Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Life of Chaos ❯ Eat... If You Can ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Life of Chaos

Prologue - An Insane Day

Chapter 4 - Eat... If You Can.

By: Lord Archive

Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Shogakukan and are used without permission. All rights reserved.


The lunch bell rang and before the teacher had the chance to assign any homework almost five of his student had disappeared. Kodachi had leapt out the window to begin her search for Ranma. Kenshiro sprinted out the classroom door. Ranma still in female form and Shampoo jumped through the open window to the hall. Tsubasa had tried to jump through the window as well, but didn't quite make it; his foot caught the window ledge and he fell face first onto the hallway floor. The teacher debated if he should still give the assignment but decided to give them a break since it was the first day.

Kuno rushed after his beloveds, but seeing as how his pig-tailed love disappeared as quickly as she came, he invited Akane, "I shall allow you to lunch with me!"

Akane answered with an elbow to his head, knocking him down for the count.

"Are you a lesbian too?" Mariko asked.

"NO!" Akane shouted, her face a crimson hue.

Mariko looked very confused. "Bi-sexual?"

Akane blushed even deeper. Her eyes narrowed in fury at such an outrageous accusation. She threw her Japanese-English dictionary at the Mariko. The cheerleader joined her beloved in slumber.

Ryunami smirked. Such a lovely piece of gossip to spread around the school. Sure, that particular rumor wasn't exactly new, but this was the first time someone directly accused Akane. She hadn't even deny it; she had gotten angry, which for many students was the same as confirming it. Ryunami didn't quite believe it was true herself, but wouldn't be surprised if it was.

Ukyou sighed seeing that Ranma had already left, and debated staying during lunch and sell okonomiyaki at the school. Unfortunately, she had promised herself to keep her hours at her restaurant more regular. The frequent unannounced closings were causing her to lose customers. She reluctantly got her books together and prepared to leave.

At least Konatsu would be the one to open Ucchan's Tuesday through Thursdays, while she opened on Mondays and Fridays. That was, after all, part of an agreement she had made with the vice-principal over their worker's permits where she and Konatsu would each have some full days of school.

Konatsu decided to walk Ukyou out of the school, just in case that guy Ukyou hated tried anything.


Azusa was among the last to leave class and noticed Mikado was still sitting at his desk and staring at the front of the room. She looked closely at him, noticing 'pervert' and 'male prostitute' was written on him. His eyes showed he was conscious, but the lack of any other movement made the girl grin. "Time to doodle!"

Mikado wished someone would kill him, while Azusa pulled out several markers and started drawing on him.

Hiroshi and Daisuke were now the only other students in class, and saw what she was doing.

"Can I help?" Hiroshi asked.

"Sure!" Azusa squeaked cutely.

Hiroshi drew a circle around 'pervert' and added a star burst pattern. Daisuke, not wanting to be left out, colored a whirlwind under 'male prostitute.' After a few more pictures and adding 'shit fucker' to Mikado's left cheek, Hiroshi and Daisuke left to get lunch.

Azusa stayed behind and continued to have her fun.


Shampoo had rushed for the bathroom. When she arrived, she nervously checked her hair in the mirror. A tear escaped her eye when she saw that part of her hair was noticeably shorter and she wouldn't be able to hide it. Her luxurious hair, which she had always worn long, and some stupid ninja wannabe with a shuriken had cut it. The only way to fix her hair would be for her to get it cut shorter than she could ever remember wearing.

"Yeoowch. What happened?" a girl asked as she walked into the bathroom.

"Stupid ninja boy cut hair," Shampoo replied angrily.

"Make him pay." The girl eyed the Amazon's hair closely. She then pulled something out of her pocket. "If you put that into a pony-tail it'll be harder to notice. You can use this."

Shampoo looked at the ribbon uncertainly for a moment. "Thanks." She then took the ribbon and began to fix her hair.

"Here, let me do that." The girl took the ribbon from Shampoo and rolled her hair together so that the shorter hairs were towards the center of the ponytail. "Much better."

Shampoo nodded to the mirror, seeing that only scarce traces of the damage done to her hair was noticeable. "Thanks. Come to Nekohanten after school and will treat nice student to delicious ramen."

"You're welcome, but you don't have to repay me," the girl declined politely.

"I insist," Shampoo pressed.

The girl waved her hands. "It's really no bother."

Shampoo scowled. She hated the stupid tradition of refusing a gift a few times before accepting. "Really, must repay kindness."

"But...." The girl noticed Shampoo's scowl deepen even more. "Well, I never could resist food, especially good food. I'll be there."

"Good." Shampoo smiled a little. "Bye, bye. Must go kill stupid ninja boy now."

"Have fun," the girl replied. The girl wasn't worried since many of the martial artists around here might talk a good murder, but none of them ever went through with it.


Ranma's hair dripped hot water as he entered the cafeteria. When he had checked his book bag earlier in the morning, he had noticed his lunch was missing. Since none of his suitors were hounding him to eat a lunch they had made, he guessed his father had stolen it. So, he needed to buy his lunch and was surprised to see one of the cafeteria ladies was the same one who tossed the last bread to the students at his middle school.

Ranma debated waiting to get the last bread. He decided to purchase a lunch and stick around for the fight. He knew there would be one with Kumon, Taro, a sumo-wrestler, and a few others of respectable skill here as well.

The martial artists in the cafeteria had heard from the guys who went to the middle school about the coveted last bread, and decided to stay and fight for it.

It wasn't long before the cafeteria lady called out, "Last melon bread!"

Rumiko remembered the story of how Ryoga became Ranma's rival and quickly retreated.

The martial artists rushed forward, each intent on getting the bread.

Gosunkugi gulped seeing Taro running straight at him. He was knocked out of the way with a casual strike from the Chinese student. Gosunkugi went flying into the sumo-wrestler and bounced off his enormous gut.

The martial arts melee was fast and furious. The melon bread flew in a chaotic pattern from the wind generated from the fighting teens. Its flight ended as Gosunkugi's flight path crossed the bread's. The voodoo-boy landed with the bread in his mouth and a large grin.

The martial artists stopped fighting and blinked. "It's his," several of them said in near unison.

"Way to go, Voodoo." Ranma patted Gosunkugi on the back.

The force of the pat caused Gosunkugi to spit out the bread. It rolled on to the floor.

"Okay, no one gets it," Kumon commented.

"If no one wants it, I'll take it," the sumo-wrestler said, popping the bread into his mouth. "Waste not, not want, I always say."

"Man, I've only seen Pop do that before." Ranma looked sick.


After saying good-bye to Ukyou at Furinkan's front gate, Konatsu left to go search for Ranma and Akane. He hoped he could eat lunch with them.

When Konatsu passed the sports equipment shed, someone grabbed him. The purple-haired girl was glaring at him. She then did something he never expected; she kissed him on a cheek.

Konatsu didn't know what to do. He had read in his girl's manga about many sordid and romantic events that had happened in the sports equipment shed. But why would she want to do anything with him? He had just given her a nasty haircut. Unless he was starting to attract suitors like Ranma had and the means of getting engaged to this girl was cutting her hair. He shuddered at the thought; Ukyou was the only woman for him.

"After school, we fight," Shampoo snarled. She then slammed the ninja into the wall.

Konatsu was even more confused than before.


Tsubasa crawled towards the bathroom. The freak that sat behind his beloved scared him, cut him, nearly burned him, and frightened him. What was with this school and the assorted freak squad that roamed the halls? He went to check in the mirror to see if had any injuries.

"Oh, no," Tsubasa moaned seeing someone in a Furinkan girl's uniform standing behind him.

"I'm going to kill you for what you did to me!" the guy shouted, wearing the same school dress Tsubasa had worn that morning. This was his first day at high school and already his class had given him the nickname 'tomboy' and all because a cross-dressing pervert wanted to dress like a guy.

Tsubasa may have a lot of strength but he had little skill. When faced with the righteous wrath of an adrenaline-empowered freshman-- well several minutes later, Tsubasa was once again wearing his school dress and his face was an interesting shade of purple.


Akane sat down to eat lunch under her usual tree. Towards the end of the last school year she had, more or less, claimed the spot with Ranma. It stood a fair distance away from the rest of the trees and from the bushes on the school grounds, which made it harder to eavesdrop without either herself or Ranma knowing it.

While Akane waited for Ranma to join her, two figures approached her.

"Well, look what we have here, Migi?" a girl with a ponytail on the left side.

"Gee, if it isn't 'Ms. Best Martial of Hiwa Junior High.' Isn't that right, Hidari?" the other girl who looked the same, yet her ponytail was on the right.

Akane groaned seeing the two identical twins standing before her, each holding a bo-staff. "What do you two want?"

"First, we want to know...." Hidari started.

"...if you own a pet pig?" Migi finished.

Akane blinked and nodded. She couldn't understand why they asked that question.

The twins scowled, now firmly believing that Akane owned that gigantic pig they fought this morning.

"Second, since we haven't been here long and...." Hidari began.

"...we want to know who's the best fighter in the school," Migi finished.

"That would be Ranma," Akane answered.

"Oh? A boy is better than the high and mighty Akane." Hidari glared smugly at her upper classman.

"You can actually admit someone is better than you?" Migi shared her sister's look.

"Sure, if they are better." Akane returned their glare.

"Well, why don't we see...." Migi began.

Hidari finished "...if you can defeat us?"

Akane shrugged. "Maybe later."

Hidari lashed out with her staff knocking Akane's lunch onto the ground.

"How about now?" Migi asked.

"You asked for it," Akane said flatly while going into the ready position.

The twins stood poised for attack, but did not move.

Akane rushed for the twin of the left, but the twins shifted position quickly so the Tendo girl ended up between them. They launched a simultaneous and synchronous strike, hitting Akane on both sides of her gut. She staggered back. The twins had gotten faster since their last fight.

Ryoga and Akari had wanted to join Akane for lunch, when they came upon the fight. They watched as the girl tried several attacks, but each time she either retreated or was hit solidly by both staffs.

"Ryoga, why aren't you helping her?" Akari asked.

"Akane would be upset if I did," Ryoga replied. He wanted to help but knew that wasn't an option. Besides, it did not appear to be a serious fight. The twins were mirroring each other's moves, which would take a lot of skill to accomplish. If they could do that, his first love shouldn't have lasted long if they would just break their pattern, so he guessed they were just sparring.

Akane grimaced while looking at her opponents. Their speed and defense was a lot higher than the previous year, but their strength didn't show any improvement. She could keep the fight up for a while still, but she had to think of a way to land a blow against them before they wore her down too much.

Akane smirked like Ranma. "Migi, how's Higashi? Did you finally get a date with him?"

The twins gave Akane a perturbed look.

"Why should I care about him? He likes older women," Migi spat.

"Hearts can change over the course of a year," Hidari added.

Akane frowned. Ranma made it seem so easy to find ways to distract your opponent. She racked her brain on how to break through their defenses. A multiple attack could work, but how would she accomplish that since they had the superior reach? She eyed her fallen bento box and smirked like Ranma again.

Akane grabbed the bento and lid and then ran towards the twins again. She flung both items and launched herself into the air.

The twins saw this, and discounted the bento box and lid as a threat. They prepared to dish out pain to Akane, since they did not expect the force with which the lid struck Migi in the forehead, or the bento that hit Hidari in left shoulder. They both staggered and turned slightly from the blows.

Akane came down between the staffs, grabbing Hidari's weapon as she landed. Akane put all of her strength into flinging Hidari across the school grounds by using the staff. The Tendo girl wasted no time and turned to face Migi, and unleashed a series of devastating blows.

Ryoga and Akari were shocked when they saw Hidari writhe on the ground as if every blow Akane struck on Migi also hit her.

"What's goin' on?" Ranma asked while eating a pork bun.

"Akane got into a fight against twins," Ryoga answered.

"I can see that," Ranma groused.

Akane finished the attack on Migi and launched her into the air with an uppercut. Migi landed next to her sister.

"Akane, what's with the double vision?" Ranma asked, pointing at the comatose twins.

"Meet Hidari and Migi, the Double Trouble of Hiwa Junior High. When I went to Hiwa, I was the best fighter there. Those two had wanted to claim that spot, but they never did defeat me," Akane informed.

"So why did you fight them now?" Ranma asked.

Akane scowled. "Old rivalry. They wanted to prove they could defeat me, but they still can't take a punch."

"Why did she react to the other girl being hit?" Ryoga asked.

"When one of them feels pain, the other feels it as well," Akane answered.

"A two-for-one special," Ranma commented.

Ryoga scratched his head. "Good thing they weren't serious."

Akane blinked. "They were very serious."

"If they were serious then why mirror each other's moves?" Ryoga asked bewildered.

"It's how they fight. They're always together and rarely act as if they have separate minds," Akane said seriously.

"Huh?" Ryoga questioned.

Ranma shook his head. "Come on, man. It's not that hard to grasp. Twins can sometime know each other really well. It's easier for those two to act together than separately. And if they got that two-for-one special goin', they'd be more in unison than the twins I fought when I was eleven... or was that nine?" Ranma's brow crinkled in thought.

"Oh, okay. If you say so." Ryoga didn't really understand it. That kind of unity they were talking about would require telepathy and he didn't believe that was possible without the aid of magic... Never mind, he could believe it.


Hiroshi and Daisuke had watched the fight between Akane and the two girls and could only think of one thing. "Twiiiiiiins." They held perverted grins and Hiroshi's nose started to bleed.

Sayuri and Yuka looked at them and wandered somewhere else.


Nabiki smiled, counting what she made from the betting on Akane's fight. How quickly they forgot that Akane was a capable fighter, just not nearly as good as many of the other martial artists that go to this school.


Kodachi frowned when Ranma sat down to lunch with the wretched Tendo girl. He even shared what little he had left with her. The few times she had seen them together they were always fighting, but some of those fights were, admittedly, caused by her.

The youngest Kuno had not liked the evidence she had seen. Ranma and Akane were being civil, friendly, and even close. From what she had seen today, the Tendo girl was obviously in the lead of the competition for Ranma, but Kodachi doubted that fight was over. All she had to do was prove herself better, and that couldn't be very hard. She was the Black Rose of Furinkan High, after all.


Kuno would have been searching for his beloveds, but that Mariko girl was starting to scare him. He was hiding in his personal room of the kendo training hall. What did she want? She didn't love him like his goddesses did, of that he was certain. Yet she always watched him, professed love to him, and refused to be away from his presence.

"K-U-N-O! Where are you Kuno-sama? I will have lunch with you!" Mariko cried out.

Kuno shuddered. That girl was way too much for his noble personage.


Several girls swooned and many more guys wanted to vomit at the sight before them. The Daimonji couple were feeding each other and saying romantic nothings. The two looked like stereotypical newlyweds. The thing was that these two had been married for nine months already, long past what many would consider the 'newlywed stage.'

Ryunami wanted to rip her eyes out. The sight of two people showing that much public affection disgusted her to the core. It had to be faked, since no one was truly that in love, especially guys. Show Sentarou a pretty girl and he'd look away from his wife like any other guy. Like all guys, he was perverted scum and she'd only help Satsuki by showing her what he was truly like.


Mousse walked past a pony-tailed girl while he continued his search for his beloved. "Shampoo, where are you?" He noticed the pony-tailed girl flinch, but she said nothing.

He had been searching since lunch began. He searched everywhere, including the girls' bathroom. Okay, he'd meant to use the boys' bathroom and walked into the wrong one by mistake. He asked if she was there anyway.

Damn, the girls at Furinkan were violent. He rubbed his bruised jaw.

Mousse wanted to know what had happened during the last class. Shampoo had gotten upset at someone, but he couldn't see what had caused it. He wouldn't stop until he saw whatever raised her ire was properly soothed. He would help her anyway he could, especially since it didn't involve Ranma and Akane in the least.

"Shampoo?!" Mousse cried out again. He then glanced over and wondered where that pony-tailed girl went. He wanted to ask her if she knew where Shampoo was.


Konatsu watched the girl that challenged him. He had to know her abilities for the upcoming fight. She moved with grace and speed. Obviously she could fight and her movements were like those of a cat. She could be trouble, he had best practice and prepare.

The ninja tried to remember what Ukyou had said about a purple-haired bimbo a while back, but he had been paying more attention to his beloved's voice than what she was talking about. It had something to do with Amazons, black roses and a non-existent engagement ring as well, but he really didn't know much of what she was talking about. He had only been living with her a couple weeks at that point, and the events in Nerima were far more complicated than anything that ever happened at the full service tea house he grew up at.

Author's notes:

Who's the best at school: Personally I think Taro is the best fighter at Furinkan for this series. However, when going over debates in the newsgroups over who was better, I realized personal perspective has a lot to do with judging skill level; not to mention plot necessity often messes with the result of the fight. I realized that Akane obviously wouldn't have the same opinion as me since her answer would be naturally biased. After all, only a few weeks ago Ranma fought and killed a god to save her life, not to mention she almost married him a couple days before as well.

Konatsu has only seen Shampoo once, at the bombed wedding. He has never been introduced to her. He might not even know anymore about her than Ukyou did at the beginning of the Onsen Race, as in nothing.

Bleeding noses is used in many Anime films to show a character is having a dirty thought. It doesn't have to be caused by seeing parts of the attracted sex that the character shouldn't, though that's usually the case.

In case you want to know what the new names mean:
Hidari- left hand side
Migi- right hand side
Hiwa - Secret story; untold episode
Of course the students of Hiwa Junior High prefer to think the name is Hiwai or obscene.