InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The King's Mistress ❯ The Winds of Change ( Chapter 29 )

New Fan Art!!

 

Here are two new glorious pictures by judyeve that she drew for this story. They were both inspired by Chapter Ten, and one is of Kagome in the moonlight in her silver and white gown (which isn't quite the way I pictured it, but still beautiful nonetheless), while the other is of Kikyou in her red gown. The second one, with Kikyou, is by far my favorite…everything is perfect, from her expression to her gown, including the tight sleeves. So enjoy those, and thanks to the artist!

 

http:// www. deviantart. com/ deviation /21511788/

 

http:// www. deviantart. com/ deviation /21509543/

 

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Title: The King's Mistress

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter Twenty-eight: The Winds of Change

 

Rating: PG-13 (for language and, at times, implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, nor do I take credit for several of the historical ideas, facts, and realities I have taken and used.

 

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In Ayame I found an unexpected ally…though I wouldn't have exactly called her a friend. She would always be wary of me because, despite circumstances being what they were, I was still her rival as I was the one Kouga loved. I was always reminded of this, when she would lapse into peculiar silences or have a frown grace her otherwise beautiful face, and as such in the end her companionship was of little consolation to my aching heart.

 

I longed for laughter. I longed for the light-hearted banter I had enjoyed with Sango. I longed for the boyish delights Shippou had always displayed at every novelty. I think I even longed for Miroku's lecherous tendencies, because they were familiar to me, and because, in spite of himself, he had become such a dear friend.

 

But more than anything, as the days passed, I longed for Inuyasha, and slowly I came to understand that it would not be as simple as surviving each day until the pain began to fade. I would not be able to merely put the hanyou out of my mind and use the distance between us to pretend that I loved someone else, nor could I convince my hopelessly romantic heart that it would be better if I married Kouga.

 

My heart wanted Inuyasha…and no one else, no matter how kind, or how charming, would suffice.

 

Yet I tried to make it work. God knows how I tried.

 

After the picnic and in the weeks that followed I would take great care to be with him almost every moment of every day, trying to immerse myself in his culture and his world, hoping to find something that would dazzle me as much as the High Court and its King had so dazzled me before.

 

But it was no use; my heart would not be fooled, and slowly I came to understand this with a downtrodden spirit. My smiles began to go flat; my false sense of cheerfulness slowly faded away, and more than anything my desire to socialize with Kouga's people disappeared, so that Kouga was left with a silent, demure fiancée who said very little unless spoken to and who rarely ever felt like dancing or laughing.

 

In other words, he was left with nothing but a shell of the woman he had come to love, and not even he could ignore it. He knew I was unhappy, and so it was in the hope of reviving my spirits that he announced I would stay behind while he traveled to the furthest boundaries of the North to settle a trade dispute between two wolf tribes, and that the rest of his court would go with him so that I could be completely alone for a time; free to roam the halls of the castle or walk the paths beside the great lake.

 

Such a gesture of trust and kindness would be his greatest mistake and greatest success, for it would cost him the woman he loved forever, but it would also sever his ties with the scandal that was about to rock the very foundations of the High Court and divide a country that King Inutaisho had worked so hard to unite…

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

It was strange how time seemed to move at a painfully slow pace, with every moment of every day feeling like an eternity, and yet at the same time Kagome found herself surprised when she realized it had been nearly a month since her family and friends had departed and she had settled in to her new life at the court of the North.

 

Where had the time gone?

 

Perhaps it wasn't so fair to say that every moment was long, but rather to admit that her sleepless nights were what caused her so much pain. After all, Kouga had been successful in keeping her busy every moment of every day since that picnic almost two weeks ago, taking her with him to meet his people as he traveled about, catching up on all the local matters he had missed while being at the High Court for so long. He involved Kagome in every political decision, every debate, every problem, trying to give her the sense that she was welcome, and while such efforts didn't exactly help her forget her loneliness, Kagome had to admit it did keep her busy enough that she hardly knew where the days went.

 

Unfortunately, Kouga's attention didn't touch her once she retired in the evenings, and so then she was left alone to reflect on everything her heart was trying so desperately to shut away. She couldn't forget the look of pain on Ayame's face every time she spotted Kouga with Kagome, his arm around her waist as he proudly introduced her to all his friends, nor could she ignore her own pain every time a letter arrived from Sango, Souta, or Miroku, telling her about the growing unease at court as more and more rumors circulated regarding Kikyou's possible pregnancy.

 

Mercifully, as of yet it appeared that no one outside of the royal family's close circle of friends had begun to realize that if the Queen were indeed pregnant it was possibly not be Inuyasha's child, but still, Kagome feared it would only be a matter of time before the masses put the pieces of the puzzle together.

 

The only hope remaining was that Kikyou was not yet pregnant, or that she was very early along, but that hope shrank with each letter, Sango describing vividly the way Kikyou seemed to be desperately trying to hide her growing belly by ordering new gowns with more frills and lace in the bodice, wearing large new belts of jewels and pearls at her waist, or having her maids tie fancy ribbons over her abdomen…anything to keep the public from suspecting that she was, in actuality, pregnant enough that she was beginning to find it necessary to loosen the strings of her bodice ever so slightly to accommodate her growing belly.

 

If it were Inuyasha's child, Kagome knew, she would not yet be so far along…and it was only a matter of time before everyone else realized that.

 

Again that image appeared…that horrible image that haunted her dreams…of Kikyou dressed in black, with the silver axe over her head, falling…always falling…

 

“Kagome?”

 

She shuddered and came back to reality, forcing herself to become vividly aware of Kouga's arm around her waist possessively, his concerned voice echoing in her ears, attempting to push that horrible image out of her mind.

 

Per Kouga's request, they were taking one final stroll about the lake before he left on a three week journey to the borders of his province to take care of some bloody disputes between several wolf tribes. Kagome had been alarmed when she'd first heard that many men and women were being slaughtered over something as silly as rights to a small piece of land, but apparently a rich owner had died and not been specific about who was to inherit his wealth, and the current violence was the end result.

 

It was yet another thing that separated the North from the other three provinces of the country…such open displays of violence. Kagome had heard of families feuding for generations over similarly ridiculous things, and even having the occasional duel that resulted in a fatality, but she had never heard of such open cruelty between people of the same background and ethnicity.

 

But Kouga had assured her that it was nothing serious, and was simply a result of him having been away from the North for too long, and she tried to believe him, for she wasn't particularly pleased with the idea of ruling over people who could be so bipolar in their kindness one moment and barbarism the next.

 

“Kagome, are you alright?”

 

Shaking her head again, Kagome mentally forced herself to look up into Kouga's bright blue eyes, which were sparkling with concern. “I'm fine,” she tried to smile, but failed. “My thoughts are just preoccupied these days.”

 

He grunted and looked away. “I've noticed; frankly, everyone has noticed.”

 

She bristled at his blunt manner, which, she was discovering, was yet another trait inherent in the peoples of the North. Never mind that Inuyasha could be just as rude at times…for that was different (she forgave him for many things, she was beginning to realize). It was beginning to annoy her. “I cannot help being concerned for my family, Kouga…and right now all I hear from Miroku and Sango is that something is seriously wrong with Kikyou.”

 

She saw Kouga sigh again at the mention of her sister, knowing how much he had come to dislike the woman, mostly because she commanded so much of Kagome's attention and, more importantly, so much of her heart, whereas he did not. Things between the two of them had become much more strained, and Kagome suspected some of that was because the wolf man was finally beginning to realize that her heart lay with someone else…though she still couldn't shake the suspicion that he had known about her love for Inuyasha for a long time, and perhaps was simply now realizing the fact that it would not be a love that was easily forgotten.

 

Either way, Kouga would be the one who had lost the woman of his dreams, and for that Kagome couldn't help the small feeling of pity in the back of her mind…though that didn't completely quell her irritation either.

 

“Kikyou is now the High Queen,” he ground out finally, staring straight ahead with purpose. “I should think she has sufficient power and influence to protect herself against any more silly rumors about her indiscretions from years ago.”

 

“This has nothing to do with the rumors from before, and you know it!” Kagome snapped, planting her feet firmly in the ground and placing her hands on her hips, her reflection rippling against the surface of the clear blue lake behind her as it was disturbed by a sudden gust of brisk autumn wind. “They say she may be pregnant!”

 

Kouga opened his arms wide in a helpless gesture, his expression one of clear puzzlement. “And so what if she is? Does not a Queen always pray to bear the King many children? A pregnancy would only mean good things for her, and you know it, Kagome…so why are you so upset? I should think you, of all people, would be overjoyed to know all your hard work and sacrifice over the past six months is finally being rewarded.”

 

Opening her mouth to retort, Kagome stopped herself just short of blurting out the reality that if Kikyou were with child it was more than likely true that it was not because of anything Inuyasha had done. Mercifully she managed to stop herself. After all, Kouga, mindless braggart that he could be at times, was the last person who needed to know about her sister's treasonous secret.

 

With a sigh, Kagome felt her arms drop back to her sides once more in defeat, knowing the only person in the North she could truly talk to and expect any real sympathy from was Yuka, for while Ayame may have been able to understand her pain, the redhead was still too bitter over the fact that Kagome was the one marrying Kouga to truly be called her friend.

 

Unfortunately, Yuka was off tending to her daily chores, and Kagome, even frustrated as she was, still didn't have the heart to tell Kouga she had better things to do, like talking to her handmaiden, than walk with him.

 

She'd already hurt him enough.

 

So instead she did the only thing she knew, and allowed her eyes to open up and show every ounce of her pain as she looked up at the man who would soon be her husband, hoping he would realize she acted not out of spite for him, but out of true worry and concern for her sister, and out of homesickness for the land that she loved.

 

It worked.

 

Kouga's expression instantly softened into one of concern once more as he stepped forward and took Kagome in his strong embrace, and she closed her eyes as she allowed her body the momentary comfort of a friend's embrace…for he was at least that to her, which was why not loving him caused her pain. He deserved so much better.

 

“I'm sorry, Kagome,” the wolf man whispered into her ear, his voice for once devoid of its usual cheerful and boastful tone. It almost sounded like the voice of another man…a hanyou with silver hair and amber eyes full of pain and love…

 

“I'm the one who should be apologizing,” she replied, her voice a mere whisper as she opened her eyes and looked out over that beautiful blue lake, her gaze roaming up the sides of the mountains, though she couldn't quite see their snow-capped peaks because that would require her to tilt her head back, and she was much more content to keep her cheek against Kouga's chest.

 

He chuckled, and she felt his chest vibrate, tickling her check as he brought a hand up to run his fingers through her hair, which she had taken to wearing loose on a regular basis like the other women of the North. “You, my dear, sweet, wonderful woman, have nothing to apologize for except loving your family. We should all aspire to be so loyal in our lives.”

 

Kagome frowned.

 

He was doing it again; he was ignoring the way she had been treating him and instead extolling her behavior with her virtues…virtues she couldn't really see any more. All she saw was a woman who kept teasing and hurting a kind and honest man, while there was actually a beautiful woman who loved him for who he was waiting in the wings with a sour look on her face.

 

“Kouga…”

 

“Shhh…” He held her tightly to him, his voice still uncharacteristically serious…so like Inuyasha's…

 

It caused Kagome to begin to believe, for just a moment, that it was indeed Inuyasha who was holding her, and her lonely heart, desperate for any measure of comfort it could find, clung to the fantasy with every ounce of its strength. Sagging against Kouga's body, she brought her hands up and clutched the silk material of his shirt in her small fists, feeling tears pooling at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over her cheeks.

 

“I'm so afraid for her,” she whispered. “I have such awful nightmares…of her all dressed in black, on her knees, with…” She gulped, unable to voice such awful thoughts.

 

Kouga just held her tighter as he offered his comfort, though she noticed, with some disappointment, that he didn't rest his chin atop her head, giving her that comfortable cradle of support in his arms, and that caused her fantasy to fade slightly, though she didn't pull away just yet.

 

“Perhaps I have asked too much of you these past few weeks,” he said at last, and she could tell he was probably looking over her head from the direction of his voice. “Perhaps you were not ready to be so immersed in a foreign culture, because your heart is still so much with your family in another place.”

 

“Kouga, it's not that I don't like it here…”

 

He pulled away from her enough that he could meet her eyes and smiled, the gesture nearly breaking her heart. He was too good for her…

 

“I know, Kagome; and I know that you are trying to become more involved. Everyone here loves you, and that's because you are not unkind to anyone.” His smile widened. “But I think this brief rest from everyone and everything will be good for you. It will give you time to sort through all that is still in your heart so that, by the time I come back, you will be ready to take the vows to become my wife.”

 

The usual arrogance was returning as Kouga patted himself on the back for having thought up such a brilliant idea, and Kagome felt her fantasy finally completely shatter, though at least now she didn't feel any of the anger or annoyance towards him that she had before. He really was trying…she supposed she could do a little trying of her own as a way of saying thanks.

 

“I hope I shall be ready by then as well, Kouga,” she finally replied, looking down, her cheeks red from the biting wind, though she had a feeling that from his pleased smile he thought it was a maidenly blush of innocence. God, if he only knew…

 

Taking her in his arms one more time, he finally released her with a broad smile and a laugh, his eyes echoing the colors of the sky above along with his renewed sense of confidence that he would win her love in the end.

 

“I shall remember what you say, dear lady,” he said, taking her hand and kissing it as he bowed low, reminding her of the first night they had met when he had given her that confident smile and beamed at her with laughing eyes. “And as such I shall also look toward the day when I shall return to find you ready to become my wife.”

 

With that he rose back to his full height and turned away from her, towards his friends, who had all appeared to tell him it was time to leave. The wind picked up then, blowing through Kagome's hair as she clutched her small ermine shawl about her shoulders more tightly, watching the man she was to marry disappear through the doors to the castle, knowing he was headed towards the main gates, where his horse was waiting at the head of his small court.

 

It was the last time Kagome would see Kouga the wolf King for many years.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

September was giving way to October, and with the change came the harsh, biting winds of autumn and the oncoming winter. Orange and gold leaves were blowing about, and the rains had begun to fall from the heavens on a more consistent basis, making the roads hazardous to travel. Yet a lone man braved such conditions on his horse, riding frantically towards the North where the Lady Kagome resided, knowing his very life rested on the necessity of his reaching the castle as soon as possible.

 

It was difficult trying to find the right balance between frantic and suicidal, and there were many moments when he was forced to reign in his mount as he felt the horse's hooves slipping slightly on the muddied roads. But once the beast recovered its footing he always urged it back to a frantic gallop, desperate to reach Kouga's castle, both for his own comfort (for he knew the great fires would be lit and he would finally be given a chance to rest), and also because the High King's voice kept echoing in his ears, threatening in its sincerity.

 

His Majesty Inuyasha had stood before him with a grim expression, barely controlled desperation and worry hidden behind his carefully masked amber eyes as he had given his letter to the rider. “You will ride with haste and deliver this letter to no one but the Lady Kagome herself,” he had commanded. “If I hear that you stopped even once for longer than was necessary, or passed this letter to Kagome through another carrier, I swear I shall have you whipped upon your return.”

 

The King was not known for his inclination towards violence, and so the young man had accepted the letter with a certain amount of fear, not daring to tell Inuyasha that his wife had also given him a letter just a few hours earlier with similarly expressed wishes (though the Queen had not threatened bodily harm if anything went wrong…she had merely looked like a woman desperate for a sister's comfort).

 

And so now he rode on, wondering what could possibly be contained in the two carefully sealed envelops, the Royal Emblem emblazoned across both envelopes in bright purple colors. Knowing the rumors that were circulating about court, he couldn't help but theorize that it had something to do with the Queen's supposed pregnancy, and wondered how much a nobleman or woman would be willing to pay him to hear that he had ridden through wind and rain to deliver urgent messages from both the King and Queen to Kagome Higurashi.

 

Such information would naturally not be nearly so valuable if he did not know the contents of the letters, but then again it was obvious when a seal had been previously broken, and recalling the fierce look on the King's face, the rider dared not risk opening either envelope to see what was inside.

 

Instead he simply continued to ride on towards the North, knowing he carried something of great importance in his leather bag, which was protected safely underneath his large riding cloak.

 

Thunder crashed above and the sky grew even darker as he continued to ride, and he shrugged lower into his cloak, pulling his hat down further over his face to try and protect his eyes from the suddenly falling rain, feeling his garments become heavier as they grew damp.

 

He would not have another mount change for a long time, which meant he would not be given the excuse to step inside a tavern and warm himself by a fire, and for that he cursed every living creature he saw as he passed, whether it was a farm girl running for shelter after churning butter in the barn, or a miserable rabbit that was as miserable as he in the rain. But the threat of painful punishment, along with the hope that he might be told what was in the letters upon arrival in the North, kept him going, and so he rode on to the tune of thunder and pouring rain, praying that he would spot the next village that would have a new horse for him soon, for he could feel the mount beneath him beginning to falter after having taken him quickly along the roads for nearly a day of unfaltering speed.

 

* * * * * * * * * *

 

The rains had come only two days after Kouga had left, forcing Kagome to remain inside instead of allowing her the pleasure of enjoying the pristine lake and snowy mountains as she would have liked.

 

How she detested being inside when no one was around! A castle devoid of its King and court was as frightening as a silent tomb, and she often found that she didn't even have the courage to go downstairs and eat breakfast at the large dining table alone, instead choosing to have Yuka bring her food to her chambers, where the two friends could eat together and discuss everything from the dramatic change in the weather to the strange customs of the North.

 

Kagome noted that Yuka always wisely avoided mentioning anything that could be connected to either Kikyou or Inuyasha, for which she was grateful, and after the first few days alone Kagome was surprised to discover that Kouga had been right; some time alone seemed to be exactly what she needed. There was no pressure to make any appearances…if she wanted to remain in her blue robe and nightgown all day she could. If she wanted to stay locked up in her chambers all day she could.

 

Such freedom that came with being alone! It almost made the eerie silence of the great halls bearable.

 

Now if only she could have been alone in her old home at the Higurashi Mansion with its great green meadows, flower gardens, and magnificent stables all surrounded by evergreen forests…then she would have truly found a little piece of heaven where she could remain while her heart began to heal. Her father's spirit resided in that house, in every nook and cranny, and Kagome needed his spirit desperately.

 

“Mama's there now,” she whispered as she reclined lazily on one of her blue and white velvet couches, the blazing fire in the hearth keeping her warm as the rains came down in torrents outside, disturbing that peaceful lake and bringing snow the higher parts of the mountains.

 

Thinking of her mother, Kagome bent over and picked up the small box that held all of the letters she had received from her friends and family, sorting through them until she found the one her mother had sent to her two weeks ago, written in the beautiful handwriting Kagome had known since before she could remember, neatly folded into a little square and sealed with the trademark Higurashi blue `H'.

 

To Lady Kagome Higurashi

From the Marquess Higurashi

Dated September 20

 

My Darling Girl,

How I miss you. Not a day goes by that I do not think of you, my sweetest child of light. Your laughter always brought me such joy, and your positive and innocent nature never failed to lift my spirits. Without you, what am I to do? Where am I to seek my inspiration for going out every day?

 

I suppose I'll have to do as you do, and look for the light in what seems to be such an unhappy arrangement. After all, you have been given a great honor in being betrothed to the King of the North. I never would have dreamed, nor would your father, that one day our girls would grow up to marry two of the most powerful men in the country. I am so proud of you both, but especially of you for all your courage and the sacrifices I know you made.

 

I have no doubt you are anxious to hear all the news and gossip of the court, but I fear I know no more than you do any more, for I have just returned home to the mansion. It does not seem the same without you or Souta, who chose to remain at court after I left. I do not blame him though; it is only natural for him, a young man who is just turned fourteen, to desire the company of others his age.

 

Still, while the house does seem a little more empty without my children around me, I knew the day would come when you would all grow up and move on to your own lives in the world, and I couldn't be happier for any of you. And I don't intend to remain here forever either; I just had the sudden desire to be in the home where I knew such happiness while your father was alive. I suppose it just proves that I am not what I once was; I've become one of those old women who is content to run a household and reminisce in the evenings about days gone by.

 

But I won't be completely alone. Your grandfather is still there, and I suppose it will be good for him to have some company since he has been alone all these months that we have been gallivanting about with the court. And you can tell Yuka that I am more indebted to her mother than ever before, because she has cared for your grandfather all the months I was away, and I must say that they seem to have grown rather fond of one another, so I am happy he has acquired another companion, for I know I will eventually need to return to court to help your sister, especially if the rumors are true of her pregnancy. A mother must always be with her daughter during the frightening experience of a first birth.

 

And of those rumors, Kagome, do not trouble yourself. I know you will naturally worry for her since pregnancy is an unknown that every woman fears. I recognize that there are many things that can go wrong, both during the pregnancy and the delivery, and that many young women die as a result, but I also must remind you that many women go on to live happy lives and bear many more children. If I may use myself as an example, I had three very healthy children and am still very healthy myself. So do not fear, for I know how you worry for her, and how she worries for you.

 

I suppose this letter has become long enough, for I have much to do, having just returned home after such a long leave of absence. But I am looking forward to the work, because this is the house your father inherited as the firstborn of his family…this is the house we slowly personalized together, and whenever I work here I feel his presence just over my shoulder, teasing me as he used to.

 

Stay safe and warm in these coming months, my dear. I don't know when I will be able to write to you again, as the riders don't often come out here into the country in the winter, so keep my love with you until I can write again. I wish you every happiness in your new life, and I hope your wedding is just as beautiful as Kikyou's.

With All My Love,

Mama

 

Kagome sighed and leaned back against the luxuriously soft pillows at the end of the couch, refolding the letter and allowing it to rest on her chest, as though she would press her mother's love into her heart.

 

“You need to stop reading all those letters so much, Kagome, it keeps you from moving on,” Yuka commented from where she was dusting the mantle over the fireplace, being careful to not allow her skirts to catch fire.

 

Kagome closed her eyes. “Maybe I don't want to move on, Yuka.”

 

The handmaiden finished her task and walked over to sit beside Kagome on the floor, fixing her simple gray gown about her. “I came here to experience a new world with you, Kagome…not to mourn the one we left behind.” She smiled brightly, her kind eyes warming with the gesture. “I want you to be the friend I've known all my life, with your positive nature and kind heart. I truly believe that will make this whole transition easier for both of us.”

 

Her honesty brought a reluctant but genuine smile to Kagome's face, and she allowed the mantle of sorrow to lift momentarily from her shoulders as she thanked God for giving her such a loyal friend. “I'll try, Yuka, I promise. I honestly think that if it weren't for…well…this whole situation would be a lot easier to bear.”

 

Yuka nodded her petite head in understanding, knowing exactly who Kagome was referring to since she had heard endless lamenting over the past several weeks in regards to the hanyou King. “I understand…but be that as it may, he would not want you unhappy, so please try and find the strength to fight your melancholy, Kagome.”

 

Kagome opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted when there was a frantic knocking at her door. Both she and Yuka froze, staring at one another in confusion, for they both knew that anyone Kagome had come to know in the North was off with Kouga. So who would…?

 

The knocking began again, and Kagome finally woke from her stupor and nodded for Yuka to go and see who it was while she rearranged herself on the sofa, trying to look a little more presentable in her nightgown and blue robe, her hair still fairly unkempt about her face. Clearly, she hadn't been expecting visitors.

 

As the door opened a shy looking young maid was revealed in the hallway, her hands clasped before her, tendrils of brown hair curling around her face. She looked at Yuka, her eyes darting every now and then into the royal chambers, clearly trying to see Kagome, but Yuka would have none of that until she discovered the reason for disturbing her mistress.

 

“Yes? What is it?”

 

The maid blushed and returned her attention to Yuka. “Forgive me; I was sent to inform the Lady Kagome that there is a messenger downstairs who has something important for her.”

 

Kagome rose to her feet, fixing her blue robe so that it showed as little of her white nightgown as possible, but still forced her feet to remain rooted to the ground, not wanting to appear overly anxious.

 

Yuka continued to stare at the young maid, clearly making her feel uncomfortable, and finally Kagome decided to rescue the poor girl from any more embarrassment by stepping forward. It was only another woman, after all. “Is that all?”

 

The maid's eyes grew wide with surprise as she saw Kagome, clearly not having expected to see the woman who would soon be Queen, but she still managed to nod despite the fact that her jaw had plummeted to the ground. “Y-yes, my lady…I was told to have you come as soon as possible.”

 

“You don't have the message with you?” Kagome felt slightly annoyed, because if she had to leave her room she would probably have to actually make herself look presentable.

 

The maid shook her head. “No, my lady…I was told to bring you back downstairs with me, because the messenger said his explicit orders from the royal family was to deliver the letters directly to you and to no one else.”

 

Kagome's eyes widened slightly. “The royal family…” Kikyou had sent her a letter? That could only mean one of two things: that she was in trouble, or that she wanted to assure Kagome that the rumors were not true, and that she was alright. “Take me to this messenger.”

 

“But my lady!” This time it was Yuka whose eyes widened, clearly alarmed at the thought of Kagome appearing in nothing but her nightgown.

 

Kagome just waved her concerns aside. “They are just the servants, Yuka…and I don't want to take the time to get ready. I have to know what news comes from my sister.” And without another word Kagome stepped out of her room and into the hallway, following the little maid, Yuka quickly shutting the door behind them and following Kagome down the stairs as well.

 

When they reached the great entrance hall, Kagome was stunned to see a young man looking like death had kissed him on the lips standing before her, wobbling back and forth on his feet while two of Kouga's servants stood on either side of him, ready to catch him if he fell. His skin was sickly pale, his eyes looked exhausted and were accented by dark circles, his clothes were dripping with water, and his brown hair was falling out of its ponytail at the nape of his neck, plastered to his face from the rain.

 

“Dear God!” Kagome exclaimed without thinking, rushing forward. “What has happened to you?”

 

The rider gave her a slightly smile and managed a little bow, still remembering the respect owed to her as not only the future Queen of the North, but also as the sister of Queen Kikyou. “My lady, I come with messages from the High Court. I have ridden through wind and rain to get her as fast as I could, and was instructed to deliver the letters to you personally, and to no one else.”

 

Kagome felt something in her stomach plummet, and she realized that the news inside the letters could not be good if Kikyou would have ordered a man to ride himself nearly to death to reach her. Suddenly she wasn't sure if she wanted to know what messages the rider carried.

 

“You must be frozen,” She finally said, falling back on the simple task of taking care of a sick man to distract her from her fears. Placing an arm around his shoulders, she steered him gently towards the great hall where she knew a fire would be burning. “I want blankets and some hot soup!” She called out as she walked, and heard the servants about her scramble to do her bidding.

 

The rider sagged against her smaller frame, looking utterly exhausted as he glanced down at her. “You don't have to do this, my lady…”

 

“I will not ignore someone in need of care, especially since you are in this condition on my account.” Kagome continued walking straight forward, ignoring the man's words of protest, which grew less every moment, telling her he was secretly looking forward to the warmth and the rest.

 

The great hall looked so much different when no one was around. The long tables were all pushed against the walls, and the chairs were all stacked on top of the tables so that the servants could clean the floors. But all three hearths still held roaring fires, and Kagome sat the man down right on the floor before taking a seat next to him, Yuka helping the man to remove his cloak, which was heavy and drenched with rain. She dropped it to the ground, and it landed with a loud splat.

 

It wasn't long before three servants appeared carrying two heavy blankets and a generous bowl of steaming hot soup, and while Kagome and Yuka arranged the blankets over the rider's shoulders, he took the soup and greedily drank from the bowl, completely ignoring his spoon.

 

“There now,” Kagome said after a while, “Are you feeling better?”

 

The rider turned and looked at her with gratitude shining in his eyes as he nodded. “Yes, my lady…I am most grateful to you.” He set the bowl down and reached behind him to retrieve his leather bag, though Kagome noticed that Yuka was quick to grab the bag for him and hand it to him without forcing him to exert too much effort. Despite everything, the scene brought a smile to Kagome's face.

 

Digging around, the man finally found what he was looking for as he pulled two letters from the bag, both looking like they had faced wind and rain, but were still mostly in good condition. Clearly he had been more concerned with protecting his letters than he had been in protecting himself.

 

“Here, my lady,” he held the two envelopes out to Kagome, who accepted them with a trembling hand.

 

Feeling the coarse paper beneath her fingers, Kagome looked over at the handsome young man. “Do you know what the messages are about?”

 

He shook his head. “No; I was told that the contents of the letter were strictly for your eyes and that if anyone else should see them, including myself, I would be…” He gulped and looked away with a slight blush.

 

Kagome cocked an eyebrow at his reaction, but said no more, realizing that she would just have to bear the information on her own.

 

Glancing over at Yuka, she made a decision. “Very well; I thank you again for your efforts. Take your time with the last of your soup, and if you should care for more, all you need to do is ask for it. I'll have the servants make up a room for you so that you can rest, and then tomorrow I'll know if I need to send a reply.” Kagome rose to her feet, holding the letters tightly in her left hand, and glanced down at Yuka. “I'll leave it to you to keep our guest comfortable, Yuka. Once he's settled in his room, then you may return to my chambers and we can deal with…these letters however I see fit.”

 

Her friend looked both delighted that she would get to be with the rider and concerned for her mistress, but in the end Kagome left no room for argument or confusion as she abruptly turned and exited the great hall, heading back towards the stairs, only stopping briefly to pass along her orders to one of the servants.

 

Once she was safely back in her room with the door securely shut, Kagome moved to the couch she had been occupying before, situating herself so that she was somewhat comfortable before giving the letters her full attention.

 

They were both clearly from her sister, because they bore the royal purple seal, but one was much heavier than the other, and Kagome assumed that perhaps her sister had written out a letter, sealed it, and then realized she had forgotten something. The only peculiar thing was that the heavier letter was also much more clumsily folded, and didn't quite form an even square, whereas the second letter was perfectly folded and sealed.

 

Unable to contain her curiosity any longer, Kagome finally broke the seal of the first, longer letter, opening it with great care so as to avoid tearing it since the edges were a little damp. But when she finally reached the first page and recognized the haphazard cursive, Kagome felt her face pale as she saw the name in the upper left corner.

 

“Inuyasha…”

 

To Kagome Higurashi

From King Inuyasha

Dated October 2

 

Kagome,

Miroku tells me I shouldn't risk writing to you to tell you this; he insists that if someone were to steal the letter before it reaches you we would all be ruined…but I can't keep silent. I know you, and I know how stupid you can be when you get it into your brain that someone you love is in danger, and that's why I had to take this risk.

 

Everything has gone all wrong; my marriage, my rule over the people…everything. And in the one moment when I find myself wishing I could confide in you, you are not here…

 

But that is beside the point.

 

I know that Sango and Miroku have both been writing to you regularly, and have been telling you about their suspicions concerning the rumors about Kikyou's `condition'. I am now going to tell you that she is indeed pregnant, and that the child is not mine. I am sure of this for reasons even I would not care to disclose in a letter, so we will leave it at that.

 

But there is, unfortunately, more. Naraku has come forth and, in a sudden need to confess his sins, has explained to several people what transpired between himself and Kikyou several weeks before her marriage to me. Keh…guilty conscience indeed…I suspect he's been planning this for longer than any of us are aware. Be that as it may, his sudden confession has left the court stunned, and Kikyou is now under strict scrutiny as people are trying to determine the truth of the matter. She keeps her silence, and I fear that only makes things worse for her.

 

The court is divided now, between those who support her and those who are against her, and you can imagine what kind of a situation that puts me in. My father worked so desperately to keep the peace, and now, with the stupid mistakes of one woman and the madness of one man, all of his hard work is being threatened.

 

I am at my wits end.

 

But again, I did not write to you simply to tell you all of this. I am also writing to command you (yes, Kagome, I command you by my authority as your King) to remain in the North. I know that Kikyou, or someone else, will no doubt write and tell you of what has transpired in the last few days, and I also know that you will stupidly think you can come riding to the rescue. You cannot come here, Kagome…it would put you in too much danger. There is already talk of a trial, and possibly arresting Kikyou on the charge of treason, along with anyone else who would be suspected of having information pertaining to the issue at hand.

 

That would be you.

 

Everyone knows how much time you and Kikyou spent together. They all saw you defend her whenever someone spoke against her, and they all know you are loyal to your family. You would be throwing yourself into the snake pit if you were to come back now, I am sure of it…and I won't have you risking your life because someone else has made a mistake that could possibly ruin hers. What Kikyou has done, she has done of her own accord, and neither you nor I can change that fact.

 

Stay away, Kagome…I command you to stay away. I could not…that is to say, if anything were to happen to you…well…there are too many people who need you. Your friends and your family all look to you for support, and I will not have the responsibility of protecting you from the courts. So in God's name, for once just do as I ask and don't be stubborn about it.

Inuyasha

 

There were so many emotions running through Kagome's body at that moment she wasn't sure which one to focus on, and the massive onslaught was causing her to feel very faint and nauseous.

 

Kikyou…Naraku…treason…

 

And again the axe was falling, but this time it didn't stop, and Kagome felt her whole body begin to tremble. “Oh god…oh god…” Kagome fell to her knees on the floor, dropping the letter carelessly to the ground as she clasped her hands in fervent prayer. “God help me…I beg of you, help me. I have been naught but a loyal servant to You all my life, and have never asked for anything before, but I am asking now: help my sister. She does not deserve this. She was weak and in pain, but surely You in all Your mercy can understand this.”

 

She continued to rant on and on for several minutes, begging for God's help and yet sensing, somehow, that it wasn't going to come. At least, not in the way she was asking for.

 

“What should I do?” She whispered, leaning her forehead against her hands. “Tell me what I should do! I'll do anything you say.”

 

A slight gust of wind came through the open window in her bedroom, and Kagome felt something blow against her forearm on the couch. Looking down, she saw the other letter, still unopened, with the royal seal facing her, almost mocking her, from where it sat against the blue velvet of the couch.

 

With a trembling hand Kagome unclasped her fingers and fearfully broke the seal, praying for some good news, praying that perhaps it would be Inuyasha telling her he had been mistaken, and that Kikyou was not being suspected of treason. But her hopes vanished when she saw Kikyou's perfect cursive.

 

To the Lady Kagome

From Queen Kikyou

Dated October 2

 

Dearest Sister,

I have come to realize now that it was a mistake to promise you to Kouga, for I miss you too greatly. I don't think I can bear you living the rest of your life in the North…I have come to rely on you far too much. It is with this in mind that I am extending an invitation to you to come and visit for a few weeks before your impending marriage. I need you, Kagome…please come.

Fondest Regards,

Kikyou

 

It was a letter written in code, because it was far too congenial for even Kikyou to write when circumstances were normal, especially to Kagome, who was her closest friend and confidant. Clearly Kikyou suspected that her every move was being watched, and that her mail was possibly being opened and read as well. The only time she dared convey some of her urgency was in the last line, and even then if Kagome hadn't first read Inuyasha's letter she would have been somewhat confused. But she now knew what her sister meant.

 

Kikyou was in trouble, and was asking Kagome for her help.

 

Inuyasha had forbid her to return to court, while Kikyou was practically begging for her to come. Once again, she would have to choose between lover and sister, and as always the conflict nearly broke her heart.

 

With a deep sigh, Kagome rose to her feet and walked into her bed chamber, looking out through her glass doors towards the snowy mountains, their image blurred slightly from the rain. She clutched both letters tightly in her right hand, and leaned against her canopy bed in pensive silence.

 

What should she do? Should she obey Inuyasha's command and remain in the North, where it was safe? Or should she fly in on her white steed and try to rescue Kikyou?

 

“Inuyasha…” His name was naught more than a whimper on her lips. She wanted him in that moment. She needed him as much as Kikyou was confessing to need her. She longed for his silent strength and reassuring presence, and knew that the only way she would ever truly feel safe was if she were in his arms, her cheek against his chest and his chin atop her head.

 

Yuka's words from earlier about trying to be cheerful and move on faded away, leaving Kagome with nothing but the desperate urge to throw caution to the wind and ride home to where she belonged…with the man she loved.

 

His words had been so abrupt, just like he was, and yet Kagome would have thought less of him if he'd tried to be anything other than what he was. It was clear that he had wanted to convey something to her by the end of the letter, but had been afraid or hesitant, and yet just dreaming of what could possibly be on his mind was enough to send Kagome's head spinning.

 

Inuyasha…with his amber eyes and his silver hair, his understated but strong presence, his harsh glare and his childlike innocence…

 

Kagome heard the door open behind her, and knew without turning around that it was Yuka, since there was no one else around who would have the nerve to simply walk into her chambers without knocking first.

 

“Gwen is all settled in his room, my lady, and promises he'll be ready to return with your reply as early as tomorrow if necessary.” Yuka stopped as she saw Kagome's tense posture, the letters crumpled in her right hand, and felt something in her heart drop. “What is it?”

 

Without even turning to look at her friend, Kagome held out her hand, offering the letters, and Yuka hesitated only for a second before taking the pieces of paper in her hands to read.

 

The sounds of the rain against the windows, combined with the crackling of the fires in all three rooms, filled the air, and yet Kagome felt suddenly numb to everything as she waited with a strange sense of calm for Yuka to finish and give her opinion.

 

Finally the sound of a heavy sigh reached her ears, followed by the feeling of the bed sinking away from her as Yuka sat down, and Kagome turned around to look at her friend, who was mirroring her own expression from several moments ago. “My God…” was all the handmaiden could say, and Kagome smiled sadly.

 

“It would seem that when I ask God for answers and guidance, all he does in response is give me more puzzles to solve.”

 

“My lady, what are you going to do?” Yuka had reverted back to her formal way of speaking, telling Kagome that she was in shock.

 

“I don't know, Yuka.” She moved away from the bed and towards the glass doors, pressing her forehead against the cool surface, watching at her hot breath created trails of fog. “But I do know that I feel a force that is pulling me home, and I don't know if I can ignore it any longer.”

 

“The King…”

 

“Has ordered me to stay, I know.” Kagome sighed. “And it would seem that, once again, I must disobey his orders so that I may help Kikyou.” She closed her eyes. “Will this ever be over?”

 

She heard Yuka rise to her feet and move towards her just a few seconds before she felt a warm pair of arms wrap around her waist, and couldn't help but smile slightly in gratitude as Yuka laid her head against Kagome's back, trying to offer her silent love and support. “It would seem, my lady, that this will all be over soon…though now I don't know if the ending will be a happy one.”

 

“Everything seemed so perfect on her wedding day,” Kagome whispered. “It seemed as though Kikyou had once again managed to weather the storm, and would now be happy in her life and never have to fear anything again. What happened?”

 

She felt Yuka shrug against her. “We cannot escape our pasts, or the choices we have made, because it is all a part of who we are. Kikyou attempted to do the impossible and pretend that those years of her life with Onigumo never happened, and as a result she is now suffering the consequences.” The handmaiden sighed. “My mother always used to say that to try and run from your past was like denying who you were. Eventually Kikyou would have to atone for what she had done, Kagome…it's just unfortunate that she is being punished so cruelly.”

 

Kagome imagined her sister locked away in the Tower, staring out a small window to gaze out at the freedom she used to have, a mocking crown atop her head, and in that moment felt something click into place. She made a decision.

 

“I must go to her.”

 

Yuka pulled away, and Kagome turned to look at her friend, but instead of finding disapproval, all she saw was a mirror of her own determination. “Then I'll go with you.”

 

“Yuka…”

 

“No, Kagome, you are like the sister I never had, and just as you will always be there to protect Kikyou, I will always be there to protect you.” Her voice held an air of finality to it that made Kagome feel warm and loved in a way she'd been missing for a long time. At long last she had someone in her corner who could defend her without fear of being punished.

 

“So,” Yuka exclaimed, as though waking up now that she had a purpose, her eyes hardening with determination, “When do you want to leave and how much do you want to take with you? You probably won't want to wait for Kouga to return since that might be too late, but surely you won't need to take everything with you, since you'll be coming back eventually…” The woman trailed off as she saw a strange expression cross Kagome's face.

 

She had just remembered for the first time since opening the letters the fact that she had an obligation to marry Kouga a mere week after the wolf man returned. She felt a painful stab in her gut as the reality hit her full force that she could not marry him now…seeing Inuyasha's words on paper had shown her that the hanyou would always be able to touch her, even when they were separated by hundreds of miles, and Kagome knew that so long as Inuyasha was alive she could not be a truly loyal wife to Kouga, which is what he deserved.

 

Yuka seemed to read her thoughts exactly, because she just nodded and smiled sadly. “You're not planning to come back here, are you?”

 

Kagome felt her cheeks redden in shame, but she still shook her head. “No.”

 

Sighing, Yuka nodded her head and looked out towards the snowy mountains once more, crossing her arms. “I suppose I will miss how beautiful everything is here…but then again, maybe it was just too beautiful…too perfect. I couldn't live that way either.”

 

Kagome chuckled at her friend's attempts to cheer her up, and had never appreciated Yuka's presence more than she did in that moment.

 

“Well then, I guess I have my work cut out for me, don't I?” The handmaiden changed her expression once more so that her features were set with a purpose. “When do you want to leave?”

 

“Tomorrow morning,” Kagome replied without hesitation. “But Yuka, I don't have to have all of my things with me then. We could have a carriage set out and come later with all of my trunks.”

 

“Nonsense!” Yuka exclaimed, already acquiring a thoughtful look, and Kagome could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she tried to figure out the easiest and most efficient way to go about the matter. “If we're going to disobey a royal command, then I want my lady to look presentable, and that's not possible if you don't have all of your clothes and jewels.”

 

“Yuka…”

 

“I'm serious! After all, Inuyasha is going to be furious when he sees that you came back against his wishes. The most we can hope for is that we'll make you so beautiful that he can't think about being angry. Now let's see…”

 

* * * * * * * * * *

By the time the next morning came, Kagome was exhausted. She and Yuka had spent the entirety of the previous afternoon and evening packing her things, though Yuka had finally been persuaded to compromise and only take two trunks full of Kagome's things, with the rest set to come later. Still, it meant that they would be followed by a carriage, and that would severely slow them down.

 

Then again, Kagome thought as she heard another crash of thunder, perhaps being forced to move at a reasonable pace wouldn't be so bad since it would keep her from riding either herself or her beloved mare to death.

 

The castle was even more eerily quiet in the wee hours of the morning than it was during the day, because most of the household servants weren't awake yet. But Kagome had done that on purpose. She really wanted to avoid making a huge scene by leaving in broad daylight, showing everyone that their future Queen was leaving them. It was already going to be hard enough to hand off the letter that she had written for Kouga, knowing what was inside.

 

“My lady, everything is ready,” Yuka called out from where she appeared through the doors to the great hall with the rider, who was apparently named Gwen, at her side. Kagome had watched the pair become incredibly close in their short time together, and the thought brought a smile to her face.

 

“Good,” Kagome replied, pulling out the letter she had written for Kouga, reading it over one last time to make sure there were no mistakes and that she had said everything she felt needed to be said.

 

Kouga,

I am sorry to leave you like this; I can only imagine the embarrassment you will face when you return home to find that your future wife has left you, but I had no choice. Shortly after you left I received two letters from the High Court, one from Inuyasha and the other from my sister. They both spoke of the possibility that Kikyou may be facing charges of treason, and I couldn't stay here while I knew that she may be suffering. Please forgive me.

 

I must tell you now, for the sake of honesty, that I am not planning to come back now that I have left. I cannot marry you, Kouga, because it wouldn't be fair to you. I love another, and will always love him, and you deserve more than that. I wanted to love you; God knows how much I tried to convince myself that you were the better match for me, but our hearts will always have a will of their own, and mine is no different.

 

I suppose that, in the eyes of the law, you have the right to call me back and command that I marry you; and, if you were to do so because you saw it as your right, I will have no choice but to obey. I will not hate you for doing so, but I am being honest now in saying that I would not be happy either, and you deserve a happy bride. I wouldn't exactly say that I am riding into a happy future, either, for the man I love is beyond my reach (partly because of my doing), but all the same, just to be near him again would make me happier than I have been in all these weeks that we have been apart.

 

Again, forgive me.

 

You always cared for me, and seemed to wish for nothing but my happiness, and I'll never forget that. You believed me to be this near-perfect being, an angel, and I am not, which I suppose you are now realizing as you read this letter, for no angel would leave a man devastated and alone a mere week before his wedding. I am so sorry.

 

All I can say to you to possibly give you a small amount of hope is this: there is love in many places, and I feel that if you look hard enough, you will find another woman who loves you very much…more than I ever could. She is loyal to you, and has been your friend and companion all your life. I sense you must know, on some level, how Ayame feels, because she makes no effort to hide it, and I hope that now as I free you from your obligation to me you may begin to heal by turning to her for comfort.

 

Thank you, Kouga, for all of your kindness and support. You are one of the dearest and closest friends I think I shall ever have, and my only regret in parting this way is that I fear losing that friendship as a result. But I will not ask for too much, and cannot blame you if you choose to sever our friendship. May God shine down upon you and your wonderful people, Kouga, and may we meet again some day under much happier circumstances.

All My Love,

Kagome

 

There was actually a tear in the corner of her eye as Kagome finished reading over what she had written, slowly folding the letter into its proper square and taking out her ring and pressing it into the wax to seal it with the unmistakable blue `H'. It had been the hardest thing she had ever done, knowing she would break his heart, and all she could hope for now was that he would not hate her for what she had done, or how she had left him without saying goodbye.

 

“Please give this to my lord Kouga when he returns,” she said softly as she walked up to the horseman waiting for them at the door. “And don't let anyone read it save for him.”

 

The elderly man saw the pain in her eyes and simply gave her a smile of comfort as he nodded. “Yes, my lady.” He took the letter from her and turned to open one of the large double doors, revealing the drawbridge that would lead across the now-empty moat towards the gates, where Kagome saw her mare, along with two other horses and a carriage, waiting.

 

The horseman nodded and smiled again in encouragement. “It's stopped raining for the time being, my lady. Hopefully it will stay that way.”

 

Kagome nodded. “Yes, I pray that it does.”

 

There was suddenly a nervous lump in her throat as the reality sank in that she was about to ride back into the mess she had hoped to forevermore leave behind, knowing that there was the possibility she would be arrested the moment she set foot in Inuyasha's castle. Not for the first time she wondered if it was all really worth it, and if perhaps Kouga was right when he said that Kikyou did not deserve such loyalty from her.

 

But then an image of Inuyasha swept before her eyes, with his proud posture and noble face, and Kagome knew it would be worth it, if it meant she could see him one more time.

 

“Are you ready, Kagome?” Yuka asked as she approached with Gwen at her side, both dressed for travel, and Kagome turned and nodded as she nervously smoothed out the imaginary wrinkles in her own simple blue gown, a blue cloak about her shoulders and a hood over her head to protect her from the potential wind and rain. The day was still very young, and the skies were dark with clouds, telling Kagome harsh weather was a strong possibility.

 

With a carriage to slow them down, it would potentially take up to seven days to reach Inuyasha's castle, though Kagome prayed it wouldn't take that long. She had already determined that they would not stop to rest in any taverns, and would only pause to take a meal here and there to keep up their strength.

 

She had to get to Kikyou as soon as possible…but more than that, she had to reach Inuyasha so that she could tell him everything would be alright, but more so that he could hold her and make her feel safe again. She had never needed someone so much in her entire life.

 

The trio walked out into the cold autumn air, the grass beneath the bridge brown with the coming of winter, all the trees that weren't evergreens having lost their green color and most of their leaves as well.

 

Gwen helped Kagome mount her horse before assisting Yuka, and as she waited for the signal that they were ready to leave, she took one last look at the snowy mountains, wishing she could have seen that beautiful blue lake one last time, but also knowing it was better for her if she just turned around and never looked back.

 

Finally Gwen had taken his seat on the carriage and taken the reigns, announcing that he was ready, and Kagome nodded, turning her mare with practiced ease and kicking her into a steady gallop down the road, hearing Yuka and Gwen follow her lead behind her. And in that moment, as the artificial wind created by her speed caused her hood to flutter around her head and ruffle her long cloak over her horse's back, Kagome felt all her fear vanish. She had a purpose in life once more, and even though she was potentially riding into danger, she didn't care. She would see Inuyasha again and hopefully save her sister from a terrible fate. And so, with the thought of amber eyes in her mind, Kagome fearlessly rode back into the fray once more.