Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Delicate ❯ Weary ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: Lyn and Andrew and their beautiful family are mine, must have expressed written consent to use, fanfic or whatever. Dee and Ryo etc. are not mine. Don't sue, I'm poor ^_^;

Delicate

Chapter Four:

Weary

By: Irish

Dee massaged the back of his neck as he drove. It had been a long hard day… there seemed to be a lot of those lately… maybe it was the drawing of winter that took the color from his world… or maybe it was something else.

He glanced over to his right, where his partner sat, organizing notes from the last scene of the day.

"That was brutal… same MO… I hate to say it, but I think you were right, Dee… looks like a serial. Rose wants to bring in a profiler…but the chief told him we could handle it. That's okay with me. I was profiler trained. I think we can handle this." Ryo nodded confidently.

"So was I." Dee said softly, eyes not leaving the road.

"So were you… what?" Ryo looked up from his papers.

"Profiler trained…didn't get a position though… not well enough educated… and my instructor and I disagreed on the fundamentals of the case. That's fine; too prestigious a position for me anyway. The training is useful though." Dee shrugged.

"I didn't know you had been trained…" Ryo flashed him a smile, which faded slowly as he reached over and laid a hand on Dee's thigh. "Something wrong, baby? You've been really quiet today."

"Yeah, I didn't sleep great last night. That's all, probably." The truth was, he hadn't slept at all. He had gone out drinking until one in the morning and then spent the last five hours of the night drinking coffee, trying to get sober. He had hit the hangover stage around lunch.

"I'm sorry, baby. Are you coming over tonight? We'll have a quiet dinner, go to bed early…" Ryo offered, hand rubbing Dee's thigh.

"Sure. Sounds great, babe." Dee found a smile; Ryo's concern over his welfare a balm to his bruised heart. "What are we having?"

"I haven't decided yet. What would you like? You name it."

Dee relaxed in the drivers seat a little, his cocky self-assurance coming back to him as they pulled into the parking lot of the precinct. "How about Chili? That work? I can help cook."

"Sounds good. That is one of Bikky's favorites, too. He really looks up to you, you know?"

"That's his poor taste." Dee shrugged, parking. "Lets get showered and get the hell out of Dodge. I feel like I've been rolling in crime scene."

"We practically have been." Ryo agreed, sniffing at his underarm. "Yuck. They need to make police strength deodorant."

"Which brand is it that gets the fire fighters to advertise for them?" Dee asked, shuddering as he ran a hand through his hair and encountered a drop of moisture. The moisture was probably nothing more than water from an overhang… but he couldn't help but imagine blood.

"I can't remember, only that the container is red… but this Sure, sure isn't working." Ryo grumbled.

"Don't worry. Old Spice isn't doing much better. I can't smell you yet, so it's not that bad." Dee teased, a hand resting between Ryo's shoulder blades. "Besides, I always thought it was pretty dumb for people to get worked up over sweat." Dee leaned in and sniffed lightly at Ryo's neck. "Just smells like a whole lot of you to me."

"That's gross, Dee." Ryo swatted at him.

"Fact of being a mammal, baby. We smell." Dee laughed. "Not that I mind when you smell like aftershave and deodorant either. It's one of the things that's so sexy about men… we sweat."

"You are so weird." Ryo shook his head but he was laughing, too, as he pushed through the doors of the precinct, moving through the bullpen to the locker room.

Their lockers were right next to each other. In fact, in the old precinct they had shared one. It was a little intimacy Dee had loved. For whatever reason, their neighboring lockers in the new building had doors that opened into each other. This, too, Dee found intimate. It sounded ridiculous, even to himself, but it took a certain amount of teamwork to access their lockers at the same time, without having someone lose an arm to the accidental slamming of a locker door. Dee moved carefully as he opened his door, resting it lightly against Ryo's. He watched his lover through the metal slots in the doors, only able to see horizontal slashes of his face. He reached into his locker, snagging his spare set of clothes. He withdrew his arm as Ryo reached more deeply into his own locker, brushing his door wide and Dee's almost shut. Teamwork.

Dee reached around the doors and snagged Ryo's collar drawing him around the small doors and close to himself. "Let me." He whispered, loosening Ryo's tie.

"Christ, Dee! Not at work!''

"What? I'm not going to bend you over a bench or anything. I just want to unbutton your shirt. Relax." Dee soothed, hanging the tie over Ryo's locker door, starting to work on his buttons.

Ryo sighed softly and regained his composure. Dee just wanted to be close. Dee was having a rough day. That was fine; Ryo could be there for him. He let his hands rest on Dee's hips. "Hey, Dee, guess what?"

"What?" Dee asked softly, leaning into Ryo, his head bowed, breathing in through his nose, enjoying Ryo's masculine scent.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." Dee drew Ryo's shirt from his pants before sliding it from his shoulders, hanging it carefully on a hook in his locker. "There. I'll let you do the rest." Dee placed a quick kiss to Ryo's neck before stepping back.

"You're very good to me, Dee."

"I try to be." Dee offered a smile as he quickly divested himself of his own tie and shirt. He drew off his belt in a quick motion, hanging that as well. Both men stood, one foot on the bench that had been behind them, unlacing their shoes, before slipping from their slacks and underwear. Dee reached over and knotted a towel around Ryo's waist, before doing the same for himself.

They showered, slower then normal, but not the long lingering kind either. They spoke over the soft roar of water as they washed and rinsed. Once dressed, they gathered up their paper work before taking the subway back to Ryo's place, feeling more human. Both of them quiet.

Bikky was already home. He was sprawled out on the mat in front of the couch, elbow propped up on a pillow, squinting down at a math book, a notebook by his right hand as he chomped on the end of a bic.

"Hey, Bikky. How was your day?" Ryo asked with a smile. He kicked his shoes off by the door and then knelt down next to the boy to press a kiss to the top of his head.

"Geez, dad, cut that out. My day was fine. Do you have to kiss me?" Bikky grumbled making a token swat at his foster father.

"Yes, it's in my job description as sent to me by the State of New York's Child Welfare Services. Now, hush." Ryo smiled ruffling the boy's hair. "What are you working on?"

"Pre-Algebra crap. I hate it. I'm going to flunk."

"It can't be that bad, kid." Dee said as he stepped out of his shoes as well. "No Cal helping you study tonight?'

"Nah… she's on the rag or something, all bitchy." Bikky rolled on to his back to look up at the dark haired detective standing over him.

"Yeah, they do that. You want some help? I could handle math okay. One of the few things I could manage. You're more of an English and Social Studies kid, huh?" Dee lowered himself to the bamboo rug, snagging a pillow off the couch to lean on as he lay down alongside the preteen.

Ryo smiled, watching the two a moment. It was nice to see them working together, acting like a family… not trying to kill each other. They had managed to come to some sort of understanding over the last couple months. Dee had no intention of going away, and Bikky could either make it hell, or they could make some sort of truce. Thank god, they had both ceased fire.

"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, not that I like school or anything, but English and social studies are a helluva lot more useful. I'm supposed to start a language next year, you know." Bikky said conversationally as Dee got settled.

"No, I didn't know. What are your options?"

"French, Spanish, or German. I think I want to take Spanish. French is for pussies… and why the hell would I ever need to know German?" Bikky turned back over on his stomach, laying shoulder to shoulder with Dee.

"I took Spanish, and it's useful. But French is the language of the educated, or so I'm told." Dee shrugged, perusing the Algebra book.

"I'm not educated."

"You could be, if you wanted to be…." Dee observed absently, crossing his legs at the ankles.

"Is there any place where it's like, ya know, cool, to be smart?" Bikky asked, his eyes never having left the man beside him. He was starting to understand some things about Dee. Things he hadn't seen until he stopped trying to protect his dad. Vulnerabilities and wisdom. Not the same kind of wisdom Mr. Doren seemed to have… but a certain kind of knowledge that only comes from making lots of mistakes… of having to do it wrong, before figuring out how to do it right. Dee had done a lot wrong in his life… but damned if he hadn't learned his lesson every time. As Bikky started to mature, he started to realize, that unless he wanted to BE Dee, he damn well better learn from him.

"I'm not sure… I've heard some things, from Penguin, about Charter schools… public schools that specialize in things, I guess. It might be cool to be smart there."

"Would I have to wear a uniform?"

"Hey, nothing wrong with uniforms. I wore one from kindergarten until I graduated." Dee replied, still not realizing that his brain was being picked.

"Dee Laytner? In a preppy uniform?! No way!" Bikky exclaimed loudly, laughing. Dee finally looked up offering the boy a tired smile.

"Yup, one of the many joys of attending Catholic school. Of course, mine wasn't like a lot of the uniforms around here, not like a full suit or anything. Just gray or black slacks and a maroon polo shirt with the school crest on the breast. St. Christopher's Academy."

"Wow… I didn't know you went to a private school. I didn't think Orphans got to do things like that. So, how the hell do I do this problem." Bikky pointed to his math book with a saliva-slicked pen.

Ryo smiled softly to himself, standing in the door watching the two people he loved most in his life. Slowly, he moved into the kitchen to start dinner, letting them pour over the math book together, listening over his own racket as they worked.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"You were really good with him today, did you know that?" Ryo asked softly, as he slowly stretched out on his bed, raising his arms over his head as he arched his back, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.

"Nah, he was just being-have because he needed something." Dee shrugged quietly as he undressed, crawling into bed next to his lover, wearing similar attire.

"Well, even so… did you enjoy your chili?"

"Yes, it was excellent as always. I still can't believe you use turkey, not beef." Dee grinned, crawling over Ryo's prone body.

"Thank you. Are you feeling better? I think you were pretty soul weary there for awhile." Ryo ran his fingers through dark locks and down Dee's back.

"Yes, I am. Being around you makes everything better." Dee grinned, lowering himself carefully so he was sprawled on top of Ryo.

"Ooof. You weigh a ton." Ryo laughed, arms coming around Dee, holding him tight.

"Quiet, you, only twenty pounds more than yourself." Dee growled kissing along Ryo's neck.

"Oh sure…only twenty pounds. Although technically it's closer to fifteen. You know who I got a letter from in the mail from today?"

"Who?" Dee didn't stop his hot kisses on Ryo's neck. Ryo didn't mind a bit, feeling Dee's manhood starting to press insistently against his thigh, his own quivering pleasantly under Dee's weight.

"Lyn and Andrew. They sent us a thank you note, if you can believe that. Makes me feel a little socially inept. We should have sent them one. We should invite them over."

"You really enjoyed that didn't you? Absolutely. Let's do it. Maybe Cal can watch the girls for them?" Dee suggested, toying with Ryo's hair.

"Hmmm, yeah. She's been doing a lot of babysitting lately. Man, my apartment's so small though. It would be a full house…" Ryo bit his lip a little, hands stroking Dee's chest lightly.

"Meh! The more the merrier. I'm sure they'll feel the same." Dee grinned. "But let's plan the details later, eh? Something else seems to have come up." Dee waggled his dark eyebrows suggestively.

"Mmm… sounds good. I was starting to get worried. You hadn't pounced me and begged for sex in like three days… is everything okay, baby? I was really surprised that you just went home yesterday morning." Ryo's brow furrowed slightly as he ran his hands along Dee's spine, sliding under the elastic of his boxers to take a palm-full of firm flesh.

"Just stress. We are mostly naked now, better take advantage of it." Dee's grin was sly, but if Ryo brought up his mood one more time, it was going to kill the current one. "You're right. I owe you a ravishing."

Bikky sighed and rolled over pulling a pillow over his head as the creak of bedsprings reached his ears… at least they had learned to keep the other noises to themselves. Part of him, though, was deeply relieved to hear the all too familiar rhythmic creaking. Dee had been so weird lately, so quiet…

Bikky was well aware that the big one-three was fast approaching. Glancing at the calendar he counted less than four months. Thirteen was a big number… the beginning of manhood, really. He had several Jewish friends who all talked about their Barmitzva's, Christian friends and confirmation… even an Islamic girl who had to start wearing a scarf on her head. Bikky didn't have any of those rites of passage, that he was aware of. Sometimes he went to a Unitarian church youth group with Cal… but they didn't do anything like conformation. Ryo didn't attend church, or temple… or anything. He had a small shrine on a shelf in his bedroom with a mirror, some incense, a candle and a statue of Buddha… but when Bikky had asked him about it, he had shrugged and explained each item… but hadn't told him anything about god or faith, or anything.

Sometimes, he felt a little adrift. He lacked culture… religion; even his ethnicity was negated by that damned blonde hair. He knew a lot of things he wasn't but had no clue as to what he was. An orphan in ever sense of the word.

Raising his head from the mattress he heard the squeaking had stopped. He got up carefully, avoided the heaps of clothes on the floor and padded across the small room to his closet. The rectangle of light from the city that never sleeps was all he needed to climb up the shelves, reach to the highest furthest corner, and pull down what had been an old cigar box. Clutching the sacred object to his chest he climbed back down and padded back to his bed, sitting cross-legged in the light pollution.

Small dark fingers, only just starting to lose their child's pudginess untied the piece of twine holding the box shut. Flipping back the lid, he sighed. The scent of long ago smoked cigars wafting over him… and the smell of old paper.

He kept things here, sacred things. He was young enough that he thought his little box was well hidden and that Ryo was completely ignorant. If he had even the faintest idea that his foster father knew of it, he would have long ago hidden it else where, but ignorance was bliss, in this case.

There were old pictures… or at least, old to Bikky, of him with his mother. To him she was achingly beautiful, and young. Her blonde hair hung straight and smooth to her waist, her eyes were watchful and loving… even in the pictures. There was five of her in total. Five was all he had salvaged, hoarding them like treasure. His father hadn't known about them. Ryo didn't know, or so he thought.

He handled each one like spun glass laying them out on his mussed covers, looking them over. He didn't leave them out long… there was an ache inside him that hadn't been filled yet. He had no idea what it was but it was that ache that had been paramount in his interactions with Dee. Bikky didn't have words for it, but it was still there. Dee threatened what was his, threatened his security…. except…

…Dee had become his security, too.

He had two dads. That's all there was to it. Truthfully, Bikky was happy to have two parents, gender was beyond the point. His night with Dee had left him feeling warm and safe, so he didn't mind so much that the horn dog was boffing his dad in the next room. Besides, its not like Ryo was telling him to stop… in fact. 'Oh, God! Yes, Dee! Harder!' had pretty much put those fears to rest.

But there were new fears… new threats to his survival. And for once, it wasn't Dee. Or at least Dee wasn't the cause of it.

Bikky was almost thirteen, and he realized that he had some growing up to do. He was starting to wonder if Dee didn't hold the answers he sought. Dee was just like him. An orphan… and Dee was his dad too, damn it!

"So Ryo better stop dicking around and fall in line." He muttered angrily, scowling down at the contents of the box. He rummaged through it a bit, fingers falling on the irregular surface of metal. He withdrew it carefully, turning it over in his fingers.

It was the bullet that had wounded Dee when his substitute teacher went bonkers. A bullet that had been meant for Bikky. Dee had saved him not once, but twice that day. Dee had almost died for him. It was a really scary thought. He had started to realize then that Dee did love him. And when a kid like him was offered love… even in Dee's half assed way, he didn't say no. He just kicked it in the nuts a few times. What was a foot to the sack between friends?

The boy felt restless as he pawed through the rest of the box. A hair ribbon of Cal's, that smelled like her…. He didn't smell it tonight though; because sometimes it made him do funny things that he just didn't want to deal with at the moment… like when he had caught her in the shower… He set the bit of ribbon aside and moved on.

A picture of him and his father… bittersweet. Ryo thought of him as irresponsible… reckless… and maybe he was… but Ryo didn't know about how Bikky had taken care of his father… done his laundry… cooked his meals… rolled him on his side when he was drunk…

The mulatto boy got up, pacing a little. "What the hell…" the ache had risen to his chest…and his throat… and his eyes. Why was he so suddenly miserable? He swiped at his eyes sniffling and clenching his teeth. Where had this come from? What was wrong with him?

He slammed his fist into his palm a couple times, muttering swear words, trying to reclaim his bravado… but it seemed, suddenly, as though the monsters under his bed were more than just figurative. He was afraid… of nothing… everything.

The boy retreated from the room quickly, hoping the more open space of the living room would calm him…he could sleep on the couch… but it did nothing to sooth his nerves. The couple in the apartment above him was shouting at each other… a plate or glass broke… Bikky dashed for Ryo's bedroom door, biting his lip as he pushed it open slowly, closing it behind him. He got down on his hands and knees, not wanting to be seen if either men woke. He was almost a man, and he was crying… afraid of the boogieman… wanting his daddy. He would never live it down if he were caught.

His knees and hands slid silently over the hardwood, feeling for the rug that preceded the bed by a couple feet. Finally, his hands found the edge of the bed. He scooted closer, sitting down by the side of it, his head peering over the top.

Dee was closest to him, a hand dangling over the edge of the mattress, snoring softly. Ryo was against the wall, his breath deep and even. Bikky sighed, feeling a little calmer. He shifted so Dee's limp fingers rested on his shoulder as he curled up, leaning against the mattress and box spring, closing his eyes.

"Bikky?" The hand on his shoulder squeezed gently. If Bikky had been a few years younger he would have wet himself. He managed to keep his reaction to a gasp. "Sorry, kid, didn't mean to scare you." Dee whispered. Bikky felt the hand feel across his back and up his neck to stroke his hair in a sleepy fashion.

"S'okay" Bikky mumbled.

"Something wrong, sport? You have a bad dream?"

Bikky shook his head. "No…" he whispered back. "I just… can we talk?"

Dee seemed taken aback. "Yeah, sure thing… but can I meet you in the living room…I'm…"

"Naked, I know. Yeah, geez…: Bikky grumbled, shaking his head, but he had never felt more relived. He stood and padded back out to the living room.

Dee crawled out of bed soothing Ryo when he stirred with a gentle caress and a kiss to his forehead. He found a pair of flannel pants, discarded on the floor. Pulling them on he stumbled out into the living room, escaping without Ryo waking.

Bikky was curled up on the couch, having tugged a blanket around his naked shoulders. Dee yawned big enough to crack his jaw.

"You want some tea or hot chocolate or something?" Dee offered, scratching his chest.

"You having something?" Bikky countered.

"Yeah, I was thinking of it." Dee moved over to the kitchen in the dark, opening the fridge with closed eyes. He felt around until he found the button that shut off the light, holding it down while he got the milk out, and then closed the door again. Quietly he put a saucepan on the burner with the milk mixing in some chocolate as he went.

Bikky tagged along into the kitchen, wearing the blanket like a cape. "Dee?"

"Yeah, Captain Underpants?"

"I… I'm…really wigging out." Bikky said softly, standing at Dee's elbow as his foster-step-whatever dad stirred the milk.

"I kind of figured, but, I don't know how to help you, until I know what's wrong…" Dee switched the spoon over to his right hand so he could put his arm around the boy. "What's on your mind right now?"

"A lot of things… I was listening to you rogering my dad and just sorta thinking, ya know? I mean, not about you rogering my dad. I'm not a pervert like you, but about stuff… I'm almost thirteen-"

"Twelve and a half, and how do you know he wasn't the one doing the rogering."

"Because you're a pervert and he isn't. Anyway, I'm almost thirteen… and, I don't know anything about anything."

"Well… for one thing, you aren't supposed to know anything about anything. You're at a golden age when ignorance and bad judgment are expected. Use it to the fullest…. but, what is it you think you should be knowing?" Dee got out two mugs. Bikky's favorite had Marvin the Martian on it. His own favorite was a heavy ceramic one that he had made in high school and kept with him ever since. He poured the steaming liquid into each.

"I don't know, about god and stuff… or something? I mean, David and Joshua are getting barmitzvahed or something, Luke, Missy and Shana are getting confirmed, and Sanaa has to start wearing a… cloth on her head, a head covering… you know a…she's Islamic."

"Yeah, I know… about God, huh? That's what you're freaking out about at one in the morning? God?" Dee reached up into the cupboard above the fridge and pulled out a small bottle of whiskey. "Hey, Bik… don't tell your dad… I'm gonna put a little whiskey in this… so we can both sleep. That okay with you?"

"Aren't I a little young to be getting drunk with you?" But Dee could see the interest in Bikky's eyes.

"Kid, you will barely taste it, let alone get drunk on it."

"Yeah, sure, hit me." Bikky leaned forward to watch as Dee put a small amount in his mug… a larger amount in his own. He handed the mug to Bikky. "So… God?"

"Well… that's just part of it. I mean I got to thinking about other things… about my family and stuff… not Ryo.. I mean my real mom and dad." Bikky took a sip of his jazzed up hot chocolate, feeling slightly disappointed when all he felt was a little tingle in the pit of his stomach, but feeling very grown up that Dee would give him alcohol at all. "I mean… I really like living with Ryo… he is a great dad… really good to me… but…"

"But it's different." Dee said with a nod. They had moved out to the couch as they spoke. Dee sat down setting his mug aside. "I know you're all grown up and stuff, but, do you want to lay with me while we talk?"

"Yeah… just don't tell anyone… this won't make me a pervert like you will it?" Bikky asked hesitantly as he climbed onto the couch with Dee, stretching out alongside him, lying down in the crook of his arm.

"It's not contagious, Bik. So, what about your mom and dad?"

"I don't remember my mom real good, you know? I mean, I remember she was real pretty… and that she had a real soft voice… but that's about it, you know?" Bikky took another sip of his spiked cocoa before tilting his head back to look at Dee.

"Well… yes and no… I mean… I have no idea what my mom even looked like. But I have memories of Penguin, and some of the other nuns from when I was very young. I suppose it's a little like that?" Dee offered, shifting a little so the boy could lie more comfortably.

"I dunno… but I mean, if you want to remember what Penguin looks like, you just have to go to the orphanage. She's still here for you. I don't even know where my mom's grave is." Bikky sighed, knowing he was a bit old to be lying with his step…foster…father… whatever… but not caring at the moment. It felt good, to be touched.

"Yeah, you're right. So that bothers you? That you only sort of remember her?"

"Yeah. I wonder how happy she was with my dad, you know? I mean she seemed so… soft… not in a bad way, but kind of like Ryo, quiet. My dad… he wasn't abusive exactly… but he hit me sometimes. I took care of him sorta. Ryo doesn't think I can cook or clean or anything, but I've been doing that stuff since my mom died. My dad loved me, in his way, I know that but…"

"You didn't feel it?" Dee offered listening to the boy, reaching over to smooth his blonde locks.

"Yeah. Not like Ryo. When that dude loves you, he lets ya know it…" Bikky turned to Dee as he swallowed. "But he doesn't let you know it, does he?"

Dee was totally blind-sided. He had no idea Bikky had any clue as to what was going on between him and Ryo. Well, he knew that Bikky understood they were in some facsimile of a relationship, but that Bikky was aware that there was disharmony between them?

"Um…he does, in his own way, I suppose.'' Dee replied, noncommittally. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk about the situation with Bikky. The kid had a right to know when his 'parents' were having problems. He wanted to be sure this wasn't just… smoke on the horizon.

"Yeah but… something's still wrong. You two aren't yelling and screaming, like my dad did with his bitches… but you… are hurt, or angry, or something. You've been too quiet. Don't think I'm an idiot Dee."

"Don't call them bitches, and I don't think you are an idiot… its just… I've only realized that something is wrong in the past few days. I'm surprised that you've noticed… since it's been closer to a cold war than an out and out battle." Dee sighed, looking down at Bikky before taking a long drink of his cocoa. Bikky imitated him unconsciously, and it made Dee smile a little inside.

"Well… you haven't been hanging around as much and taking up my space… and… you've been walking around like you got kicked in the nads or something." Bikky shrugged.

"I suppose that's true." He had been kicked in the 'nads', the metaphorical ones at least, and in the heart… but damn if this didn't hurt his manhood too.

"Dee… I don't want you to leave." Bikky's voice was so… young, so desperate. "You… I like having you around. You know stuff…and shit."

"Bikky… kiddo." Dee felt himself get a little misty. The kid really did want him around. Dee loved the boy, maybe not as his own, like Ryo did, but given time, he knew he would feel Bikky was every bit his son too. "I don't know what to tell you… Ryo… he keeps telling me… he wants a wife. I don't think he understands that means I'm not in the picture any more. I'm not sure what he really wants, but I can't promise you that I will always be here, in the capacity I am right now. Because if Ryo finds a woman…"

The look on Bikky's face was positively stricken. His ocean blue eyes filled with tears. "Dee…" he choked, his heart beating rapidly. God, he didn't want to hear this, he should have just suffered in silence because this was so much worse. Knowing that Dee might leave but not when or why… or if he would at all. It was like some terrible roulette game, the axis being Ryo's whim. As much as Bikky loved his dad, he didn't trust Ryo's judgment.

"Hey, hey now, none of that. Even if that happens, Bikky, I promise I will always, always be here for you. You know where I live, you know my phone number. You can come over, or call, whenever you want, just like you can now. Because… listen kid, I like you a lot, and I feel pretty attached to you, even though we bicker a lot. Okay? I would be pretty sad to lose you, too." Dee set down his mug and hugged Bikky close, kissing the top of his head. "Just don't tell that I have a soft spot. Okay?"

Bikky sniffled a little, hugging Dee tightly. "Soft spot? You're just a big cream puff, Laytner."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They talked… talked for ages, nearly two hours. Dee was sure Ryo would kill him if he found out about the couple of tablespoons of whiskey he had given the boy, but it had worked. Bikky had relaxed, and it had loosened his tongue a good bit. They had talked God… talked girls… talked family.

Bikky had fallen asleep, while Dee was talking. The soft rolling cantor of Dee's voice lulling him. Dee had thought to get up, to carry the boy to his bed and then return to his own with Ryo… but instead he had pulled another blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over the both of them. He, too, had then fallen asleep.

Ryo found them on the couch, both snoring loudly. One of Dee's arms curled protectively around the boy as he slept. Bikky took up as much room as possible, draped over Dee, and half off the couch, drooling slightly.

His brow furrowed a bit as he watched the two of them. On one hand Ryo was very happy the two had apparently bonded some last night… but also a bit hurt, that it was Dee that Bikky had wanted, not him.

"Dee…" He whispered softly, bending over the arm of the couch, stroking his lover's hair. "Let him go so I can carry him to bed."

Dee muttered something incoherent and snorted, but his arm slid from Bikky. Ryo crouched and lifted the boy from the couch, into his arms, Bikky didn't even stir. He carried the boy back to his tiny bedroom and gathered the things off the boy's bed with one hand, managing to cradle Bikky in the other, but it was a close thing. The boy was getting bigger. He was at least two inches taller than when Ryo had first met him, maybe three, and he had to weight nearly a hundred pounds. Finally, the boy's bed was clear. Ryo laid him in it, pulling the covers up to his chin and kissing his forehead before returning to his lover… who was scrubbing his eyes sleepily.

"Morning." Dee grunted, not sitting up yet. Damn but he hurt; sleeping on the couch wasn't such a hot idea… he must be getting old.

"Good morning… what happened last night?" Ryo sat down on the edge of the couch, running his hands over Dee's chest… damn, but he loved the mans chest.

"I have no idea. Well, I mean I know that Bikky was really stressing over a lot of stuff… he came into our room. I think he meant to sleep on the floor by our bed, but I woke up… and we talked. He zonked out while we were talking." Dee croaked, a bit hoarse.

"Oh… what was he so stressed about that he would want to sleep in our room?" Ryo frowned a bit more, feeling out of the loop.

"Um… a lot of stuff. I think he feels like, well… I think he's a little scared to grow up for one. He wanted to know about God for two, and for three he's worried that I'm going to leave."

"Holy… wait…what?!" Ryo wasn't sure which of those statements caused him the most distress.

"Where do you want to start, Ryo?" Dee sighed. "And by the way… call him in late, would you? He's only been asleep about three hours."

"Why does he think you're leaving?"

"Because he knows that you and I have been having problems, I suppose." Dee shrugged; running a hand through his hair, hoping his morning breath wasn't too killer. Then again, he had cocoa and whiskey last thing last night… so he had to be killing Ryo.

"We're having problems? What the hell?" Ryo frowned even more deeply.

"Well, we aren't exactly Norman Rockwell. Listen, it's like this. The kid knows that things haven't been a hundred percent lately. And if you haven't noticed that there has been at the very least some miscommunication, you are more oblivious than I thought. Kids like Bikky can see the weaknesses in every relationship, because they are so used to seeing them dissolve."

"What did you tell him about it?" Ryo wasn't liking this at all. Sure things had been a little tense the last couple of days, but if Dee was turning his own son against him…

"I told him that yes, things were… a little rocky at just this moment, and that part of what we were talking about was you wanting to marry a woman." Dee stopped seeing the look on Ryo's face. "Ryo, listen to me, the kid is worried about you and I breaking up because he doesn't want to lose that stability. I told him because I want him to feel like he can talk to me, to us, even about us."

"You're just going to worry him." Ryo frowned deeply, his hand stilling on Dee's chest.

"He's already worried. He came in to our bedroom last night seeking comfort. He has never done that before when I've been here. That says something to me Ryo." Dee sighed. It seemed like everything he said or did lately was wrong.

"Alright… you're right. I was really shocked when I saw you two out here… it was really sweet." Ryo smiled after taking a deep breath to ease his own tension. He smoothed his hands up along Dee's chest.

"Ryo… how much time do we have before we have to leave for work?" He asked softly, running his hands through Ryo's smooth locks.

"About an hour, why?"

"Because I want to lay with you for a little bit." Dee drew Ryo down with him on the couch, pulling him close. Ryo stretched out alongside of him, resting his head on Dee's bare chest, listening to the thump of his heart.

"Gladly." Ryo smiled, kissing his partner's chest lightly. "I know things have been tense, Dee, but I love you."

"I love you too, Ryo. We'll get through this." Dee ran his hands over Ryo's back, massaging the small of his back where Dee knew he was often sore.

"What did you tell him about God?"

"Um… I wasn't sure what to tell him. I know… that you have chosen to not discuss or teach him anything. I told him what I thought and what I believed; that there are many faces to God… It's a lack he feels, Ryo. I know you aren't big on God, but Bikky sees his peers learning about it… and he wants to know something. I don't think he feels a need of faith… but a need for knowledge… does that make sense?"

"Yeah, I suppose… but, why? I mean, why does he want that? He's never had it so how can he even know he's missing it?" Ryo shifted, not much liking any of this. He and God weren't on speaking terms.

"Well, just because you barely pay lip service to religion doesn't mean the rest of the world neglects it. His friends are all… going through Bar mitzvahs, confirmations, and having to wear scarves over their heads… religious stuff. Bikky's got none of that and he doesn't know why he's different." Dee shrugged a little. His own faith was deep seated, but he knew it made Ryo uncomfortable.

"Dee, you really understand Bikky. Have you noticed that? I love him, but I don't understand his logic the way you do. I'm glad we both have you."

"Ryo… I don't ever want to lose you. It scares the hell out of me. I'm sorry if I've been off lately… but I don't know what to do." Dee hugged Ryo to him tightly, as if that action could keep Ryo with him.

"Dee… I'm sorry; I shouldn't have been saying these things. I am really confused too, really scared. I'm just sorting this all out, please, just give me time."

"Hey, I've waited two years. I can wait a little longer." Dee smiled a little but didn't feel much eased.

"We need to get up and get going… I need to call Bikky in." Ryo gave Dee one last kiss before getting up and heading over to the phone.

Dee sighed deeply, not feeling much better about the situation, as he headed for the bathroom to shower.

Authors Note: Thanks to those who you, who are reviewing, keep it up, there is nothing I like better then hearing specific praise or criticism. To know what people really think not just 'great, write more'. Again thanks to my beta's, and Goku, a wonderful person from Germany who gave me some interesting perspective.