guenevere used her noble blood and years of training as a Queen to keep her voice steady and her eyes blank as she rose to her feet and walked to the edge of her box, looking over and meeting the eyes of her brave new champion directly for the first time. Yet another fire raced through her body, the warmth growing until she felt her blood all but boiling, and she swallowed, praying to both the Mother of the Pagans and the God of the Christians for help in this, her greatest test as a Queen, for the people could never know that her love for Arthur was waning, that she did not, could not forgive him for his transgressions with Morgaine, and that her heart was already crying for another.

 

“'Good Knight, you have defeated all opposition, and now I wish to bestow upon you the reward promised: that of my kerchief and the promise that you shall now be my new Champion.' Her voice remained strong and firm as she pulled the small square of lace from her sleeve and held it out for him to take with the end of his spear. `Do you accept such a responsibility, knowing all that is required of the Champion of a Queen?'

 

“Her heart cried that he would not reject her…that he would not refuse, which he had every right to do…but her fears were instantly put to rest as the fair youth below her smiled slightly, melting her heart and bringing light back into her life of darkness. `I should be honored to serve such a beautiful and exalted Queen as yourself, my lady, and gladly give myself into your service.' He extended his spear slightly and took her offered handkerchief, taking it in his hand and placing it in his breastplate, beside his heart, and Guenevere felt her heart cry out in yearning `Oh my love!'

 

``And what is your name, my loyal Knight?' She asked again in her clear, strong voice. He leaned his head to the side and looked at her as though she were already dear to his heart, and Guenevere wanted nothing more than to take him in her arms.

 

“My name is Sir Lancelot of the Lake, fair Queen.'

 

“Ah, but his voice was so strong, Guenevere thought as she felt her skin prickle at the thought of how much stronger it would seem up close, her head pressed against his chest as it rumbled gently, like the purring of a great cat…

 

“I welcome you into my service, Sir Lancelot of the Lake, and shall hold you to your promise to be my Champion until the day comes when you may choose to leave my side and I am forced to find another.'

 

“The handsome youth smiled. `That day shall never come, my lady. Until you forcefully command me, I shall never leave you. You have my word as an honorable Knight and loyal servant…I shall never leave you.”

 

Kagome shuddered slightly at the powerful words she was reading, wondering what it would feel like to hear such words of devotion, and, this time, without thinking her eyes looked up and met fiery amber, conflicted with burning desire and the wish to do the right thing. She felt her breath catch.

 

He was so beautiful. So perfect. And she knew it didn't matter that Inuyasha would probably never be able to articulate such beautiful and poetic words of devotion. His eyes were so clear, so transparent to one who understood him that Kagome could see all she needed right in front of her whenever she wanted. Even when he insulted her, it never reached his eyes, which any more were filled with tenderness and love every time he looked at her.

 

That was enough.

 

He was her Lancelot, and she his loyal Queen Guenevere, swearing to never give herself to another man for as long as she lived.

 

“Kagome?”

 

Blinking, she reluctantly broke away from the powerful King's gaze to look down at Shippou, seeing his confused expression, as he couldn't understand why she had stopped reading. She chuckled softly and ruffled his hair. “Sorry, Shippou…where was I?”

 

But before she could continue reading there was the loud clutter of footsteps in the hallway beyond the securely closed door, and Kagome knew it could only mean one thing: the first day of the trial was over, and this haven from the world in Inuyasha's throne room would come to an end. Yet, on some level, she welcomed it. She was desperate for information…for even a hint of how the trial would turn out for Kikyou.

 

Completely disregarding the book, Kagome gently ushered Shippou off her lap and rose to her feet as the doors were pulled open, and she noted the way Inuyasha immediately moved away from her, back to his corner by the window, ever alert to anything that could appear suspicious.

 

Yes; their paradise had come to an end.

 

Sango and Miroku stood in the doorway, looking exhausted from their day in the courtroom filled with loud spectators packed so tightly it was difficult to breath. After all, who wouldn't want to come and see the trial of the century? The trial that would decide the fate of a Queen?

 

Moving towards her friends, Kagome put all her questions into her face, and Sango was the first to respond. “It could have gone a lot worse, Kagome.”

 

She froze, a frown turning down the corners of her mouth. “But that also means it could have been a lot better too.” Kagome swallowed. “What happened, Sango?”

 

Her friend made a gesture that said she would explain in a moment, and Inuyasha immediately called for water and wine from a servant to offer refreshments for their friends as Miroku and Sango made their way over to the steps leading up to Inuyasha's throne, forgetting about propriety as they both sat down on the ground, Sango's generous green skirts covering several steps, Miroku sitting directly to her left.

 

“There were so many people there,” Miroku commented finally, as though he were still struggling to believe exactly what he'd seen. “And they were all so quiet…I don't think I've ever known a trial to go so smoothly.”

 

“Keh,” Inuyasha just grunted, telling Kagome he was thinking about something he didn't want anyone else to pick up on. But she had a feeling she knew exactly what he was thinking about: his estranged wife, accused of adultery and carrying the child of another in her belly as living proof of her treachery. She wondered if he felt at all sorry for Kikyou, or if now he just saw it all as an embarrassment to himself?

 

But then Kagome thought about the strain and worry he carried on his face, worsened every time someone mentioned Kikyou's name, and she knew he cared; he cared so much that at times she felt some of her old jealousy spark. After all, it was never easy to face the reality that her sister had come before her in Inuyasha's heart, and that he was still, legally, hers to have and to hold forever more.

 

“How did Kikyou seem?” She finally said, trying to focus her mind on something else. “Did she seem…okay? Healthy?”

 

“Honestly?” Sango frowned. “She looked very frail, and very out of character compared to her normally strong exterior. Her skin was so pale…and her eyes looked like she hadn't been getting very much sleep.”

 

Kagome frowned.

 

“But she did seem very strong, just like her old self, when she stood up and made her statement,” Miroku added, seeing Kagome's grimace. “Frankly, she acted very brave, and I should hope we would all appear so when faced with possible death.”

 

“And what did she say?” Kagome all but whispered, now looking down at her hands. “What version of the story did she give?” And did she truly not mention me at all? She silently wondered.

 

At that Sango and Miroku acquired the look of conspirators keeping a dark secret, and Kagome knew that must mean they both felt she wouldn't like what they were going to say. Still, she raised her head and told them silently that she was ready for the truth, whatever that was…though she already had her suspicions.

 

“She admitted to her guilt,” Miroku finally said, and Kagome's eyes flew wide open.

 

“She did what?” They had never discussed that. All Kikyou had said was that if the time came, she would not drag Kagome's name through the mud along with her own. She had never said she intended to admit her guilt openly right from the start! “Kikyou…what have you done?”

 

Kagome turned and looked away, walking towards one of the windows on the far side of the room, feeling the cool breeze of November blowing in and tousling her hair gently as she leaned her elbows on the stone sill. She could see the city below her, filled with candlelight, as everyone no doubt returned to their homes to debrief about the trial in their own way. The sky was fast going dark with night, and as Kagome's eyes drifted over the city to rest on that horrible structure where her sister was being kept, she felt a chill run down her spine as all she could really make out was a black silhouette. There was no light.

 

A few torches flickered in the occasional window, and Kagome fancied she saw a small torch flickering in one of the top windows. She imagined what her sister must be feeling at that moment, cold and alone in a stone cell with nothing and no one to keep her company, and suddenly felt nothing but a cold, hard lump in the pit of her stomach, her heart, strangely, going numb so that she felt nothing, as though her mind had just decided it couldn't get any worse.

 

Taking in a deep breath, she turned to see that everyone was staring at her with concern, especially Inuyasha, who looked as though he was struggling with the desire to go and put his arms around her in comfort, but held back for fear of who might walk by and see. The very thought suddenly caused her to feel very angry, and as though to spite that anger and damn the whole world and their hypocritical ideas of propriety, she suddenly walked forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning her cheek against his chest and sighing, feeling utterly exhausted.

 

At first the hanyou King stiffened, and she could feel him turn his head from side to side as he scanned the room for spies, but then, finally, he seemed to come to the same exasperated conclusion she had, and gave in to what he wanted to do, resting his chin atop her head and enfolding her in his strong arms.

 

Kagome felt a twinge of guilt as she smiled in contentment.

 

“What else did she say, Miroku?” she finally found herself asking, and the violet-eyed man jerked as though waking from a dream.

 

“What? Um…” He seemed to think for a moment before frowning seriously. “She said that she acted in a moment of weakness, that she would not deny it, and that she was prepared to take the full punishment required for her actions. She said she recognized that while most women had the privilege of keeping their affairs private and safe, she as a Queen did not-”

 

“You should have seen the way every woman in that courtroom squirmed uncomfortably at that, Kagome,” Sango interjected, but Miroku kept talking.

 

“-and that she was just tired of the lying and the secrets, and was prepared to confess her sins and atone for them at last. But the most important part, Kagome, was that when the people specifically asked if she had acted alone in all of this or if she'd had an accomplice in keeping her secret, she said she had acted completely alone, and that she hoped no one who was close to her would suffer for her mistakes.” He acquired a look of wonder. “I almost admire her for that last statement. It's as though she's suddenly decided to assume the role of protector and keep us all out of harms way for once. She looked at each member of the jury specifically, as well as anyone in the audience she could, with such a fierce look of warning that anyone would have cowered in fear.”

 

“And there could have been no doubt of who she was referring to,” Sango added, her voice kind. “She was protecting you, Kagome.

 

Knowing her friend meant it to be a source of comfort, Kagome managed a slight smile in response, though it was empty, and in the end she just frowned once more and turned further into Inuyasha's embrace, for once not acting like the strong pillar of strength everyone had come to see her as. Just this once, she wanted comfort in the arms of the man she loved…and just this once, she didn't want to have to conspire and plan and sneak off to a corner to get that comfort.

 

It was as though Kikyou's situation had in turn made Kagome suddenly reckless and heedless of the risks to herself for such actions. It was as though she suddenly felt like nothing could be worse than facing potential execution for simply loving a man and then having your broken and lonely heart manipulated and squeezed until it bled and left you with nothing but despair. Because that's all Kikyou had left, it seemed; she had no joy to cling to, save for perhaps Kagome's love. Everything else meant nothing. Her marriage was a sham in so many ways, without love and without the joy she had dreamed of when she was a little girl. And the crown on her head, the crown that was supposed to represent ultimate power and offer her safety and protection, instead seemed like nothing more than a mockery on her head, adding insult to injury.

 

No…nothing could be worse than Kikyou's situation.

 

“This is all so wrong,” she finally muttered, and everyone looked at her.

 

“Kagome?” Inuyasha's voice rumbled questioningly in his chest, ticking her cheek.

 

“I shouldn't be here, comfortable and warm and safe in your arms while Kikyou is all alone in the Tower. How can I possibly live with myself, knowing where she is and how she suffers?”

 

“Kagome…” This time her beloved just sounded tired, like he had been fighting this battle his entire life. “You are not guilty of anything. You shouldn't feel guilty just because someone else is being punished for their mistakes…their sins…”

 

“Her sins? Her sins?!” Kagome shot out of his embrace instantly, her face hardening. “And what makes her sins any more evil than mine? Any more wicked? Any more unthinkable? Why am I still standing here, safe and protected, while she is alone and cold and pregnant and sick with a child in her belly, when we are guilty of committing the same crime? Why are my sins always seen as so much different than hers? I slept with you!” She pointed at Inuyasha, and for once the hanyou winced as though she'd struck him, though she didn't seem to notice, too lost in her own rage to care. “I was, and still am your loyal lover and mistress! I betrayed a good, kindhearted man who loved me for who I was, and left him broken hearted with nothing but a note explaining where I had gone! I didn't even stay and explain to Kouga in person why I had to go! Can you imagine how humiliating it must have been for him to come home from his travels only to find that his fiancée had left him? Is that not a sin? Is not what I did callous, selfish, and cruel? All things considered sinful in the eyes of God?”

 

No one answered her, and Kagome acquired a desperate, wild look in her eyes as she suddenly put her hands to her head and looked up at the ceiling. “Why am I still here?” She hollered. “Why am I still safe and protected? Why am I not facing death for treason like Kikyou? Why are people so hypocritical that they justify their own faults by punishing others?” Tears came to her eyes. “Why does Kikyou have to be the sacrificial lamb? Why her? All she ever did was love a man…a man who made mistakes. That's all.” She sniffled and looked at Inuyasha. “All she ever did was love. Why does that suddenly have to become so evil?”

 

“Kagome…” Inuyasha looked at her with a great swelling of pity in his beautiful amber eyes, and for some reason she suddenly couldn't bear to see it, instead turning away.

 

“It's not fair,” she whimpered. “It's not…” Her voice caught.

 

And then he was there, protecting her, offering her his strength, and she gladly clung to it, sighing and feeling the tears roll down her cheeks as he wrapped his arms around her, his fresh scent filling her nose, his presence flooding her heart and warming her soul.

 

They just stood there for several minutes in silence, gazing out the window towards the Tower where Kikyou, the High Queen, was being held prisoner, before Inuyasha finally expelled a sigh of his own and tightened his hold on Kagome's waist, closing his eyes as he buried his nose in her neck, allowing the scent of roses to surround him.

 

“Life usually isn't fair, Kagome,” he finally whispered, feeling his voice catch slightly as painful memories came to the forefront of his mind. “If life were fair, people wouldn't shun a little child simply because he was different. They wouldn't make him feel like his very existence was dirty. Mothers wouldn't tell their children that they weren't allowed to play with a little boy because he could possibly hurt them since, after all, he was a half breed, which made him a monster.” Inuyasha sucked in a breath. “If life were fair, that little boy wouldn't be left without a friend in the world save for his mother, and she wouldn't be forced to cry for him, unable to help because she couldn't change who he was.”

 

“Inuyasha…” Kagome breathed his name, closing her eyes as his voice sent chills down her spine, her heart clenching in pity and understanding as she realized he was finally offering her a willing window into his past…the only way he could think of to share her current pain. Her heart swelled with love at the thought.

 

The hanyou twisted his head even closer to her neck, as though to lose himself completely in the essence that was Kagome Higurashi, wishing he could just disappear into a world where only the two of them existed. “I wish you didn't have to see this side of life, Kagome,” he finally spoke again. “I wish you didn't have to grow up and learn that the world isn't perfect, or even beautiful, much of the time. I wish I could protect you and keep you innocent forever. I wish…” He swallowed. “I wish I could be your Lancelot, and take away your pain, bringing light back into the darkness, like that story you were just reading. I wish I could do that for you, Kagome…I really do…”

 

She couldn't stand it any more, and whirled around so that she faced him, determination on her face, instantly replacing her moment of self-pity. “You are my Lancelot, Inuyasha, and you do comfort me and keep me safe. Without you, I wouldn't know that love exists…and what more could I want than that to remind me of the beauty and innocence of the world? When I'm with you…” She smiled. “When I'm with you, I feel like that girl from before again, who saw only joy and didn't understand what true pain and heartbreak was. I couldn't ask for more from you than that.”

 

She saw pain lace through his eyes at her words, knowing that now their roles had reversed, so subtly and suddenly neither of them had noticed, and she smiled again, trying to offer her warmth and her love. And he accepted her offer as he suddenly took her fiercely in his arms, crushing her tiny body against his muscular frame, nearly squeezing the life out of her lungs…but she didn't care. She just let him hold her, ignoring the slight discomfort and instead focusing on the fact that she had never felt safer or more valued than she did at that moment.

 

That's what their love had become…so intertwined that they shared each other's pain, passing it back and forth like children playing with a ball. And currently, Inuyasha had allowed Kagome to pass the ball back to him, and she was only too grateful to offer him her strength and comfort.

 

“Just promise me something, Kagome,” he whispered against her hair, his voice gruff as he held back an onslaught of tears. He hadn't cried in years, and he wasn't going to allow himself such a weakness now.

 

 

She closed her eyes, savoring the sound of his voice even as she felt her lungs straining to take in air. She'd never realized before just how strong he was… “What, Inuyasha?”

 

“Promise me you won't go to that trial.” She stiffened in his arms, and he held her tighter, knowing she would resist, but refusing to back down. Seeing Kikyou suffer, and realizing how much that affected him, the hanyou King didn't think he could handle the woman he loved being put in a similar situation. He would go mad.

 

Pulling away and looking directly into her dark eyes, his mouth was set in a grim line as he spoke again. “Listen to me, Kagome, you have to promise you won't go and try to help Kikyou. I won't allow you to risk your safety like that, because I know at this rate you would just be throwing away your life, either to the Tower or to the scaffold.”

 

“Inuyasha…”

 

“Promise me, Kagome!”

 

Tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes. “I can't Inuyasha.”

 

“Kagome!” This time his voice was strained with pain, his eyes filled with hurt and frustration, and she had to look away.

 

“I told you once before I'd never make a promise to you that I couldn't keep. I won't betray you like that.” She looked down. “But I will promise you this much: I promise not to go to the trial unless I feel it is Kikyou's only hope. If it doesn't seem possible to save her, I won't go. That has to be enough. I'm sorry.”

 

Inuyasha sighed, knowing it was the best he could hope for, though he still didn't like it. Without meaning to, he chuckled sadly. “Will you ever obey me, and not her?”

 

At that Kagome looked up at him with wide, startled eyes. “What do you mean?”

 

Their eyes met, locked in a heated stare filled with all the passion, pain, love, and trust that was between them, and nothing could have torn them apart in that moment, the presence of Miroku, Sango, and Shippou completely fading from their minds.

 

“You kept her secret from me because she asked you to, even though you knew it would have been better if I had known so I could have protected her.” Kagome winced at that, knowing it was true and feeling a familiar twinge of guilt return as she wondered yet again if she could have possibly prevented everything from happening in the first place. But Inuyasha just continued on, his voice sad, though his eyes were, strangely, tender. “You heeded her call for help rather than my command to stay safe in the North, and when I asked you to stay safe once you were here, you still went to see her, knowing that's what she needed. And now…now you can't promise me you'll stay safe because you can't allow her to suffer so long as you have the power to help.” He sighed in defeat. “It seems she will always come before me.”

 

At that Kagome felt her heart constrict in pain, and she reached up to touch his cheek, watching as he subtly leaned into her touch, accepting the offered comfort. “You will always come first in my heart, Inuyasha, and I can honestly say that if I had to choose between your life and hers, I would choose to save you. But…” Kagome frowned and looked away, seeing Kikyou's desperate and frightened face as she admitted to what she had done with Naraku, and then her calm stature when Kagome had last seen her in the Tower. “I feel like I'm somehow partly responsible for all of this. I feel like, if I had really thought things through, I could have saved her before Naraku had a chance to use her like he has.” She looked at Inuyasha once more. “And that's why I can't abandon her now. I feel like this is our war, together, as sisters. Please try to understand.”

 

Inuyasha sighed again, but his eyes went uncharacteristically soft, and Kagome felt her skin flush with desire and love. “I understand, Kagome, but that doesn't mean I have to like the path you've chosen to take.”

 

They looked at one another for a few more seconds, before they heard Miroku cough…and the moment was broken.

 

Flushing with embarrassment, Inuyasha pulled away from her and turned to face the window she had been looking out of only a short while ago, crossing his arms, his back straight and his chin set proudly in the air, his eyes once more acquiring their sharp, arrogant gleam. But Kagome could just smile sadly at his proud form, knowing he meant no offense, before turning around to look at her friends.

 

“I thank you both for going to the trial today,” she spoke softly, hoping to prevent her voice from revealing too much of the turmoil currently raging within her breast. “I know it was uncomfortable with so many people, but…” She glanced over at Inuyasha, seeing his flickering ears as the only indication that he was even listening. “I think it was best if I stayed here.”

 

“We understand, Kagome,” Sango assured her friend, “And we didn't mind, really. We'll go again tomorrow, if you'd like.”

 

“That's right, Naraku takes the stand tomorrow.” Miroku looked at Sango. “The crowds will be a little more dangerous because of that. Perhaps, Sango, you should…”

 

“Don't even think it,” the woman interrupted. “I'm going with you.”

 

“Very well, I don't suppose I could convince you otherwise. But don't say I didn't warn you.” His words were somewhat playful, but there was nothing playful about the look Miroku was currently giving the woman beside him, and Kagome felt a genuine smile cross her face as she saw what was happening. She recalled the comment Sango had made to her when she'd first arrived at court, about how she would never love Miroku openly because he was too unpredictable with women…but, judging by the expression on Sango's face at that moment, Kagome thought it fairly obvious that her friend had changed her mind in the almost ten months since that conversation.

 

A knock sounded at the door, and everyone in the room jolted, crashing back to the reality that they were not alone in the giant castle, and that there were now plenty of people milling about throughout the many halls, ears and eyes open for anything peculiar or suspicious that could be called scandal and gossip.

 

“Enter!” Inuyasha bellowed from where he stood, still not turning around, and Kagome once more assumed a mask of composure and calm, clasping her hands at her waist as the door opened to reveal a young servant who bowed hastily and looked over at Inuyasha.

 

“Your Majesty, dinner is ready to be served.”

 

Kagome thought she saw a slight slump of his shoulders, but he straightened his back once more so quickly she thought perhaps she'd been imagining things. And then he was a might King once more as he turned around. “Very well; I'll be down shortly.”

 

“Yes, Majesty,” the servant bowed one more time before walking away, leaving the door conspicuously open for anyone to see the throne room.

 

Shippou was the first to break the silence, already seeming to have forgotten the turmoil he'd witnessed a few moments earlier between all the adults in the room. “Finally, dinner! I'm starving!” He took off for the door, leaving the other four friends to look at one another as though they suddenly didn't know what dinner meant or what they should do.

 

Finally, Miroku took the initiative and smiled, his carefree expression once more in place, and Kagome marveled yet again at how everyone at court seemed to have a mask of some kind that they wore. “I'm famished, now that I think of it…” He offered his arm to Sango. “Shall we?”

 

The brunette smiled warmly at him, but also gave him a firm pinch on the shoulder as she looped her arm through his. “Just be sure you keep your hands were they belong, my lord.” Miroku laughed at that, as though he couldn't understand what on earth she was talking about, and a few seconds after the pair walked through the door and out of sight there was the sound of a resounding smack, telling Kagome and Inuyasha their friend had not heeded his warning.

 

Alone again, Kagome remained standing, waiting for something…though she wasn't sure what…before she finally glanced at Inuyasha, who had turned around when Miroku and Sango had left, so that now he faced the door as well. “Shall we, um…” Her voice cracked, and Kagome flushed, embarrassed by how inarticulate she had suddenly become.

 

Why now, of all times, was it so hard to speak to him? Was it because of their heartfelt conversation? The way he'd held her, as though she were his very connection to sanity and happiness? Or was it, perhaps, the way he'd looked at her just before they'd broken apart?

 

Kagome shuddered, both in pleasure and in shock. She'd never seen a man look at her that way before; like she was the dearest, most precious treasure the world had to offer. And she realized then that while Inuyasha may never confess his love to her the way Lancelot had to Guenevere, he still, in his own way, was the most romantic man she had ever met, because he was so honest and innocent with his feelings.

 

She smiled at the thought.

 

Suddenly, there was a hand on her arm and, jolting slightly, Kagome looked up to see her vision fill with amber. His face was once more a mask of stern determination, but, for just an instant, she saw his eyes flicker as he offered her his arm to lead her to dinner, and in that moment Kagome felt they had, at long last, reached an understanding about themselves, their relationship, and their love.

 

Without hesitation Kagome gave him her hand, and he took it, placing it on the crook of his elbow as he began to walk, guiding her out of his throne room and towards the noisy dining hall where all the courtiers were currently debriefing about the events of the day, namely the trial. His steps were confident and sure, just like a King, and Kagome found herself straining slightly to keep pace, but she didn't care. She never wanted to slow him down or force him to change who he was…but she also never wanted to be further from his side than she was at that very moment. And if that meant she had to run a little from time to time to keep up, then so be it.