Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Delicate ❯ Worlds Appart ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: Lyn and Andrew and their beautiful family are mine. Must have expressed written consent to use, fanfic or whatever. Dee and Ryo etc. are not mine. Don't sue, I'm poor ^_^;

Delicate

Chapter Eight:

Worlds Appart

By: Irish

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ryo's dark eyes scoped in on the target, both hand gripping the glock in proper police stance. He squeezed the double trigger and fired five times in rapid succession. The sound was a dull thump through the huge mufflers on his ears. He didn't enjoy practicing with his glock nearly as much as he did with a rifle, but in his mind that was all the more reason to practice with it. You didn't sniper from the hip, you had your shots set up sometimes over an hour before you ever pulled the trigger. But if you were using your glock it was because you were in serious trouble, now.

He lowered the weapon slowly as the mechanism zipped the painted paper towards him, showing him that three of his shots had hit dead center, a fourth rode the line, and fifth was a little off. Probably the last shot, he guessed. He was used to working one careful shot at a time, and the kickback from multiple shots always bucked his aim up and to the left… albeit only by about three inches… but that could also be the difference between a wound and a kill shot. He took down the paper and set it aside, mounting another before hitting the button to send it back.

He took ten careful shots this time. Nine out of ten in the center, two sharing a hole. He was having a good day. He thought he would bring this one home, Bikky kept a running tally of his best shots by hanging the targets in his room. Ryo only allowed him to keep one up at a time, and the one currently up on the wall had been there long enough that it was starting to fade. When the sheet returned to him he rolled it carefully. It was nice to know his son was proud of him.

He handed his gun across the counter for his ammo to be counted. Every bullet had to be accounted for, at all times. Once counted and recorded it was handed back to him and he slipped it into his holster. Not a bad end to his day. Not bad at all. Now if only he could get Dee to show him his specialty shot, not that he would ever have the cahoonas to use it… but damn. Ryo hated guns, at least, hated the idea of anyone but cops having them. He didn't think they were cool, he would never own one that wasn't work related. He thought the current translation of the second amendment was a joke… but Dee's claim to fame… was just too cool for even him to resist. Dee could shoot two guns at once, like some old west bandit, and accurately. At least, as accurately as he was with one hand, and fifth in the department wasn't bad at all.

Ryo moved slowly up the steps to his shoebox office, drawing on his light jacket and gathering a handful of files and tucking them under his arm before shutting off the lights and meandering from the station. With any luck Dee's day off had gone well… he had been looking so drawn, so tense lately. The man actually looked like he was pushing thirty, instead of the eternal just-out-of-college persona that seemed to follow him. In fact it gave him some satisfaction that in another month Dee would be thirty, not just pushing it. For two months out of the year they were the same age, and Ryo planned to milk this one, as Dee to this day still called him 'old geezer' since he had hit the big three-o.

His subway trip home was filled with thoughts of birthday presents and holiday gifts, trying to figure out how many gifts of jewelry he was allowed to give, and how close to each other… everything else seemed too impersonal… or too personal. The man needed new gloves, and a scarf, he knew that… and both of those things could be found in a hefty enough price range to make a good Christmas gift. A bottle of after-shave… and maybe a new gold chain for his cross, the one currently on his neck was starting to show its age. For his birthday… maybe an ID bracelet…. Underwear or sex anything was just too… too… well Dee would like it too damn much and want to use it on him, damnit.

The subway lurched to a stop and Ryo shifted like a true New Yorker, not even stumbling, or flinching at the sound. It was better then the trains in Japan… where pushing was considered polite. He waited his turn and stepped into the mingled smells of over-powering women's perfume, urine and body odor.

"Ah… New York." He sighed, in an impression of Harrison Ford in 'Raiders of the Lost Ark', one of the movies he and Dee both adored. The other two were 'Temple of Doom' and 'Search for the Holy Grail'. He made a mental note to dig out those videos tonight, maybe they would cheer Dee up, and despite being 'old school' Bik loved them too.

He walked through the city, moving easily with the flood of people that scuttled the city sidewalks, another sheep in the herd. He always wondered what would happen if the crowd didn't break for 'don't walk' signs, that if someone would eventually stop, or if the crowds would just flow like water from a trampled dam until someone plowed through with a taxi.

There was another scent, under the smell of the city, and it caught Ryo's nose like a hook, dragging him through the crowd to a vender, Indian probably, on the corner. She had a small cart, or at least that's what Ryo assumed was under the brilliant coloring of flowers that left almost nothing of the cart visible.

"Flowers? One rose two dollar, bouquet ten dollar, bouquet roses twenty dollar." She informed him, smiling; obviously relieved that someone had stopped on the busy street.

Ryo looked carefully over the cart… could you give flowers to a male lover? Dee had given him flowers once… a mistake he hadn't repeated… Ryo had nearly ripped his balls off. Ryo suspected Dee might appreciate the gesture, but not roses. Dee had brought him a dozen roses that time… a gift for a woman. Ryo scanned the flowers, touching a petal here and there. A single rose? No… too sexy, this wasn't supposed to be a sex appreciation gift… finally he laid eyes on a small bouquet of lavender, tied with a deep blue ribbon. Those. Dee would like those. Ryo picked them up with tender hands fishing a ten out of his pocket and handing it to the woman, shuffling his files so he could carry them with out damaging them.

The apartment was still silent when he entered, and that was okay with him. There was a note from Bikky on the table, saying he was at the arcade with Cal. It perturbed him slightly that there was no note, or voicemail from Dee. Dee always called. Even on the rare occasion Dee was at his own apartment for a full twenty-four hours in a shot, he would call just to let Ryo know he was going out for a beer or whatever. The detective had repeatedly told his partner that there was no need to check in with him, but Dee didn't stop… it was almost like he wanted Ryo to keep tabs on him. Ryo on the other hand only told Dee where he was if he was running late for a specific appointment.

That had been their first fight as a couple. It came back to Ryo with a sort of sinking feeling in his gut as he laid the flowers on Dee's pillow. Not because it had even been that big of a fight… but because he was starting to see a pattern to how they fought.

"I just went out to dinner with a friend, why the hell do you care where I was? Can't I go out with friends?!"

"Of course you can, I was just worried, I don't care where you go, just tell me. If you called me and told me you were going to a whorehouse I wouldn't say a word, I just want to know you're okay!" Dee hadn't quite shouted the words, but his voice had risen with a sort of desperation.

"What the fuck, Dee, its nine at night, the sun has barely set, I am a cop, what do you think was going to happen to me!" Ryo on the other hand, was shouting… well… apartment shouting. A loud enough voice to let Dee know that he wanted to shout, but not loud enough for the neighbors to hear his words.

"I check in with you!"

"That is your choice! How many times do I have to tell you don't check in with me, I am not your keeper! Don't be a controlling asshole, I won't accept that."

"I'm not! You aren't listening, I just want to know you are safe!"

"You want to know where I am at all times!"

Dee sighed softly sitting down on the bed, rubbing his face. "Fine… you're right. I am sorry. I won't ask you to let me know… just do me a favor and tell me if you leave town for a few nights, okay?"

Ryo shrugged. "If I want to." His words had been bitter, one last jibe, what right did Dee have to demand to know where he was, that was abusive, right?

Now on the receiving end, of not having Dee exactly where he expected him to be, he was starting to understand how such a little thing could cause worry. Odd that Dee had given in so quickly on it… then again, despite being more stubborn then a drunk Irish mule, Dee didn't like to fight, a lot like Bikky actually. Both put up a token defense, but whenever Ryo really asserted himself… they backed down… how odd.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dee walked into the house to the smell of Thai food. A smile sprung on his lips like sun on a snow bank, suddenly. Thai food, their first real date… the second time they made love. The important time, in Dee's opinion. The time Ryo had made an actual choice, not just given consent.

Bikky was sprawled on the floor, feet swinging in the air in time to the rabid gutter punk music that spewed from the headphones over his ears. His biology book was in front of him. Dee crouched down and ruffled the boy's hair before kicking off his shoes and moving into the kitchen.

Ryo was on tiptoe, reaching well over his head for the chopstick rests that matched the rice bowls already on the table. He was still just too short, his fingertips grazing the glazed stoneware. Dee moved up behind him, wrapping an arm around his waist, and holding him tightly, as Dee raised himself on his tiptoes, body sliding along Ryo's. Dee's fingers overlapped Ryo's hand as he reached that extra couple inches, fingertips flicking the stacked ceramic leaves off the shelf and into his palm, and in turn, placing them in Ryo's palm, as he started to nibble on Ryo's neck.

"We should get you a step stool." Dee whispered, breath against his lover's neck.

Ryo had tensed initially, surprised at Dee's sudden presence, but now he relaxed, letting Dee draw down his arm, and engulf him in a warm over-the-back hug. "Did you have a good day?" Ryo asked softly, loving Dee intensely in that moment. It was those little things, those little thoughtful gestures that made Ryo weak in the knees over this man. He would bet his badge there were very few men who would come in the door and be so affectionate unless they wanted sex. Not that Dee wouldn't take sex, he was always ready for that, but not every touch from the man was sexual.

"I did, actually. Sorry I am so late, I went to vespers, and stayed for confession. You got Thai." Dee's voice was low and warm, and he smelled of incense from the service, and fall leaves.

"I'm glad, you have really been dragging. I did get Thai for us, I thought we could eat, and have an Indian Jones marathon, maybe make some popcorn later, I need to brief you on some stuff, but it can wait… I did a lot of desk jockeying today." Ryo stroked his hands over Dee's arms. "Go change into something comfy, dinner will keep." Ryo smiled tilting his head back to steal and awkward kiss, smiling when they bumped noses, and Dee proceeded to Eskimo-kiss him.

"Okay, in a minute, I've got my hands full." Dee smiled, running his hands over Ryo's stomach and hips before stepping back and releasing him. He paused a moment at the door of the kitchen, turning back to Ryo and offering him a smile that was so sweet Ryo felt his heart stop. "Thank you for caring."

"You're welcome." Ryo smiled back. From anyone else those words would have been callous and sarcastic, but when accompanied with that smile, they were wonderful and sincere, and made Ryo want to join his partner in the bedroom and kiss him until he couldn't breathe and spend the entire night cuddling him.

The Thai and movies went better than Ryo could have dreamed. The two gutter punks that he loved most didn't exchange a single insult, and Bikky didn't even make gagging noises at Ryo's cuddliness with Dee. They spent the entire evening on the couch, spooned like kittens, with Bikky on the floor beside them, exchanging soft kisses and tender caresses under blankets when Bik was deeply engrossed in the movie. By the time they went to bed, Ryo was definitely in the mood.

Dee had been extremely touched by the flowers, as he had never received any before. Not even when he had a fairly lasting relationship with another man (six months had been his longest) his partner had never seen fit to give him flowers. He had immediately put them in a vase and they were now resting in a vase on the windowsill. He rather hoped they meant Ryo had amorous intentions, and did what he could to encourage that. He knew the hours of couch cuddling was almost a sure bet, cuddling and innocent touching were always sure to turn Ryo's crank. And honestly, Dee was learning just how arousing they could be.

After Bikky was herded to bed, Ryo returned to where Dee was still sprawled on the couch, crawling up along his body and laying down on top of him with a soft noise of contentment. "How are you feeling, love?" He stroked the sable locks off of Dee's brow, carding his fingers through them.

"Hmmm…you want the 'PG' version, or the 'R' version?" Dee chuckled giving a sultry grin as he ran his hands down Ryo's spine.

"Oooh, sounds interesting, how about both?"

"Alright, well the "PG" version is that I am extremely content and relaxed for the first time in a week. The 'R' version is that I am also very interested in carrying you to bed, stripping you down and making slow love to you for half the night… then washing you down in the shower and having another round of slow love. What do you think?" Dee's green eyes glimmered like emeralds under light.

"Hmmm…. Slow love for half the night? What if I want it fast and hard?" Ryo teased smiling down at him, their foreheads resting together.

"What ever you want ,baby, the Dee machine is here to please." Dee grinned, stroking Ryo's back, and knowing that Ryo definitely wanted it nice and slow. He knew his lover well enough to know that.

"Oh well, I suppose we can do it slow, since you asked so nicely." Ryo's voice was teasing as he ran the back of his hand lightly over Dee's cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too Ryo." Dee leaned up and kissed him softly, a light nibbling at his

lips that he slowly deepened until their tongues were twining. Their hands caressed and stroked, sliding over muscle and flesh. Dee wondered in the back of his mind if this time would be like every other time, if Ryo would stop touching him once the clothes came off, or if maybe, this time, he could make Ryo want it enough to touch him, to reciprocate foreplay. But as Dee's hands slid under Ryo's shirt to rub his chest and find his nipples, Ryo's hands went to his shoulders, and stayed there. Dee sighed softly, sitting up carefully, shifting until Ryo was in his lap, and then standing, lifting Ryo up into his arms.

Ryo wasn't light, in fact, Dee figured if the man weighed another ten pounds or so this wouldn't be possible, but as it was, Dee could carry him the short distance from the couch to the bedroom without breaking a sweat, though it was close. Dee lay his lover down on the bed, stripping off his own shirt before crawling in beside him, and laying claim to his mouth.

Clothes were discarded, all removed with Dee's hands, a small pile forming next to the bed until they were both naked and panting. The small pinprick in Dee's heart that had formed out on the couch when Ryo's hands came to rest on his shoulders, had slowly widened as passion was slowly stoked, and Ryo's hands, at best, stroked across his back. It was nice to be touched, even in that way, but it wasn't enough.

Dee had been teasing one hard nipple with the tip of his tongue when he realized he couldn't be satisfied with this one-way version of foreplay. He looked up slowly, taking in the way Ryo's head was thrown back, the way he was panting, as he inched up to lay beside him again, cupping his cheek lightly to get his attention.

"Ryo?" his voice sounded breathy and intense even in his own ears. It took a moment for Ryo to open his eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Ryo… please… touch me?" He asked softly. Ryo blinked at him a moment, then gave a small chuckle.

"I am touching you."

"No… Ryo… touch me like I am touching you." Dee found his heart pounding in his chest so hard that it took the breath from his lungs, he and Ryo locked eyes, and he saw a look he hadn't seen in a while. Ryo's patented deer in the headlights look.

"I-I don't know how."

Dee knew bullshit when he heard it. Having sex was one of the few instincts man still had, and one that was there no matter who you were having sex with. "Just touch me the way you want to be touched…"

Ryo licked his lips and looked away. "Dee…"

If it had at any point occurred to Dee that Ryo would honestly refuse to touch him

intimately, he would have never said anything. Slowly the hurt that had been growing in him blossomed more fully into a deep-seated nausea.

"Ryo… what… what? I am good enough to get you off but not good enough for you to reciprocate?"

"It's not like that at all, Dee! I touch you all the time." Ryo protested, his hands brushing over Dee shoulders to prove it.

"Really? When's the last time you had your hand on my dick, and through my pants doesn't count." Dee's voice trembled a little, so did the arm that propped him up.

"I…um… well…"

"My bare chest? My hips, my nipples? In fact have you ever touched me somewhere that wasn't my back, skin to skin? Have you ever managed any foreplay but kissing? Have you ever had your mouth lower then my neck?"

"Dee? I…I'm sorry, okay… I'm just…I just…" Ryo shook his head, and bit his lip, how had this gone south so fast? He could see the genuine hurt in Dee's eyes.

"I can't do this, Ryo." De said, shaking his head as he got up from the bed.

"Dee…" Ryo propped himself up on his elbows, his brow furrowed, watching as Dee searched for his clothes. "Where are you going?"

"Home. I'm going home. I can't do this any more. I can't just…just…keep loving you, keep pouring all I am into this, when you just suck and suck, and tell me that you aren't gay, you want a wife, and children. This relationship has been over since it started. I can't have my heart broken again and again, every day." Dee had found his clothes and struggled into them as he spoke.

"Dee! What are you talking about?" Ryo sat up quickly, watching Dee's jerky movements. "I love you! What do you mean this relationship has been over since it started?!"

"No, Ryo, you don't love me. I'm finally starting to understand that. If you loved me, you wouldn't already be planning a future without me. You would want me in your future. But you don't. Every time you say you love me, it comes with a 'but'. You can't stand to touch me. Fuck, Ryo! I'm done! Good luck with your perfect life. Call me if you need manual labor for your white picket fence." Dee turned and tried to storm from the room, but he could only managed a defeated slouch. He had planned to go straight out the door, but Bikky stood in the middle of the living room, in just his boxers.

"Dee…?" He half whimpered, looking up at him, blue eyes wide. "Where are you going?"

"Bikky…" Dee stopped, kneeling down in front of the boy, putting his hands on his naked shoulders. "I'm going home."

"You're not coming back are you?" Bikky's eyes glistened with gathering tears.

"I don't plan to, tiger. You can still come see me though, all right? You're still my best bud, okay?" He rubbed Bikky's arms.

"I don't want you to go." Bikky whispered, throwing his arms around Dee. Dee hugged him tightly, kissing the side of his head.

"It will be okay." He gave him an extra squeeze, then gently set Bikky away from himself and got to his feet.

"Dee…" Ryo whispered from the bedroom door. "Don't go." His arms were crossed over his bare chest, hugging himself.

"Do you still want to marry a woman?" Dee asked evenly, his whispered voice rough.

"Yes…" Ryo choked, the first few tears spilling down his cheeks.

"Good bye, Ryo." He turned on a heel, he couldn't look at Bikky, looking so young and skinny in only the street light from outside, his hands balled into fists at his sides, jaw clenched against his tears. The only sound was his shoes on the linoleum as he walked out the front door.

Bikky turned to look at Ryo slowly, unable to believe what had just happened. He always thought it would be Dee's fault, that Ryo would just give him the boot, but that wasn't how things went down. This had been Ryo's fuck up.

"Why did Dee just leave?" Bikky asked, his voice much smaller than he wished it.

"Because… he couldn't… respect… how I feel…" Ryo managed to choke out, knowing it was a lie as it passed his lips. The truth was he couldn't respect how Dee felt, admit that Dee needed him, and that he was intentionally hurting Dee daily.

"That's bull shit! He would cut his fucking nuts off if you asked him to!" Bikky shouted, breathing hard, literally panting. Dee wasn't coming back.

"Watch your language!" Ryo snapped back. "It's none of your business, alright? Go to bed. I thought you hated him anyway, you wanted him gone."

"Not any more! He was my dad, too!"

"Shut up, Bikky. Go to bed." Ryo said with sudden eerie calm, standing up from the doorframe. "Unless you want to leave with Dee." He gestured to the front door.

Bikky recoiled sharply as if Ryo had reached out and struck him. He had. He hadn't said it directly, but his meaning was clear. If Bikky was going to side with Dee on this, he wasn't welcome here any more. For a wild moment, Bikky thought about throwing on some clothes and running after Dee, see how Ryo liked that! But too much of him was afraid Ryo would like it just fine… and then what? No one in their right minds would let Dee have a kid… Go to St. Jerome's and be an orphan?

"I'm sorry, Ryo…" Bikky all but whispered looking down at his bare toes. "I don't want to go with Dee." Traitor tears slipped down his cheeks and fell onto his feet. "I'm sorry."

Ryo felt physically ill. How could he have said that to Bikky? What the hell was wrong with him? He might have just destroyed all the trust he had built up with Bikky over the years. God, he was such a fuck. He knelt down in front of Bikky as Dee had done a few moments before and drew him into a crushing embrace.

"Bikky… I'm so sorry; I didn't mean that at all. I want you here with me. I love you." He whispered, stroking Bikky's hair, feeling hot wet tears falling onto his bare shoulder. "God… kiddo… I'm sorry…" Ryo held him tight, rocking them a little. His heart thundered in his chest, as Bikky pulled away from him…

"I didn't mean it, I don't even like Dee. He's an ass." Bikky's voice was small and urgent, and made Ryo cringe all the more. Bikky had never talked about being abused, but Ryo suspected he had been, and any suspicions were confirmed in that desperate to appease voice. "Don't send me away."

"Bikky… sweetheart, I would never send you away, never. Never ever. And it's okay, if you like Dee, that's just fine. I know that he has been a big part of your life, both of our lives, for as long as you have been with me. It's okay if he is your dad, too. I think he has a lot of things to offer you that I don't. I'm glad you like him." He kissed the side of the blonde boy's head.

Bikky shook his head, a mute denial, his arms finally coming around Ryo and hugging him hard enough that it almost bruised Ryo's ribs. He was growing up so fast.

"Come on, kiddo. Come here." Ryo stood, lifting the boy. Really, Bikky was way too old to be lifted, and nearly too big, but Ryo managed to pick him up, carrying him to his bedroom. "Spend the night with me."

He set Bikky down on the big bed, sitting down beside him, drawing him into his arms again to rub his back. "I'm sorry. It was so dumb of me to say that. Do you feel like that a lot? Like I might send you away?"

The boy shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Sometimes. I'm so bad all the time… I don't mean to be."

"You aren't bad, Bikky, sometimes you make bad choices, but you aren't a bad person, I think you're pretty nice most of the time. I wouldn't send you away just because you don't make good choices. I love you, kiddo, I'm not just saying that. If you really had walked out with Dee… I don't know what I would have done. It would have broken my heart. Again."

"Why did Dee leave?" Bikky whispered, wanting to know, feeling like his entire world had just been scattered… feeling a lot like he had when his real dad had died.

"I… I don't think he feels like I love him." Ryo replied softly, still rubbing his back.

"But you do love him, don't you?"

"Yes… I do… I just don't know how to handle that." Ryo sighed, starting to feel the first of his own tears, but holding them in check. Bikky didn't need to see him cry.

"Why not? He loves you a lot. He even told me so." Bikky was so grown up in some ways… so young in others. Ryo wasn't sure how to handle it sometimes. He was so competent, he could completely take care of himself, he was streetwise, and had a core of titanium. At the same time… he needed so badly to be reassured, and cuddled and touched. Ryo supposed it was how he had grown up, most of those things were learned by necessity, but he was emotionally malnourished.

"Because… I don't know really… Its just… how I feel." Ryo kissed the soft blonde hair again; smelling the shower Bikky had taken earlier.

Bikky nodded a little, not seeming to need a real concrete answer. Just needing an answer, maybe needing to know if Ryo was even thinking about it. He knew Ryo was upset too, that he would probably cry if he were alone, that Ryo was being strong for him.

"I just want to go to bed." He sighed after clearing his throat, just wanting to be this horrible night to be over, Dee would be back tomorrow…

"Alright, sport… here…" Ryo moved over to the wall, sliding under the covers and patting the bed next to him for Bikky.

Bikky wiped any remaining moisture from his face before crawling under the covers with Ryo, actually relaxing a little when Ryo's arm came around him. It would be okay. It had to be okay.

Authors Note: Yeah its been long in coming, but its here now, and hopefully I will come out with chapters more regularily again for a while. I think I got past what was stumping me here, and finally see the light. Thanks for being so patient and encouraging.