Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ Walk to my lovers arms ❯ chapter seven ( Chapter 7 )

…

I don't deserve to see you

I don't deserve to hold you

I don't deserve your concern

I don't deserve your friendship

And yet even in knowing I don't deserve your attention

Something in me longs for your comforting touch

You give me the hope to believe

I am more than a broken shell

Chapter 7

Usagi let out a deep breath her story completed, right up to the happenings of that morning.

"That jerk!" Mamoru stated vehemently as his arms clutched protectively about her. Usagi laughed lightly, secretly liking this new side of him.

"Its all right, I think I needed to see him" she reassured, "I needed to realize that, that portion of my life was over, and that I'd never have it back."

Mamoru nodded, privately thinking that soon enough she would be living the way she had before the accident, walking on her own two legs… while he… well. He didn't allow his thoughts to continue along that route. For now it was enough just being able to comfort her, even if they could only ever be friends… or maybe if his luck somehow changed, friends with benefits.

"So, are you ready to hold up your end of the deal?" she questioned.

Mamoru sighed, he didn't really want to divulge into his former life, it was much too painful and even now guilt, still overwhelmed him.

Usagi watched as his face scrunched up eyebrows drawing together in a frown, and his eyes glaze over. Slowly she raised a hand as if to stroke his cheek, her fingertips just brushing against his skin, as a knock on the door caused her to rapidly with draw it, and to move away.

"Usagi are you in here" Makoto's voice preceded her as the door opened revealing her and Kevin.

"Yea Mako. I'm here" Usagi responded,

"Great... I just wanted to let you know that Kevin and I are going out with his family for the day…"

"Oh... all right" Usagi remarked, watching as Makoto wheeled around collecting her purse, and a jacket.

" I guess we'll let you guys get back to whatever it was you were doing" Kevin teased from the door way as Mako wheeled back around with her supplies in hand.

"We weren't doing anything!!!" Usagi exclaimed, a light pink blush blooming on her cheeks,

Mamoru merely waved calling,

"Have a good time" and then Makoto was gone shouting a quick reminder to Usagi about an appointment, before the two were once more alone upon the window seat.

"So… where were we?" Usagi began, turning her attention back to the handsome man beside her.

Mamoru remained silent, watching as her brows scrunched in concentration,

"Aha! That's right! You were going to tell me about yourself" Usagi grinned causing Mamoru to laugh despite himself, then knowing she would find out sooner or later he began his tale, his warm tenor now remorseful as he recollected the incident he so desperately wished to forget.

"Well, the accident occurred nearly two years ago… I was driving the family car, with my grandmother in the passenger seat, and my mom and sister in the back. I was just driving along, not speeding, I wasn't drunk, and everything was wonderful. We were all ready to go visit my uncle, my dad's brother, when it happened. A car in a neighboring lane lost control, and swerved into our lane." Here Mamoru paused, and Usagi squeezed his hand encouragingly,

"Well, the car just suddenly swerved over, and I pulled on the wheel trying to get out of the way, and then I'm not sure exactly what happened. There was just a loud bang, and suddenly the car wasn't moving anymore. I wouldn't find out till later that the whole back end of the car had been crushed in, and the whole left side of the car was just crushed. Apparently they found my sisters body lying twenty feet away, blown clear out the window from the impact. She hadn't been wearing her seat belt, I remember that she'd been looking in the trunk for a drink just moments before. My mother too died at the scene and my grandmother later in hospital from her injuries. Then there was me, I'd suffered internal bleeding, a concussion, both my legs were broken, some ribs, and various other injuries. Yet I'm still alive…" he murmured at the end, looking at Usagi with glazed eyes. She could tell he wasn't really seeing her, as he re-lived the accident in his mind.

"I killed them, I killed them all." He stated, coming back to himself. "Here I am, Mamoru the murderer. I shouldn't even be here, holding you like this or anything." He continued as he realized that he had his arms wrapped about her once more, just as hers were wrapped about him. Usagi pulled back to stare at him, her mouth dropping open, in disbelief

"Yea… I better go" he continued pushing her out of his arms before manuvering himself into his wheel chair. He took one last look at her shocked face, and commented "I don't blame you for being disgusted, I'm disgusted with myself."

She was totally stunned, her mouth opening and closing like that of some giant terrestrial fish, lips forming the word, Wait… and yet she just couldn't seem to get it out. Instead she was frozen in place, watching as he wheeled towards the door; her heart aching for him within her breast, as she slowly came to realize why he didn't even try to get better. It wasn't that there was any physical inhibition; it was just that he didn't feel there was any point; it was as if he had nothing worth living for, and the seeds of guilt he'd sown within himself had slowly blossomed, fed by his uncle's actions towards him.

The sound of the door closing spurred her into action. Quickly she set herself in her wheel chair and raced out the door after him. Once in the hallways she looked to the right and to the left, just catching a glimpse of his dark raven hair, before the elevator doors closed. Mamoru's depreciating words, I'm disgusted with myself, ran through her head once more serving to strengthen her resolve to find him.

She waited for the elevator, mulling over where he could have gone, and what she would tell him once she found him. The accident, well it wasn't his fault that his family members had died in that crash…. There really wasn't much he could have done to prevent it from happening, no more than she could have prevented that truck from hitting her car. She heaved a sigh as the elevator door parted before her, looking at the panel, she acted on instinct pressing the button for the roof. Having subconsciously decided that it was the best place to look for him, as no one else knew about their joyful evenings up there, besides it was the only place in the confounded grounds where one could go, and not be disturbed.