InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The King's Mistress ❯ Farewell, Life of Old ( Chapter 27 )

SONG DISCLAIMER

 

I feature the lyrics from two songs in this chapter, and as I do not wish to get in trouble with the staff of this website I'd like to make sure I give credit where credit is due, and not have anyone believing I wrote these songs myself.

 

The first is titled When Somebody Loved Me, and is featured in the soundtrack from Toy Story 2. I've had it on my mind to describe the relationship between Kagome and Kikyou ever since I first started writing this story, though I wasn't sure if I would use it. It's simple, with a simple enough accompaniment that I could envision a lone violin playing it.

 

The second is a song I have seen as perfect for describing Inuyasha ever since I first came to love the series over two years ago. It's entitled Something Wonderful, and it was written for Oscar and Hammerstein's The King and I. It's beautiful, and I feel like it perfectly describes what Kagome must feel for Inuyasha; her patience with his faults, but her love of all that is good about him as well. I've always wanted to put it into one of my stories, but never quite felt it fit…until now. It seems perfect because in that movie the wife of the King sings it about him after Anna is frustrated with his stubborn ways and somewhat insulting personality, and I can picture Kagome writing something similar as a way to placate her frustrations with Inuyasha's complex personality.

 

 

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Title: The King's Mistress

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter Twenty-six: Farewell, Life of Old

 

Rating: PG-13 (for language and, at times, implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, nor do I take credit for several of the historical ideas, facts, and realities I have taken and used.

 

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I was numb…that's what stands out in my mind as I remember that particular moment. My mind was blank, and my heart had closed itself off to avoid feeling the pain of what I had just done. I'd never felt like that before. I was my mother's child of light…and my light finally seemed to have gone out.

 

Inuyasha's words echoed in the hollows of my conscience, and I seem to remember simply staring at the far wall as the hanyou I loved gave his permission for me to marry another man. The priest pronounced the union official and final in the eyes of God, and Kouga leaned over to kiss me, though he thankfully remained chaste…I can still recall the way his lips burned against my cheek and then my forehead as I stood still as stone, afraid to move for fear of collapsing, or shaking, or…I didn't know what. All I knew was that suddenly I was afraid, melancholy, and terribly confused.

 

On the one hand I was grateful and proud of all that I had done and all that I had sacrificed, because I loved my sister with every fiber of my being. But on the other, I loved Inuyasha…perhaps with even more fire and passion…and so I found myself in conflict over whether or not I had made the right decision.

 

Humans always seem to foolishly think that happiness will come eventually no matter what the situation…and in that moment I was guilty of such a hope, somehow convincing myself that since I liked Kouga as a friend I would eventually grow to love him. And perhaps I would have…if I had given it time…but I will never know now.

 

I'm sorry, Kouga…I did not deserve your kindness or your love, no matter what you may believe in your mind about the person you think me to be. I hope that you can find happiness, though I certainly understand the feeling that we can never love more than once, for that is the thought which tormented me for so long

 

I caused so many people so much pain in my foolishness and, frankly, my selfish point of view; by refusing to look at the situation that was darkening around me, and instead focusing solely on my sister and her needs, I brought the fires of Hell down upon us all…

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

It became apparent right away why the rest of the kingdom viewed the North as barbaric. It wasn't because they were stupid or foolish, but simply because they seemed more inclined to stick with the old ways than to move forward with the progress of the era, as every other sector did.

 

Unlike anywhere else, everyone in the North was a demon; there was no interspersing of humans, and even more than that, all the demons were wolves like Kouga, a fact which Kagome became painfully aware of as she came to understand that not only would she be far away from her family and friends, but she would also be the lone human in a territory of proud wolf demons.

 

Fate seemed intent on making this transition as difficult upon her as possible.

 

Sighing at the thought, Kagome leaned back against her rather large chair, for once being the one to sit at the head of the table alongside her newly proclaimed fiancé, Kikyou sitting to her right while Inuyasha sat across from his wife on Kouga's left, much like they had been standing in the study during the betrothal ceremony.

 

Glancing down at her gown, the same one she had worn at Kikyou's wedding (for Kouga insisted that she present herself to her new people as the Queen she would soon become), Kagome felt painfully out of place compared to the court of the North, and was only able to take comfort in the fact that the rest of Inuyasha's court seemed just as out of place in their fine silks, bone corsets, and fancy hairstyles.

 

All the men were dressed like Kouga, with black pants and shirts of varying colors that were loosely tucked in at the waists. All of them seemed to have long hair as well as being clean shaven (for which Kagome was grateful since she didn't particularly like facial hair), but unlike Inuyasha, who wore his down freely, they all mimicked their King by tying their hair back in either low or high ponytails.

 

But it was the women of the North who were unique, dressed as they were in a very unique fashion, and Kagome seemed to recall Kouga mentioning at some point the fact that they did not wear corsets like everyone else. They all appeared to be very fit, but their waists lacked some of the artificial curve produced by the many layers of undergarments that Kagome and all the women she had ever known wore. And beyond that they seemed to wear gowns that were cut in the style of the Celts, rather than in the French or English style which seemed to be more popular, and they all wore their hair down and free of the timely styles everyone else wore.

 

And to add to the sense of traveling back in time at least a few hundred years, the dining hall was made out of river rock and stone in the old fashion, with the floor covered in soft animal hides, three large fireplaces extending down two of the four walls, producing massive amounts of heat that was meant to leave everyone feeling warm and content.

 

The food was also very simple, with the main course being simple meat that was cooked and served hot in the middle of each of the three long dining tables and then passed around. The china was simple but elegant, and the silverware was polished, but lacking the fancy designs Kagome had seen everywhere else, and in spite of her sour mood she couldn't help but admit that she rather enjoyed the feeling of community here in the North, where there wasn't such a clear divide between the royalty and the rest of the world.

 

But even though it was a place where Kagome would have normally been content, and where she would have normally found joy, that evening all she saw in the demons of the North was what they were not; they were not her family or friends, and Kouga was most definitely not Inuyasha.

 

No one was...not even close. He was such a unique personality. A blend of sadness and hope, cynicism and innocence, maturity and inexperience, beauty and ugliness, kindness and cruelty…there was no one like him anywhere in the entire world.

 

She sighed.

 

It was true that he could at times say things which were cruel. Kagome had not forgotten all of the cruel things he had said to her in the earlier days of their relationship, when he had been unsure of her as a new person in his life, and she had been a nervous new woman to court who understood little about proper etiquette, especially when around a King. But it was also true that he could be the kindest person with a truly generous heart. He didn't give often, but when he did, he did so without hidden motives or agendas; he gave simply to give, as evidenced by the violin currently sitting in its case at her feet under the table.

 

Swallowing, Kagome felt a familiar lump appear once again in the back of her throat as thoughts of the violin reminded her of what she would have to do later that evening, and she resisted the urge to contort her body into an embarrassing position in order to bend over and touch her leather instrument case in her need for comfort.

 

As a symbol of her unity with her future husband, Kagome would be presenting her gift to the newly married High King and Queen that evening when Kouga presented his own. But rather than simply give them jewels or fabrics or material gifts, Kagome had decided to write a song for each of them that she would perform before the entire court. The only problem was that when she had written the songs it had been in the safety of her own chambers late at night, and as was to be expected, her heartfelt masterpieces now seemed embarrassing and sentimental at the thought of presenting them to the public.

 

Her suddenly nervous state wasn't really surprising. As a musician she had learned that it was always theoretically easy to imagine presenting personal works to others, because in the privacy of her heart it made sense and seemed beautiful and honest, just as it seemed easy enough in her mind to proclaim to Inuyasha that she loved him. But then, when the time came to actually perform, there was always that fear of people rejecting her work which would, in a sense, mean they rejected her as well, and so she always held back...

 

But unfortunately that was not an option this time as she had nothing else to give, and thus could not turn back. She only hoped that the two people the songs were meant for would be able to read into the hidden messages well enough, and that the rest of the court would not try to find any hidden meaning.

 

“Kagome?” She blinked and glanced over at Kikyou, who seemed to be struggling to balance a rather large plate of meat in her delicate white hands. “Do you want some?”

 

It was a rather absurd question, considering the fact that there was nothing else being served for dinner. “What do you think? That I want to starve?” Her tone was still somewhat cold, but there was a trace of her old warmth, and Kagome managed to smile slightly.

 

Kikyou's eyes twinkled slightly in amusement as she playfully rolled her eyes, still juggling the platter as she tried to keep the juice from slopping over into the red material of her dress as she watched the man beside her, who happened to be Miroku, dish a few slices of the meat onto her plate. As usual, all Kikyou Higurashi had to do was look at a man and he was at her beck and call...though, this time, Miroku was willing more because he was still sore from Sango's comment and was clearly trying to make her jealous.

 

That thought caused Kagome to sigh as she wondered if she and Inuyasha were as exasperating to those around them as those two were becoming to her. She hoped not.

 

Catching her sister's eye, Kikyou chuckled as she tried to pass the plate while responding to Kagome's rather glib remark. “I agree with you…these Northerners don't know how to prepare or serve a meal.”

 

Kagome winked. “Well it got you to eat meat, didn't it?”

 

The older sister, who normally ate the lighter soups to preserve her delicate figure and not seem inappropriate, stopped for a second as though finding it difficult to process what Kagome had just said, but once she did Kikyou couldn't seem to stop laughing. “Oh you're developing a sharp tongue, sister.” She giggled. “But while you're thinking up your witty comebacks, would mind taking this plate away before it ends up everywhere but on my plate?”

 

Despite her bad mood, Kagome couldn't help but chuckle at that as she reached over and held out her hands for the plate, nearly dropping it to the table when she discovered that sliced meat weighed much more than it appeared. “Whoa…” She barely caught the platter before it crashed, and looked up with surprised wide eyes. “I suppose I should have known that even though the meat is cut into thin slices it's still the same amount, and thus still weighs the same.”

 

“Will you stop analyzing your food and just take some and pass it on?” Kikyou commanded with a wave of her hand, though she wasn't really commanding, but rather teasing in a rare display of open affection.

 

“Here Kagome, let me help you with that,” Kouga suddenly came to her rescue, lifting the platter with one hand in an effortless show of strength that had Kagome grinding her teeth in annoyance as she wondered how weak she must have just appeared before all the strong wolf demons. That would certainly earn their respect…their future Queen couldn't even hold the dinner platter.

 

As though reading her thoughts, Kagome saw two young women leaning in and giggling as they blatantly pointed in her direction before whispering and giggling some more.

 

“Hn,” she grunted and leaned her cheek against her hand, trying to ignore them and act as though she weren't at all embarrassed, even though her cheeks were now effectively pink.

 

“Is that enough meat for you?” Kouga finally asked, and Kagome glanced down to find that he had piled at least six slices of meat onto her plate and lathered them with gravy.

 

At first all she could do was stare…after all, while she didn't refuse the heavier foods like Kikyou, she had still been raised on a lighter diet of fruit, bread, and wine for most of her life, and the sight of so much meat and thick gravy made her stomach flip and her face to turn green.

 

“Kagome?”

 

Flicking her eyes to her left she saw Kouga's hopeful expression as he was clearly trying to please his bride-to-be, and his sweet blue eyes removed the biting remark she'd been about to make as she simply sighed and leaned back into her chair once more in exasperation.

 

“It's fine, Kouga…” She sighed, wondering if he would take the hint by her exasperated tone. Unfortunately, as usual, the wolf man seemed oblivious.

 

But Inuyasha, ever sharp and attuned to the woman who he had known for such a short time and yet who he felt he'd known for all his life, noticed her seemingly resigned attitude reflected in her uncharacteristically slumped shoulders and deep set frown.

 

Kagome…

 

God, he hated seeing her like this, as though someone had smothered her joy and inner radiance. To him it was as though the woman who had captured his heart was no longer with them, having flown away to a happier place and leaving instead nothing more than a shell of her former self.

 

He watched her lift a fork and absentmindedly poke at her meat, trying desperately not to spill gravy everywhere as she reached for a knife to begin cutting her meal into smaller pieces, and felt as though his own heart were breaking.

 

She was so beautiful; wearing that stunning gown Bankotsu had made for her in the proud colors of her noble family, with the blue and white silk, lace, and velvet hugging her curves in all the right places, her long, draping sleeves giving her a regal appearance that left no doubt in anyone's mind that she would soon be Queen of the North. Her eyes were deep and full of inner pain and sadness, and also full of a wisdom that could only be gained through such suffering, and in that moment she seemed not of that world, bathed as she was in the light of the fire and the stars beyond the window, where the sky had begun to dim with dusk, telling them all that autumn was approaching and leaving summer to rest until the next year.

 

To Inuyasha, Kagome seemed out of place in this new home of hers where the women dressed in simple gowns. He was honestly surprised by such a thought, since they all dressed with simple modesty like she did, wearing their hair down, laughing and joking openly. The hanyou would have thought that this would have been the perfect atmosphere for such an open heart and spirit as his Kagome…and yet, even here, she seemed out of place.

 

With his court she seemed to outshine them all in her simple elegance and grace, her beauty always understated by her lack of makeup or jewels, and here in the North, where everyone was simple, she seemed to be above them all, possessing some sort of natural serenity given solely to her by the hand of God.

 

Perhaps she really was an angel who would never fit in anywhere on Earth because heaven was her home. His amber eyes softened at the thought.

 

Kagome, an angel…his angel…

 

Normally a ravenous eater, he just sat with his fork poised over his own plate of meat, listening to the clink and clatter of the people around him, their conversations fading into a distant lull as he watched Kagome delicately lift pieces of meat into her mouth, completely mesmerized. At one point her hair - brushed to a sheen and braided from the top of her head to the base of her scalp before falling freely down her back - fell forward and over her left shoulder, which meant she had to flick her head around, her white throat catching the light of the fire.

 

The hanyou swallowed, feeling his own mouth go dry with desire as he had to resist the urge to stand up, take her in his arms, and kiss that neck which looked so soft and inviting. He wanted to play with the pearls, which she wore looped twice around her neck before the remaining strand fell down her chest, that he had given her what seemed an eternity ago. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair; to gently and methodically undo all of those tiny braids so that her hair could be completely free.

 

Kagome…his Kagome…who was no longer his in the eyes of the law…who had, in all honesty, never been his in the first place...

 

There was a sudden ruckus as Kouga began clanking his fork against his large goblet of wine, trying to gain everyone's attention, and Inuyasha shook his head to clear it of such hazy thoughts, bringing the real world back into focus once more as he forced himself to direct his attention on the wolf man who had been his rival in every way for as long as he could remember.

 

In years past he had always won in the end. The wolf had always bragged in their youth that he would one day be a great King, while Inuyasha as the second-born would be given nothing but the leftovers, and yet in the end the hanyou had been named High King. He was the better rider, the better hunter, the better fighter, and the better jouster…all of which were facts that had been hard for the wolf prince to swallow.

 

And yet, in that moment as Inuyasha watched Kouga rise to his feet with a smile on his face before motioning for Kagome to rise with him, the hanyou knew he would have been willing to trade it all, to lose in everything else, if only to have this one victory which the wolf had stolen from him: to have Kagome as his wife.

 

As always, such an unfamiliarly possessive thought caused the hanyou to shiver, and Inuyasha immediately forced himself to look away from the new couple and towards his own wife, who sat demurely but proudly beside Kagome with a proud smile on her face as she gazed up at her younger sister, love and affection in her eyes.

 

Inuyasha was suddenly struck with a pang of jealousy as he wondered why his breathtaking wife could never muster such a look for him. As a hanyou was he truly so hideous to her? He knew that in certain moments of weakness she had often made comments about how she wished he was either demon or human, and not just half and half…and those were memories that he would never forget, though he couldn't really stay mad or bitter about it since he, deep down, often wished the same thing for himself.

 

“Friends and countrymen,” Kouga finally began, bringing Inuyasha's attention back to the front, “I want to thank you all for coming here tonight to celebrate this momentous occasion for our most noble sector of this great country. I know that initially many of you had doubts about the wisdom of my marriage to a human girl, but I also know that you are all kind and welcoming people who have faith in your King, as proven by your attendance here tonight, and I know that, in time, you will all come to love Kagome Higurashi as I have.”

 

He spoke with such confidence that not even Kagome could help but rouse herself somewhat from her melancholy to meet his bright blue gaze, seeing the warmth and affection in his gaze and feeling something akin to a small amount of hope stir somewhere in her heart.

 

It was true that Kouga was no Inuyasha, and that the hanyou King would have her heart for the rest of her life; but all the same, this man standing beside her with hope and pride on his face loved her more than Inuyasha probably ever would, and she hoped that perhaps, in time, that would make up for her own loss and disappointment in the way her life was turning out.

 

With that thought in mind she managed to muster one of her bright smiles for him (the first in several days), and he beamed back before returning his attention to the people before him. “I know you all have gifts to present to your future Queen, that you are all eager to meet her as she is eager to meet you, and that she and I also have gifts to present to our High King and his new Queen in honor of their recent marriage, but before everyone finished eating and emptying their goblets of wine, I wanted to propose a toast to the health and happiness of my future wife.” Kouga lifted his glass and turned to Kagome as he finished. “May you find true happiness in the North, with many friends, and may you also find happiness in your husband…when the time comes.”

 

He winked, the implication causing her to blush, and then took a sip from his goblet, causing everyone in the hall to break into a roaring laugh before drinking as well and applauding to show their approval of what their beloved King had to say.

 

And then all eyes turned on Kagome, and she realized, with a certain amount of horror, that she was expected to say something as well.

 

Swallowing, she took another draught of her wine before swallowing and taking a deep breath. “I…” With a deep sigh she realized that this was her life now, complete with always appearing cheerful in the eyes of the public, and in that moment Kagome Higurashi came to understand that the mask she had been forced to wear through all those trying months with Kikyou would never come off now.

 

Resigning herself to her fate, she straightened her shoulders and raised her chin a little higher as the mask of confident cheerfulness once more slipped into place, a brilliant smile lighting her features. “I thank you for such a warm welcome,” she stated in a voice that carried to every corner of the hall. “I admit that I was at first very nervous at the thought of coming to a strange land and leaving all that was familiar and safe behind me, but I can see now that such fears are unwarranted in a country of such kind and honorable people.” She saw several of the wolves puff their chests out a little in pride, and knew she was saying the right thing. “I realize that the North is a place rich in tradition and faith, and that you are all proud of your roots as the birthplace of this great country of ours…and I also realize that you are hesitant to bring in an outsider for the first time to marry your King. But I want to promise all of you that I do not come with the intention of changing your ways or your beliefs; rather, I come here with the hope of learning more about all of you so that in the future the rest of our country may be persuaded to remember its roots and its heritage. For too long now we have forgotten, and I believe it is time that came to an end.”

 

There was a deafening silence for a time, and Kagome could hear her heart pounding in her ears as she waited for their reaction, knowing it would tell her what they thought of her. And then the applause came, along with the shouts of “Long live Kagome Higurashi!” and “Many blessings upon our future Queen!”

 

With a laugh, Kouga set his goblet down and turned, taking Kagome in his arms and whirling her about twice before setting her down and planting a kiss on her forehead before pulling her to him in a firm embrace. “You wonderful woman,” He murmured against her hair. “I love you! I love you so much!”

 

Blushing and unsure of how to react, Kagome had to force her eyes to remain straight ahead and not betray her by looking over at Inuyasha as she hesitantly put her arms around Kouga's waist and hugged him back. Now was not the time to dwell on the past; she knew that henceforth there was nothing to do but look forward, and as she glanced over and saw Kikyou's proud gaze she knew that she had taken a very confident first step into her future.

 

The Kagome Higurashi who had first come to court unsure of her place in the world, shy and nervous, was slowly being replaced by a much more worldly and mature young woman…and everyone, it seemed, was taking notice.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Once dinner was over and the tables cleared, Kagome and Kouga were placed at the head of the room, sitting on their large thrones, while everyone else stood clustered towards the other end of the great hall, leaving ample space for people to step forward and leave their gifts of welcome for their King and his future Queen.

 

Whispers were rampant about how beautiful Kagome was where she sat confidently on her throne, the skirts of her blue and white gown billowing about around her, her hands folded demurely in her lap with her deep eyes staring forward expectantly, and no one could believe how lucky they were to have such a graceful and intelligent woman coming to their country. Kouga was indeed wise, they all decided, to have chosen such a wife, conveniently forgetting about the fact that the marriage had been arranged by someone else entirely.

 

As for Kagome, she sat stiffly, trying not to appear too bored as family after family approached to be introduced, the men kissing her hand while the women curtsied before they offered her their gifts of welcome, which ranged from money to property to horses and livestock, depending on the wealth and prestige of the family.

 

Kouga seemed to know each person individually, which Kagome admired in a King, and he introduced them all to her excitedly, leaving her hoping that she could remember who was who within a few months.

 

The largest gift given was in the form of a massive property nearly a four day ride from the castle, apparently located at the base of the mountains, which included five acres of pastures and gardens along with a three-story home. It was given to her by a family which was surpassed in wealth and prestige only by the King himself, and Kagome noticed immediately that they were set apart from all the others in both their dignity and their manners.

 

They were a family that consisted of what appeared to be three generations; a grandfather, his son and wife, and their daughter, who immediately caught Kagome's attention because she appeared to be the only one not smiling in the entire room…save for Inuyasha, anyway, but that was an entirely different matter.

 

She was tall; taller than Kagome by far, more equal to Kouga's height though still a little smaller, with broad, muscular shoulders and a shapely figure clothed in a gown of deep green outlined in gold, cut, like all the other women of the north, in the Celtic style with a much tighter waistline, a simpler skirt, and a thick belt around the waist that then fell vertically to the floor.

 

The green of the dress only accented her already stunning green eyes, and cascading down her back was a wealth of brilliant wavy red hair. She was breathtaking.

 

“Ah!” Kouga exclaimed, seeming to be excited as he rose to his feet to greet the noble family, moving immediately to the redheaded woman, who stared back at him with a confidence that was surprising, considering the fact that he was the King.

 

But the wolf man didn't seem to mind in the least as he clasped her hands in his and led her forward to stand before his future bride. “Kagome, I would like you to meet Ayame, a childhood friend of mine and the daughter of the noblest family in all of the North, outside of my family, that is.” He looked at the redhead. “Ayame, I would like you to meet Kagome Higurashi, the woman who will soon be my wife.”

 

The woman called Ayame smiled kindly, but Kagome thought she saw a trace of sadness cross her face as their eyes met before she dutifully lowered herself into a curtsy. “It is an honor to meet you at last, my lady,” she said in a voice that was hushed but warm. Kagome recognized that the woman was trying to hide something in her tone, because she did it so often, and felt suddenly that there was more between Kouga and this mighty woman.

 

Wishing to ease whatever was causing her pain, thinking that perhaps she was just afraid of losing her friendship with Kouga now that another woman was in his life, Kagome rose to her feet as well and stepped forward, taking Ayame's hands in hers, noting how cold and clammy they felt.

 

“You needn't bow before me,” she stated kindly. “If you are such a friend of Kouga's, then I hope you shall be my friend as well.”

 

There was a flash of something Kagome didn't recognize in Ayame's eyes, but then it was gone, leaving Kagome puzzled as the redhead pasted another fake smile onto her face. “I should like that very much, my lady.”

 

“Excellent!” Kouga exclaimed, hugging Kagome to him as he moved back to her side once more. “I so hoped you two would get along as the two great women in my life. This is her grandfather,” the older man nodded his head, “And her mother and father. I hope you can get to know them all much better in these next several weeks before our wedding.”

 

Kagome nodded dutifully at all of them, but still felt her attention constantly drawn back to the redheaded woman who seemed so sad as she constantly snuck hidden glances at Kouga. Those were looks that seemed too familiar to ignore, striking a chord in her own heart, and Kagome determined that she would find out the cause as soon as possible.

 

As the noble family moved back into the crowd Kouga stepped forward once more with a beaming smile. “I thank you all for your generosity and kindness in making Kagome feel so welcome in this her new home. Your actions shall not be forgotten. And now,” he turned his attention back to Kagome once more, “My future bride and I shall present our gifts to His Majesty King Inuyasha and his new bride, Kikyou Higurashi.”

 

Blinking, Kagome realized that for a while she had completely forgotten about the fact that she would be expected to give gifts, and felt that sinking feeling return once more as she thought about the fact that she would now have to perform, praying that it would go over well and that people would not find her miserly for not presenting some expensive gift in the form of jewels or plated gold.

 

Hn, she grunted inwardly, knowing that the time she had spent on these two songs was equal to the amount of money that would have been required to purchase such gifts, and while she was engaged to a King, she was not yet a Queen herself, and thus did not have the funds to buy anything extravagant.

 

“Would the King and his bride step forward?”

 

Inuyasha, for once relegated to the sidelines, stepped forward once more into the center of the space which separated Kagome and Kouga from the others, Kikyou at his side with her arm looped dutifully through his, and waited for what was to come, his eyes trained solely on Kagome, who stood looking suddenly nervous with her hands clasped before her.

 

Kouga had a huge grin on his face as he looked down at the High King and Queen as though, like some little boy, he could hardly contain his excitement over the surprise of his gift; though Kagome had a suspicion that it was closer to the truth to assume the wolf man was relishing in his role of power now that he was once more home in the North where he was King. It wasn't surprising, considering the extreme rivalry that excited between the two men, though it was enough to cause Kagome to role her eyes heavenward momentarily.

 

Their constant bickering was one thing she would not miss now that she would be living in the North.

 

Clapping his hands together, Kouga brought all the attention of the room swinging back in his direction since everyone had been distracted by the appearance of the High King and his Queen.

 

“In honor of our King's recent marriage to his new Queen,” he began in a loud, clear voice that demonstrated his confidence, “I would like to officially present to His Majesty the gold plates and goblets which were used at the wedding banquet, with one slight change: all of the plates now have the intertwining initials of K and I in the center, and the cups have the same initials engraved on the sides, so that all can now remember what they were first used for.”

 

An audible gasp reverberated throughout the hall at such an announcement, and Kagome noticed that even Inuyasha had gone slightly wide-eyed at such a generous gift. It had been believed, since all the plates and goblets had been made of pure melted gold from the coffers of the North, that the North would then naturally take everything back once all of the festivities were at an end. No one had expected their King to be so generous, and the applause that finally broke through the stunned silence was filled with pride and love for the young wolf.

 

Clearly enjoying the attention, Kouga waited for several minutes before finally lifting his hand once more for silence, turning to face Kikyou as he did so. “But one must not forget the new Queen; and so, in honor of Her Majesty, I present a painting that she may place wherever she deems fit in her great home so that she may always remember the joy and happiness of her wedding day.”

 

He clapped his hands twice firmly and two servants rushed forward balancing a large picture frame, the actual portrait facing away from the audience. Once beside Kouga, the servants bowed their heads respectfully before dramatically pausing and turning around so that everyone could see the painting.

 

Kikyou's eyes were instantly alight with pleasure as she saw a depiction of herself with Inuyasha at the alter, surrounded by their magnificent wedding party, the beams of sunlight streaming down around them through the stained glass windows of the church.

 

“I hope you don't mind, my lady,” Kouga explained, “But I had my favorite painter off to one side sketching the event as it took place so that he could create this painting for you later. He is the greatest artist I have ever known, and there is no one who could have more realistically brought that moment to life for you. I have complete confidence when I say that what you see in this painting is an accurate portrayal of everything and everyone who was present in that moment.”

 

Kikyou clapped her hands and smiled to show her approval, but Kagome found her attention drawn elsewhere as she recoiled in horror, seeing her own figure standing just to the left of Inuyasha.

 

Dear God! Was that what she had looked like throughout the entire wedding?

 

Unlike everyone else, who had beaming smiles on their faces as they watched the wedding ceremony unfold before them, Kagome had her eyes downcast and her head lowered so that she was staring at the floor, her hand in Kouga's, her grip looking desperately strong, her face pale and stricken with grief.

 

At that moment she wasn't sure what was more horrifying; the idea that she had appeared thus before all of those important guests, or the fact that now her pain would forever more be etched into a painting that would no doubt hang somewhere in plain sight for all to see.

 

“Oh dear…” She sighed and hugged herself, grateful that everyone's attention currently seemed focused on Inuyasha and Kikyou rather than on herself.

 

“I sincerely hope that Your Majesties may find your gifts satisfying,” Kouga finally stated once the applause began to fade away. “And may your marriage be blessed with much happiness and many children.”

 

As usual Kagome winced as she heard that blessing which seemed so annoyingly popular amongst well-wishers. Damn it all, why was fertility so important anyway? Inuyasha was a hanyou, and Kikyou had inherited his lifespan…they had plenty of time to have children. Did everyone want them to reproduce like mortal men and women? Did they want thousands of little children running about?

 

Damn their comments…and damn her jealousy too.

 

Of their own volition Kagome found her eyes drifting back towards that painting again, and she found herself once more staring at that melancholy face which seemed so lost and alone, surrounded by all the important dignitaries of the world. Most women would have been overjoyed to have been in such noble company…to have been a part of the wedding of the century…but all Kagome had been able to think about was the man standing beside her, promising himself to her older sister for the rest of his life.

 

Inuyasha…

 

Her eyes slowly traveled across Kouga's face, then Miroku's, and finally came to rest on those beautiful amber eyes framed by a wealth of silver hair, captured for eternity by the stroke of an ingenious paint brush.

 

He was looking at Kikyou as he held her hands in his, the priest before them poised forever in making the sign of the cross, his hand in front of his face and over their heads…and yet, to Kagome, Inuyasha looked unhappy about something. She could always tell when he was unhappy.

 

And that was a small consolation prize, to be sure…

 

Through the fog clouding her mind Kagome became vaguely aware of a male voice, and as she raised her head she saw that Inuyasha was saying something.

 

“I thank you, Kouga, for your generosity towards myself and my new wife,” he stated with a confidence that Kagome knew he did not possess, but she admired him all the same for being able to pretend every day anyway. “Your loyalty and hospitable nature shall be remembered.”

 

The two men who were rivals looked upon one another then for several seconds in silence, as though measuring each other against invisible standards, and for the briefest instant the hanyou's eyes flicked in Kagome's direction as though to admit defeat, though Kagome was careful to look away and keep her eyes deterred so she would not see those beautiful amber orbs directly.

 

Finally, apparently satisfied with what they saw, the two looked away, and Kagome, who had been fiercely examining a small crack in one of the stones on the floor, jumped as she felt a strong hand come to rest on the small of her back. Looking up quickly, she met Kouga's clear blue eyes and saw him smiling as he winked before turning back to face his audience once more.

 

“And now that I have presented my gifts and tokens of goodwill, my soon to be wife Kagome shall present her own gifts to the royal couple. It is my understanding that she will be playing two original compositions for them, which delights me as I know it will delight you all as she plays her violin like an angel, and has a voice to match.”

 

A spattering of applause filled the air, and Kagome felt her cheeks heat in a fierce blush following such an introduction. Yet somehow she found the will to raise her head proudly in the air, looking forward as she nervously untangled her fingers and lowered her hands to her sides.

 

“It is true,” she began at last in a voice that belayed how nervous she really was, “That rather than material gifts I have written and dedicated a song to both the King and Queen, respectively.” She swallowed, reaching down to pick up her violin, still in its leather case, and as she clutched it to her chest Kagome found her eyes drifting over to stare at Inuyasha, who gazed back steadily. “I have always believed that music is the greatest expression of what is in our hearts…and so I felt that nothing could do better justice to the emotions I feel as I reflect upon such a grand marriage than the gift of song.”

 

There were several sighs in the audience from the women who clearly found such a concept unique and beautiful, but Kagome ignored it as she felt her heart thump loudly in her ears.

 

With shaking hands she turned around and set the case down on the seat of her throne, lifting it open to reveal the beautiful red violin resting in its nest of soft blue velvet. Without thinking, she reached out and ran her fingertips over the instrument's smooth surface, feeling a shiver run down her spine even as she felt all of her tension and fear ebb away.

 

No matter what was happening, or where she was, one thing remained true: Kagome Higurashi knew how to play her instrument…and so she did what she knew best, and prepared to simply play her violin…the violin that he had given her.

 

Taking the bow in hand and running her thumb in smooth circles over the smooth surface, she stepped forward and away from Kouga so that she was at the edge of the elevated platform. Looking down, she met Kikyou's beautiful brown eyes and managed to put a genuine smile on her face as she began to speak.

 

“This first song is for my beloved sister, Kikyou. She and I lost each other for a while…but we have found one another again, and that is what I hoped to express in this piece of music.”

 

For a second Kikyou's mask slipped as she gave Kagome a warm and encouraging smile, and Kagome was reminded of a time when all she had ever wanted was her older sister's approval.

 

Let me play for you, Kikyou! I have a new song! Don't you want to hear how much better I'm getting with my violin? I've been practicing every day!

 

Kagome could hear her own voice, younger, echoing in her mind as she recalled chasing her sister around their estate with her instrument in hand, begging to be given a chance to perform. She smiled as she also remembered the fact that Kikyou had always, in the end, relented and agreed to be the audience, never failing to give her sister a standing ovation when it was over.

 

So then this is just another performance for Kikyou, Kagome thought to herself, and with that thought in mind the nervousness fled, leaving behind a confident musician who gently brought the violin up to rest against her shoulder, her cheek against the smooth wood as she brought the bow down to play the first note.

 

The melody was sweet and enchanting, but with a touch of sadness…for that was what her relationship with Kikyou had become: beautiful, and yet sad all at once. It would never again be the innocent love they had once known, for there had been too much hurt and too much sacrifice on both sides.

 

And yet their love was still there…

 

When somebody loved me everything was beautiful.

Every hour we spent together lives within my heart.

And when she was sad I was there to dry her tears,

And when she was happy so was I.

When she loved me.

 

Without meaning to, Kagome found herself locking gazes with Kikyou, and it was as though the rest of the world had faded away, leaving the Higurashi sisters with nothing but their own beautiful memories, recalling images of two little girls running through the gardens of their home, of racing on horseback, of sewing together during the winter while it snowed outside their window, and of whispering about how beautifully dressed the ladies of the court seemed when they came to visit.

 

Through the summer and the fall we had each other that was all.

Just she and I together like it was meant to be.

And when she was lonely I was there to comfort her

And I knew that she loved me.

 

Kagome couldn't recall the last time she'd seen such a look of tenderness on Kikyou's face, and felt an immense amount of joy at the thought that she was touching her in a way that she once had all those years ago. It was the first time that she felt the sister she had adored growing up had finally returned to her.

 

Unfortunately, the song took a more melancholy turn, returning to Kagome's feelings of abandonment and desolation as she recalled the months when Kikyou stopped coming home and then, eventually, stopped writing letters as well. It had been such a dark time for a little girl of thirteen, to lose such a mentor and, frankly, idol.

 

So the years went by…I stayed the same.

But she began to drift away; I was left alone.

Still I waited for the day

When she'd say “I will always love you”.

 

At that moment Kagome felt a tear roll down her cheek, recalling the day she'd come to terms with the reality that her sister would not be coming home, and that the gates their paradise on earth had been closed forever.

 

She had been out riding her horse, and had come across a small tree that she and Kikyou had planted several years earlier in the hopes of watching it grow as they too grew and matured together. It had been a harsh winter, the tree had died, and in that moment it had been as though Kagome saw her relationship with Kikyou dying as well.

 

Devastated as she was, she began sobbing, and collapsed onto the damp ground curled up in a ball, hugging her knees to her chest as her loyal mare stood protectively over her body. Eventually she had fallen asleep and her mother had been forced to come looking for her, afraid she had died in an accident the same as her father.

 

The grass had been so harsh that day…so cold. And the sunlight didn't seem to offer any warmth…

 

Lonely and forgotten; never thought she'd look my way.

Then she smiled at me and held me just like she used to do.

Like she loved me…when she loved me.

 

There had been a point when she'd first come to court that Kagome had felt Kikyou was merely using her; playing upon her loyal affections to get what she wanted. And perhaps, in the beginning, that had been the case…but especially in the past month that affection had become real, the fire of love and respect between them renewed in a more mature and less innocent fashion.

 

And even though Kagome was made to suffer every day over her love for Inuyasha, the fact that she had regained the sister that she loved almost made the sacrifice worth it.

 

Almost…

 

When somebody loved me everything was beautiful.

Every hour we spent together lives within my heart.

When she loved me.

 

In her youth, all Kagome had wanted was to make Kikyou smile…and in that moment she received the brightest, kindest, warmest smile she had ever seen, and that was enough.

 

As she pulled the last string there was a breathtaking silence, and Kagome knew that if a pin had dropped at that moment it would have echoed like the noise of twenty drums. Afraid to move, to be responsible for dropping that pin, she instead remained poised with her bow in the air just over the strings where she had lifted the last note, waiting…waiting for something…anything…

 

And then, before there was any reaction from the audience, she saw Kikyou move.

 

Graceful, elegant, poised Kikyou Higurashi nearly stumbled over herself as she stepped hastily forward, picking up her skirts to prevent disaster, tears in her eyes, and seeing this Kagome could no longer remain standing still as she quickly lowered her instrument and practically fell down the two steps elevating her from the rest of the world.

 

The sisters met halfway, a combination of stunning beauty and understated grace, polar opposites in their personalities and yet united by their love, sobbing and embracing in a rare show of public emotion, and everyone in the audience was left stunned and touched as they watched what they believed to be the most beautiful moment they had ever seen.

 

Kikyou held Kagome to her tightly so that they almost appeared to be one being with their ebony hair blending together and their faces buried in each other's shoulders. In that moment Kagome felt like the most precious of treasures, and couldn't help but sigh with absolute contentment as she felt Kikyou run her fingers absentmindedly through her hair, the top of her head dampening with the older woman's tears as Kikyou whispered in her ear.

 

“You sweet…sweet wonderful girl. You amazing woman. I…I'm going to miss you so much.” Kikyou squeezed even tighter, and Kagome found herself clinging to this woman, this incredible woman who seemed to possess so much inner strength and who appeared perfect in every way, with equal force.

 

“I wish I could keep you with me forever Kagome,” she continued, placing a hand on the back of her head as she, with her slight dominance in height, managed to rest her cheek against Kagome's forehead. “I've come to rely on your strength and your kindness and your loyalty and your courage…what am I going to do without you? How am I going to live without my other self?”

 

Kagome felt the tears flowing freely, not caring who saw as she heard the words she had been so desperate to hear all her life. “You'll go on, Kikyou, that's what you'll do…because you're strong; stronger than I could ever hope to be. You'll be fine in just a few weeks, you'll see.”

 

“No…not without you. You understand me better than anyone…even better than I understand myself. There is no one like you in this entire world.”

 

Kagome just smiled sadly at that. “And why couldn't we have come to this realization sooner, sister? Why must it be now, on the eve of your departure, that we realize how much we need one another?”

 

That comment brought forth a new sob, and this time it was Kikyou who buried her head in Kagome's shoulder, for the first time assuming the role of the innocent child while Kagome became the comforting adult. She felt the older woman clutch at the fabric of her gown, and sighed.

 

“I don't know why it took me so long to see the blessing before me,” Kikyou finally murmured. “I don't know why I had to be so blind. I've asked so much of you and given so little in return…I'm sorry I hurt you so much, Kagome. Forgive me…please, forgive me…”

 

Jolting, Kagome recalled all the times she'd wished for such a request, and how she had always promised herself that she would get revenge by refusing forgiveness. She had rehearsed her speeches, practicing her look of cold indifference before the mirror, seeing how it would all play out as she icily told her older sister that she could never forgive her for all of the pain she had caused by leaving her alone.

 

And yet, now that she was given that golden opportunity…now that she was given the chance to take back some of that pain she had felt and avenge the innocence she had lost…she could not. Not after Kikyou had just so sincerely apologized for all she had ever done wrong.

 

She had never done that before, and in that instant all of the cruel words and practiced glares evaporated, leaving behind nothing but resignation and the warmth and relief that came with forgiveness.

 

“I forgive you, Kikyou…” Now she was the one stroking her fingers through her sister's hair as she murmured over and over again “I forgive you.”

 

“I think you'd discover that, without your sister, you would not be as happy as you might think. Her star compliments yours, and yours hers, more than the two of you could ever realize.”

 

Her mother's words came flooding back to her, and in that moment Kagome Higurashi finally understood.

 

It was true that she and Kikyou had always competed for love and attention, and the approval of others, but it was also true that part of their appeal was the fact that they were sisters and looked so much alike yet had such different personalities. People found that fascinating, and if one of them were to suddenly disappear their popularity would have probably been only about half of what it actually was.

 

And even more than that was the fact that, simply put, the two young women had come to rely on each other as extensions of their very souls, a reality that hadn't sunk in until that moment, with the knowledge that in the morning they would be separated permanently, hardly ever able to see one another again as they would each have their own regions to govern as Queens.

 

“Oh Kikyou…” Kagome squeezed her eyes shut momentarily, trying to collect her thoughts, and as she opened her eyes once more she became suddenly and painfully aware of the fact that everyone was staring at them in stunned silence.

 

Unsure of what else to do, Kagome leaned back so that she could look at Kikyou directly as she placed a gentle hand against the older woman's soft cheek, and smiled sadly. “What's the matter, sister? Did you not like it?”

 

Recognition instantly dawned as Kikyou recalled the moment when Kagome had asked her that very question several years ago, on that day when she had first left for court at the tender age of thirteen, crying after Kagome played another original composition for her.

 

Smiling shakily, a look of pure gratitude in her eyes, Kikyou shook her head, and in that moment Kagome clearly saw the sister she had loved for so long, without a mask and without any restrictions. She was just there…her Kikyou…her beloved sister.

 

“It was beautiful, Kagome,” she finally managed to reply.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Inuyasha had been watching her all evening, ever since Kouga had first led her into the great hall and guided her to her throne at the head of the table, dressed in that stunning blue gown Bankotsu had given her to wear on the day of the royal wedding. He'd watched her not so delicately juggle the platter of meat, only to make her efforts seem worthless when she did nothing more than pick at her food, her eyes downcast. He'd watched her stand at the side of the man she was to marry while he gave away his gifts, and he'd been entranced as she'd played Kikyou's song.

 

The hanyou had never seen such love and affection as that which had existed between the two sisters in those moments following Kagome's performance. They had both been sobbing and clinging to one another as though they were the same soul that was afraid of being separated.

 

How he envied such love…love he had been denied all his life. His mother had loved him, it was true, but she had died young, his father too occupied by matters of state, as any King would be, to pay attention to his son on a daily basis, and his brother Sesshoumaru as warm as ice on a good day.

 

But his envy had faded instantly into concern as he watched Kagome excuse herself and quickly exit through a side door, apparently completely forgetting about the fact that she had promised a song for him as well.

 

Yet he didn't feel jealousy or anger…but rather, he felt a great swell of pity for this woman who always exuded such strength and yet, in that moment, could not keep her mask in place.

 

Kouga turned and watched the woman he loved with concern, moving to follow her before he seemed to remember himself and where he was, stopping and turning to face the audience before him once more.

 

“As you can all clearly see…that is to say Kagome…er…your future Queen…” He was obviously unsure of what to say, and for once Inuyasha felt no sense of rivalry or jealously, but rather a great sense of sympathy; if the young wolf man wasn't careful with his words, it would seem like Kagome was unhappy at the prospect of living in the North, rather than simply melancholy at being separated from her family, and that would make her new home a very hostile environment.

 

Inuyasha understood very well the pressures of being a King and always knowing exactly what to say to the people, either to offer them comfort or to stroke their egos enough to keep them happy and content. And when you weren't sure of what was needed, well…it was a very frightening and lonesome situation.

 

Finally, taking a deep breath, Kouga began again. “Kagome has a large heart that has a great capacity to love and be loved. She loves her family with every fiber of her being, and, understandably, she is sad at the prospect of being so far away from them on a day-to-day basis. I ask all of you to please not treat her cruelly for her tears, but rather reflect upon how all of you would feel if you were asked to leave the ones you loved for a strange land where you knew none of the people or their customs.” He stood up straighter as his voice cut through the silence. “I believe her to be one of the bravest women I have ever met, and I admire her all the more for her tears, which demonstrate what she is sacrificing in order to become your Queen.”

 

There was no immediate response to his words, but from the perspective of the audience Inuyasha could see almost all of the heads silently nodding in agreement, whispers running rampant about the brave young woman who would one day soon be their Queen.

 

And in that one solitary moment Inuyasha was grateful that it was Kouga Kagome was to marry…for he now realized that while it left a bitter taste in his mouth to have something so precious in the hands of his greatest rival, he also understood that the wolf man would at least protect her and keep her safe…and, perhaps, help her to find some happiness in the end.

 

But such thoughts were still of little comfort when faced with the prospect of living the rest of his life without the woman who had such a kind smile and smelled like the roses in his garden, and so, without realizing what he was doing, Inuyasha found himself moving as discretely as a King could towards the side door Kagome had disappeared through, grateful that the musicians had begun to play and that the courtiers were thoroughly distracted. Not even Kikyou seemed to notice from where she stood in a corner, gazing forlornly out a small window…lost in her own grief, no doubt, but somehow managing to withhold her tears.

 

How he admired her for her inner strength, Inuyasha thought fleetingly as he rounded a corner and she vanished from his sight. Granted, her stubborn refusal to show emotions in public was at times hurtful towards him, but he could respect her desire to protect her heart. God knew how he'd been protecting his all his life.

 

But Kikyou faded instantly from his mind as he reached the main entryway and still hadn't found Kagome, the silence of the hall almost mocking him as his sensitive ears picked up the faint noise of the party behind him.

 

She must have gone to her room, he decided, for that was one place she would not be disturbed…and yet it was then that Inuyasha realized with a certain horror that he didn't know where her room was. She had been swept away from him to prepare for the betrothal ceremony so suddenly he hadn't had time to note which room she was being taken to; all he knew was the direction…but that would have to do.

 

And so, feeling slightly foolish for running after a woman who, as of that afternoon officially belonged to someone else, Inuyasha took off quickly up the stairs, leaping to the top in one graceful jump before turning left and heading down the hallway, several closed doors on either side of him.

 

Damn it all, how was he supposed to find her?

 

As though reading his thoughts, fate gave him the answer in the form of sweet violin music drifting towards him from the door on the right at the very end of the hallway, somewhat off by itself, demonstrating that it clearly led into chambers far larger than any of the other rooms down that particular hallway.

 

Slowing his frantic pace as the usual butterflies surfaced at the prospect of seeing her again…alone…Inuyasha began to wonder what the hell he was going to say once he reached that solitary door. He supposed he could say he had been worried, but technically wasn't it Kouga's job to worry about her now?

 

He stopped and listened to the music for a moment, his figure bathed in the moonlight pouring through the windows at the end of the hallway, his silver hair practically sparkling. His mother had always told him she thought he looked the most handsome in the moonlight, which Inuyasha had always found ironic since it was also the moon that dictated when he would turn human.

 

Finally, gathering his courage, he rapped on the door twice with a confidence he lacked, and the music from within instantly stopped. He smiled as he imagined Kagome standing alone and wondering who would be at her door, knowing she would probably have her head cocked slightly to the left in that adorable look of puzzlement.

 

Shaking his head to clear it as he heard approaching footsteps, he straightened his back and raised his chin proudly just as the door swung open to reveal Kagome standing before him still dressed in her beautiful blue and white gown, though her hair was now down and looked like it had been partially combed before she had abandoned the project in favor of playing her violin.

 

“Inuyasha…?” Her voice was tight and full of surprise, and her eyes were still red from the tears she had shed. But she was still beautiful, and he found himself just staring mutely at her figure for several seconds, hardly noticing the way she began to shift uncomfortably under his scrutiny.

 

“Inuyasha, what are you doing here?” She finally tried to get his attention again, and this time it worked as the hanyou jolted slightly and looked up, meeting her eyes with a slight blush on his cheeks.

 

“I…” What could he say? “Are you alright?”

 

She blinked, clearly not expecting such an honest response…even though it had been in the form of another question. It was obvious to her now why he was there, and his concern warmed her heart. “Yes…I'm fine, though I'm afraid I made an absolute fool of myself, didn't I?”

 

Kagome gestured for him to come in, looking uncomfortable (unusual for her) in his presence. He chose to ignore that for the moment as he walked inside far enough for her to shut the door, and once again they found themselves separated from the rest of the world.

 

Her chambers were stunning, all of the walls made of river rocks and stones, the floors following the pattern seen throughout the castle by being covered in soft animal hides. The space was divided into four rooms, extending back and away from the door, so that one did not immediately enter into the sitting room, as was the typical design. Instead, one entered into what appeared to be a library of sorts, with bookshelves everywhere complete with a luxurious couch in the center for reading that occupants had to walk around, windows lining the left wall, though the room was actually illuminated by a small fireplace opposite the windows.

 

Inuyasha silently followed Kagome into the next room as it was clear that was where she wanted to go, and he found himself in the sitting room, which was clearly the largest of the four, complete with several pieces of elegant furniture, floor-length windows lining the entire left wall and covered in velvet curtains, a mighty stone fireplace extending along the right wall, warming the room and contrasting with the light of the moon. All of the tapestries and furniture were made of blue velvet trimmed in white, and it became instantly apparent that the North had been planning Kagome's arrival for a long time to have decked out her entire room in her family's colors, which also happened to be Kagome's favorite color combination.

 

“This is all too much, really,” She finally said after several tense moments of silence, the crackling fire the only thing to disturb them. “My study is the next room over, and my bedroom is the furthest back, complete with glass doors that open onto a balcony with a marvelous view of the mountains. It's all magnificent and lovely and…too much for me.”

 

“Why?” Inuyasha continued to look about. “You'll soon be a Queen, and this is the sort of lifestyle a Queen is allowed to enjoy.”

 

Kagome sighed and sat down on one of the larger couches in the center of the room, the violin she had been playing leaning against the armrest opposite her. “I don't feel like a Queen, and I doubt a true Queen would ever embarrass herself publicly like I did tonight.”

 

Inuyasha blinked and turned to look at her, recalling the comment she'd made a few moments earlier when he had first walked into the room, and felt a great swelling of tenderness in his heart for this woman who seemed so strong and yet so vulnerable all at once. He had seen her approach Kings with her fiery temper whenever she believed an injustice had been done, and had even heard her snap at the great Henry VIII once when he'd made a rather suggestive comment to her at a banquet. Inuyasha had come to admire the strength of her presence, and how she always carried herself with such confidence, and yet, now, she seemed like nothing more than a mere child in need of comfort and assurances that everything would be alright in the end.

 

And he didn't know how to give that kind of comfort…he'd never been very good at it.

 

“I didn't think what you did was so terrible,” he finally offered lamely, clasping his hands behind his back and rocking back on his heels as he raised his eyes towards the ceiling.

 

“You don't?”

 

“No…I mean, I think it takes more courage to admit when you're feeling vulnerable than it does to pretend to be strong and happy all the time.”

 

Kagome blinked. “Inuyasha…do you really mean that?”

 

He blushed. “Well…yes.” She smiled at him, and he felt the butterflies multiply within his stomach. “I mean…that is to say…I'm not exactly what you would call…well…open with my emotions, and…um…I think that's partly because…” He swallowed, feeling like a bumbling idiot. “…because I'm afraid all the time.”

 

Kagome couldn't believe he was making such a confession to her, and so all she could do was stare for several seconds after he stopped stammering, feeling as though her heart was ready to burst with the love that she held for this wonderful man who was so honest and sincere when he wanted to be. She liked to think that it was only with her that he opened up so much, but knew it was wishful thinking, and so rather than becoming greedy or arrogant with her feelings she forced such thoughts from her mind and instead simply smiled at him kindly.

 

“I appreciate your honesty, Inuyasha,” She finally said slowly. “And the fact that you're trying to make me feel better means a lot to me.”

 

“What…you mean it's not working? You're still not feeling any better?” He gave her a look of honest puzzlement, clearly trying to understand what more she could possibly want to make her feel better, and at that Kagome felt her sadness vaporize to be replaced by the uncontrollable urge to laugh.

 

And laugh she did, so hard that she had to wrap her arms around her stomach for support as she rocked back and forth on the couch, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

 

Inuyasha watched her and huffed, though as always he felt his heart lighten considerably at the sound of her laughter. “Damn it, woman, why do you always laugh at me whenever I try to be serious or make you feel better?”

 

He was trying to sound upset or hurt, but it didn't work…even he could hear the tenderness that had crept into his voice, and so gave up, instead just sighing and plopping down on the couch next to her, careful not to crush her violin as she finally got her laughter under control and looked over at him with love in her eyes.

 

“I'm sorry, Inuyasha…I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You're just so…cute when you try to be serious.”

 

“Cute?” Now he was officially embarrassed. “A King isn't supposed to be cute, woman…a King is supposed to be intimidating. He's supposed to spark fear in the hearts of his subjects, so they will never be tempted to betray him.”

 

Kagome giggled. “Well you'll have to forgive me, but it's been hard for me to tremble in fear in your presence ever since you leapt out of my bed stark naked and challenged Miroku to a duel.”

 

“I…that was…he had just…I mean…” Inuyasha's jaw dropped as his face turned crimson red, and he huffed as he crossed his arms in what Kagome had come to see as his trademark position of frustration and embarrassment. “Keh…I thought I would be coming up here to cheer you up, but instead all you do is make fun of me.”

 

She laughed again, but saw by his posture that it only made the situation worse, and so did her best to stamp on her fits of giggling as she sobered her face and looked down at her hands, which rested comfortably in her lap. “So…did you really come up here to cheer me up?”

 

He shrugged, purposefully staring straight ahead. “That was sort of the idea, but…”

 

“Thank you.” And with that she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head comfortably against his shoulder, not giving him a chance to make any more sarcastic remarks and ruin what was probably the last peaceful moment she would ever have with the man she loved.

 

At first Inuyasha stiffened at her touch, as always on the defensive when it came to physical contact, but it didn't take him long to relax, and before long he had melted against her body, wrapping a strong arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer, allowing his own cheek to fall over and rest against the top of her head, feeling her soft hair rubbing against his skin, the scent of roses practically surrounding him in a pleasurable fog.

 

How comfortable he was with her. He had never just sat like this with Kikyou; their relationship had always seemed to be above such simple intimacy…or rather, Kikyou herself had always seemed above it. Inuyasha, for his part, hadn't really known what he wanted out of a relationship because he'd never really experienced one before, and yet, now that he'd known Kagome in almost every way a man could know a woman, he realized how much was lacking in his own marriage, and it saddened him.

 

Not for the first time he wondered if it would have been better for him if he'd never met Kagome Higurashi, because then at least he could have continued on in his oblivious little world of hurt, pain, and anger, without knowing what it meant to really love someone, believing, in his lack of experience, that what he had with Kikyou was the most he, a lowly hanyou, could ever hope for.

 

It would have certainly made life for him much less painful and confusing.

 

And yet all it took was one sideways glance down at the woman currently in his arms, the sound of her gentle breathing in his ears and the scent of roses imprinted in his mind forever, to tell him that it had all been worth it. It was almost as though he had been trapped in a dream all his life, and that she had finally woke him up to the beautiful side of life he had never known before.

 

“Kagome…” He breathed her name with such tenderness and feeling that Kagome couldn't help but shiver slightly with desire and longing in his arms, forcing herself to simply live in the moment and not think ahead to the moments that would follow when he would leave her and be gone forever.

 

Just once she would be selfish and think of nothing and no one but herself. Just this once she would allow herself to feel nothing but sunshine.

 

“Didn't you say you wrote a song for me too?” He finally asked, reminded of that fact as his eyes glanced over her violin, which he had moved to rest behind her when he'd pulled her closer.

 

She closed her eyes momentarily as she thought of the night when she had written that song, alone in her room while Yuka was away with the other servants. “Yes…”

 

He sighed. “You didn't play it for me.”

 

“I…” She swallowed. “I don't know if I can, Inuyasha.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because…I wrote it in a moment of weakness, and I don't know if the lyrics are all that appropriate given our…given our situation.”

 

She felt him tighten his grip around her shoulders slightly, his warm breath against the top of her head scalding her entire body. “Play it for me, Kagome…there's no one else to hear…”

 

“But…”

 

“Please?”

 

She felt all of her resistance vanish at that, knowing she was, and always would be, unable to refuse him anything he asked. She loved him too much. “Very well.”

 

Reluctantly she pulled away from his strong body, rising to her feet and reaching for the violin, for once feeling no comfort as she held the instrument in her arms. She supposed nothing could have made her feel any better in that moment, knowing this was basically her heartfelt farewell to the love of her life.

 

Inuyasha watched all of the emotions playing so openly across her face and felt his own heart constrict painfully in his chest. Standing where she was before him, with the light of the fire at her back and the moonlight on her face, she seemed to glow, sparkle, and shine all at once, and the hanyou knew he would remember this moment for the rest of his life. If someone ever asked him to describe Kagome Higurashi, he would describe her as he saw her now, strong and confident and innocently beautiful as she attempted to play and sing without her voice cracking, her eyes filled with pain, but even more so with an emotion that he dared not recognize because…frankly…it was what he felt in his own heart.

 

This was the woman he loved; and the sudden realization of that caused him to feel nauseous and dizzy, and he was grateful he was sitting down, or else he might have fallen over.

 

But oblivious as she was to the sudden heartache of the man before her, Kagome simply began to sing in a clear voice that wasn't overly filled with talent, but was, as she was, simple and graceful, her bow creating an elegant but somewhat melancholy melody.

 

 

This is a man who thinks with his heart;

His heart is not always wise.

This is man who stumbles and falls;

But this is a man who tries.

This is man you forgive and forgive…

And help and protect as long as you live.

 

Kagome had a soft smile on her face as she began to sing, her eyes closed and her body doing it's usual swaying to the music, and Inuyasha found himself entranced, as though wrapped up in a spell that she was delicately weaving with her voice and her violin.

 

He will not always say

What you would have him say;

But now and then he'll say

Something wonderful.

 

Kagome thought of all the times he had unintentionally insulted her, either because he didn't know any better or because in a bout of anger he was trying to hurt her. She recalled the way he'd proclaimed that she, like all women, was good for nothing but planning parties and ordering new gowns, and how insulted she'd been, refusing to speak to him for days after the fact.

 

But she also recalled the way he could be so open and honest, such as that night when he'd admitted that he was often afraid of being open with people, and that he admired her for her courage, or the way his voice was laced with kindness when he simply uttered her name, and how when he was like that she would only love him more and be completely willing to forgive him for any insults he had thrown her way.

 

The thoughtless things he'll do

Will hurt and worry you;

Then all at once he'll do

Something wonderful.

 

She could recall the way he had held her that night when she had shattered her precious violin, and how his voice had been so gentle, his lips so warm and his arms so strong, offering her the comfort she had needed, giving her a beacon of light to move towards in a world that for her had otherwise become shrouded in darkness.

 

He has a thousand dreams

That won't come true.

You know that he believes in them

And that's enough for you.

 

Kagome found herself opening her eyes and staring at Inuyasha's silhouette as she continued singing, his silver hair sparkling in the moonlight, his skin reflecting the warm glow of the fire, though she carefully avoided his amber eyes, knowing she would be unable to hold her tears if she met his gaze directly.

 

You'll always go along…

Defend him when he's wrong…

And tell him when he's strong

He is wonderful.

He'll always need your love…

 

She paused then, feeling suddenly afraid to say the one line that had bothered her so much after she had actually read through what she had written. Unwillingly, her eyes drifted towards his own, and their gazes locked, his amber eyes reaching down into her very soul, giving her the courage to continue even as she knew mentally that she shouldn't go on.

 

…and so he'll get your love.

 

It was the closest she dared come to admitting aloud that she loved him, and yet it seemed to be enough, because she saw the hanyou go rigid, his eyes glazing over slightly as he seemed suddenly mesmerized, and she quickly looked away as she sang the final line.

 

A man who needs your love…

Very wonderful.

 

She pulled her bow slowly over the final note before lifting it away and leaving them in an uncomfortable silence, though she was almost more afraid of what he would say in response.

 

She had written that song with the hope of capturing not only all of his beautiful qualities, but also all of his faults, for Kagome believed that Inuyasha would not be the same if he were some perfect being. His temper made the moments when he was kind that much sweeter, his apparent selfishness made his generosity that much more appreciated, and his annoying false confidence made his insecurities that much more obvious when he allowed them to show.

 

He was a man with so many layers she felt she could never hope to understand them all, and yet she had tried, feeling she had done the best she could to describe the man she loved…because she did love all of him, and not just the parts of him that were good and honest.

 

And now that she felt she had put her whole heart out for him to either accept or crush, she waited, trying to keep her breathing deep and even though she could feel her lungs gasping for air as her skin became suddenly hot and her palms sweaty.

 

“Inuyasha?” Her voice was soft and unsure, and the hanyou felt himself coming out of a hazy dream, blinking rapidly as she came back into focus, her beautiful face staring down at him with obvious uncertainty.

 

She had said she loved him! Well…at the very least, she'd hinted at it, and having just come to the conclusion that he loved her as well, Inuyasha felt a joy unlike anything he'd ever known before push him to his feet and wrap his arms around her small frame.

 

“Kagome, I…” And then it hit him. He was leaving in the morning, married to another woman, while she was officially engaged to Kouga. As quickly as his joy had come, it vaporized, leaving nothing behind but despair and anguish.

 

He pulled away quickly, as though he had been burned, stepping back several paces before stopping as he felt his legs hit the couch.

 

Damn it, it wasn't fair! It wasn't fair that he should come to such a realization on the eve of his leaving her here in the North to return to his old life. What the hell was he supposed to do? Just go back to acting the way he always had before she'd come into his life, running the government during the day and spending his nights in the rose gardens with nothing but memories of his mother, and now Kagome, to keep him happy as he sat completely alone?

 

Always alone…he was destined to be always alone…

 

Damn her! He suddenly decided. Damn her for coming in and shattering all of the protective walls he'd put up around his heart!

 

Kagome watched the man she loved struggle with something, anger coming to his face, and she felt her body begin to tremble. Dear God, he'd hated it! He'd hated the song, and she'd made him angry. “Inuyasha, what's wrong?”

 

He jerked his head up and met her gaze as though suddenly remembering she was there. “What's wrong?” His voice was like thunder, and she shrank back in surprised fear. “What the hell do you think is wrong? Everything's wrong! It's all wrong!”

 

“I don't understand.”

 

“No, you wouldn't understand, would you? You never understand anything! You just come waltzing into my life with your smiles and your innocent looks and know nothing at all!”

 

He was talking nonsense, and Kagome, feeling very confused, fell back on the one thing that had always saved her from being hurt in the past when it came to him: her temper. “I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Inuyasha! If I've done anything to offend you…”

 

“Keh, you've done plenty to offend me!”

 

“What?”

 

“You've turned my whole damn world upside down, that's what you've done! You've turned it upside down, shattered every belief I ever had, and now you're going to stay behind and marry Kouga, live happily ever after in this damn place, and I'm going to be left with absolutely nothing!”

 

“You act as though I did all of this on purpose!”

 

“Well maybe you did! You've certainly made a fine mess of things, that's for sure!”

 

Kagome was seething now, wondering how in the world such a tender moment had turned into such a horrific fight…but then again, that seemed to be the way it always worked with them, their tempers always stepping in to protect their actual feelings. “How dare you imply that I would ever do anything to purposefully bring this all about! Damn you for ever thinking such a thing! I would never wish this hell on anyone! Damn you! Damn you!”

 

Perhaps it was the fact that for once her voice had risen higher than his, or perhaps it was the fact that he wasn't accustomed to hearing such a pious girl swear as badly as he did, but either way Inuyasha found himself come to a screeching halt as he gaped at the woman before him, who had placed her hands on her hips, her eyes alight with all the fire and fury of Hell.

 

“Kagome, I…” He sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart, and in that moment they both heard the first sounds of movement in the hallway beyond as several courtiers came up to retire for the evening.

 

Suddenly they became very aware of their situation, and the fact that time had, at long last, run out, and it was as though all the fight suddenly left both of them, leaving behind nothing but sorrow and regret.

 

“I'm sorry, Inuyasha, I could never…I didn't mean…”

 

“I know,” He stopped her, understanding very well what she was trying to say because it was how he felt too.

 

“This wasn't how I envisioned our last meeting going,” she sighed, looking past him and no doubt through the glass windows towards the moonlight mountains beyond.

 

He chuckled. “Really? I've grown so accustomed to our meetings that I've come to expect nothing less than a good fight.”

 

Knowing he meant it as an empty gesture to ease the tension between them, Kagome tried to smile, but it was without emotion, empty, and all she could do in the end was sag her shoulders in defeat.

 

Seeing this, Inuyasha moved forward without thinking and took her in his arms once more, pulling her firmly against him so that he could rest his chin atop her head one last time, inhaling that painfully sweet scent of roses as he felt her collapse against him, her strength vaporizing and leaving her with nothing but a trust that he would not let go, for if he did she would fall to the floor.

 

“The song was beautiful,” he finally stated, having nothing better to say, and she smiled sadly, though he couldn't see it with her cheek resting against his chest.

 

“Thank you.”

 

In that moment she thought about what a strange pair they made; clearly in love and yet neither had ever said it aloud for fear of making the pain worse. They had never been closer or further apart, and Kagome felt the strain between them becoming worse.

 

Not wanting to have that memory in her mind, she chose to pull away while their embrace was still sweet and innocent, not tainted with sadness or melancholy, stepping away slowly and regaining the strength in her legs as she rose to her full height once more, straightening her back and lifting her chin into the air proudly. This was how she would have to be from that moment on…for Inuyasha would no longer be there to catch her when she stumbled or fell.

 

Inuyasha recognized that she was pulling away from him, both literally and figuratively, and decided that it was time for him to go, before they became too much like a King and his mistress once more, and so took a few cautious steps backwards, though he kept his eyes trained upon her figure until the last moment when he would have to turn, and then leave her…

 

“Goodbye, Lady Higurashi,” He stated in a formal tone, and tears came to her eyes as she felt him rebuilding the walls that he always kept so firmly about his heart.

 

“Goodbye, Your Majesty.” She fell into a deep curtsy, the deepest she could manage without falling over, and even Inuyasha felt it difficult to withhold tears at that moment as he saw the woman he loved with her head bowed in respect.

 

As she rose back to her full height once more he finally turned to go, but Kagome felt herself panic, and called out to him one final time. “Inuyasha?”

 

He immediately stopped and turned to look at her again. “Yes?”

 

“Tomorrow morning when you and the rest of the court leaves…would you do something for me?”

 

Inuyasha almost found himself wishing that she would demand he take her with him, but knew that was not what she was about to ask. “Of course.”

 

“Promise that you won't look back as you ride away.”

 

“What?”

 

She swallowed. “When you ride away at the head of the court, promise me that you won't look back. I…I want to remember you always as your usual, confident self with your back straight and your eyes proud and forward.”

 

It took a moment for his muddled brain to process her request, but finally, after several seconds, he nodded his head. “Very well, I…I promise.”

 

She gave him a sad smile. “Thank you.” He turned to leave once more, but Kagome felt that panic well up again. “Inuyasha?”

 

He froze once more, though this time he didn't turn around as he replied, knowing that each time he did he risked not being able to leave at all. “Yes Kagome?”

 

“I…” What could she say to him that would convey all that she felt in her heart? She knew what she wanted to say, but also knew it wasn't possible…not now, after everything that had happened to push them so far apart. “I'll miss you terribly…” She finally finished lamely.

 

At first he didn't respond, but finally he felt his shoulders slump as he reached the door, bowing his head one final time as he gathered his courage to turn the knob of the door. “And I you, my lady.”

 

And with that he opened the door, glancing left and right to make sure no one was about before stepping into the hallway and closing it behind him, leaving Kagome completely alone.

 

She extended an arm as though to pull him back to her, despite the fact that she was still in the sitting room and the door was far away. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, though she did her best to keep them from spilling down her cheeks, and out of desperation she picked up her violin once more and clutched it tightly to her chest.

 

“…And I'll always love you.”