InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The King's Mistress ❯ Darkness and Light ( Chapter 36 )

Author's Notes: Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had wonderful parties and celebrations to welcome 2006! I had a wonderful time with my family playing poker and having an all day all night Star Wars marathon from Episode I - Episode VI without stopping (my brother and I received all six on DVD for Christmas from Santa...pretty awesome). The only downside was I got sick right before I was supposed to fly down to San Diego for the Holiday Bowl, so I didn't get to go...but perhaps it was for the best since my poor Ducks lost in the end by three points in a heartbreaking interception at the end of the game.

 

It was really depressing.

 

But hey, a 10-2 season is nothing to be ashamed of, especially since they lost their star quarterback in October and ever since have been alternating between two true sophomores who didn't know what the heck they were doing. Next year we'll be great. And we play Oklahoma, the team that beat us in the Holiday Bowl, in the regular season, so watch out for “Revenge of the Ducks”, coming soon to an Autzen Stadium near you!

 

Ahem...now then, about the story...

 

So maybe I lied just a little when I said the last chapter would be the worst in terms of angst. This one will be. I'm sorry; don't hate me! It's necessary for the story. But I promise this story will resolve itself into a happy ending. You have my word.

 

I'm sorry it took so long for me to update at all. I'd meant to do it much sooner, so that everyone could read it before heading back to school...but alas, it was not meant to be. I've been busy. I almost feel like I have less time being home than I do at school. But in a good way. I'll be sad to leave the family again in a week; but school will be fun too. And besides, I have a birthday coming up on the 13th! I'll be 19 years old! Whooo! Anyway...the chapters are starting to come down in length, but not too much. I feel like it's actually a natural way to round out the story, that as we all come down from the climax of the plot, the word count slowly decreases as well. Thank you all for your support; there are two chapters to go. Blessings, and enjoy!

 

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Fanart! Fanart! Fanart!

 

Plenty of new fanart again this time, which is just thrilling for me. Be sure to check out the links below and leave nice comments for the artists. Also, check out the TKM deviantart club, where our second contest is officially underway!

 

Artist: Athyra

http:// www. deviantart .com/deviation/ 26665051/

 

Artist: Fire-Senshi

http://www. deviantart .com/deviation /26493638/

 

Starlight15

http:// www. deviantart .com/ deviation/ 26682515/

http:// www. deviantart. com/ deviation/ 27098320/

 

 

* * * * *

 

Title: The King's Mistress

 

Author: dolphingirl0113

 

Chapter Thirty-Five: Darkness and Light

 

Rating: PG-13 (rated for language and implied sexual situations)

 

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, nor do I take credit for some of the historical thoughts, ideas, and realities I have used.

 

* * * * *

 

She died in my arms. I know it was probably the best end God could have given her, just as the priest said, but even so, to this day, I have not found an answer to the question…to the pain…

 

My beloved sister. The entire country came to mourn her passing, honoring her in death the way she should have been honored in life; like a Queen. I demanded she receive every ceremonial honor due for a woman of her status, including burial in the royal tomb, and Inuyasha, too stunned by everything that had happened to argue, immediately granted my request, not even giving his brother the chance to dispute Kikyou's claim to such a right.

 

I cared not. My world had stopped, all the beautiful colors replaced by various shades of gray, music now no more than a dull noise.

 

I have heard some say that I love others too much; that I give too much of myself to those that I love, and receive too little in return. They all say Kikyou had not deserved my love, and that she had taken more from me than she had offered back. And to all of that I simply shake my head and turn away, for they cannot possibly understand the simple truth that I loved my sister as much as any woman could…and that in some ways I only felt like half a person without her. Her star, once so bright, had burned out, and now my light felt very alone…

 

* * * * *

 

It was as though the entire cathedral had been filled with a sea of black, every member of the High Court having arrived dressed in utmost modesty out of respect for their fallen Queen. No woman tried to make a statement with the latest fashions or glamorous jewelry; there was no flirting, no laughter…nothing that could be construed as cruel or disrespectful. Never had there been such an air of stunned silence; never had so many men and women bowed their heads and ardently prayed, their faces covered by masks of grief just as surely as all the women wore black veils over their eyes.

 

Sitting at the front of the great church safely between her mother and brother, Kagome stared straight ahead, her face pale and her eyes dim, lacking their usual luster. She had known Kikyou was dying; had been given far too much time to dwell on that reality before it actually happened…and yet she had still been so stunned, so utterly unprepared for the feeling of loss…for the pain…

 

Taking in a deep breath, Kagome tried to ignore the painful ache in her chest, knowing it was from withheld tears, which she had not once shed in the six days since waking to find Kikyou dead. Since then her sister had lain in state, as was customary, so that all of great or small wealth could come and pay homage to their Queen, and now, on the seventh day, she would be carried through the city in her final triumph before being laid to rest in the royal vault.

 

Kagome had not come to see Kikyou; she'd known if she did it would make the reality of her death too painfully real. If she imagined enough, she could pretend Kikyou had never died; that she had not woke one morning to find her arms wrapped around a cold, lifeless body with a soul that had already passed over to the next world. In her dreams Kikyou was just dreaming peacefully…nothing more.

 

It was a cold morning, the heavens echoing the melancholy grief that hung in the air like a soaked rag, pungent, heavy, and unavoidable in its presence. Snow, already blanketing the December earth, had begun to fall again, and the sweepers had already walked through the streets twice to keep the cobblestone streets clear for the horses and carriages that would ride through later that day.

 

There was no wind, but the air was bitterly cold nonetheless, and the Aves of the monastery choir rang like the church bells themselves in every corner of the cathedral, pinging off the polished marble floors and echoing beyond the stained glass windows and into the vaulted rafters far above the mourning court.

 

Feeling a sudden chill as the monks hit a particularly low unison note, Kagome shrugged further into the black fur cloak over her shoulders, curling her fingers into fists and pulling them safely beneath the long, draping sleeves of her modest silk and velvet gown. Her hair, pulled back into a braided bun, fit neatly underneath the black gable hood atop her head, and a small veil fell over her face, shielding her eyes from the curious glances of those around her.

 

The chanting slowly faded away as the head priest stood up from where he had been sitting near the altar, dressed in his finest black robes, and as he walked forward Kagome couldn't avoid the way her eyes glanced at the polished white coffin, which she knew contained her sister. It was still open, allowing any who wished to see the Queen dressed in her finest, but Kagome just wasn't ready…not yet…

 

Stepping up so that he was standing where all knew Kikyou's head to be, the priest made the sign of the cross before turning to face the court, his face solemn and his eyes gleaming with wisdom and a slight touch of the divine. “Our Queen has been called back to God. It is time she was laid to rest. Let us pray.”

 

The sound of rustling skirts, scraping shoes, and low murmurs as people expelled breath could be heard as all came to rest on their knees, their heads bowed and their hands folded before them. Kagome felt her own hands tremble, knowing what was to come…knowing she wasn't ready for the memory of that morning…the memory she had been avoiding, because to think about it too much made it all too real…

 

And then the priest began to speak, leading them all in the familiar prayer, the rest of the court silently mouthing the words with him, and Kagome could do nothing but remember. “The Lord is my shephard. I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside the still waters…”

 

* * * * *

 

“…he restoreth my soul. He guideth me in straight paths for his namesake.”

 

The sounds of a deep, steady male voice broke through the haze of sleep clouding her mind, and Kagome slowly opened her eyes, the smell of incense burning at her nostrils, the heat of the burning fire gone, winter's chill seeping through the very walls of the bedchamber. She was instantly aware of the fact that the curtains had been thrown open to allow in daylight, and she wondered why the surgeons were suddenly no longer worried about keeping Kikyou warm or protected from the winter cold, or why her servants, normally so devoted, had decided to suddenly abandon their duties and allowed the fire to burn out.

 

“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me.”

 

Blinking and sitting up, Kagome winced as she felt a muscle in her lower back complain about the awkward position she'd slept in. Turning slightly, she saw the priest from before, the one who had assumed the unofficial role as her confessor, sitting opposite her on the bed, his head bowed and his eyes closed, his left hand hovering over Kikyou's forehead as he recited the Lord's Prayer in clear, unflinching tones.

 

“Father?” Kagome felt her voice catch, still not fully awake, and noticed the way the man flinched slightly, but didn't cease what he was doing, continuing to speak in slow, steady tones.

 

“Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies. Thou hast anointed my head with oil.”

 

A cold, ominous lump of fear had settled in the pit of Kagome's stomach as her eyes darted from the priest to Kikyou's too-still form and back again, her brain working furiously to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Suddenly the cold fireplace and the open curtains made sense. After all, why would the doctors be concerned for Kikyou's health if she were…were…?

 

“Sister?” Kagome reached out to touch Kikyou's hand, but flinched away as though burned when she felt how cold her sister's skin was. Looking up at Kikyou's face, she saw there was no color in the once vibrant ivory skin, her raven hair matted against her head from sweat that had come and gone throughout the past several days.

 

She glanced back at the priest for confirmation of her fears…for reassurance that Kikyou was alive…for something…but all he did was continue to recite his prayer, clearly too stunned to do anything more than what he knew and understood. “My cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…”

 

* * * * *

 

“…and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

 

The court murmured an amen together, and Kagome was thrown back into reality. That moment still seemed so surreal to her; Kikyou lying still on the bed as the priest sat beside her murmuring prayer after prayer, the servants standing in the corners weeping for their fallen mistress, and Kagome sitting in the middle of it all, too stunned to cry and too overwhelmed by grief to speak.

 

“Kikyou…” she whispered her sister's name as though that, in and of itself, were a prayer, and felt, more than saw, her mother turn to look at her before the Marquess took her daughter's hand in her own and squeezed it affectionately, transferring some of her unyielding strength. Kagome took it gratefully, wishing she could be more like her mother; wishing she didn't feel the hate and the anger towards the court that currently sat like a bitter acid in her heart. It was so foreign to her; she was usually a woman of faith and kindness and patience, always forgiving and always warm. Yet in one moment Kagome had easily fallen prey to the cruel stab of hatred, the foundations of her faith rocked so much she wondered at times if they would just crumble all together.

 

She had been to the priest many times since Kikyou's death, asking him for advice, begging him to help her, and each time he gave her the same answers; vague answers. She had to find her own way, he said, back to God. She had to learn to forgive Him as much as she had to forgive the court for putting Kikyou through such a cruel judgment in the first place.

 

But what if she couldn't? What if she couldn't ever forgive them? What if she would never again be happy?

 

How could she be happy? How could Kagome ever laugh without restraint again, knowing her sister was no longer able to laugh at all?

 

Kikyou had told her not to cry; that it was all for the best. On her deathbed she had forgiven Kagome for all she had done with Inuyasha, and said everything would be all right. But Kagome couldn't see it. How could anything be all right if Kikyou was gone? If she was no longer there for Kagome to argue with…to see and to touch…to hug…

 

The ache in her chest swelled to the point that Kagome didn't think she could stand it, and yet the tears still did not come. She wanted to cry; she wanted the release…but for some reason she couldn't cry. Not yet.

 

She was vaguely aware of the priest saying a final prayer before the court, as one, rose to its feet, and Kagome numbly allowed her mother to pull her up as well so that she was standing, habit forcing her to smooth the wrinkles from her black skirts. She watched with a blank face as her mother stepped away from her and towards the coffin, gracefully taking the three steps up to the altar before she came to stand over her daughter, her face serene despite the tears that glistened in the corners of her eyes. Her lips moved as she murmured something only Kikyou was meant to hear before she moved away, down the aisle, and then it was Kagome's turn.

 

She hesitated.

 

All eyes turned towards her expectantly, but Kagome felt her feet freeze, unwilling to move forward and see what she knew was in the coffin. She didn't want to see it; she didn't want it all to be real.

 

A hand on her back calmed her racing heart somewhat, and Kagome turned to see Souta's brave face staring back at her without flinching, the tears in his own eyes mocking the fact that she could not cry. He gave her a slight smile, the corners of his lips quivering with the effort as he fought against the grief in his heart, and Kagome couldn't help but smile slightly back at the gesture. He was trying, she could see, to do what he thought was right; believing he was now her source of strength and comfort since Kikyou was gone.

 

“Souta,” she spoke his name, wanting him to understand how much she loved him, and how much she still needed Kikyou at that moment. She needed her other half…her source of strength…the other shining Higurashi star.

 

He managed to smile a little more in response. “Courage, sister,” he said gently, offering her his support, and Kagome felt the ache grow until she wanted to cry out from the pain as she thought of all the times she'd said that very thing to Kikyou.

 

Nodding her head slightly, she straightened her back and turned with purpose towards the polished white coffin atop the alter, everyone watching as she ascended the three steps so that she now stood over her sister. Taking a deep breath, Kagome prepared herself for what she would see before finally turning and looking down at Kikyou.

 

And there she was. As beautiful as ever, dressed in her favorite gown of red and white velvet and silk, altered slightly to accommodate her round belly, holding the child that would never be born. Her raven hair had been brushed to a healthy sheen and now spilled over her shoulders in intricately done braids, her skin obviously having been scrubbed clean, a false pink color painted onto her cheeks, her long delicate lashes resting gently against her cheeks. Her hands were folded neatly over her abdomen, just above the swell of her belly, and they had placed her magnificent crown atop her head, reminding all that she was no mere woman, but a Queen. Rose petals were scattered around her, releasing their sweet smell to mix with the strong incense in the air, and Kagome had to admit that even in death Kikyou Higurashi was still the most beautiful woman she had ever seen.

 

“Oh sister…” Her voice cracked, and the ache in her chest swelled to the point she thought it would burst. But still the tears wouldn't come. All Kagome felt was an immense sadness.

 

Never again would she feel the underlying jealousy as someone silently judged who was better; never again would she feel the desperate need to outdo Kikyou in every way; never again would she walk into a room and wonder who was more beautiful, intelligent, or witty. In short, she would never again feel the insecurity that came with having an older sister.

 

Their rivalry was over.

 

And Kagome had never understood how much she needed it to survive…until now.

 

Her lip trembled, and the aching swelled, but still no tears came, and Kagome became suddenly aware of the hundreds of eyes trained on her every move, watching, waiting, wondering what she would do. A bitter smirk curved up the corners of her lips, and Kagome could almost hear Kikyou's voice beside her, whispering that it is never over; the mask must always be worn, and one must always put on a great show. Nodding her head in agreement and understanding, Kagome took her last look at Kikyou's still, doll-like body before she stepped away, a mask of grace and poise covering her face. She would never wear hers as well as Kikyou had her entire life…she would never be as elegant and natural a courtier as her sister…but she would still try and bring honor to the Higurashi name, for her father's, and also now for her sister's sake.

 

“Your Majesty,” she murmured, loud enough that the people in the first few pews could hear, and without thinking swept away her long black skirts and curtsied low before her fallen Queen, recalling a day long past in a rose garden when she had told a man she would never bow before her sister. A stunned hush swept through the entire cathedral, and Kagome felt the burning amber eyes of the King on her back as she bowed her head low. Then, with grace and efficiency, she rose back to her full height and moved down the aisle, refusing to look at anyone but knowing by the murmurs around her that the court would remember for many years to come the day when Kagome Higurashi bowed before her sister…something she had sworn she would never willingly do.

 

And in that moment she couldn't help the slight smile on her face, knowing it was the final gift she could give Kikyou…the last thing she could do. And while it was a small gesture compared to some of the sacrifices she had made already, it was enough.

 

“It seems, sister, that Kouga was wrong,” she murmured to herself once she was outside and the chill of the snow and the wind was biting into her skin. She looked up at the sky. “You died the martyr…not I.”

 

There was a harsh gust of wind, as though Kikyou were trying to respond from her vantage point in heaven, and Kagome could almost hear her sister's harsh reply as she stated that she would never be a martyr, for martyrs were sad and pathetic figures in history. Kikyou Higurashi was anything but sad and pathetic.

 

Kagome grinned and shook her head, though the ache in her chest didn't ease at all. “I suppose you're right.”

 

The peace that had settled over the earth was suddenly rocked and shattered as the church bells began to ring in long, slow, solitary unison peals across the white world. Kagome glanced over her shoulder and saw Inuyasha, with his massive strength, carrying Kikyou's white coffin over his head, his face grim and his eyes hard with the determination to show as little emotion as possible. Despite her bleak outlook on life, Kagome felt her heart go out to him, knowing he was hurting just as much as she was, and just as unable to show it, though for different reasons.

 

Inuyasha…

 

Like everyone else, he was dressed entirely in black, from his pants to his shirt to the long black cape trailing out behind him. The only difference was the gold belt at his waist holding his trusted sword at his side, matching the golden crown atop his head. His silver hair was immediately caught up in the slight wind as he stepped outside and carefully descended the stone steps of the church, the white snow causing his hair to acquire a blue tint. His steps were firm and his back was straight with purpose as he walked, and Kagome thought that even shrouded in grief he was the most beautiful being she had ever seen.

 

As he passed by he glanced her way, and their eyes locked momentarily, their masks falling away so that each could see the other's hidden inner pain. Kagome was stunned by the depth of his grief, not having realized Kikyou's death would affect him as much as it had, but at the same time understanding, for while he had long since ceased to love her, he had still cared about her and felt responsible for her safety and wellbeing, and now no doubt felt like he'd failed her in some way.

 

She blushed in shame and looked away at last, thinking about the cruel words she'd flung at him and every other member of the court. She'd accused them all of killing her sister, saying they had been cruel and heartless for keeping Kikyou in the Tower for so long in her pregnant condition, and had even snapped at Inuyasha after Kikyou had died, saying he hadn't done enough to get her out of the Tower during the trial. It had wounded him deeply, because he had seen himself as Kikyou's protector of sorts, and the words had driven a wedge between them that had remained for the past six days.

 

Kagome watched him slowly walk away from her, pulling at her heart and adding to the pain she felt in her chest, but finally tore her gaze from his proud back when she felt another set of arms pull her into a strong embrace. Initially she rejected the offered comfort, but managed to calm her instincts when she recognized Bankotsu, even allowing her body to lean against his slightly for a few seconds before pulling away slowly. He gave her a brilliant smile, offering her his silent support, and she gratefully took it from him with an expression of gratitude.

 

“Are you alright?” He asked, his voice just as attractive as he was. Kagome couldn't suppress the smile that came to her face as she thought about how Kikyou had once said she should marry Bankotsu since at least there was enough sexual tension between them to guarantee an interesting relationship.

 

She shook the thought away even as she heard Kikyou's suggestive laughter in her mind. “Not really,” she finally replied, “But I appreciate all the support everyone is so generous in giving.”

 

“You have many friends, Kagome,” he stated firmly, placing a hand against his cheek. “Don't forget that.”

 

His eyes softened, and Kagome had to look away so she wouldn't see the love and affection in his eyes, unwilling to admit that yet another man loved her that she would never love in return. Granted, Bankotsu's heart was not as fragile as Kouga's, and she knew he would recover and be just fine without her, but she still hated the idea that she was hurting anyone.

 

She could have loved him, she knew, just as she could have loved Kouga, in a different time and place. But then again, she also couldn't imagine loving anyone but Inuyasha, so perhaps she was just telling herself such things to make herself feel better.

 

“Thank you, Bankotsu,” she finally said, knowing he was waiting for a response of some kind, and she even managed to give him an empty smile. “Your friendship is something I know I'll always cherish.”

 

He smiled sadly down at her, for once no flirtation or implications in his tone as he spoke. “As I will cherish yours, dear lady. I wonder if that King of yours knows just how lucky he is to have your love.”

 

Kagome's eyes went wide in surprise, and she blinked and looked away. “Surely you know that Kouga and I are no longer betrothed…”

 

Bankotsu smiled and shook his head. “I know that as much as I know the fact that you never loved him in the first place, Kagome.” Her mouth went suddenly dry, and he laughed at her expression of shock. “I've always known who held your heart, my lady. How could I not? You flirted with me, true, and I loved every minute of it, but you never smiled for me the way you smile for him. There's a look of utter peace that comes to your face when he enters the room.” He touched her cheek again. “How could I not see it?”

 

Kagome looked away with a deep blush of shame. “So how many people knew besides you? Were we so very obvious after all, even though we tried not to be?”

 

He laughed again. “No, you weren't obvious Kagome. And I admire you for trying to be so noble. I was just aware of it because, well…” He trailed off, but Kagome knew what he wanted to say. He had noticed because he was in love with her, and had immediately picked up on the reality that she didn't love him back.

 

“I understand.” She gave him the first genuine smile she'd mustered since Kikyou died, and even embraced him warmly. “I thank you for your discretion, my lord. And for all you've done for me. Our friendship has been nothing short of…” She didn't know how to put into words all the flirtation, which she knew deep down she'd enjoyed as much as he had. “Fun.” She shot him a truly coquettish grin, the grief leaving her shoulders for just a moment, and the Eastern King could do nothing but throw his head back and laugh again, the sound merry and filled with heart.

 

Finally, when it became apparent that everyone was staring at them because they were preventing the procession from continuing, Bankotsu stepped away and bowed low, a sign of huge honor for Kagome, considering he was a King in his own right. “I shall miss the fun we could have had together then, my lady,” he finally replied. She blushed at the implication, but was suddenly grateful for the fact that in all the chaos of her life he had not changed. He sobered slightly. “But I know you shall make a fine Queen for our country.”

 

She opened her mouth to protest that it was far too soon to be speaking of such things, since Kikyou hadn't even been laid to rest, but he put up a hand, clearly expecting her protest, and simply walked away, his own black cloak waving behind him, his crown atop his head. Kagome smirked in spite of herself, knowing he was every inch a man, and that he was indeed correct to say that their relationship would have been nothing short of interesting and fun.

 

“Sister, are you ready?” Souta came up beside her, offering her his arm, and Kagome sobered immediately, feeling the old pain and sadness return the moment the confident Eastern King left her side. Still, she was slightly relieved to know she could still smile.

 

Nodding, Kagome took his arm, noting the fact that he was now taller than she was, having grown several inches since they'd come to court. She regretted having spent so little time with him…but then again, he'd had his own life too. She was well aware of the fact that he commanded the attention of nearly every young girl at court, and was surrounded by many of the other young aspiring boys of the court. It made her glow with pride.

 

The procession was a somber affair, with nothing breaking the silence of the morning save for the toll of the church bells, people lining the streets of the city and falling in behind the elegant carriage that carried Kikyou's casket after it passed by. Ahead of the carriage at the head of the procession was Inuyasha with his back straight and his chin high in the air, his eyes never moving from his destination, which was simply the street in front of him. They would process through the entire city before coming back to the church and the royal family vault. Inuyasha looked so alone, causing Kagome to wish she could go to him, but propriety demanded otherwise, and she feared he was still too angry with her to want her company anyway.

 

Behind the young hanyou King was his brother Sesshoumaru, with Rin at his side, both noble and appropriately somber. Next came Kagura, who had chosen to remain for the funeral procession despite the fact that she had no emotions either way towards the royal family, and even she appeared to be grieving in her own way. Bankotsu was the last of the monarchs since Kouga had not come, his face a stoic mask of mourning. And finally came the Higurashi family, just ahead of the carriage so they could be close to their fallen family member. The Marquess walked proudly alone and aloof just ahead of her two remaining children, every person along the sides of the road gazing up in awe at the woman who seemed to be nothing short of a pillar of strength.

 

Kagome couldn't help but feel slightly pleased to see how many people had turned out, from the extremely wealthy to the extremely poor, every man removing his hat and every woman falling in a curtsy as the carriage passed. At least, she decided, Kikyou was finally receiving the genuine respect she'd deserved in life.

 

The procession weaved throughout the city streets, the mourners quickly becoming chilled from the falling snow and the slush created thanks to all the feet traversing the streets. The bells continued to dutifully toll every few seconds, echoing throughout the world and telling all in the vicinity that the Queen was dead. Each toll brought more of the grief back, and by the time they reached the back of the church and the entrance to the royal family vault Kagome could hardly breathe, the pain in her chest weighing heavily on her heart, her very soul weeping for the loss of her beloved sister…yet still the tears wouldn't come.

 

Inuyasha held up a hand, and as though he possessed powers of magic, the bells immediately went silent, the processing court stopping where they stood, and Kagome realized she'd been so lost in thought she hadn't even realized they'd reached the marble arch that led into the royal vault.

 

With the same solemn expression as before, Inuyasha reverently walked towards the carriage and took the white casket in his arms once more, raising it over his head and moving back towards the round arch, stepping through it and into the darkness beyond. Two monks appeared behind him carrying torches, and with impressive efficiency lit several lamps throughout the vault so that now the arch was glowing with soft yellow light, suddenly welcoming where before it had been ominous.

 

Sesshoumaru and Rin immediately followed the monks, along with Kagura and Bankotsu, and finally the Marquess turned and motioned for her children to follow as well. Kagome swallowed and forced her legs to move, mechanically stepping forward and mentally forcing one foot to follow the other through the archway. The two monks stepped behind them in front of the arch, silently sending the message that no other people were allowed for the private ceremony, and the mass of people began to silently disband and return to their homes, knowing their part in the official grief process was over.

 

The inner vault was a beautiful circular room constructed entirely of perfectly polished marble, save for the center on the floor, where the royal crest was in the ground, molded out of gleaming gold. The walls were all blank stone, save for one area directly across from the arch, where Kagome saw the tomb of the great Inutaisho and his noble wife, the Queen Izayoi. Their names were blazed across their tombs in the same gold as the royal crest, and above their names were well-cared for portraits of both the King and Queen respectively.

 

Kagome felt her breath catch as she stared into the eyes of Inuyasha's mother, her expression, even in the painting, just as kind and beautiful as everyone said she had been in life. Her long dark hair fell freely around her slim frame, which was clothed in a gown of the deepest purple outlined in a lighter shade of pink. The same brilliant pink pendant she'd seen in the portrait over the fireplace at Sesshoumaru's castle was around her neck, and a simple crown of diamonds rested atop her head. She was posed beside a fountain, the water pooling around behind her long gown, and one of her delicate white hands rested against the lip of the upper bowl catching the water before it spilled over into the stream along the ground. A slight, all-knowing smile graced her features, and Kagome thought she'd never seen someone so beautiful.

 

Inutaisho stared out of his portrait with ultimate confidence, his golden eyes mirroring Inuyasha's, his silver hair pulled into a ponytail at the back of his head and sweeping out behind him on an invisible wind. The plains of the west extended out behind him, the tall grass, painted in various shades of green, yellow, and brown, all blowing in the same direction as his hair. He was dressed in his finest armor, for he had been a warrior King who had fought for many years to attain the peace his country now enjoyed, three different swords belted at his waist, one of which being the tetsusaiga, which Inuyasha now wore at his waist.

 

Kagome couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like to meet such a man as King Inutaisho had supposedly been. Inuyasha spoke of him so little she wondered if his relationship with his father had been a good one, but then again, when he did speak it was always with fondness and, more than anything, awe and respect. So she supposed perhaps it was just painful to think of the father that was now dead.

 

A place had been hollowed out in the marble wall and now waited for Kikyou's casket as it would be her final resting place, and Kagome felt the ache in her chest grow once more as Inuyasha came forward carrying the white coffin in his arms, lowering it to the level of the square space and reverently sliding it in until the white end blended with the rest of the marble wall and none could tell the difference. A third monk appeared carrying the piece of marble that would successfully seal Kikyou's resting place off for eternity, and without meaning to Kagome felt her hand extend as he lifted it into place and shut her sister away from her forever.

 

“Kik…” Her voice cracked, and everyone turned to look at Kagome as the monk secured the marble slab in place bearing Kikyou's name in brilliant gold. She didn't care. The pain had become unbearable. They were locking her away. She would never see her beloved sister again. “Kikyou…”

 

She couldn't speak, but her face suddenly went pale, her arms trembling as she wrapped them around her body, rocking back and forth. Images of her sister appeared in her mind, memories from years long past, memories from two weeks ago…of times when they had been happy, or sad…of all those lonely years when she had heard nothing from the court and believed Kikyou to be angry with her. Now she would never see her sister again; never hear her voice as she was scolded for being improper, or feel her surprisingly strong arms comfort her in her time of need.

 

“Sister…” She whined, feeling the ache in her chest grow, her eyes beginning to water at last as the tears threatened to come in a wave of emotion she could not control. Who would comfort her now? Who would laugh with her and walk with her and talk with her when no one else would? Who would sit with her late at night and dream of years to come?

 

Despite all they had been through…all the bitterness and the pain and the anger and jealousy, spite, and frustration…they had loved each other as only sisters could, and Kagome suddenly felt so alone she could hardly stand it.

 

The same monk who had put the marble slab over the end of the coffin now brought forth the portrait of Kikyou that had been prepared, hanging it up alongside the image of Queen Izayoi, placing her forever in the royal family, her memory and honor assured for eternity. Her beautiful, stoic face peered down at Kagome, her sharp, intelligent brown eyes seeming to see everything around her, her ivory skin gleaming, highlighted by the deep crimson of her gown, which was lined in gold satin. She stood beside her throne, half of the great chair excluded from the painting, one of her hands resting against the tall back, her massive skirts bunched at her waist before tumbling away in a sea of crushed crimson and gold. Diamonds, as always, were at her neck, a wealth of bejeweled pins in her hair and seeming to sparkle within the portrait, her raven hair gleaming in the light and falling about her in a wealth of curls, her great crown atop her head.

 

She was, as always, perfect.

 

And Kagome could no longer stand it. The tears that had refused to come suddenly streamed down her cheeks, her chest heaving as she struggled for each painful breath, and she collapsed onto the floor, whimpering Kikyou's name in between sobs. She harshly demanded answers from God that she knew He would never give while also begging for her sister's forgiveness for such weakness as she was showing in that moment. Everyone around her simply stood in silence, unsure of how to react.

 

Finally she felt hands on her shoulders and her mother's voice in her ears, trying to reach her through the fog of pain. “Kagome, sweetheart, come with me. Lets get you home.”

 

Home.

 

Where was home? In the country, at the Higurashi mansion? Or was it here at court beside the man she loved? She didn't know where she belonged any more.

 

Without even thinking, Kagome shrugged away from her mother's embrace, for once finding no comfort in those familiar arms which had rocked her to sleep as a baby and given her solace in all her times of need since. “No…I can't leave her,” she murmured, sounding half mad.

 

The Marquess nodded patiently, understanding as she rubbed her hand in soothing circles over Kagome's back. “Then what do you need, my love? What can I do?”

 

“Nothing.” Kagome slumped forward on the floor, her head bowed and her arms loose at her sides, her palms facing up towards the ceiling. “There is nothing anyone can do. My sister is dead, and nothing can change that.” She looked up at the portrait, as though it were Kikyou's fault. “My sister is dead! And I don't know how I can live without her!”

 

She felt her mother's arms again, and despite the fact that they weren't the arms she needed, she accepted the comfort anyway, though her body remained stiff. “I understand, my love…I understand. But you must remember that you thought you couldn't go on living when your father died, and yet here you are.” She touched Kagome's cheek fondly. “All life cannot end, sweetheart. Kikyou would not want it to be that way either, you know that.”

 

“I don't give a damn what Kikyou would or would not want!” Kagome snapped, feeling something within her ignite. “I'm tired of everyone telling me that she's better off! I don't care if she is! She's not here with me, and never will be again! And that's all I care about!” Another sob nearly choked her as she pulled away from her mother. “So what if she's in heaven now? I can't hold her, or touch her, or speak with her, or see her every day or…” She swallowed, unable to say any more.

 

Looking over at the Marquess, who for one looked like she was at a loss for what to do, Kagome softened her expression slightly. “I know you mean well, mama, and I know what you say is true. I know that if she could Kikyou herself would come down and wipe the tears from my face and tell me life must go on. But…” She shook her head and her lower lip trembled. “None of that matters to me right now. All I care about is the reality that my sister is dead, and there is this great big empty place in my heart that I'm not sure will ever be full again. Frankly, I don't know if I will ever feel whole again.” She shrugged, the tears streaming down her face. “Why can't anyone understand that?”

 

Her mother just smiled sadly. “Of course we understand, sweetheart. Don't you think I feel the same way? To lose your father was awful enough, but now I have lost my daughter as well, and no parent should ever have to bury their children. I can hardly breathe without wanting to die myself. But your father always used to tell me that in great pain we can find great courage and strength, and so I cling to that truth every day, and will continue to cling to it until the day I die, because I promise you this much: the pain will never full go away, and you will never be the same.”

 

Kagome frowned and looked away. “So what's the point in living, if it all just ends when those you love are gone?”

 

The Marquess smiled again. “Because it never ends, Kagome. To truly live I can promise you will know pain just as surely as I can promise you will know love. And each time the pain comes, you cling to your courage and your strength, and take comfort from those who are still with you, and wait for the day when you can smile again, and when you'll love those around you even more. And I promise, Kagome, that day will come. It always does. The human heart, while incredibly fragile when placed in the hands of others, is also incredibly resilient and strong when it needs to be. Have faith in that, if nothing else.”

 

A long silence followed her mother's words as Kagome tried to make sense of it all, knowing she never would because it wasn't something she was meant to understand. The cycle of living and dying was beyond the scope of mere mortals, and so she would have to somehow content herself with what her mother said, and cling to what little courage and strength she had left after fighting for her sister's honor for so long.

 

After a time the sound of footsteps against the marble reached her ears, and Kagome became vaguely aware of the fact that everyone was moving towards the door, including the Marquess, recognizing that she needed to be alone for a while. Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply the smell of incense, expelling the air just as she felt a heavy and familiar hand come to rest on her shoulder.

 

Inuyasha.

 

New tears formed at the corners of her eyes, partly out of the pain of losing Kikyou, and partly out of the shame of knowing that she desperately wanted and needed the comfort of her dead sister's husband. She'd tried so hard to keep him away…that was partly why she'd said what she did, so that he would be too angry to come to her…and yet through it all she'd wanted nothing more than his arms. And now he was there, as he always was, in her time of need.

 

She recalled the night he'd flown to her side after her father's violin had smashed into the wall, holding her trembling body in his arms and allowing her to weep for so many things that now, against Kikyou's death, seemed insignificant. He almost always seemed to sense when she was in the mood for a good fight, and when she needed a kind word, and even though he had a foul temper and a sharp tongue to match, Kagome knew she could be happy with no other, and felt sick at heart to know a part of her was secretly happy she could finally be with him in an honest, open relationship.

 

Reaching up, she covered his hand with her own, feeling as he turned his palm over and curled his fingers around hers. She sighed. “I spoke harshly and behaved badly, Inuyasha…please forgive me.”

 

She heard him take in a deep breath. “There is nothing to forgive, Kagome…I would have probably said the same thing in your situation.”

 

And just like that the wedge that had been between them all week was gone, leaving behind nothing but their love and affection, and their mutual pain and grief.

 

“What can I do for you?” He finally asked, being uncharacteristically forward and open as his voice wavered slightly.

 

Kagome knew there was only one thing she needed or wanted from him, and immediately rose to her feet and buried her face in his chest. “Just hold me, please.” And he did, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on the top of her head, allowing her to fit against his body perfectly as he inhaled deeply that wonderful scent of roses.

 

His Kagome.

 

He'd felt so empty without her all week, grieving alone for a woman he no longer loved, but still suddenly missed nonetheless. Kikyou had become, in a strange way, a close friend and confidant, for while they had not consummated their marriage, they had certainly spent many nights talking with one another and doing what they should have done before their marriage: become acquainted. They'd met through mutual loneliness and become engaged for all the wrong reasons, and Inuyasha was at least grateful that they had been given the chance to fix many of the wrongs they had done each other in the last few months Kikyou had been alive.

 

Now he just felt sorrow for her, wishing her life could have been happier and feeling partially responsible for her death, wondering if perhaps there was a grain of truth in what Kagome had said and wishing he had tried to use more of his influence to get her out of the Tower.

 

But more than anything he felt great sorrow for the woman in his arms, knowing the loss she was no doubt suffering through, for he had felt the same pain when his mother had died, leaving him to feel very alone in the world at a very young age with a father who cared but also had a country that was still balancing on a knife's edge and an older half-brother who was often cold and cruel.

 

He felt Kagome tremble in his arms as another sob shook her entire body, and didn't know what to do. He had never been very good at sentimental things like comforting those in need; usually he ended up saying something he later regretted…something hurtful. And the last thing he needed to do was hurt Kagome at that moment.

 

“Kagome, I…” He tried to voice something, anything, but didn't know what to say. “I'm not very good at this, Kagome.” He opted for honesty. “I don't know what I should do.”

 

The sincerity in his voice was enough, telling her more than he realized. “You're doing all I need, Inuyasha,” she replied, her voice rough and raw from tears as she fisted her hands into his black shirt.

 

He smiled at that, feeling slightly better knowing he might be doing a little bit of good in a situation that was otherwise making him feel very helpless. He hated to feel helpless; it was one of the downsides of having demon strength, hearing, and sense of smell…it meant on the rare occasion when he couldn't do anything, he felt out of place and uncomfortable, whereas helplessness seemed to be a much more common trait among normal humans.

 

He grunted. All humans except Kagome, anyway…she never acted like she was helpless, even if she was. She always seemed to insist there was a way out of every problem life presented her. That's why he knew she'd be alright once time stepped in a put a little distance between her and the memory of putting her sister into her tomb.

 

“You know what?” He finally murmured against her hair.

 

She sniffled. “What?”

 

“You broke a promise today.”

 

“I did?”

 

“Yeah.” His voice was uncharacteristically warm and gentle as he spoke. “You swore to me on the day we met that you would never willingly bow before your sister. I believe you bowed before her today.”

 

Kagome couldn't help but chuckle at that. “I suppose I did, didn't I?” She sighed and snuggled closer to his warm body. The pain was still there, but the ache at least was a little better now that she'd had a good cry. “It just seemed like the right thing to do. The last gift I could give to her.”

 

He nodded. “I understand, and you were right. It was a gracious thing to do, and everyone noticed.” His arms tightened around her waist in response to her movement against his chest. Glancing up, he met the gaze of his deceased wife, her hauntingly beautiful face captured forever on canvas that he knew would be well cared for by the monks of the church. “I almost like to think she gave us a final gift too.”

 

Looking up, Kagome furrowed her brow. “What would that be?”

 

He smiled back at Kikyou's portrait as he spoke, though his eyes were drawn and sad. “As cruel as her death is, in a way she's with the one she loves now and, in her own way, has also given us the chance to be together.”

 

Kagome felt her body jolt, recalling how Kikyou had said nearly the exact same thing just before she'd died, about forgiving Kagome and Inuyasha for what they'd done, and that her final gift to Kagome was the ability to be with the man she loved without guilt or remorse.

 

“Oh Inuyasha…” Tears she didn't know she still had ran down her cheeks, and she turned her face into his chest and sobbed once more. Inuyasha just held her, feeling strangely comforted under the powerful gaze of his father and the loving eyes of his mother, and without thinking he began to rock back and forth like the old Queen had once done for him when he would come to her crying.

 

Slowly Kagome fell into silence, taking the strength of the man she loved and holding it close to her heart even as she felt it breaking. Kikyou was gone forever, and that was something she could hardly bear to think about. All the time in the world could not have prepared her for the pain and the loss, and the fact that she was able to, in her own way, say good bye, brought little comfort. Still, as she listened to Inuyasha's steady heartbeat and felt her own pulse slow to match his, she knew in him she'd found her rock of support, and would never be so foolish as to push him away again.

 

Closing her eyes, she expelled one more sigh and gave herself over to his strength, drifting off into a dreamless sleep, praying, and hoping, for the day her mother had promised would eventually come…the day when she could smile again. And in the meantime, she had Inuyasha.

 

 

 

 

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