SD Gundam Fan Fiction ❯ Hate, Love, and Flaming Roses ❯ I Wish I Was Perfect in My Father's Eyes ( Chapter 8 )

The next morning, Bakunetsumaru groggily woke up with a yawn. " I need some coffee…" he mumbled, but felt to tired to get up. He groaned. He spent most of the night crying about the loss of his sister, Denshimeru, and how she had been changed.

" I'm just a kid, and my life is a nightmare!" Baku recited while heaving himself up.

#####

" Father, father!" a chibified Bakunetsumaru ran onto the bridge over the river to his father, Filermaru. He turned around. " What is it, Bakunetsumaru?"

" Can I come with you, Father? Huh? CanIcanIcanI???" Baku pleaded while tugging on his dad's arm. " Pweeeeeese?" (awww)

Filerarmaru looked Exactly like Bakunetsumaru, except he didn't have red armor, he had black and blue. " I'm sorry, but you can't." Baku pounted.

" Whhhhhyyyy? I'm a big boy now! I can do….stuff!" Filermaru laughed. He reached down and patted his son on the head. " I would love to take you, but you're too young for this." Baku groaned. " Now, now. You're going to have to be the man of the house while I'm away. Alright?" Baku blinked.

" What does that mean, Father?"

" It means you have to take care of your mother and baby sister like I would, alright?" Baku smiled. " Okay!" Baku tried his best to salute, but his fingers were spread over his helmet and it looked like he slapped himself more than anything else. His father laughed again, then picked him up.

" One day, you're going to be a great musha warrior, my son."

" Really? Like you?"

" Exactly!"

" YAY! I'm gonna be cool!"

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?

The present Bakunetsumaru sighed his father used to be a nice goy at one point. But he changed. And the words Kikumaru said still haunted him.

" Father said the same thing!"

" This is just like when father killed our mother."

Bakunetsumaru growled.

" But, unlike father, you won't do it. You're too weak."

" No, Denshi," Baku whispered. " I'm stronger than he was. That's why I didn't do it."

***

As Baku was awake, Zero was still sleeping in his room. He had been fighting with himself on weather to go on and comfort Baku or not. He wanted to so badly, but he was scared that he was going to force himself on him again. He turned in his sleep as his eyes shut tightly from his dream…

#####

Zero found himself standing in front of a Japanese style mansion. Courious, he went through the large doors and into the hallway. He walked around, seeing if there is anybody around. " Hello?" he called.

He made a turn and gave a startled gasp at what he saw. A small Bakunetsumaru was standing in front of a door, looking horrified. Zero would have thought he was completely adorable (Wouldn't we all though?), if it wasn't for his expression.

Bakunetsumaru gasped in horror as he saw Filermaru's sword drip with the dark fluid that came out of musha's. He took a step back, scared out of his mind. He didn't know who that person was, but the thought of his father ever doing something like that terrified him.

Filermaru looked at Bakunetsumaru, who was standing transfixed in the doorway. " You said you wanted to come," he said. " You begged to come."

Bakunetsumaru whimpered slightly while backing away as his father started to approach him.

" What's the matter, Bakunetsumaru?" he asked darkly. " Scared of your father?"

" M…" Bakunetsumaru's back was against the wall now. " M…Mama…" he whimpered a cry for help.

" Stop!!" Zero yelled. Filermaru kept advancing towards the small musha. " I SAID STOP!" Zero ran towards him readying a punch. He threw his fist at him, and his eyes widened. His hand went right through him. He slowly pulled his arm back, and looked at it. " What…?"

" Bakunetsumaru." Zero turned back to the older Gundam. " You're going to grow up to be like me, so why be scared?"

" He will not!" Zero yelled in protest.

Bakunetsumaru shook his head rapidly. " N-no…I don't wanna hurt people…" Zero smiled briefly, then yelled as Filermaru hit him with the flat of the sword.

" Fool!" he spat. " You will never be great if you defy your heritage and future!"

Zero growled. " LEAVE HIM ALONE NOW!!" He was getting ready to summon his sword, but something jabbed at the back of his head. He fell forwards while holding his head. It wasn't painful. It was like an electricity shock or something.

*

He looked up, and saw himself on a snow-covered hill. " Where…?" He then heard muffled sobs coming from nearby. Zero looked down the hill and saw the young Bakunetsumaru sitting next to a rock. He was a little bigger than what Zero last saw, but he couldn't really tell if it was true or not. Zero cautiously walked down.

" What's going on here?" he asked himself.

" Go away!" Zero stopped. Bakunetsumaru turned to Zero angrily and glared at him through tear stained eyes. " I said go away! Leave me alone!" Zero blinked.

" What's wrong, little one?" Zero asked. Baku sniffled while whipping some tears away.

" Nuthin'!"

" It doesn't look like `nothing' to me."

" Well….what do you know!" Baku turned his back on Zero.

" I know a lot of things, child." He then walked up to Baku, and knelt next to him. He got a closer look at the rock to see it was actually a roughly done tombstone.

Shikamaru.

` That must be Bakunetsumaru's mother…' Zero thought. He looked at the little samurai. " I'm sorry for your loss," he said softly.

Baku hiccupped in reply. " You know, you should just let it all out," Zero said. " It helps a lot." Was he actually saying that? He's always kept his feeling bottled in and he's giving a kid advice about emotions. Right.

Baku tried to snort, but it came out as a wet cough. " I-I'm not crying!" Zero's eyes softened. He sighed, then hugged the little red and white Gundam.

" It's okay to cry," he said.

" N-no it's not," Baku sniffled in Zero's chest. " B-big boys d-d-on't cry…"

" Sure they do. They're big boys because they aren't afraid of anything. Especially when it comes to showing their emotions. It shows they're not scared of showing their feelings…"

Bakunetsumaru fell silent for a moment, then started wailing into Zero's chest. " I want my mommy---!!" he screamed in between his fits of sobs. Zero rocked the young Gundam gently. " Just let it out," he whispered. " It's okay…." He held Baku tightly. " I'll make sure you're not hurt again…"

Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
'Cuz it hurst when you disapprove all doing

*

" Zero? Hey, wake up, sleepy-ass!"

Zero groaned while opening his eyes. His vision cleared and saw Bakunetsumaru leaning over him. " Coffee?" He held up a mug of black, strong coffee. The only kind Zero will drink in the morning. Zero sat up, then took the drink. " Thanks."

Baku looked at Zero. " Are you okay? You look kinda spacey?" Zero blinked.

" Er, no. I'm just tired…"

" Well, if I can't sleep, then neither can you!" Zero shook his head, then took a sip of his coffee.

" Must everyone suffer when you do?" he asked.

" YES!" Baku grinned. " Oh, by the way, did you take my swords anywhere?" Zero tilted his head. " No…" Baku shrugged.

" Guess Guneagle took them as a joke then." He then scooted to the door. " The Chief wants to talk to ya in his office sometime today, Zero."

" What? Why me?" Baku shrugged. " I am merely a messenger…" He then darted his eyes around.

"…What are you doing?"

" Making sure no one burns the messenger again."

" Huh?"

" Oh, nothing…" (A/N: You'd have to have read my comic in the comics section of my site to get that joke.)

Baku then walked out the door. Zero swallowed the rest of his coffee down. He felt a lot better now.

But what was that dream about? Did it actually happen or was he just…well…. dreaming?

###

" Dad!" Bakunetsumaru yelled angrily while strutting over to the stalls. " What the hell do you think you're doing with my horse?!"

" You don't need a horse," Filermaru said simply while grabbing the reigns of Entengo. The horse neighed in confusion.

" Sensei gave me Entengo, so I'm keeping him!"

" Bakunetsumaru, you can't afford to keep a horse. Besides, you're not going to need a horse in your new profession."

" I'm going to be an imperialist, father. I'll need a horse." The older Gundam froze.

" What did you say?"

" I'm fighting for the emperor!"

" You can't be serious."

" Well, I am!" Baku then yanked the horse's reigns from his father's grasp. " I'm going to be a samurai, not an assassin!"

" An imperial samurai…"

" Yeah."

" They kill too, you know."

" I won't." Filermaru laughed coldly.

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

" That's some wishful thinking. You will spill blood eventually, like your ancestors have done."

Baku glared at his father. " We shall see about that."

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

*

Bakunetsumaru used to admire that Gundam when he was little, but not after he took him to see what he did for his work. His presence there made his father act so strangely…like he was waiting for that moment to scare Bakunetsumaru, and the good father thing was all an act.

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

Baku rode Entengo to Shute's house since it was Saturday and he was home in the morning. He needed to do something to get his mind off of his perished father…. badly.

**

Zero was flying over the forest for his usually scouting patrol, but he was still thinking about the dream

` Perhaps it wasn't a dream…but…how could that be?' He thought. He felt sorry for Baku for being raised with such a bad father. He wondered how he turned out to be so good. Arrogant and a bit strange, but good. But what stood out the most was the scene with the grave.

He flinched. Baku said that his father chopped off her head, but did he see him do it? That would be the most traumatizing thing for a child to see. He hoped he didn't.

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
'Cuz you don't understand

Bakunetsumaru growled in his throat while tightening his grip on the reigns. Entengo started to feel his master's anger boil, and was starting to feel uncomfortable.

" He wanted me to be a perfect assassin…he was obsessed with death and killing so much!"

####

" I thrive on blood, Bakunetsumaru. And I want you to lean the thrill of hearing your victum scream; the chills down your sline as you slice into their necks and their eyes turn cold and empty as their souls leave their bodies…It's the sweetest sin of all o experience. You will accept this; This is my hope and my dream for you."

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

*

Bakunetsumaru didn't want to admit it, but he felt some sort of urge to slice Denshimeru up after she attacked Zero the other day. Something inside him wanted him to….

He shook his head. He would never do that to his sister. He was a samurai, not a murderous basterd.

Why would he think this? Why? Is this also part of the curse? To feel the need for death of others?

~~~~~~~~~~

There you all have it. Sad, isn't it? :( R&R! May-VeggieGirl UPDATE ALREADY!!! X_X