Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Blood and Fire ❯ Knives and Ledges ( Chapter 2 )

I have spent nights with Matches and Knifes

I looked into the blazing flames; they glinted off the silver blade in my hand. What's the point? I slide the blade across my hand. Blood spills forth, my blood. No one would ever know how this happened. I fight enough and have enough scars. Even if they did know they wouldn't care. No one has ever truly cared about me.

I hold my hand above the flames. They melt together, blood and fire as one. The flames drinking my blood greedily. The flames grow intense. I start to feel the burning of flesh but don't remove my hand. This is what I want, what I need, desire. The pain. Others hate pain but it is my salvation.

The only way to burn myself is to feed the flames with my blood. Burning flesh, there are very few fire demons able to burn themselves, then again this ability might be the cause of my mother.

Finally I draw back my hand. It is covered in blood but there is no evidence of a burn. Disappointment washes over me. But… Why? I don't care. They don't care. They all think I'm heartless, they couldn't be more wrong. I long for the friendship of others. The ability to trust others.

I will never be able to have friends, people to trust. It's not worth it, to be betrayed. To be cast aside like I am nothing. I've learned well that for me this is the only way. I am doomed.

Sighing I put out the fire, making sure there is no evidence that I was here. I leave looking towards the blood red moon. As the forbidden child I am doomed never to know these feelings, as I learned long ago.

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Leaning over ledges only two flights up

What is to become of me? Some want love yet I despise it. Don't they see, love is what will destroy us? Even though we already destroy ourselves everyday. I found love, even after I swore I would never fall in love. But it didn't work. Over a bloody year, 16 months. How can a first relationship last so long? How could I have said yes? What happened to me? Now I see the error.

I looked over the ledge, letting go of the rail. I could fall, I wasn't going to try but I could fall. Yet I don't care. Why should I care? I look down into the rushing water once again. Yes there was some dry ground as well. If I fell there would be a chance that I would just fall into the water. A swim doesn't sound so bad in all honesty. No I wouldn't fall. My balance is too good and this ledge is too thick.

The wind whistling around me. Violent wind storms. It blows my already tasseled hair around as though it is a rag doll. Whipping it into my face. Would it be so bad to fall I wonder. To let the wind just carry me away? I sway. Would it hurt to fall? It would be like flying, freedom. That would be nice. To feel free. Something I rarely feel. How can you feel free when all your decisions are made for you?

Being free after so long. To be me. They would never know I was me. All they see is a lie, better to fall now and end this charade now.

A door slams. That would be my father. Well not really, step father, or stepmother. They just wanted me to call them mother and father, it makes them look good I suppose. When was the last time I saw my real family? So long ago. These people are only here because my house was "unfit to live in". The people who put me here know nothing.

Suddenly I hear my "father" yelling to me. I wonder what he could want now, not like he actuality cares about me. Hmp, that would be a laugh. I let go of the rail. The wind is picking up but I notice.

"No I'm not sure where she is, she just loves to explore" a pause. What the HELL?!?!?!? "Yes I'm sure she would be fine with that, just give me a second and I'll get her for you " another pause, than laughing "oh yes, if we can find her Lilly"

Mother?!? That was my mother's name, forgetting all else I spin and am no longer standing against the wind…