InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The King's Mistress ❯ The Water's Edge ( Chapter 28 )

New Fan Art!!

 

Here's an incredible piece of fan art by a great reader/artist: judyeve (remember there are spaces in between the link so that it will show up on this page!). You can find more of her work at her deviantart account…she is amazing! Thanks so much!

 

http:// www. deviantart .com/ deviation / 20930548 /

 

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Title: The King's Mistress

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter Twenty-seven: The Water's Edge

 

Rating: PG-13 (for language and, at times, implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, nor do I take credit for several of the historical ideas, facts, and realities I have taken and used.

 

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I remember well the night when we parted, believing it would be our last embrace and our last intimate farewell. I remember the loss and the sense that all joy had fled my life, never to return. His eyes had looked so sad in the light of the fire, their amber hue intense and full of a pain I understood all too well.

 

He had left the next morning doing exactly as I requested: he did not look back. It had no doubt looked a little odd that he did not, his spine stiff and his chin held proudly in the air while everyone else seemed intent upon falling off their mounts in their attempts to turn around and wave at me until the moment when I became obscured on the horizon…but he remained true to his promise nonetheless, in spite of the glares of disapproval sent his way by a few of the older sentimental women, and it had broken my heart just as I'd known it would.

 

Sango had tearfully promised to write at every opportunity, Miroku had given me an uncharacteristically chaste embrace that spoke volumes about what I had become to him as a friend and what he felt now that we would be parted, Souta had swore he would come to visit me whenever he had the chance, and my mother had wept as she held me to her and told me she was proud to call me her daughter, willing me to be brave in the face of such a change in my life.

 

But Kikyou had been the most emotional of all, holding me to her as though I were the lifeline she was afraid to lose. She had whispered endless strings of nothings into my ear about how much she loved me and admired me for my bravery, thanking me a thousand times for all I had done for her and promising never to forget it.

 

I had resolved myself the night before, just after Inuyasha had left, to be stiff and without emotion that morning, but all resolutions had faded to the back of my memory, and I had clung to Kikyou with equal force and desperation. We both knew it would be the last time we would see each other for a long time, for it had already been decided that the royal court could not afford to travel back to the North for my wedding, and when I watched Kikyou climb atop her horse and don her mask once more, blocking me out of her heart and mind, the gravity of my situation finally took hold…and I'd never felt more alone in my entire life.

 

Autumn had been upon us then; green leaves fading into all the beautiful shades of red, gold, yellow, and brown as summer bid farewell to make way for the coming winter. The servants had begun to leave the fires burning all day where before they were only necessary in the evenings, and courtiers had begun to order furs and thick fabrics made into warm cloaks, hats, and gloves.

 

It was in this atmosphere that I was left alone in a strange land, with no one to call my friend save for the man I was to marry…a man I did not love, but who I hoped could love me enough for the both of us…

 

They say autumn is nature's symbol for change; that it represents the end of something and the beginning of something else. I had come to court in the spring of my youth and my innocence, and was now leaving it with a new sense of self and with a better understanding of love, and as I look back I can honestly say that whoever first made that poetic observation couldn't have been more right…though I also have to admit that the change I believed to be coming in my life was a far cry from what fate actually had in store for me…

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Change was in the air…people were whispering amongst themselves about the way the Queen seemed suddenly so afraid, speculating as to why that could be when she had everything in life a woman could want: power, wealth, and a dashing husband who would remain faithful to her for the rest of her life.

 

Perhaps she was simply nervous now that she was without her sister, the one person who had been with her all her life. Perhaps she was afraid of the kind of ruler she would turn out to be now that she would be expected to actually govern. Perhaps she was afraid of how the people would react to her in this new position.

 

Or perhaps…

 

“You're sure?”

 

“Yes, m'lord, I am quite sure.”

 

Naraku couldn't help the evil smirk that turned up the corners of his mouth as his dark eyes looked over the shoulder of the young woman and on towards the window overlooking the great lake.

 

It was too good to be true that Kikyou should be with child now, just as she was separated from Kagome, her strongest supporter and Naraku's greatest threat. And yet…

 

He frowned. “How can you be so sure? Has she actually told you? Have you heard the words from her lips confirming the rumors?”

 

The little blonde-haired maid blushed and looked down, her milky skin looking pale in her simple gray and white servant's gown. “No, my lord, she has not told me.”

 

“Then how do you know she is with child?”

 

“There are signs…”

 

“What signs?”

 

The maid blushed again. “Men should not know of such things, my lord…”

 

He felt irritation rise in his chest at that, but took a calming breath, reminding himself that this little girl who he'd been wooing in order to gain her confidence for some time was not intelligent, but rather stupid; probably the reason why she had remained no more than a handmaiden for all of her fourteen years.

 

“I won't tell anyone if you won't, Hannah.”

 

His warm voice, still as seductive as Onigumo's had ever been when he chose to use his `talents', caused the little maid to shuffle on her feet nervously and clasp her hands behind her back, yet there was still hesitation in her voice and eyes. “It wouldn't be right, my lord…the ways of women are for women to know alone.”

 

“Ha!” He threw his head back and laughed, the sound dark and malicious in spite of his painfully handsome features. “If that were true then I doubt women would even allow men into their beds save for the purpose of begetting children.” He looked back at Hannah the maid and lowered his voice once more, narrowing his eyes with purpose. “If women really wanted to keep their little secrets then men would not know so much in the bedchamber.”

 

“My lord!” Hannah exclaimed and brought a hand to her heated face, clearly uncomfortable with such a mature insinuation.

 

“You are so innocent, little one,” Naraku laughed again, though this time it was calculated, just the right volume and with the right amount of warmth, and he watched as his spell began to work. Stepping forward, he possessively wrapped an arm around Hannah's waist and pulled her to him. “But you must know I would never ask you to do anything that would get you in trouble.”

 

“I…” She sighed and closed her eyes as he brought his cheek to rest against her own, his breath warming her left ear.

 

“You do trust me, don't you, Hannah?”

 

“I…yes, my lord.”

 

He smirked. “Good. Now please tell me all that you know. I need hard proof…all the solid evidence you have that the Queen is with child.”

 

“But why, my lord?” Her little blue eyes opened, tinged with suspicion, and Naraku realized this time it would take more than pretty words to keep her quiet. “Why are you so interested in Her Majesty? What has she done to warrant such attention?”

 

At that his gaze darkened, though she could not see it because he was looking over her head once more, towards that lake that sat so calm and still, reflecting the mountains that extended high into the sky. “You have no idea, little one…”

 

An image, unbidden, came to his mind; a memory that was not his and yet was a part of his very being. He saw Kikyou laughing as she was whirled about the dance floor by a man with warm eyes and a roguish smile. The man pulled her to him, suddenly, so that her body was pressed tightly against his, bending his head so that his lips were barely hovering over hers as he spoke.

 

“You are so beautiful I could devour you right now, Kikyou.”

 

The beautiful, innocent siren threw her head back and laughed, her white neck flashing invitingly as her raven hair cascaded about her shoulders, her dark eyes full of love. “Such words, Onigumo…really, you forget that we are in a public place.”

 

He chuckled and put a hand behind her head to hold her still, bringing his lips even closer to hers. “I care not…you are mine, Kikyou, and I don't intend to ever let you forget that.”

 

She smiled. “I don't want to forget.”

 

And then he kissed her, openly and passionately, much to the hushed shock of the dancers around them, but neither of the young lovers seemed to care. They were lost in each other's presence, in their love, and their hope for the future. Their future together…

 

“My lord?”

 

Naraku blinked and growled. Damn him! Damn that weak, pathetic man who insisted on loving the woman who was responsible for his undoing!

 

Yet he could feel him; he could sense Onigumo just beneath his own soul, pushing and fighting to get out, afraid for the woman he was so obsessed with, and yet too weak to face the world on his own.

 

Shaking his head, Naraku forced the feeling away, along with the happy memory, instead focusing on the here and now, making sure he gazed directly at Hannah, who was giving him a confused, fearful look.

 

Smiling once more as he regained control, he touched his hand to her soft cheek, leaning down so that his forehead touched hers. “Please don't ask questions, Hannah. Can't you just tell me what I need to know because you care for me? Can't you just do as I say without needing a reason?”

 

As though she had never pulled away from him, he saw the spell fall over her eyes once more and smirked inwardly in triumph. She really was a fool; nothing like Kikyou or Kagome Higurashi…but that was a blessing. If every woman were like those Higurashi sisters, revenge never would have been possible.

 

And yet…Kikyou had fallen for Onigumo's charms in the end, just as so many women had before her. So they weren't perfect. And that was why Naraku knew Kikyou would fall again…in the end.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

To the Lady Kagome

From her friend, the Lady Sango

Dated September 9

 

Dearest Kagome,

 

I doubt you will be surprised to hear that we have been back at court only a week and there are already new rumors stewing in this endless pot of intrigue. And, as seems to be the custom these days, it is our new Queen who once again finds herself in the center of unwanted attention. But before you start to worry, I want to assure you that this time the rumors are not based on unseemly conduct, but rather on something that every country wishes for their royal family: a pregnancy.

 

Yes; everyone is wondering whether or not Her Majesty Queen Kikyou is with child. I know it is silly, since she and the King have been married for hardly a month and no woman can tell in such a short time, and yet that is what all the courtiers are gossiping about these days. According to some, Kikyou is humming to herself and appearing content, which is a sign of pregnancy, while others claim she is wandering around looking uncertain and afraid, another sign that she is a young mother entering into the unknown with the throes of her first pregnancy. She is drinking green tea, she is eating only vegetables, she is eating only rare meat (which, as you know, is believed to help produce sons)…no matter what the poor Queen is doing, someone somewhere can somehow connect it to her “condition”.

 

Now…since I've got you curious, I'll tell you what is really going on…or, at the very least, what I believe to be going on since I have more access to the Queen than most. It is strange, and yet true that I have become one of her closer companions, though I sense that has more to do with the fact that I am your friend than the reality that she finds my company appealing. I have never been particularly fond of her (mostly because of how she has treated you these past several months, and also because I remember all too well the tears you shed when she first ceased speaking with you all those years ago), and have never done anything to make her think otherwise, so I know it must be more my connection to you that she seeks now, desperate as she is for her younger sister, who, she is now realizing, was more vital to her existence than she ever thought possible.

 

But I digress. Her condition…you no doubt want a real report on her condition, and not just the rumors that have been circling the court for the past few weeks, ever since we returned to court.

 

All I can say is this: she does indeed look like something heavy is on her mind. Her shoulders always seem to be slumped over, as though she is carrying the weight of the world, and I often come in to her chambers to find her, of all places, on her knees by her window with her beaded rosary clutched in her hands, her lips moving in silent prayer. You and I both know that Kikyou has never exactly been a pious woman, so one has to wonder what has her so afraid that she is now seeking God's help and forgiveness…but I don't know if that has any relevance at all to the current question of whether or not she is with child.

 

I honestly don't know for sure how to answer that particular question. Like I said before, she and the King have not been married long enough to know for sure…these things take time, after all…and yet there is clearly something bothering the Queen. But that is why I feel like she couldn't possibly be pregnant, because wouldn't that mean she would be happy? After all, if she bears the King a son and heir then the kingdom will love her forever and she will no longer have to worry about any more repercussions from her affair with Onigumo.

 

It is all a mystery.

 

But I don't want to worry you unnecessarily, so perhaps it would be best if you just forget about what I have been saying for the time being, until there are a few more clues provided to help me solve this mystery. I will of course tell you of any conclusions I come to…but for now I have no solid theories, merely ideas, and ideas can change as easily as a cloud is reshaped by the wind.

 

So moving away from one form of intrigue and into another, I think Miroku is still cross with me for that comment I made a few weeks ago. You know how he was studiously ignoring me for the duration of our stay in the North? Well, he has not changed at all. He continues to ignore me and flirt with other women, and, God help me, it is killing me, Kagome! I hate seeing him with other women, especially since he's so charming and they are all so willing to…to…

 

Oh, I don't even want to think about it; and yet I can't help it. It's like you said to me about your feelings for…well…I suppose I should be careful of what all I put into a letter, but you know of whom I speak. You said you couldn't keep him off your mind, no matter how hard you tried, and that it killed you. Now I understand, and I have never been more desirous of your company than I am now.

 

Kagome, I…I think I may actually be in love with him. And God help me if that is true, for I don't think he could possibly remain true to one woman for his whole life. It would seem that I am destined to love a man who will break my heart.

 

I am sorry. I meant to send you a letter to cheer you up, and it seems that all I am really doing is putting all of my sorrows into these words instead. Oh, I am a horrible friend, aren't I? Though I suppose it just proves to you what a pillar of strength you had become to us all, and now that you're gone we're all flapping in the breeze, unsure of what to do.

 

But I'll stop there. This letter has now taken up three pages of parchment, and I am being summoned by Her Majesty. Perhaps I shall get more insight into what is bothering her so…and perhaps not. Only time will tell. So with just a few more words of endearment, I'll end this and hand it off to the rider (who I am paying extra to ride without stopping except to change mounts. so that this letter may reach you as soon as possible).

 

I hope you are well, my dearest, darling friend; I hope you are finding some comfort in something or someone in the North so that you can begin to find happiness in your new home. And if not, then take comfort in knowing that I miss you terribly, and suffer just as much as you do without my best friend. Kisses and hugs to you, dearest!

All My Love,

Sango

 

Kagome refolded the parchment efficiently until it was once more held together in its neat and tidy little square, the seal of Sango's family once more lined up appropriately, never once looking down at her hands to see her handiwork, having already folded and unfolded the letter so many times she knew from memory every crease and line.

 

Sitting on the edge of her balcony, gazing out at the vast and rich mountains surrounding the castle, the blue sky made even more so by the stark contrast of the white snow atop the jagged peaks.

 

The wind was icy and fresh, blowing through her loose hair and leaving behind a fresh scent of dew and flowers, and Kagome found herself slowly inhaling through her nose to savor the smell, trying to draw solace from this strange land she had been left in even as her friend's letter rested in her hands.

 

The messenger had arrived the day before, almost exactly two weeks since the court had left the North and over a week since they had finally returned to Inuyasha's castle. Kagome had peered around her balcony to see a rider approaching on an exhausted brown mount, though he had disappeared from her line of site before he reached the gates, and she had known by the royal seal stitched into his clothing that he was from the High Court.

 

It had been the first time she had made any sort of appearance since the court had left, and it had not been one of her finer moments as she had burst from her room dressed in nothing but her morning gown, a shawl over her shoulders and her hair still unkempt, flying down the stairs to greet the exhausted man being ushered through the great doors of the castle.

 

He had been covered in sweat, his breath coming in short gasps and his hair matted against his scalp, but had still managed a slight smile as he had seen Kagome rushing towards him, remembering her as the Summer Maiden he had served while she had been living with the court.

 

“My lady,” he had bowed low despite his exhaustion, giving her all the respect a future Queen deserved, and Kagome had stopped short, feeling suddenly self-conscious as she realized there were several people milling about the castle who had stopped to watch what was going on.

 

Still, in the end her eagerness had defeated her sense of modesty, and she had stepped forward hopefully, her hands clasped at her chest. “You bring news from court? News of my family and of my sister?”

 

He had smiled and, to her utter delight, nodded as he pulled forth Sango's letter from his traveling pouch, which was made of worn leather that had clearly seen better days. He had then proceeded to explain that he had several other letters for Kouga regarding matters of state from the High King, but Kagome had stopped listening the moment she saw the letter, snatching it out of his hand and barely having the sense to give her thanks and pass him a few gold coins out of gratitude before rushing back to her room to read her precious treasure in peace.

 

And there she had remained, reading and rereading Sango's letter a hundred times, memorizing each line, every sentence and every word, until Kouga had come to her door, delighted to hear that she had come down from her chambers and announcing that he felt it was thus time for her to begin immersing herself in the tapestry that was her new home.

 

Kagome had known that moment was coming; that the wolf King had already been overly generous by giving her two weeks of complete solitude and ignorance of her duties to her new kingdom as she mourned the loss of her old home, and yet there had still been a part of her that had felt a flicker of annoyance and bitterness at the thought, and that flicker had grown to a roaring flame she was unaccustomed to by the time Yuka had finished preparing her that morning for the picnic Kouga had arranged in her honor, inviting all the nobility of the North to attend.

 

She couldn't stop thinking about how her fiance's voice suddenly seemed too full of energy; that his laugh was a little too boisterous, his words too excited, his face and eyes too expressive, and that he was far too open about his emotions.

 

In other words…he was not Inuyasha. And suddenly that fact was enough to give her a deep ache in her chest, where before it had been no more than a shallow itch. But then again, before it had been easy to ignore that reality because Inuyasha had always been near; now he was not. Now he was far away and unable to comfort her, or fight with her, or scold her, or insult her, or come to her in a moment of uncertainty and beg for her advice.

 

And Kikyou was believed to be pregnant.

 

The very thought caused Kagome's blood to boil and her heart to spoil green with envy, and without thinking she turned and threw Sango's adored letter back through the open door-windows at her bed, where it landed a little too gracefully on the blue comforter, which was still in a mess since Yuka had not come back yet to make up the bed after Kagome's restless night of dreams.

 

She felt hot tears prick at the corners of her eyes, and Kagome sniffed loudly knowing no one could hear her, the sound carried away by the wind towards the mountains.

 

It wasn't fair! It just wasn't fair!

 

And yet this is what you wanted, a voice in her head reminded gently. You wanted Kikyou to be secure and happy, and you know that the only way she could be truly secure was to marry Inuyasha and have his son.

 

Kagome growled low in her throat. “But that doesn't mean I have to like it,” she said aloud to nothing and no one in particular. It felt surprisingly good to verbalize her feelings, since she had been so quiet for the past two weeks.

 

“Kikyou…” Her voice cracked as she thought of her sister, the source of all her pain and yet the center of her universe. “Why do you kill me like this?”

 

She hated the thought of her sister and Inuyasha sitting by a fire with their children around them, all begging for attention while their parents looked at one another in contentment, both having completely forgotten about Kagome, who was isolated, far away in the cold and somewhat barbaric North.

 

“Inuyasha…” She felt her throat crack with a sob, the tears flowing freely as she fell to her knees on the balcony and rested her head on her arms, which were supported by the stone barrier that kept her from falling over the edge. Her knees were thankfully protected from the cold stone beneath her by the many layers of her intricate green and purple gown, but Kagome was suddenly wracked with shivers nonetheless.

 

Rising to her feet, she walked back into her bed chamber and sat down on the corner of her bed nearest the burning fire, once more retrieving the letter that had been so offensive to her a few moments ago. Unfolding it and hearing the worn parchment strain underneath her fingers, she sighed and tried to regain control as she looked down at the words of her dear friend once more, seeking what little comfort they had left to offer.

 

But her mindless reading ceased as she suddenly froze over one of Sango's statements, suddenly feeling a fuzzy tingling of recognition dawn in the back of her mind. The tears in her eyes instantly vanished, along with the jealousy, replaced instead by concern as Kagome read more carefully.

 

I honestly don't know for sure how to answer that particular question. Like I said before, she and the King have not been married long enough to know for sure…these things take time, after all…and yet there is clearly something bothering the Queen.

 

That's right! Kikyou and Inuyasha had only been married for a little over a month! How could she possibly already know that she was pregnant with his child? After all, Kagome knew for a fact…and she still blushed at the thought…that the King had been chaste until he had met Kagome, and that he had not touched Kikyou at all until their wedding night (she cringed inwardly at the thought, but pushed it from her mind). Since then, Kikyou would have had time to miss only one of her courses, and that was not nearly enough proof as women skipped a month here and there all the time for no apparent reason.

 

She continued reading, feeling a continued sense of growing trepidation.

 

But that is why I feel like she couldn't possibly be pregnant, because wouldn't that mean she would be happy?

 

Kagome grunted in agreement with that statement, knowing how logical it was. Any woman, especially a Queen, should be overjoyed that she is with child, because it means she is fertile and able to do her duty to the Kingdom by providing it with healthy, strong heirs. And besides all that, sons were living proof that a royal union was approved of by God himself since, after all, he would not bless a house in such a way unless he felt it was right.

 

That was, after all, the argument King Henry in England kept putting forth to the Pope as reason to divorce Katharine…he kept insisting that it could only be a sign from God that their marriage was a sin that he had thus far failed to produce any healthy heirs. After all, the fault could not lie with him, strong man that he was.

 

“Hn,” Kagome grunted at the thought, forcing herself to return to the matter at hand, which was Kikyou. There were speculations about her possibly being with child already, which made some sense since no one in the court knew that Kikyou had not been with her husband before her marriage, save for Kagome, Sango, and Miroku, and yet Kikyou was acting uncharacteristically afraid and melancholy for a mother-to-be, even though a pregnancy was supposed to be a joyous occasion for a Queen.

 

So the question was why…?

 

After all, if she bears the King a son and heir then the kingdom will love her forever and she will no longer have to worry about any more repercussions from her affair with Onigumo.

 

Kagome froze, retracing her steps over the worn page and rereading that last statement again.

 

…she will no longer have to worry about any more repercussions from her affair with Onigumo.

 

Oh dear God…

 

“Naraku…” Kagome recalled that morning in Kikyou's chambers when her sister had confessed to what she had done with Naraku; how she had given in to temptation and now feared for her life if the truth ever got out.

 

Kagome recalled the horror of that morning, when she had seen all of her hard work and all of their carefully laid plans teeter and threaten to come crashing down around their ears. And now, could Kikyou be…was she….with his…?

 

“There is no proof now, no…” Kagome relaxed, but Kikyou shook her head. “But there could be in time.” She looked at her sister steadily. “I could be pregnant, Kagome. And while I will not know if I am for at least two months, if I am then people will eventually do the math in their heads and realize that this child will be too early to be the King's. And when that time comes, I would not put it past Naraku to speak out.”

 

All the color drained from her face and Kagome felt a familiar sweat of panic break out all over her body, covering her skin in a reflective sheen as she tried taking in deep breaths to still her frantic heart.

 

So it was apparently not over…and just as Kikyou had stated, people were already beginning to do the math. Granted, it was only Sango thus far, and Kagome knew her friend could be trusted to be quiet, but what about when one of those despicable court girls figured it out? Kagome could just imagine the triumph on the face of Leticia, that redhead who she had slapped for speaking against Kikyou, as she reported to the King that his wife was guilty of treason.

 

Inuyasha would be powerless then to save her sister, for once an official charge was made it would go to the courts, and while normally the King was the head of the system, in this instance he would be removed because he was too personally involved.

 

Kagome began shaking her head, putting her hands at her temples and squeezing tightly as though to block out the thoughts racing through her mind. But it was no use. They were there to stay, and until someone wrote to her and said that all was well and that Kikyou was not pregnant, or that their guessing had been incredibly lucky and she had only been in the first month of her pregnancy at the time, Kagome knew that her sleep would once more be fitful and without much actual rest.

 

“My lady?”

 

Crashing back to reality, Kagome turned on the bed, placing her hands on the firm mattress for support, Sango's letter still open and firm in her grasp, to see Yuka standing at the doorway to her bed chamber, a worried expression on her face.

 

“Yuka…” Swallowing, Kagome forced that familiar sense of false peace to flood her system, like a potent herbal tea rushed through the blood, shoving her fears to the back of her mind and masking her worried expression with an artificial calm. “What is it?”

 

Her personal handmaiden and longtime friend just stared back at her for several seconds in silence, clearly concerned and knowing something was the matter, before she finally just sighed and chose to not dwell on it. “Kouga is coming; it is time to go down by the lake.”

 

“Oh.” Kagome blinked, having completely forgotten about the picnic where she was the honorary guest, but also having forgotten her anger and annoyance as well. “Very well.” She rose to her feet and brushed away invisible wrinkles, her dress perfect in every particular because Yuka always took such care with her mistress's wardrobe. “Do I look presentable?”

 

The young brunette looked at her mistress carefully, but in the end came to the same conclusion as always: Kagome was the definition of an understated beauty, and always would be, whether she was wearing rags, a blue satin robe, her formal blue and white silk and lace gown, or this current gown spun of green satin outlined in purple velvet, the purple underskirts adding to the contrast, along with her draping purple and green sleeves. The whole gown was then burnished at the shoulders, neck, and waist, with gold, and all together Kagome looked like the royal Queen she would soon become.

 

“You look beautiful, my lady,” Yuka finally replied, though she did note that Kagome's neckline looked glaringly empty without any sort of necklace, and so held up her hand to show she wanted her mistress to wait while she ran and retrieved a golden locket with Kagome's initials carved into the front.

 

“Here…” She indicated she wanted to put it on, and so Kagome obligingly turned around to give Yuka access to the back of her neck, where she clasped the gold locked in place. “That's perfect.”

 

Kagome took the locket, which Kouga had given her as a gift a few days ago, between her fingers, and sighed. “I suppose I should begin wearing his things and just put those pearls away.” She recalled her comment about pearls and tears, and chuckled. “I've cried enough for ten lifetimes.”

 

The silence that followed was soon broken by an exuberant knocking at the far door, and Kagome nodded that it was alright for Yuka to go and greet the visitor, who was obviously Kouga, because she knew no one else and as such received no other visitors.

 

Sure enough, the wolf man was standing proudly at the door, dressed in his typical black pants and white shirt, his jet-black hair pulled into its usual ponytail, though now Kagome saw that Kouga was also wearing a headband, and she assumed that was something he had refrained from doing while in the more formal High Court of Inuyasha.

 

His blue eyes lit up with delight when he spotted the locket around Kagome's neck, and she forced a smile onto her face as he stepped into the room and took her in his arms, giving her a warm embrace before pulling away and kissing her on the forehead. “You look beautiful, Kagome…and that locket is perfect for that gown. I'm glad I had it made for you.”

 

Kagome thought in that moment he looked like Shippou after the kitsune did something he was especially proud of, and the thought brought the necessary amount of laughter past her lips in response to his warm greeting. What a boy this man was…this man she was to marry.

 

“I thank you for giving it to me,” she finally replied. “It was not necessary.”

 

He chuckled. “Ah, my woman…modest as ever, eh? You deserve to have all the treasures of the world laid at your feet.”

 

Bristling at his possessive reference to her as `his woman', Kagome just blushed and looked away. “I don't know about that.”

 

But the wolf man seemed oblivious to her suddenly withdrawn mood, instead putting his arm around her waist and guiding her out the door, giving her hardly any time to say a rushed farewell to Yuka. “Come…you'll enjoy this picnic. I know how hard it has been for you to be separated from your family, and that is why I haven't pushed you to do anything until now. But I feel that at some point you have to begin to live again, Kagome; to stop grieving for what was and begin to look toward what can be…and I hope you'll have fun today.”

 

In that moment he looked at her with all seriousness, and Kagome saw his genuine desire to make her happy hidden in his clear blue eyes that matched the sky. But there was also something else in that innocent statement, and she had the suddenly uncomfortable feeling that he knew exactly what it was she was grieving for.

 

Still, despite her suspicions, his kindness caused her anger and melancholy faded somewhat, replaced instead by an immense feeling of guilt at her behavior, and she found herself promising silently to treat him better, and to try a little more to ingratiate herself into this new culture.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

Unlike the manmade lake behind Inuyasha's castle, this lake was all natural, created from the runoff of the melted snow every spring and summer. The water was pure and deep blue, beautiful in its simplicity and stunning in the ways it reflected the mountains and the sky above. Birds flew from tree to tree, but none came to rest in the water, and there was no one who apparently wanted to go for a swim like she had with Sango and the others on that day so long ago, but then again Kagome supposed she wouldn't want to disturb the peaceful surface with even a tiny ripple either, and so instead she allowed herself to just admire the beauty of the day as Kouga guided her towards her place of honor in the center of a large group of people seated on several large quilted blankets.

 

She couldn't remember the last time she'd been to a simple picnic, which meant it probably hadn't been since long before she even came to court, and the relaxed setting took her somewhat by surprise.

 

Immediately, as she had the night of the banquet, Kagome felt out of place with her formal gown that consisted of so many layers, whereas the women around her were dressed in their Celtic-style gowns of simple fabric and design. Thankfully she had never been one to wear much makeup or jewelry, and that helped her blend in a little, but beyond that and the fact that she was wearing her hair loose, there was no way around the fact that she looked very out of place as a woman who had just come from living with the High Court.

 

Yet the wolf demons before her did not appear unkind, merely curious, and so Kagome took heart and willed herself to find the courage to make it through the day. She had a feeling that was how her life would be for a while: living one day at a time, until finally, she hoped, the pain of being separated from those she loved began to fade and individual days began to blur into weeks and months of happiness once more.

 

Servants appeared after a time carrying trays of simple meat sandwiches, balancing goblets of wine and small bowls of hot soup as they made the treacherous trek from the castle to the lakeside.

 

Again, it was not nearly as refined as the dining Kagome had become accustomed to with the High Court; there was only about half the silverware, and people seemed content to just eat without much pomp and circumstance in between every bite, the women eating just as vigorously as the men. Once she adjusted, Kagome found she actually liked the difference, enjoying the freedom of just enjoying one's meal without being afraid of what everyone else said as you inhaled your food because you were starving (and she enjoyed her stomach's newfound freedom to expand that came with not feeling the pressure to wear that awful corset anymore).

 

The conversation that went with the actual meal was minor, and usually involved mostly someone asking for more of one or more of the drinks or entrees…but it was still a pleasant atmosphere. Kagome could tell that the men and women about her were careful to not stare at her where she sat, clearly not wanting to make her uncomfortable, and the thought swelled her heart with warmth and gratitude even though they weren't always successful.

 

Perhaps she could enjoy it here in the North after all.

 

“So Lady Kagome, you lived in the country until you came to court?” One man asked as the food was finally taken away and everyone lounged lazily on the large blankets, enjoying their full stomachs.

 

Kagome nodded from where she still sat fairly rigid, though she was beginning to allow her body to relax and imitate several of the reclining women around her. “Yes; I lived with my mother, brother, and sister for most of my life.”

 

“And what of your father?”

 

She winced, trying not to look offended or hurt because it wasn't their fault. It was an honest enough question since she had omitted his name from her list of occupants of the Higurashi home. “He…he died when I was very young.”

 

That seemed to gain the interest of several people as they all focused more directly on her, though it was still the same man with light brown hair who spoke. “Oh…I'm so sorry. How did he die?”

 

Kagome found the question to be somewhat personal, but assumed that perhaps people of the North were just more direct. “A riding accident.”

 

Her informal audience nodded together before they all looked away once more, this time a woman speaking up. “And your mother never remarried?”

 

“No. She was made a Marquess by the late King Inutaisho, and as such had no need to remarry. She had all she needed, and as she told us several times, had no inclination to marry again since she would always love her first and only husband.”

 

The women all nodded in sympathy, clearly appreciating the romance of such a statement, before another blonde-haired woman spoke. “So you lived at home until you were sixteen?”

 

“That is correct. My sister left to live at court when she was thirteen, but I had no inclination to go, so I waited until she became engaged to the King and was invited to court officially.”

 

“Why didn't you wish to go to court?” The voice who asked the question sounded vaguely familiar, and Kagome looked over to find herself face to face with a familiar pair of shocking emerald green eyes framed by flaming locks of red hair.

 

Ayame held a silent and curious challenge in her eyes, as though she hoped her question would cause Kagome to say something she would later regret, but that only caused Kagome to furrow her brow in confusion. Had she done something wrong the night of the banquet to cause this fierce young woman to be cross with her?

 

Recalling the look of longing in her eyes as she had gazed at Kouga, Kagome decided to just add the look to the mystery she was determined to unravel as soon as possible, and instead placed a warm smile on her face as she replied to the question. “I have always, in all honesty, been more inclined towards a quiet life than the kind of life one is expected to live at court…especially the High Court of the King. I've always had an appreciation of the simple things, I suppose, because I was brought up in the country. I love riding my horse, I love being in the fresh air, and I love just laying out on my back with the sun on my face.”

 

Everyone chuckled at that, clearly enjoying what the young woman before them was saying. But Ayame looked unsatisfied with the answer, and continued to glare at Kagome as though to peel away all her layers and see her deepest, darkest secrets. “But didn't you want to join your sister? Everyone says you are very close, so why wouldn't you have wanted to join her?”

 

This time it was a little more difficult to keep the smile on her face, but Kagome somehow managed the fete as she searched for the correct words to reply. “As I said before, I was more inclined towards a simple life in the country; Kikyou, on the other hand, had always seemed to long for the life of a courtier.” Kagome felt her smile widen as she began to unintentionally pour forth the innocent charm that had won her so many admirers in her time as the Summer Maiden, enchanting all those around her. “She was always so witty with her conversation, seeming to know what to say in every situation, whereas I always found myself stumbling over my words or simply remaining silent for fear of embarrassing myself. Why, I can remember a time in my life when Kikyou would always speak for me because I would just stand and stare at my hands, petrified of anything that might come out of my mouth.” She leaned forward as though about to tell a secret, and without meaning to, everyone else (including Ayame) responded in kind. “I was a very opinionated girl, you see, with a detrimental habit of allowing anything I thought to come out of my mouth before I realized what was happening. As a result I think I was scarred for life when it came to the frightening task of open conversation.”

 

Everyone about her laughed at that, and Kagome felt a small amount of satisfaction, a blush rising to her cheeks as she looked over to see Kouga giving her an affectionate look full of pride and tenderness. This is the woman I am to marry. She could practically see those very words etched into his expression.

 

But she felt the smile fade into confusion once more as she glanced at the Lady Ayame, who was now looking at her not with disdain but instead with a look of sorrow. Her stunning green eyes were clouded, and the frown on her face was so deep it wrinkled her eyes and her cheeks, giving her an aged look that Kagome believed no woman under the age of forty should have.

 

Her irritation gone, she now watched the redheaded wolf instead with concern, as though fearing she would collapse at any moment, and hoped for a moment alone with her before the day was done.

 

Mercifully there came a time when all the courtiers of the North…if they could even be called that, since they all seemed more like a band of friends than a King and his court…began to disband and break off into groups to stroll around the lake, though again Kagome noticed that no one was inclined to go for a swim, and she began to wonder if there was something holy about the lake, promising to ask Kouga about it later.

 

But at that moment, as Kouga stepped away to speak with what was clearly a good friend of his, she summoned her courage to approach the fiery woman who had perplexed her since that first night when they been introduced a little over two weeks ago.

 

Ayame sat alone at the edge of the entrancing deep blue lake, her image reflected perfectly against the flat water, her legs neatly tucked beneath her body, her rich white and gold skirts billowing out around her, the bright colors accenting her green eyes and her fiery mane, which fell down over her shoulders and to the small of her back. Next to Kikyou, Kagome determined that Ayame was the most stunning woman she had ever seen, with her exotic appearance and extremely athletically inclined figure, her shoulders broad, her slim arms clearly defined by muscle beneath the fabric of her dress, her entire body seemingly outlined in vast curves.

 

Approaching with slow, deliberate steps so that no one would think she was merely strolling by and interrupt her mission, Kagome watched as her own reflection appeared behind Ayame's in the water, noting with a certain amount of surprise the look of exhaustion and fear in her own face. She doubted anyone else could see the fear, for it was naught more than a tiny spark hidden in her dark eyes, and yet it concerned her, reminding her of the conclusions she had been drawing that morning from Sango's letter.

 

Shaking her head to clear it, knowing this was not the time to dwell on such things, Kagome coughed audibly to catch Ayame's attention, and the redhead turned her head slowly, no doubt having already known Kagome was there before she announced her presence. She was, after all, a wolf with the same keen sense of smell and hearing as Kouga, and no doubt equal to Inuyasha as well.

 

“Lady Kagome,” She said, inclining her head in the required amount of respect for the woman that would one day be her Queen.

 

In reply, Kagome simply put the brightest smile she could muster on her face and extended her hand in greeting. “I know we have already been formally introduced, but I was hoping that we could take this time to get to know one another in a more informal setting.”

 

Kagome watched as Ayame's carefully blank expression momentarily revealed surprise before it was quickly masked once more. “With me, my lady? Surely there are other more important people you should wish to become acquainted with.”

 

Keeping her smile in place, Kagome shook her head. “Kouga speaks very highly of you; in fact, he calls you his greatest friend. I should very much like to know the woman who is thought of so highly by my fiancé.”

 

She didn't miss the way Ayame openly winced at the reference to her engagement to Kouga, but that was the only sign of disapproval the redhead showed as she finally nodded her head and rose to her feet. “Very well.” She looked around the lake for a moment before indicating a less populated corner on the opposite side. “Shall we walk then, my lady?”

 

“Please,” Kagome replied, taking extensive liberties as she looped her arm through Ayame's without asking, “Just call me Kagome. And I think a walk would be lovely.”

 

They began to take small steps in unison, the sound only adding to the silence between them, but this time Kagome refused to break the tension, instead waiting for Ayame to say something, hoping the redhead would feel inclined to speak frankly about what was on her mind, for if her puzzled expression was any indication, there was much she wanted to say, or, at the very least, ask.

 

And, finally, she did. “Why are you being so kind to me?”

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

“I was unnecessarily cruel to you, my la…er…Kagome. Why are you being so kind to me now?”

 

This was precisely the window of opportunity she had been hoping for, and Kagome placed a large smile on her face to try and alleviate the situation, watching in satisfaction as the kind gesture worked its usual magic, Ayame's features relaxing…albeit slightly. “I feel that perhaps there are misunderstandings between us that need to be resolved, and until that is done I do not wish to pass judgment on either you or your character. Like I said, because you are such a good friend of Kouga's I do not wish to be on hostile terms with you. Frankly, if I can help it, I do not wish to be on anything less than friendly terms.”

 

“So it is because of your sensitivity for Kouga that you are being so tolerant of me?”

 

At that Kagome laughed, partly because Ayame was making it sound like she was in love with the wolf man, and partly because there was almost a trace of disappointment in her tone at the thought that this was nothing more than an attempt on Kagome's part to make peace with her fiancé's friends.

 

“I can assure you, Ayame, that while I naturally wish to make things easier on Kouga by having his wife and best friend on good terms, I also wish very much to understand someone completely before I make any assumptions. It is something I have always strived for in my life, for I have seen the horrific results when people make assumptions based on false information, or no information at all.” Kagome thought of Kikyou, and all the horrible things that had been said about her because people believed they knew the truth, and how that had driven both herself and her sister to the brink of their sanity.

 

“Well I suppose I should be grateful for your tolerance and ability to forgive,” Ayame finally replied softly, looking out over the lake.

 

Kagome frowned. “I do not wish for you to feel like I am treating you like a charity case, Ayame, or as a person who I am befriending because I have to. Like I said before, of course it will make things much easier in the end for everyone involved if we can at least be tolerant of one another, but that is merely an added bonus. My real motivation behind speaking with you today is truly to understand your apparent hostility towards me, not to criticize it or to scold you for your actions, for God knows I have done many things without thinking.”

 

Blushing, Ayame looked out across the river and remained impassive and silent, making no move to speak, and Kagome had the impression that the woman was desperately trying to keep her thoughts to herself, but was struggling, and as such was forced to keep her lips tightly sealed.

 

Hoping to break that seal, Kagome tried again, this time with a much softer tone. “I am not arrogant enough to assume that everyone will like me as a person, or to think that now I am engaged to Kouga I am someone of such great importance that I am deserving of flattery from everyone I come across. But at the same time, when someone treats me as though I have done something horrifically wrong to offend them from the moment that we meet, I must wonder what that could be as I rarely offend someone without even opening my mouth.” She grinned, trying to lighten the mood a little. “After I open my mouth, well, I have offended many people,” She thought of Inuyasha, “But never before. So if I have done something offensive this would be a new accomplishment for me.”

 

Her words worked their magic as, in time, Ayame turned her head straightforward once more, her eyes clouded over by that pain Kagome had seen before as she began to speak. “You have done nothing to offend me Kagome, at least…not intentionally. I suppose if circumstances were different I could even like you as a friend.”

 

“What circumstances? Does the fact that I am from some place other than the North offend you?”

 

“No…I am above such prejudices.” Ayame raised her head, looking slightly offended at such an implication, and Kagome believed her.

 

“Then is it because of all the rumors that have circulated about my sister that offends you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Is it the fact that I come from…”

 

“It has nothing to do with your origins, Kagome, or where you come from or who you own as your family!” Ayame snapped, showing that she had a temper equal to Kagome's if provoked. Taking the hint that she just needed to back off, Kagome obediently closed her mouth and allowed the redheaded woman to continue. “It has everything to do with the fact that you are to marry Kouga.”

 

“I see…” Believing she finally understood, Kagome frowned and looked at the ground. “So you had hoped for someone from the North to become Queen rather than someone like me?”

 

“No, it's not that…I mean, it's not that exactly.” Ayame furrowed her brow, clearly frustrated, and looked away again. “I had hoped that someone else would be Queen, but it's not because of where you're from. I had hoped that…well…that is to say I've always known that he was destined for something greater, but…I always dreamed…”

 

And in that moment Kagome understood. “Ayame…” She sighed, feeling as though her life was always complicated by matters of the heart, rather than simplified. Wasn't love supposed to make everything clear? Wasn't it supposed to provide all the answers? “You're in love with him, aren't you?”

 

At that Kagome actually saw a tear in the corner of those emerald eyes, and Ayame stopped walking, her arms beginning to tremble, and Kagome was thankful that they had reached their somewhat secluded destination, where no one could hear their conversation, and it wouldn't be entirely clear what they meant by their physical gestures.

 

“Oh Ayame…” Without thinking, Kagome took the poor girl in her arms, rocking her back and forth as best she could while still standing, and felt as the redhead actually clung to her tightly, telling her that Ayame had no doubt been keeping such a heavy burden to herself for some time now…probably ever since their engagement had first been suggested by Kikyou long before even Kagome had come to court, over eight months ago.

 

“I'm so sorry…” She shuddered, clearly trying to regain control as she stood back and wiped fiercely at her eyes. “He and I grew up together, you see. I was from a noble family, second only to his, and from the day I was born he and I were promised in marriage in the hope of uniting the two greatest families of the North.” Ayame smiled sadly as she hugged herself and looked up at the great mountains rising above the castle, their snowy peaks reflected in the lake. “I never gave it much thought back then. Frankly, whenever we were together we would tease one another about it, and I would even sometimes regret being promised to someone without my consent, fancying myself in love with other men. But then the time came when the engagement was broken…several years before he even became King…when Kouga's father decided that such a marriage was not necessary, and that his son should be `saved' for more political marriages that may become essential in the future.” Ayame acquired a very bitter look, though this time Kagome knew such emotions were not directed at her, but no doubt directed at the bitter memories currently replaying in the woman's mind.

 

“Honestly, I think my family was relieved, because they too had been hoping to find a more politically advantageous marriage for me. Naturally marriage to the King's son would have secured them for many generations in terms of wealth, stability, and honor, but they still felt that perhaps a foreign marriage, or even a marriage to someone from a different province, would have been a better idea.” She snorted in a very unladylike gesture that would have caused Kikyou to frown and roll her eyes. “As though I were something to be bartered for jewels and wealth!”

 

Kagome nodded in sympathy, understanding completely. It was unfair and, at times, cruel, and yet it was the role women were always forced to play. Sons were treasured gems to most, seen as signs from God that a man had been devout enough in his life to deserve a fertile marriage, and inherited all the wealth and honor a family possessed. Daughters, on the other hand, were seen as a sign of fertility, but also taken to mean that a marriage was not completely perfect, and that something needed to be `fixed' so that God would be willing to grant sons, and what was more, daughters were usually seen as nothing more than chess pieces on the endless quest for power.

 

Kagome knew she had been fortunate to be blessed with a father and mother who had treasured all three of their children equally. Frankly, Lord Higurashi had doted on both his daughters, but especially on Kagome, almost more than he had on Souta, his only son, and it had given Kagome more of an independent sense of self than most of the women she had come to know at court. Still, her non-consensual engagement to Kouga had given her a taste of what some women had been forced to endure their entire lives, and so she could completely understand Ayame's frustration.

 

Blinking, she turned back to face the redhead, who had clearly been lost on her own silent tangent, staring out over the water once more, but both women seemed to return to reality at once, because Ayame once more picked up where she had left off.

 

“Well…before that moment when the engagement was officially called off, I had always seen Kouga as nothing more than a friend, and sometimes even as an annoyance because I would one day have to marry him. So naturally when father came to give me the news I was shocked at the sudden feelings of pain and loss, as though I had lost the love of my life, and it was only later, as I began to truly examine my feelings for him, that I realized I was indeed in love with him, and after that everything only got worse…because…”

 

“Once your love is realized you can no longer ignore it,” Kagome finished when it appeared Ayame was unable to finish her thought without breaking into sobs once more. Her voice was very soft and carefully restrained as she spoke.

 

Ayame blinked in surprise and turned to look at Kagome as though seeing her for the first time, lowering her hands back to her sides slowly. “You understand what that feels like?”

 

Kagome saw Inuyasha's handsome face pass before her eyes, felt her knees go weak at the thought of those stunning amber eyes, remembering how he had looked that night in her chambers when he had promised not to look back, and knew she would be lucky if she avoided a fit of tears at that point. “Yes.”

 

And that was all it took. One simple word and Kagome felt all of the carefully constructed barriers she had been building over the past two weeks come crashing down.

 

Falling to her knees, Kagome shocked Ayame by clutching her white and gold skirts tightly in her fingers, burying her head in the silky fabric as uncontrollable sobs wracked her body, tears leaking out the corners of her eyes and lining her cheeks.

 

Without questions Ayame allowed herself to gracefully descend to her knees, placing her hands around Kagome's shoulders and pulling the woman to her, rocking her back and forth as she offered back some of the comfort Kagome had given to her only a little while earlier. In that moment she forgot that Kagome was engaged to Kouga, and that she was not…they were simply two women in pain, and that was enough.

 

Finally, pulling back and feeling very embarrassed, Kagome tried to force her body to stop shaking by hugging her abdomen fiercely, bending over at the waist as though wracked by horrific stomach cramps. “I'm sorry…that was…forgive me.”

 

Ayame put her hand under Kagome's chin so that she could bring the woman's eyes up to meet hers, dark swirls meeting emerald gems, and in that moment the wolf understood. “You're in love with someone else. You don't love Kouga at all, do you?”

 

Smiling sadly, Kagome tried to ease the pain on her heels by rearranging her legs into a more comfortable sitting position, placing them folded beneath her much the same way Ayame had been sitting earlier, and saw the redhead mimic her and do the same. “No…I never have. And I don't know if that would offer you more comfort or more pain, because on the one hand you can rest easy knowing there is no competition for his heart, but on the other you have to live with the fact that the love of your life is being wasted upon someone who does not feel for him as you do.”

 

Ayame looked away. “He clearly loves you; I can see it in every look and every gesture. He cares for you in a way he could never care for me and, I suppose, seeing the way you've treated me after the horrible way I treated you, I suppose I can understand why.” A pained expression crossed her face. “But that does not make me feel any better. I don't think anything could, or ever will.”

 

“No…” Kagome sighed, finally feeling blessed control returning once more. “I don't suppose anything can ever make the pain completely vanish.”

 

The two women sat in silence; two women of completely opposite backgrounds and cultures, who should have been rivals and yet suddenly found themselves bound inextricably by pain and love.

 

How cruel and strange were the workings of fate.

 

“May I ask,” Ayame finally spoke after a long time when there was nothing to disturb them but the occasional flapping of a bird's wing, most of the other courtiers having disappeared back into the castle a while ago, “Who you love if not Kouga?”

 

Kagome chuckled bitterly. “A man who can never be mine, and that is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.”

 

“Will you not tell me?” Ayame had an almost pleading look on her face. “Perhaps it would make you feel a little better to confide in someone.”

 

Reflecting back on the past seven months, Kagome thought about Sango and Miroku, her mother, and even Souta…all the people she had confided in…and thought about how telling them had done no good whatsoever. But then she glanced over at Ayame, saw her own pain mirrored in that young woman's face, and wondered if perhaps this time it would be different. Perhaps, because she could understand and sympathize in a way no one else could, Ayame would finally provide that extra shoulder to carry the heavy burden God had given her.

 

And so she began to speak, starting from the very beginning of the story in that first moment when she had met Inuyasha in the rose gardens and how they had both managed to insult one another in that first encounter. She and Ayame both chuckled as they reflected upon some of the more ridiculous quarrels she'd had with Inuyasha, and they both sighed with longing as she spoke of her first kiss, and the more passionate encounter that had followed. She felt tears in her eyes as she recalled the wedding day, painfully describing the way Kikyou had looked like she belonged on Inuyasha's arm as his Queen, and then the way they had distanced themselves from one another ever since, afraid to be near and yet in pain because they were apart.

 

When she finished, the pain was not magically gone…in fact, it almost felt worse…and yet, suddenly it was as though there was someone there to bear it with her, making her feel, for the first time (save for when she was with Inuyasha), like she was not completely alone.

 

They remained in silence once more for several minutes, as though neither dared to speak and ruin the moment, before Ayame finally sighed, as though suddenly becoming aware of the pink hue the mountains had adopted with the setting of the sun, speaking for the first time in a long time. “But you still say you're not sure if he loves you back?”

 

Kagome shrugged, feeling strangely empty, as though she had completely emptied her heart…for the moment. She knew by the next morning all the pain would be back, it was inevitable, and yet she hoped that perhaps this alleviation of stress would grant her one night's peace. “He's a complex man with many emotions, and I can never be sure of exactly what's going through his mind.”

 

“But to do all of those things for you, and to offer, like he did, to postpone or even call of his wedding to your sister…doesn't that say something to you?”

 

Again Kagome just shrugged, having thought about it, but also unwilling to hope too much. She'd already done too much of that in the past several months, and usually had ended up disappointed. “I don't know what to think any more. There were moments when he would make me feel like his most prized possession; a precious jewel. But then there were other moments when he could make me feel so low I would question my sanity in caring for him at all. I could never be sure if the care and concern was a way of making up for being cruel in the only honest way he knew how, or if the cruelty was a way of covering up his feelings for me. And, honestly, I grew tired of trying to guess, so in the end I would just do what felt right to me at the moment...and even when he would be cruel later, I could never regret loving him.”

 

Ayame nodded sympathetically. “It's not something that we decide, is it? Love, I mean…”

 

Kagome chuckled. “No, I suppose it isn't.” She leaned back on her arms. “I had always dreamed of falling in love like this, you know that? I couldn't wait to be so enamored with a man that I could hardly breathe without him.” She looked away, towards the lake, which was becoming an even darker shade of blue with the setting of the sun. “But then again I suppose I expected fate to be kinder to me, and allow me to fall in love with someone who could freely love me in return.”

 

“Well at least you know that Inuyasha might love you back.”

 

She shrugged. “What does it matter if he does? He can't do anything about it now…he's bound to my sister in the eyes of God, and I don't think he'd have the energy to change that even if he wanted to. You've heard about all the trouble King Henry VIII is having with his dispensation from the Pope, and in all honesty he would have more of a leg to stand on than Inuyasha would…which is saying something.”

 

They couldn't help but laugh slightly at that at the expense of the great King of England who, in all honesty, was making a great fool of himself throughout the proceedings of his attempted divorce.

 

Finally, after another long silence, Kagome rose to her feet and brushed off all the grass that had collected in her skirts as she heard Kouga calling her name from across the lake to tell her that dinner was about to be served. Helping Ayame to her feet, the two women started to retrace their steps back towards the castle, this time willingly arm in arm.

 

Coughing slightly, Kagome rubbed her cheeks to give them a natural glow of red, hoping that would draw some attention away from her puffy, tear-stained eyes, and she watched as Ayame did the same, causing her to chuckle sadly. “I suppose I never imagined I would form a friendship under these circumstances, but, all the same…I thank you for listening to me this afternoon, Ayame, and I want you to know that I feel we could be great friends if we gave it half a chance.”

 

The redheaded woman smiled in return, though she too wore that extra hint of sadness in the slump of her shoulders and the twinge of pain in her emerald green eyes. “I thank you for that, and I also thank you for giving me the chance to explain myself after I behaved so badly. I suppose it might take me a little longer than either of us would like to really warm up to you, but I'm going to try. After all, I understand that it's not your fault you were betrothed to a man you did not love and then fell in love with someone else any more than it is my fault I'm in love with Kouga while he's not mine to love. But…that having been said…” Kagome felt the woman's body stiffen slightly as they neared the wolf man, who was waiting with his usual smile in place. “It will still be hard for me to always be friendly with you, at least initially, when you're with Kouga. I can't promise…well…”

 

Recognizing that their conversation needed to end because they were approaching the range that Kouga's sharp ears could hear their conversation, Kagome simply turned and looked at Ayame one last time with a look of kindness. “I understand…you don't have to explain.”

 

Ayame allowed herself one last smile of gratitude, and then Kouga was upon them with his smiles and kind words, wrapping his arm around Kagome's waist while greeting Ayame with what could best be described as brotherly affection. It was meant as a gesture of goodwill and kindness, but Kagome could see that the redhead viewed it as nothing short of a rejection or a slap across the face, and her smile instantly faded into a melancholy frown as she trailed behind them back towards the castle.

 

Feeling horrifically guilty, Kagome tried to pull away from Kouga to make Ayame feel better, but felt the wolf cling to her tighter each time she tried, so finally she gave up. And so, with the man she did not love at her side, his arm around her waist, and with an envious woman's eyes boring into her back, Kagome walked into the castle for her first official dinner at Kouga's side without the support of either Inuyasha or Kikyou.

 

As usual, fate seemed determined to make things more difficult than was really necessary, and as usual, Kagome was forced to greet it all with a smile. And, in all honesty, what else was there to do?