Crimson Regret

Chapter III: Lonely

Ryou's POV

Ah what a lovely day. No school, a Saturday, and…no one to spend it with. This whole week, and I haven't seen Bakura that much. Is he forgetting about me already? Heh, it's so funny. I might die of laughing too hard. Oh well at least the 'expert', Yugi, told me everything I need to know. Well guess what I almost got into a few more car accidents this week. Proud of me aren't ya? Well it just so happens Yugi happened to be passing by every time. It's so funny. It makes me laugh. I'm laughing right now.

Ah who am I trying to kid? It doesn't matter; nothing ever really mattered anyways. Maybe I should do what Yugi did. Yeah throw some darts on my picture, if I could find one that is. I think I burned them all when I was seriously in deep, deep depression. That sucks, maybe I can throw them at Bakura. I remember before he said he could take pain. Maybe he'll be a good target practice. Hmm…not a bad idea.

Oh but then I might make him mad. I better start cooking something. I'm kinda hungry.

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Lonely, I'm mister lonely…

Dammit Yugi got that part of the song stuck in my head. How dare he. I'm going to kill whoever wrote that song. Yes, I'm going to murder them brutally. I'll slice the neck, stab the chest in different places, light it on fire, shoot arrows then bullets, oh yeah and hammer them down to the ground. Heh, heh…

None of you people better question my sanity!

I'm so going crazy. I think I saw elephants flying in the sky. Hey is the sky pink? Or is it purple? Eh, whatever, I don't care. Hmph. I sighed. What the hell am I doing anyways? It's a Monday. A really, really sucky Monday. Why didn't the weekend be three days instead of two? That way we could all start on Tuesday.

Whatever. I better start getting ready for school. Sitting in bed and still in pajamas isn't doing very well. I have a feeling it's going to be a shitty day.

Okay walking to school is kinda awkward today. Why? I'll tell you why.

Bakura is actually here! He's actually walking with me today. Can you believe that? Can ya? Can ya? Did he hear about my week of accidentally meeting with a close death call? Did Yugi tell him? No I don't think so. If he did I would tell Yami about his 'knife'. I don't care if it was a gift. I took a deep breath and voiced my question.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. I think I made it sound like I didn't want him here.

"What, I can't be here?" he said back. I didn't even hear a sound of hurt in his voice at all. Could it be he didn't want to be here but is just doing this because he doesn't want me to do anything drastic? Like jumping off the balcony? Hmm…that didn't seem too bad of an idea to do right now.

"Just wonderin, I mean who would want to be with a weakling that stood in the middle of the street like a deer caught in headlights because he was about to get run over by a car three times a day last week after school." Oh, I think my mind took control. Bad mind; must punish. Must punish. Note to self, hit head twenty five times on the wall. Yeah, that should do it. I then noticed he stopped walking. I was a few steps ahead. I looked back at him and placed out a laugh.

"Don't listen to me. I think my mouth ran away with my mind. I think it's because of the time I fell down the stairs a couple times this weekend." I said then began walking again. Damn my mind slipped again. I then turned around to face him. What is it now?

"You're not trying to tell me you're hurting yourself again are you? Because right now I'm not believing a word you're saying," Bakura said. Well, well… Actually I was telling the truth.

"Whatever. None of it was intentional I assure you. If it was I would be dead already. And then you'd be mourning for an hour and say you need to get over it. Then you forget. It's that simple."

"Words mean nothing." He responded before walking ahead. What a good statement. Then he should actually believe his own words because I don't believe anything he says either.

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Ah the wonders of Home Ec. class. I get to play with knives; I get to play with knives. And you don't so get over it. I love chopping vegetables. Oh, remember kiddies eat your fruits and veggies so you'll grow strong. If you don't that's okay too. Right now I'm partnered up with Yugi. Bakura was partnered up with Taki. That sly, conniving little bitch! Excuse me please. But she's the one Bakura's been showing around the whole last week. Oh well Bakura could hang out with whoever he wants. I have better things to do than to stay with him as he whispers false words of love to me. Like he said,

"Words mean nothing."

That's because they don't.

"Ryou?" I heard Yugi call me. I turned to face him.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Can I play?" Play? What does he mean?

"Sure." I hesitantly said.

He placed the sharp end of the kitchen knife over the back of my hand and slashed. I dropped my knife in turn and grabbed the towel. I had to stop the bleeding. Yugi, the expert and my hero, cut a little too deep. Just the way I like it. I can tell you people, I've missed it. I'm not afraid to admit it. No one noticed, especially Bakura and Yami. That was a relief.

"Thanks Yugi," I said smiling in his direction.

"Your welcome, Ryou. I knew you needed it," he answered smiling at me too.

I walked to the teacher and explained that I wasn't watching where I was cutting and accidentally cut the wrong thing, which is the slash at the back of my hand. I went straight to the nurse's office smiling a real smile the whole way.

That was a relief. I can't believe I've lasted this long without doing anything. Oh yeah, I was being distracted with 'false security', sarcasm intended. Now I wonder, is Yugi doing what I think he's doing?

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Oh my god! You'll never guess what I did! C'mon, guess. Alright, alright I'll tell you. Okay I've just started cutting again. Big news ain't it? Haha, I'm just joking. Actually I've only done one cut. Ever since that incident last week with Yugi I've decided to slowly start again so Bakura wouldn't notice. Plus, I've started eating less and less. I think food was just a waste of time. That was exactly why two weekends ago I fell down the steps. I fell down because I didn't eat for a whole day and I was hungry, but Bakura wasn't there to help me up. Oh well, I could fend for myself thank you very much.

I've got to go. I think I'm already late for work. I just got this job yesterday. Since Bakura isn't home most of the time I might as well get going and do something instead of being stuck here like some dumb housewife who still believes that her husband is loyal to her.

I'm not stupid. I can see we've been drifting away. But I don't care. After all it's only been three weeks since this started and we've already managed to go back to the way things used to be. I would be ignored, he would hang out with friends. Life is bliss. I'm all alone just like the last time. And…

I love every fucking minute of it.

No strings, no restraints, which is what I wanted all the time. Freedom. I have nothing to worry about except where my next meal is going to be. I don't really have to worry about that. I know how to cook. So there's no need for me to worry. Ooh, I better get going!

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-Bang-

~Twenty-one~

-Bang-

~Twenty-two~

-Bang-

~Twenty-three~

-Bang-

~Twenty-four~

-Bang-

~Twenty-five~

There we go just as I promised hit head on wall twenty-five times. I think I lost a few brain cells. Ah they could reproduce themselves, I think. I just got back from work and to say it's no surprise that I find Taki with Bakura under my roof eating dinner. I could've exploded but then again I'm not part of it so I just stayed out of sight and walked to my room. Damn, I need to do homework still. Maybe I should've done it when I had break. Who cares about eating I can eat when I get back. This is so going to be a long night.

About six hours later and five cups of coffee I'm still awake. I think I'm about to collapse and I wouldn't be able to do well in school tomorrow. Oh well, without high academics you can't get anywhere in life. Like the way parents push you to be the best so they have something good to say about you. How dumb isn't it? Sometimes they push you so hard and you're exhausted in the end. They just want to brag about how well you do in school and your talents and it's amazing that you keep telling them that. No offense to parents, I mean they do raise you to grow up the way they did so I guess it's just been pounded into their head. They provide you with shelter. Heh it's so funny.

I shouldn't talk like that. I never was around my parents that much. My mother's dead and my dad is never home. He somehow finds an excuse to go on some dig. Well I hope he gets trapped in one of those booby trap tombs. It's not like he wants me around. If he did then he would at least call me or something or visit on holidays, but he's never around.

You know, I've got to thank Yugi for bringing me back to reality. Gotta hand it to him. He really does help people out before himself. Remind me to get him a huge Christmas or birthday present, which ever comes first. He deserves it. I think I'm about to go to sleep. I should walk outside. I heard it's very cold this midnight. Of course it was cold this midnight. I found Bakura asleep on the couch without a blanket to cover him. I was going to put one but then I thought what the heck. He wouldn't do that for me. So I just walked out and took a stroll along the streets. Somehow I made my way to the park. Is the park like some condolence place? I guess, I think so. I thought I saw Yugi sitting over there on the bench. Or it could be Yami because I think that's Aya he's with. Well there's one way to find out.

I quickly walked passed them and took a quick glance. It was Yami. I wonder where Yugi is.

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Kinshin: I'm gonna be slow in updating because I'm somehow back on writers block. But I'll continue regardless. Thanks for the reviews and visits!

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