Crimson Regret

Part V: Wasting Away Part 1

Ryou's POV

Dammit, dammit. Why did Yugi have to be in the middle of the street minding his own business while not moving out of the way because a car was about to run him over? If he died I would've asked Bakura for a resurrection spell and tell Yugi to do it right this time and not leave me here. I sighed. Yugi stayed in the hospital for a couple of days. I know how much he hates hospitals, I have to admit, I do too.

When Yami was pouring stupid nonsense in his brain I was a bit mad at him for not tell the whole truth. He didn't even tell Yugi about the time he tried to kill himself because he forced him. I find Yugi so fortunate that he doesn't remember anything. But now I think I lost my partner. Stupid Yami had to come and change Yugi's whole view on life. Now Yugi was back to the way he used to be when he didn't have any friends. Well I was glad that he remembered me, well, my name only but I'm glad. Right now I'm walking to school with him. This is Yami's job but he left early. My guess is to see Aya. Is he really into her like Bakura is to Taki? I hate them.

"Ryou, is Yami really lying to me?" he asked me.

"I think he is but you can believe for yourself," I answered.

"Why can't you give me a straight answer?"

"Because your decisions are not mine to make."

You can't even make your own decisions now because Yami is making them for you.

I wanted to say that too him but I just couldn't. Maybe Yugi is meant to live a better life then I ever could. Even Bakura is happy with his second life that he has. I guess since he spent it with me for a few years beating me up whenever he can he doesn't want to be around me anymore and it's for the best. Maybe the reason he hated me is because I have a life and a body of my own. Now that he has it he doesn't need to see me anymore. I wondered why he said he loved me. I think it was just because I was his connection to the living. It's okay. I don't need him anyways. I could just leave by myself to America maybe or another city where no one would know me. I want to get out of Domino as soon as possible.

I should just kill myself right now and get it over with. Maybe I could make a deal with death and tell him or her to leave Bakura the way he is. Yeah, that should suffice.

I sighed as I saw the school. Another day of learning nothing but pain and relief.

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Damn it all. I'm crying again. I hate it. I hate myself for it too. I can't stop.

You know a few months ago Bakura would've done something or at least comfort me about it. But since I'm alone now I can't do anything except relieve myself of the mental pain.

Kitchen knives were an easy access now. Since Bakura is gone most of the time again I can just get one. He won't notice. He's too busy worrying about something else. Most likely Taki. I can tell he's beginning to be attracted to her, if not already. I guess I look too much like him. Oh well I guess I better start now.

I wish Yugi had his memories back. Then we both could do this. But Yami poured some fake memories in his head so Yugi would most likely believe him. Maybe I should just hit him on the head again. Nah it might make him forget everything. I hope he gets his memory back soon. Then I can have a partner again.

Now I wonder where I can cut. I see the marks I made with the mechanical pencils but they weren't that effective. Those were the only things to use so no one would get suspicious. I glanced at the back of my hand where Yugi made a cut for me already. It was already healing. I know now.

I took the knife from the kitchen and went to my room, or rather the guest bedroom. I don't stay with Bakura anymore besides he doesn't notice otherwise he would've confronted me about it. I slashed. I did three marks evenly spread out and length. God it was such a relief to feel it again. The adrenaline, the fast beating of my heart from excitement, and the feeling of complete darkness.

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I woke up wasted. I felt like I got ran over by a truck. Well I did a few days ago so it's okay. And once again, a dreamless sleep, something I like. I looked around and saw that I'm still in my bed with a few bloodstains on the sheets. I need to wash those in case Bakura decides to care and come in here. For now, I'll just hide it. The knife I need to wash. I picked it up and walked down to the kitchen, which was empty by the way. That was good. I made sure to not leave any traces of anything and put it back. I glanced at the clock and saw that school wouldn't start for another hour. That must mean Bakura hasn't left the house yet. I need to go to my room before he comes down here. I rushed up the stairs.

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You know PE isn't my strongest class. But I manage though people call me weak here, I don't mind. Yugi got his schedule changed because Yami requested that he'd have the same classes as his 'older brother'. Now I'm alone in this class oh well. And guess what. We're going to play my favorite sport, volleyball. I don't really like that game but I'm very good at it. I think five years without practice is taking makes me a little rusty.

And of course people start complaining that I'm in their group. I don't care very much; none of them are any better. They all don't know how to hit in the right place. So I just took my spot in the front. I think they're hoping that I get hit or something since the self-proclaimed team captain put me there. He doesn't like me very much. Might as well give them a show. And as I predicted it isn't going to go over the net and the fact it was heading towards me they made a move to hit it but I was faster and made us a point. Oh and look at their stupid expressions they're all surprised I can hit better than they can. Even the teacher is surprised. You know the teacher also called me weak and pathetic. But look at them now; they're the ones who look weak and pathetic.

We continued in this little tournament. Stupid people don't know when to stop. Oh well I guess I just have to beat them to the ground. And viola our team won. Look here comes the coach.

"Hey, Ryou, you were pretty good there. Do you wish to join the team? We've got room for you," he said. What a load of bull.

"I'm sorry I can't. I distinctly remembered that you don't want weak and pathetic players on your team," I said and walked away. I needed to change. I think everyone looks like a fish out of water with their mouths hanging open.

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Viola! School's out! That means no more lectures for the weekend. That means…I'm alone! All by myself! Yes that is such a wonderful feeling. I know that I may not like being alone but that means I don't have to worry about anyone questioning me about what the hell I'm doing. Bakura wouldn't either because he's going to be gone and I could do a stupid happy dance out on the street and no one would care.

I noticed that Yugi was walking with Yami and Aya back to the game shop. I still say he's a fool to believe Yami. He'll see it soon enough. When he gets his memories back, just watch. Yami wouldn't like the way Yugi changed in just a few months after he sees what he just remembered and how Yami tried to meld his mind with dumb memories. I'd like to see that.

I better get home. I'm starting to miss my new knives I bought a few days ago.

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It's so dark. Where am I? Is this my soul room? I haven't been in here for a while. But why is it so dark? Oh yeah it tells a person's soul. But I don't think this is my soul room. Shouldn't there be something in here besides the invisible floor? I just walked around and see nothing but dark walls. I can't even see anything. I don't even know where I'm going. This path seems never endi-

AH!

I reached to grab onto anything as I fell but there was nothing, no one was there to help me and I just kept falling.

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Today is just a drag. There's this stupid project we have to do. Well I'm lucky I'm not paired up with a girl. I'm just alone, so is Yugi. Bakura and Yami have Aya and Taki. Not like I care. Taki would be staying over our place, which she gets the guest bedroom. That means I have to replace all those sheets. Damn and they were really getting red too. Oh well, at least they'll be home at night and I could wash it up, like right now.

After successfully throwing away the sheets and burning them, you don't want them discovered. I heard the doorbell ring. Who the hell would that be? Is it Yugi who finally got his memories back and decides to join me on the path of depression? I hope so. As I opened the door it was just some delivery guy with about twelve stacks of alcohol. What the hell???

"Is the Bakura residence?" he asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Sign this please." He handed me his pad thingy. I signed it and I led him to take the packs into the kitchen. Did Bakura order this stuff? He then left. Now what to do with this stuff?

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Hahahahahahahahaha…doesn't that guy look funny? I think his face is a little on the short side. I swear where do they come up with these things?

Crash.

Oh woops I think I dropped another bottle of Corona again. I think I busted about…and I don't know. I ran out of fingers. Looks like I have to run to the kitchen again and get another one. I think my house is spinning. Do other people's houses do that too? Damn I feel sick.

I hunched over the couch in case I would throw up but I saw the glass bottles that I accidentally crashed to the floor. They look pretty. Pretty…heh…heh…

My hand reached out to one and I picked up the first sharpest one I could find. Since I don't have a knife right now I could just use this, maybe this time I won't miss.

Before I could do anything I heard the door open and close. Who the hell would…

I heard a gasp and a small screech, annoying screech mind you. I felt myself being pulled up into a sitting position. Hey isn't that Bakura? I gotta ask him…no wait I don't remember…what is it? I laughed. He looks funny with three heads. Did he always have three heads?

"Ryou," he said.

"That's my name don't wear it out," I responded back and I began to poke at the two transparent Bakuras. Hey they look alike but I think my hand just went past them.

"C'mon, you're drunk." He began to help me up.

"No!" I protested and pushed him away making myself land back on the couch. I don't need his help, I never will.

I don't need him!

I don't need him!

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Kinshin: Great. Now I have writers block again! Wahhhhh…this is so cruel!

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