Gakuen Alice Fan Fiction ❯ Of Lovers and Bestfriends ❯ Hopeless Expectations ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter 5: Hopeless Confessions
Two weeks had passed, and yet, those words still rings in his head, words that he somehow he pondered really well. He set his eyes again on the moonlit sky, and imagine the brunette's happy face with gleaming eyes, now he knows how certain he is on how really feels towards her - he loves her, really loves her. He just don't know what will be his next move since his blonde best friend is actually her boyfriend, and yes, its for two weeks, and there's no sign that the brunette doesn't like it. He revived again what happened on that time, which the shadow manipulator just told him something that he never thought he will listened to.
While they were walking towards that bear's cabin, silence surrounds them. No one between the two of them tried to talk, especially the brunette that is so unusual for her to remain quiet.
“Talk baka…talk…” he thought as he keeps his stare on the grounds trying his best not to eye her beautiful features that will surely make him drool
Just a few more steps and this will be over.” She thought, she just don't want to talk, the fact that she could say something that was not suppose to be said - like her feelings towards him, since she already have a boyfriend, and that's it his best friend.
After a minute or so, they heard the shadow-manipulator's voice which caught their eyes to his direction, smiling at them, ever so thankful that she did go there with that fire wielder.
You're here!” shouted Tsubasa, while giving his sister a lift in his back who are also waving her hands to the two coming towards them. This make the fire wielder's gaze at them, as a pang of guilt hit him as that lurid memory of the death of his sister started to play back in his mind.
“Konbanwa! Tsubasa-sempai! Hana-chan!” squealed the brunette as she ran pass the flame caster towards her favorite sempai.
“Ne… I thought it's Nogi-kun that will accompany you?” he ask as he put down Hana and gave Mikan a hug, while Natsume have his eye on the little girl giving a peck on the cheek on his beloved nullifier.
“Natsume-kun said that there's emergency there in the farm, so Ruka ask him to walk with me here.” She explained as a smile plastered on her face.
Natsume give the brunette's bag to Tsubasa and started to walk away. Anyway, it's their bonding time, though his feet feel heavy from leaving her behind with that guy; though he knows that he just treat his little girl as his kouhai, no more, no less.
“Leaving already?” ask Tsubasa as he walk towards Natsume who continued to walk.
“Can't you see?” he said as the shadow manipulator stops him from stepping on his shadow.
“Don't be rude…” as he walks closer to him and put his elbow on his left shoulder, and of course, as expected, the fire wielder throw a deadly glare on him, which make him step back.
“What do you want?” he ask and let out a sigh as he face him
“Wait for a while here, I just need to tell you something…” said Tsubasa as he walk back again to Mikan and Hana and accompany them inside the cabin. The brunette, somehow look back at the confused Natsume, wishing that he stop her and tell something that she really wanted to hear from him.
“You will talk to him?” the brunette asks as she stares at him questioningly, afraid that he'll tell him how she really feels.
“Hai. Something about missions, to keep him safe.” lied the shadow manipulator as he closed the door and walk fast to the almost leaving Natsume.
“I told you to wait here.” He said demandingly, that stop the fire wielder to his tracks.
“What is it anyway?” he said snobbishly, facing him again, surprised that the shadow manipulator save some energy to talk to him like that.
“Regarding her…” he started as the fire wielder started to walk away again upon deciphering what will be their topic of their conversation.
“What about her?” he ask, and once again, raising an eyebrow as he face Tsubasa. The thought that this guy knows how he really feels towards his baka youjo really pesters him.
“When will you tell her?" he asked again, making the fire wielder more irritated than ever. He really doesn't like it when someone just asks him about his personal life.
“Tell her what?” he replied again irritated, while the shadow manipulator let out a heavy sigh.
“Know what, I really never thought that the Kuro Neko will be this coward to tell how he really feels to someone he calls as little girl…” he said teasingly, but much to his surprise, the sleeves of his shirt is starting to aflame.
“Who are you calling a coward?” he said angrily while Tsubasa just smirks seeing him getting pissed.
“Who else?” as his surroundings is starting to heat up, but he tries his best not to panic, though droplets of sweats are starting to form on his forehead.
“Look, if it is not that important, don't waste my time!” he said gritting his teeth and about to take a step, just in time for Tsubasa to step on his shadow again.
“This is just a little friendly tête-à-tête…” he said as calmly as he can while he pats his sleeve to let the ashes go with the wind.
“Okay then. Just keep it short.” He demanded and lean his back to the nearest tree, while Tsubasa face him and let out another sigh again…
“Don't wait for the moment of regret to realize that everything you want and dream of has left you for all the wrong reasons…” he started, this make Natsume finally have his ear on him. He never thought nor ever imagined that he'll be listening to him.
“You don't know my situation Andou…” he said as an image of Persona turning the lovely brunette into ashes appeared in his mind
“I know.” He said flatly as he receive the fire wielder's complete attention on what he's saying
“The time I was transferred to Dangerous Ability Class really makes my simple life harder than I expected. We both go to missions, and threatened that our loved ones will be harmed once we get too attached to them. We both wait for the moment for the most deadly yet the final mission is given to us to reunite with them again. We both hide the worries every time we go with those people who make our life complete. We both shed blood but still tries to live, hoping that all of this misery be put to an end.” Tears started to trickle down his pale face as he reminisces the moments he sacrificed just to make his beloved Misaki safe.
“Too much for a speech…” his eyes still pasted on the ground, holding back the tears, trying his best not to show any signs of weakness
“But you suffered more Natsume, more than I do. Ever since you're a kid, you've been going on to missions and those deadly extra curricular activities will never leave till they found just the right mission for you to be dead.” He stared at his hands, unbelievingly thinking that he actually killed many people just to make every one he loves safe as possible.
“Then an idea registered in my mind, on how to live normally as possible.” As a smile finally forming at his face which caught the fire wielder's crimson orbs into bewilderment.
“What… what is it?” he stammered, hungry to receive his idea
“I lay my life on the line. I let Persona and the headmaster signed a contract, a contract that will change my life here in the academy.” he said leading the flame caster into amusement but not letting him show it but his eyes are visible for more information that he can get from him.
“Spit it out.” he compelled him again, as blue flames started to surround the shadow manipulator, signifying that he is determined to know that contract.
“A contract telling that I'll go to missions but I'm free to have close relationships without their threats as long as I accomplish all of it.” At last, he told him, but the flame caster eyed him skeptically, trying his best to believe what he just heard.
“They agreed with that?” he asks monotonously as he stares at him, eye to eye, testing him if he really is saying the truth.
“Of course, but first they will give you a mission, and when you accomplished it cleanly, they will sign it immediately. As for the next missions, never ever try to fail them, because if ever you do so, expect that they'll be gone forever.” He said warningly to the Kuro Neko who quietly takes a gulp upon hearing his last statement.
“You sure with that?” he ask again, his skepticism never leaves him
“Hai. Very sure of it.” He said authentically which make the fire wielder finally believe him. He eyed him from head to foot, seeing a long scar lining his face, from the ear to his chin, signs of long struggles.
“Hn.” As he started to walk away, but Tsubasa step on his shadow again
“Regarding Persona, he'll be back next week. The news the he'll be transferring to Europe is not true, he was just given a vacation for free. I just don't know how that maniac will enjoy his vacation without someone to pester to. While he's away, try to device a plan on how you will remain alive while accomplishing all of your missions. And as soon as possible, tell HER how you really feel.” He said as Natsume gave him a nod in agreement.
“Okay then. Just promise me that that idea of yours will work, or else…” threatened the fire wielder as Tsubasa free his shadows from his steps
Remember Koori Hime? She did that, and it pays.” He said surely in his words.
“Really?” he said as his eyes sparkle in delight, knowing that someone just did that and succeed.
“Hai. And she's not the only one.” He said assuring him as he started to walk back to the cabin.
Natsume started to walk too, as the darkness started to swallow his silhouette. Finally, I can come out into the light.
He quickly landed gracefully into the ground and was surprised that Mikan was there, looking shocked on his presence.
“How long have you been here?” she asks and looks at his arm which still stained with blood.
“Why are you asking me? This is my tree.” He said sarcastically which hit the brunette who tries to calm herself.
“Oh yeah. Gomeno. But why are you still here late at night. And you're wounded, come here, I'll fix it up.” She said concern is clear in her voice. That tickles his ear very much, the urge to embrace her right and then is really difficult for him to not to do so. His best friend's feelings are still important, and he doesn't want to finish their friendship that shortly.
“How will you cure me? As if you know something about medicine.” He said teasingly as he waited for a nerve to pop in her head, but surprisingly, she just get a firm hold onto his hand, and started to heal it. He completely forgot that she has the stealing alice, and this healing alice is the first one she acquired from a student expelled form the academy.
“Now, talk.” She said sarcastically, whilst Natsume smirks on the fact that she still cares for him. Then there came Miyuki, running hurriedly towards him.
“Natsume-kun, you alright?” ask the elemental girl which easily caught the eye of the fire wielder, as a pang of jealousy hit the brunette but still forced a smile on her. She remembered what she and Miyuki conversed a while ago, some time after dinner.
“Ne… Mikan-chan, can… can I talk to you for a minute… alone.” Stuttered Miyuki as blush started to crept on her cheeks.
“Hai. Where?” she asks, as she stops on her track and signals Ruka that she'll be going with Miyuki
“Uhmmm… mind to walk with me while we're walking towards the playground?” she asks as she plays with her fingers, hoping that she'll agree
“Hai.” She said and they started walking.
First, there's silence between them, but Miyuki crack the deafening silence as she started their little conversation…
“Uhmmm… I think… I like…er... I'm starting to… love…him” she stammered that shocks the brunette
“Just as I thought.” She said her eyes fixed on the ground, her bangs covering any emotions that she tries to hide.
“You know that I…” she stuttered again, as her face started to turn red as a tomato.
“Hai. It's obvious.” She said as she smiled at her - a force smile. Miyuki blushes more as she saw her reaction, happy that she's good on this kind of conversation. Natsume's predictions were just right, that she'll find herself hallucinated and attracted by that sunny smile of that nullifying brunette.
“So, what do you think?” she asks again, which felt like something stabs the brunette's heart deeper.
“Tell him, maybe he just feel the same way as you do.” Her voice is shaking, but the elemental girl doesn't seem to mind, since her word is just like Howalons when eaten… sweet.
“You think so?” she asks again, as her red irises started to show her happiness.
“Hai.” She said since for her point of view, she always saw him and her looking so sweet, she just don't get it why the others especially Natsume's fans are not that jealous of her. Maybe, they were just meant for each other.
“When do you think I'll tell him?” she asks again, as the wind started to turn their paths into ice, that always happened when she's so worried, excited, and of course, in love.
“Why not now?” The nullifier said as she started to freeze on the lowering temperature.
“Now?!” she squealed. Her heart starts to beat faster. Her feet started to wobble, which makes her almost stumble, thanks to Mikan, she caught her hand.
“Hai. When will you tell him anyway? When you're already 50 years old or older?” she said jokingly just to crack her soul out to loneliness again.
“You've got a point.” she said happily and skip like the brunette as they found a vacant swing.
Uhmmm... He's out on missions, right?” she ask as she sits also at another vacant swing
“Hai.” She said flatly and then returned to her usual emotionless face. It never get away from his mind, that there are a lot of possibilities that Natsume really like her, and Mikan, also likes him. She just doesn't know why they did not end up together.
“It's his third mission this week, right?” she asks again, now, worry is obvious in her face.
“Hai. Just too much for him.” She replied, her eyes fixed on the brunette's fair face.
“Can I ask you a favor?” she asks again, this brought the elemental girl's full attention.
“Sure. Anything.” She said.
“Please, always take care of him. He's too deep in the darkness, and I know, you're the only one who can help him to walk back into the light. Natsume, is a good friend, and one of my closest too, I don't want to see him sulking alone in the oblivion. We all did our best just to let him enjoy his life, and I think the only one missing is none other than YOU.”She said flatly, while all of her words were completely registered in her mind. Taking every word bit by bit, probing into it, and making sure that she really understands it well.
Uhmmm… me too, I have a favor.” She said as the brunette's gleaming eyes fix on hers.
“What is it?”
“Will you help me tell my feelings to him?” she asks as that imaginary brunette fully had gotten its way through her heart.
Su... (gulp)..Sure!” she said boldly as she can.
“Of course I'm alright!” said the fire wielder as he hid his wounded arm away from Miyuki's eyes.
“What's that Natsume-kun?” she asks again, worriedly.
“What?” he said, while he saw the brunette taking a step back.
“You're wounded!” Miyuki squealed which caught Natsume's attention again.
“Ah… Don't worry, I'm alright already.” He said assuring her with a small smile that totally caught the brunettes hazel orbs.
“I'm leaving now Natsume, still have to go Ruka!” she said which make Natsume hit with jealousy but didn't let it show to them, of course, Natsume is Natsume.
“It's half past midnight, Mikan! You're still going to his room?” he ask, and it caught Mikan's ear upon hearing him say her name completely and clearly.
“Hai. He said that he will give something to me like a gift.” She said as she run away, tears started to fall down her cheeks, mixed feeling swallow her, he called her name but he seems to like that Miyuki. She stops and hides herself to the nearest tree, just to hear their conversation clear enough.
Truth is, Ruka is in the farm, doing his daily check-up with the cow that's been sick for a long time. She just made an excuse just to fulfill her promise to Miyuki.
“What's wrong with her?” he asks monotonously, since her sudden leave make him just irritated.
“Uhmmm… actually, I ask her to help me…” she said hesitatingly
“To help you? To do what?” he ask confusingly
“Uhmmm… Natsume… you see…. (gulp)… I found myself… liking you… but then, I was certain, very certain that I do love you. Do you love me too?” she said as she close her eyes tightly, hoping that she will hear the words that she wanted to hear. Then she felt his hands placed on her shoulders, she opened her eyes, making it as beautiful as ever, looking at him dreamingly. At the farther side, their the brunette, keep her eyes closed ever so tightly, crossing her fingers, wishing that he won't say that word that she wish he would tell to her.
“You love me?” he flatly ask looking at her- crimson met crimson.
“Hai. You?” she asks again waiting for his answer.
“Of course I do….” He said but was about to continue his sentence, Miyuki hugs him so tight that he didn't manage to tell her what he meant. As for the brunette, it completely registered in her mind. She ran as fast as she could towards the ladies' dormitory, never minding that her tears were falling endlessly. She was hurt, very hurt that she don't know how will she react on that time. She heard enough, enough to solidify her decision that she was better with Ruka, who truly loves her, who truly cares for her.
“Miyuki, I'm not yet done.” He said flatly, as Miyuki release him from her embrace. It stops her, the thought that he just love her as a friend makes tears started to crawl down her beautiful features.
“I love you as a sister, nothing more. I'm sorry.” Natsume said melancholically upon seeing Miyuki crying.
“Oh. At least I know what you really feel.” She said lighting up a bit. Natsume wipe off her tears by his thumb, and hug her again.
“I'm sorry, you just remind me of some one from my past.” He said which make Miyuki understand why he act soft unlike to any other girls except her and Mikan.
“You love her right?” she cutted as he release her from his embrace.
“You know?” he ask again, now, his animal pheromone best friend were walking pass to them, but stop as he saw the two familiar silhouette having a little conversation. Listening intently on what they were talking about, and come closer but manage to hide away from their eyes.
“Hai. It's obvious, every time they got mushy, the place started to heat up. Thanks for my alice, or else, you'll find everybody roasted except you.” She said as she chortled. This amuse Natsume, seeing her back to her usual self, though he knows how is it to get dumped, especially by him. The images of ladies crying after they dumped them all started to reappear in his mi9nd. Good thing, Miyuki is one selfless person.
“But she's taken.” He said flatly, returning his gaze back at the moonlit sky.
“But it's never too late to tell her.” She said as she puts thumbs up as she saw his face starting to frown.
“I know. I'll tell her tomorrow.” He said authentically.
“You must. Before you run out of time.” She said as another tear trickled down her face which she quickly wipes just to hide her sorrow. As for the blonde who's still eavesdropping on their conversation, he was definitely getting angry, angry to himself and to Natsume. He doesn't know why his best friend does that to him, to let him hurt him that way. He quickly walks away, while gritting his teeth and clenching his fist.
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The brunette started to run to her room, upon seeing her watch that it is already 7:25, and five minutes more, she'll be totally roasted by that Jinno-sensei.
“Gomeno!” she shouted as she reaches to her classroom, and waiting for someone to scold her but no one did. Instead, she just heard laughter crowding the whole classroom. She opens her eyes and receives Hotaru's shot from her infamous baka gun.
“No sensei?” she ask as she ignore the pain she receive from that head shot. This completely disturbs Hotaru as she receives a death glare from Ruka who's walking towards the brunette.
“Narumi-sensei told us that there will be no classes today.” He said as she picks up the brunette as his eyes fix on the flame caster's reaction.
“Oh. So why are you still here? Let's go have a picnic!” she said cheerfully as she saw Miyuki walking towards her.
“Mikan-chan, arigatou.” She whispered as Mikan nods while holding back her tears. Her adorable face started to show sadness which she quickly hide upon seeing Ruka eyeing at her.
“Okay then, let's go.” Ruka said firmly, which make the brunette look at him confusingly. He grabs her out of the classroom, which shocks everybody from what they saw - Ruka is angry.
“Wait. I want to talk to her.” Natsume stop, he don't like the sight that Ruka is grabbing her forcefully.
“Hn. Okay.” Ruka said, giving him a death glare. A glare that Natsume never imagined that he'll do
“What's wrong with you?” Natsume ask his best friend, but all he receives is silence and a forced smile.
“Come on now.” Natsume said as he grabs the brunette hastily to the Sakura tree.
“Getting too possessive of someone you don't own - a side effect of loving too much and receiving too little.” A thought that suddenly came into his mind, and as suspected, it is from Koko. He glared at ferociously which make Koko shock from his sudden reaction.
He runs toward the Sakura tree while he just ignored that brunette's whining. Then they reach their favorite spot. That tree sure has lots of memories, that only the two of them are involved. He chooses the tree to be his spot for his confession to make her remember every moment that they have with each other before she became Ruka's girlfriend.
She lean her back flatly on the tree's trunk, panting, and breathing heavily. She glared at Natsume deadly as she can since it's really early in the morning and she still feels light headed since she didn't sleep that enough last night.
“What now Natsume?” she ask snobbishly as she let out a sigh.
“How are you and Ruka?” he asks boldly, hoping to receive a negative answer.
“What do you mean?” she asks as if she don't know what he meant.
“I mean, do you love him?” he asks straightforwardly.
“It doesn't mean that I am in a relationship with another guy, it's not because I love him, it's because you're not there to catch me if I fall.” She said melancholically
“When you thought I wasn't there to catch, it was because you never gave me a chance. You've never reach the bottom, you've already grab a branch.” He said boldly, again, hoping that she'll tell him what he's been hungry to hear from her for more than three years.
“Hn. Confessing?” she asks sarcastically.
“What do you mean?” he asks again, confused from her reactions.
“Look, we were not ten year olds. I'm not as dense as before, I do love you still but have no reasons to pursue. I know that Ruka will make me happy and you will just toy with my feelings.” She said flatly and leaves, as the fire wielder was left behind, dumbstruck.
A/N: Gomeno for the late update!!! The assignments are just too good to pester me off!!!