Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Words of the Heart ❯ Part Six: Wait ( Chapter 7 )

Part Six: Wait

Summary: Who was I to make you wait? Heero realizes his mistake with Duo.

 

 

Wait

 

I am a stupid, selfish bastard.

God, Duo….if I had known it would've made you feel this way, I wouldn't have even suggested our idiotic break. I would have dismissed the idea altogether, erased it from my very memory.

But fuck, why did you have to resign…..?

I can't believe I thought if I devoted all my time I could create absolute peace. I thought that….Darwinist naivety was reserved solely for Relena. Who was I to suggest you were a….an impediment to our cause? Who was I to force this solitude on you?

Who was I to make you wait?

I can't believe you didn't tell me, didn't even say goodbye- just packed a duffle, sent an email and left. Damn it, Une had to call me into her office and ask why you decided to resign!

Wufei knew. Quatre knew, hell even Trowa knew, and you don't even like each other. Although that probably had more to do with him being Quatre's lover than anything else but even he knew. But not me, not you lover.

Or your ex-lover.

God, even the office gossips called it a damn break-up; seems I was the only one deluded enough to think it was just a break. Was that what you heard when I made that damned demand? Did you hear my brittle excuses and flat reasons and see rejection instead of regretful determination?

Of course you did. I know your mind- I know you- and I can easily see how you would understand this. You told me, in a moment of vulnerability, all about Solo and Maxwell Church and your fears of love and abandonment, about your theory that the two go hand in hand where you're concerned.

And like the single-minded asshole that I am, I ignored everything I knew about you and just did what I thought was right. What was needed. What I thought I needed.

God, I'm so sorry.

I- I don't even remember when I had started thinking I could bring about absolute peace- I openly scorned Relena for even uttering the very idea. When did I start to think that the world would fall apart without me? It had done alright on its own before my birth- I've seen the facts.

I don't even know if you're alright. When I'd heard that you'd been shot, I couldn't breathe. My heart froze and my mind blanked. I was a mess. I couldn't even think clear enough to find out, to see if you were going to make it.

And when Wufei brought you out, covered in blood…….God, there'd been so much blood. I didn't think someone could bleed so much and still be alive.

The medics wouldn't even let me travel with you, since I was neither family nor significant other. I was just a concerned friend and co-worker in their eyes, banished to take my own vehicle.

If they'd been smart and let me go with you, it would have saved us- saved you- so much heartache. Those long hours, just waiting for you to get out of surgery was spent telling myself that this was just another sign I needed to work harder. Another reminder that peace was not secure yet.

I'm such an idiot.

And now…..

I just want to hold you close, here in our apartment and take back everything I've ever said regarding my damn separation. I want to apologize until I can't speak, until you forgive me.

Hell, even when I was convincing myself your accident was another sign of my failure, I had wanted to spirit you out of that hospital, away from the sterile stench and bright walls, and make you better. Make you stay with me.

But you're gone.

And I finally know I've made a big mistake.