| "Willpower" Reviews/Comments [ 304 ] |
| Pages (21): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 › » ] |
Reviewed By: Mia Skywalker [MediaMiner Member] On: October 10, 2002 00:57 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Oh, that was good! ^_^ (Just read chapter 2 - I didn't realize that the first "chapter" was a prologue) Poor Vegeta! How COULD she resist him! I know I couldn't! *sigh* Man, those two must be suffering! I hope one of the others caves in soon, so they don't have to suffer *too* much longer! ^_^
You do have some minor spelling errors, and sometimes use words incorrectly. For instance, you wrote "and" instead of "an", "excepted" instead of "expected", "angry" instead of "anger", things like that.
There are also typos, like "shrit" instead of "shirt". A beta reader would probably catch all these little errors. They don't make your fic any less enjoyable, but it would be more of a professional quality if you correct those. My co-author makes the same sorts of errors, which is why I have beta readers. You may want to correct your older works and update them, to fix those errors. |
Reviewed By: Mia Skywalker [MediaMiner Member] On: October 10, 2002 00:15 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ok, I've only read chapter 1 so far, but that is TOO funny! I have *got* to see how these women manage to fend their men off! And besides, why would they WANT to? They're all insane! They've got Saiyajin mates, for Kami's sake! They should be having sex at least six times a day! ^_^ |
Reviewed By: Starwake321 On: October 05, 2002 02:37 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Verrrrrry good. That was really funny. And nice endinds in the chapters |
Reviewed By: CapturedGhost On: September 20, 2002 15:49 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Comment/Review:
Hmm, quite a naughty little piece you've got here... I was drawn to this fanfiction because of the many reviews it has gotten, and also because of its 'summary,'
I haven't found any fanfictions as of yet that has such storyline. I want to congratulate you on such creativity. You have a fine way of putting humor and sex together ... giving the fic a non-serious-slightly-silly 'atmosphere.' Well done!
Now let's get to the nitty gritty. You're not being descriptive enough in the many chapters of this fanfic, I believe. I noticed how, that when in the lemon scenes, you tend to have a burst of imagery wording. However, other than the lemon scenes and chapters, the rest seem to be written in humdrum fashion with not enough "paint" to fulfill one's imagination.
I saw some spelling mistakes here and there--along with some punctuation errors as well. / As for vocabulary usage, all is fine, just remember the thesaurus is always there to be used as source.
I enjoyed reading this fanfiction. It always tickles me to death when I see new ideas in fanfiction categories that I like. This fanfiction was very interesting and kept me reading on.
Overall, I suggest you continue writing. It never fails to have someone review your work. Keep in mind that a story is a piece of art, that when publish, should be in perfect form. Watch out for spelling and grammar mistakes!
WRITE ON! |
Reviewed By: Angelhart [MediaMiner Member] On: September 18, 2002 17:21 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review:
Very original and very pleasant to read as well. Keep it up. |
Reviewed By: amazon fox [MediaMiner Member] On: August 25, 2002 20:25 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i wish soooooooooooo bad that i was videl!! or bulma!!! they are so luck!! |
Reviewed By: Kahlan Nightwing [MediaMiner Member] On: August 12, 2002 19:10 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
18 paused as the phone began to ring. She moved to the small table that held the only extension in the house and frowned as her hello was met by a girlish giggle.
“Stop that,” the caller chastised some unseen person.
“Bulma?” 18 questioned.
“18? Hi! Listen I-” another fit of laughter erupted followed by soft moan.
18 removed the phone from her ear and frowned at it before putting it back.
“- hold on a minute okay?” she heard Bulma say. “Okay sorry about that I'm back. I won't be there today so- wait a second Vegeta I wasn't through!”
“Oh yes you were,” Vegeta growled just before the line went dead.
You know I loved this scene. I, of course, skipped the whole Videl/Gohan thing. If fact, I'm dreading that I have to write it. It's like a chick flick.
(clears throat) JadedBest, may your story have the honor of being the first story in my fanfiction section at http://committed.to/bttp ? I'll put it in a lemon section and everything. Check out the sight and email me back yes or no? Thanks! This was a truly awesome fic! BTW, I still think of chapter 6.... |
Reviewed By: Chibi Beji (not logged in) On: August 10, 2002 07:33 CDT
Comment/Review:
It's over already? But it was so fun, and good, and well written...and enjoyable... o_O; can't think of anymore...
ah yes, everyone go!! Read Rae George! Anything by her rocks! And I'm not just saying this because she's one of my best friends...not at all! It's because her stories really do freaking rock!! |
Reviewed By: Ember [MediaMiner Member] On: August 10, 2002 05:59 CDT
Comment/Review:
*chuckles* I like this fic a lot. *insert evil grin here* Us writers are so mean, but the entertainment value is well worth it. The scene where Bulma and Videl got into the cat fight and Gohan and Vegeta were enjoying it was great. Sexualy frustrated Saiyan's are just so much fun! Plus I liked Bulma's phone call at the end... and 18's subsequent disgust was just perfect! |
Reviewed By: Chibi Beji (not logged in) On: August 09, 2002 20:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
Poor, POOR Gohan...and Videl. |
Reviewed By: gokusgirl [MediaMiner Member] On: August 08, 2002 21:02 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
What a sweet G/V lemon! I never thought that Videl would be the winner...but it makes sense! Thanks for writing such a great story...this one is one I'll always remember! Can't wait to read some more of your stories...until next time keep up the great work! :)
Later Tater! |
Reviewed By: priss On: August 08, 2002 14:36 CDT
Comment/Review:
IT WAS GREAT! (I MEAN WILLPOWER) * PRISS BOWS IN YOUR PRESENTCE anyway i'm on the list for willpower so you can take me off and again great story bye |
Reviewed By: Hosi-chan02 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 08, 2002 13:06 CDT
Comment/Review:
Short, but great all the same! |
Reviewed By: tinie [MediaMiner Member] On: August 07, 2002 14:09 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
WOW! This story is almost as good as When You Least Expect! hehe, i said almost ^_~ anyways, update your others... especially WYLE plleeeaasse! ok, well can't wait! tinie |
Reviewed By: Nesha On: August 07, 2002 11:46 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I'm sad that it's over, but I enjoyed it anyway.
Um... *looks around*... that's all I have to say.
*yells* DON'T FORGET TO READ DIGITAL HIGH!!!! I COULD USE SOME POINTERS!!!
And I'll be on the lookout for your other fic, My Friend. |
| Pages (21): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 › » ] |
