Naruto Fan Fiction ❯ The Amorous Adventures of Ayame the Ramen Girl ❯ What Men Want ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter 7: What Men Want

Naruto looked at his bowl of ramen in dismay. Instead of the well organized bowl of noodles he was used to, the toppings were haphazardly mixed in with the noodles and the noodles were the crappy short ones from the dregs. And Ayame had glared at him dangerously.

`What's with that look? Did I do something?' he wondered, then sniffed himself to make sure it wasn't B.O.

After most of the lunch clientele had left, Naruto was still eating his sixth bowl of noodles. No matter how crummy it looked, to his relief it still tasted the same. Finally, he asked for the bill. Ayame slammed it on the counter causing his chopsticks and bowl to clatter.

“Hey hey miss, what's the problem here? I'm one of your best customers and you're treating me like something you stepped on!”

“You, you men are all alike! Your sensei is a complete bastard!”

“Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto automatically assumed, since Iruka-sensei was such a great guy.

“Both of them! I can't believe I got dumped for Kakashi!”

“Huh? You got dumped? For Kakashi-sensei? How…you're a girl and he's a guy…I don't get it. You mean you got dumped so Kakashi-sensei could go out with you?”

“No! Iruka dumped me so he could go out with Kakashi!”

“Wait…Iruka-sensei dumped you…for Kakashi-sensei? That doesn't make sense at all!” The enormity and preposterousness of the situation was almost too much for his simple mind to handle. “Why?” he finally asked.

“That's what I want to know! What do you think? I mean you're close to the two of them, right?”

“Well…” Naruto thought hard about it. He wasn't so naïve that he didn't know that some people preferred the same gender, but at the same time he couldn't understand it either. Girls were so much prettier, with smooth skin, soft hair, and nicer curves. He couldn't understand it at all…except…there was that one thing…

“You know, Kakashi sensei has better skin than you. It's fairer and smoother from what I can tell. And your hair is always greasy looking, probably from the oil and heat from cooking.”

Ayame frowned. She was not appreciating this critique at all.

“And of course…er…from what I understand…not having had any experience you know…guys have the same…equipment…maybe guys know better…how to make a guy…feel good?” Naruto stammered his explanation with a red face.

Realization dawned on the desperate young woman. “That's it! That must be it! Thank you Naruto-kun! I know exactly what I should do now.” She grabbed a coupon good for one free ramen and flung it at Naruto while calling out, “Dad take over, I'll be back…some time.”


Of course now that Naruto knew, soon most of Konoha would know. He purposely sought out Sakura first to tell her the latest gossip. He bumped into her near the post office where she was running an errand for her mother.

“Sakura-chan, Sakura-chan, guess what?” But the enthusiastic blonde could not wait for a reply but burst out, “Iruka sensei is in love with Kakashi sensei!”

`What the hell?!' Sakura was doubly horrified! She immediately knew it was all her fault but she did not want to admit it. `Iruka-sensei's in love with Kakashi-sensei! Can things be any worse? If they find out it's my fault… But it's only supposed to last a couple of days… on Sasuke. Iruka-sensei must weight at least 50 percent more, ;so maybe the effects will wear off by tomorrow morning. What can happen in less than 24 hours?'

“I…I'm sure it's all a mistake,” Sakura offered. “Iruka sensei and the ramen girl are probably just having some relationship issues. Maybe they're using Kakashi-sensei as an excuse not to communicate,” Sakura said wisely.

“Hmm…that would make sense. I mean Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei together? No way!”

“That's right, just look at the books Kakashi-sensei reads. It's a guy chasing a girl, right? Not a guy chasing a guy!”

“You're absolutely right! There must be some misunderstanding. Whew! I was really concerned there for a while," Naruto said in relief. "I mean what if Iruka-sensei was so nice to me and buying me ramen all the time because he was interested…”

“Ugh! Just stop right there!” `That's disgusting to the max! Pedophilia is way over the line!' Sakura raised her hands to cover her ears. It was bad enough picturing Iruka with Kakashi, but Iruka with Naruto was just too much for her delicate mind to handle.


Kakashi was having a nice lazy oblivious day with no missions. It was his errand day and he had just returned home from picking up his dry cleaning and groceries. While storing away his extra shirts, he heard a desperate knock at the door. He opened it to find the ramen girl standing there with her cheeks flushed, her eyes bright, and her chest heaving.


Iruka spent most of the day in a depression. Luckily it was the weekend and there were no classes so he was free to just lie in bed and do nothing but angst about his life. `I don't like this feeling of being alone. These past couple of months… I miss Ayame. No, I miss having someone here with me. I wonder what Kakashi's doing. I wonder if he likes being alone. I wonder if he would like some company. Maybe I should drop by to say hi, but I need an excuse, I can't just drop by. His birthday is next week, but I can't wait that long! I have to see him!'

The lovesick young man repeatedly replayed their last conversation in his mind:

Kakashi: “It seems that you think about me a lot, don't you?”

Iruka: “What? No, no I don't!”

Kakashi: “I think you're protesting a bit too much. Hmm, you are a great guy. I don't usually swing that way, but I might make an exception if you're interested…”

`He must like me or he wouldn't have said what he said, especially about making an exception for me,' Iruka reasoned. `I have to do something to let him know how I feel.'

He finally got out of bed, showered, dressed, then left with a clear plan. Iruka first dropped by the flower shop where he found Ino bent over some plants. She was trying hard to use her mind confusion technique on an aphid, wondering if it would work on Shino's bugs.

“I'd like a bouquet of violet, blue, and yellow flowers,” her frequent customer said while blushing and recalling the flowers Ayame had sent him a month ago.

“Is it for a guy?” Ino asked brightly.

”Huh? No, just for myself, to brighten up my apartment,” Iruka explained unconvincingly.

“Oh really?” Ino said suspiciously. She had already heard from Naruto about Iruka's crush (though Naruto believed Sakura's reasoning, the rumor was just too good not to repeat). But since working in the flower shop, she'd seen stranger things, and Kakashi got flowers from all sorts of people, of all ages, gender, races, creeds, and even species (summoned animals received a 10 percent discount). But a sale was a sale, so Ino put together a nice manly bouquet of flowers and overcharged poor Iruka who she knew would be too embarrassed to protest the price.

As Iruka approached Kakashi's apartment building, he saw Ayame leaving, presumably for work as it was near the dinner hour. A peculiar pang of jealousy ran through him, but who was he jealous of? Kakashi or Ayame?

Though confused, he persistently continued with his plan and knocked on the door of the one he desired. The usually lazy jounin quickly answered, expecting that Ayame had returned for seconds.

“Iruka-sensei?” Kakashi said in surprise.

“Yeah, umm,…er…these are for you,” Iruka stammered in embarrassment as he thrust the bouquet of flowers at his superior.

“Me?” Kakashi's eye widened even more.

“H…happy birthday!”

“That's next week.”

“But then you wouldn't be surprised.”

`I'm surprised enough already,' Kakashi thought. `Strange that Ayame dropped by with a proposition…What's going on with these two?' But he took the flowers anyway.

“I've been thinking…about what you said to me last time…” Iruka started to say.

“Hmm?” Kakashi tried hard to remember the last time he spoke at length with the chuunin.

“About my…interest in you…I think it might be true.”

“Huh?” Kakashi raised his eyebrow, now recalling the topic of their last conversation. `Oh crap, I was just making a joke! Me and my big mouth!'

“I think you're right. I do have feelings for you and it's time I admitted it. I've broken off with Ayame.” Iruka forced himself to look into Kakashi's eye, anticipating his response. He also noted to himself that Kakashi's apartment was nice and neat, the way he kept his own place. Ayame threw her stuff everywhere. Kakashi was definitely better!

Kakashi was so stunned he couldn't think of anything to say to the blushing young man.

“And you said if it didn't work out… you were available.” Iruka's face was so red, it looked as if he just fell face forward into a pool of blood.

Kakashi sighed and scratched his head, trying to maintain his cool, but desperately thinking of how to handle this awkward situation. `Well…I've never been involved with a couple before… no... wait, actually I was, but that was at the same time under consensual but less peculiar circumstances.

“Why don't you come in and have a seat,” Kakashi finally said. He decided to address this issue of Iruka and the ramen girl once and for all. He did not like being caught in the middle of their madness. Ayame had not mentioned anything wrong with her relationship with Iruka, except for the problem with Iruka's sexual dysfunction. Kakashi had patiently tutored her on how to resolve it.

Kakashi let Iruka in, then placed the flowers on his little dining table while thinking, 'Sigh, more flowers. Why don't people realize I've got allergies and that's why I wear this mask.' He decided to take the psych-analytical approach. “So when did you realize…your feelings?” he asked the younger man.

“Just yesterday, after your visit to the ramen stand.” Iruka's eyes looked down at the fidgeting hands in his lap.

“Did you do anything peculiar that day?”

“No, everything was normal.”

“How did you feel about the ramen girl, the day before?”

“I was thinking that I loved her, but was unsure whether she's really the one for me. I mean, have you ever had a real conversation with her? All she talks about is ramen!”

“No, I can't say I've spoken to her at length,” mused Kakashi, who was normally not interested in conversation with women but rather just bedtime. “Are you sure this is not some unconscious reaction to your uncertainty? That you've transferred your feelings from her to me as an excuse, a reason to end your relationship with the ramen girl.”

“Well, I thought about that, but…why you? I mean, quite honestly, I used to think you were rather annoying and insensitive. You can't even remember Ayame's name.”

“That's the crux of the problem isn't it? What was it that attracted you?” Kakashi continued, ignoring the insult and thinking the situation got stranger by the minute.

“I…I'm not sure. I was sitting at the ramen stand and was feeling pretty happy, I think, and was about to eat my ramen and drink my sake. Then you came by and all of a sudden I saw you in a different light. Maybe it was the moonlight. It was reflecting off your hair and made you look…ethereal,” Iruka blushed again.

`Hmm…I know I'm cool and all, but something sounds suspicious,' Kakashi thought, then asked, “So when did you break off with the ramen girl?”

“This morning, after I thought about it all night. I mean, it's not fair to her, you know. Why are you asking me all these questions? I just told you how I feel - are you interested or not?” Iruka asked heatedly, wanting very badly to jump Kakashi's bones as he recalled how iridescently silver Kakashi's gray hair looked under moonlight.
As Iruka sat impatiently, the object of his affection continued to pace the room thoughtfully. “So everything was fine up to the point when I dropped by the ramen stand?” Kakashi continued his interrogation while rubbing his chin.


“Did you eat or drink anything?”

“I was about to eat my ramen and I just drank my sake...”

“Do you normally drink sake with your ramen?”

“No, but I was feeling a bit stressed. The kids at the Academy…”

“Did the sake taste odd?”

“I don't think so. It's the regular cheap stuff they serve from under the counter to regular customers since they don't have a liquor license. They could have been in real trouble if Sasuke had drank my sake.”


“Yeah, Ayame accidentally switched our drinks, but enough talk…” Iruka abruptly stood up from his seat and approached Kakashi directly. Kakashi backed away until his back was up against the wall. "Let's see what's under that mask," Iruka said huskily as his hands reached up toward Kakashi's mask.

'Geez, I know I should stop him, but I don't want to hurt him, and he is awfully cute like this, naïve yet impulsive, just like the ramen girl,' Kakashi thought, but he raised his hands to stop Iruka's. "I think we'd better discuss this some more..."

"Less talk, more action," murmured Iruka as his face neared Kakashi's even as his hands were held away.

Kakashi's hands were locked around Iruka's wrists. If he had wanted to, the jounin could have easily snapped them. But what exactly did he want?

Iruka's face came closer and closer. Kakashi could feel the lovesick chuunin's hot breath tingling his bit of exposed skin, and his body pressing hard onto his. Luckily they were both wearing their usual uniforms and the thick shinobi vests prevented them from feeling much more. Kakashi didn't flinch away as Iruka's teeth made contact with his mask, trying to pull it down. He was close, quite close to giving in, but then he noticed Iruka's eyes. His pupils were constricted. He was not himself. This was not what he wanted.

Kakashi channeled chakra into his hands, caused a shock to Iruka's system, and pushed him away. Iruka felt a sharp pain in his head, and a shudder through his body. He grabbed his head with both hands and groaned. Alarmed, Kakashi helped him back to the chair.

Iruka took several deep breaths until the pain subsided. Now that the pain was gone, so was the cloud that had enveloped his mind for the past 20 hours.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked as he handed his potential paramour a glass of water.

"Yeah, I think so... thanks." Iruka slowly drank the water while thinking, 'What is wrong with me? What am I doing? I love Ayame, not Kakashi... I I'm sure!'

"I...I'm sorry Kakashi-sensei, I don't know what came over me. I do love Ayame. You're right. I was just using you to avoid commitment," said Iruka sheepishly, grabbing onto the most logical explanation.

Kakashi quickly nodded in agreement, "Yes, I know, I was just testing you to see how far you'd go. Ha-ha."

"I'm glad you understand. Don't mention this to anyone, okay?" Iruka pleaded. 'Last thing I want is to be the topic of shinobi gossip again!'

"Right, whom would I tell?" Kakashi readily agreed. 'Last thing I want is to be the topic of shinobi gossip again!'


Iruka returned morosely to his empty apartment. His stomach rumbled loudly. He had not eaten anything all day, but still he ignored his stomach's complaints. Instead he lay in bed again with his hands behind his head, just thinking. 'What the hell is wrong with me? How can I Iove Ayame one minute, then Kakashi, then Ayame? Am I sure now? Would she take me back again after I dumped her twice? Geez, this is going to cost me a huge amount in flowers. At least Ino will be happy.'

Then he remembered how he saw Ayame leaving Kakashi's abode. `What was she doing at Kakashi's? She didn't sleep with him again did she? I can't believe it - she did it again! Just to get back at me? Or maybe she's actually happy we broke up so she could go back to Kakashi. Maybe that's why Kakashi wasn't interested - he was already tired from... I can't believe her! What a slut! But I did break up with her, so who am I to judge? I bet she did it to get back at me. Damn it! I really screwed up this time!'

The unfortunate young man continued to berate himself but also his ex-paramour for her indiscretions. `Why doesn't she ever think before she acts…wait, that's the problem…she does think but her way of thinking usually leads to trouble…but that's what makes her special isn't it?'

He was still confused and unsure of his real feelings, so his analytical side took over and he began to itemize the ramen girl's good points and bad points: 'Good: She's cute. She can cook. She's nice. She likes kids. She's good with kids. Her hips are big enough to have kids…She laughs at my jokes, well, when she gets it. She makes me feel smart and confident…usually…except when it comes to Kakashi. She has a decent body, good in bed, and is willing to...experiment... Bad: She's not the sharpest point on a shuriken. Kind of spacey. Conversation's about as deep as a teaspoon of water. She's obsessed with ramen. She was obsessed with Kakashi, well, I was obsessed with Kakashi too, so I guess that cancels out. She's impulsive and does strange things like those clothes she wore on our first date. She's limited to civilian techniques...'

The scale tipped back and forth with no resolution. Finally, Iruka gave up, got up and rummaged through the refrigerator for some food. All he had was a container of leftover ramen that Ayame had packed him from the previous night. 'Sigh, I'm willing to eat just ramen for the rest of my life if she'll take me back,' he thought as he heated up the ramen in his microwave. When he opened the container he saw that she had arranged the toppings into a misshapen heart. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the silly expression of affection. He tried to eat the noodles from under the toppings, hoping not to disturb the funny valentine, but alas like their relationship, it fell apart.

Later that night, Iruka tried to work on his lesson plans for the upcoming week. His thoughts could not focus on the parabolic paths of kunai, but instead he thought how much brighter the nights and mornings were when Ayame stayed over, even defying her father for him. He gave up on accomplishing any work and was thinking of going back to bed when there was a persistent knock at the door. `This late? Who could it be? I hope it's anyone but Kakashi.'

Despite the unwanted intrusion, he answered it, since it would have been rude not to, and Iruka was still a great guy. It was the ramen girl. She had just gotten off work. Iruka immediately apologized, “Ayame-chan, I'm sorry, I…”

But she cut him off with a hard kiss; her hands circled tightly around his neck pulling him down. After releasing his lips she said seductively, “Let's not talk now, I have some things I want to show you…”