Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Delicate ❯ Be and Be Not Afraid ( Chapter 16 )

Disclaimer: Lyn and Andrew and their beautiful family are mine, as are all other original characters, and you must have expressed written consent to use, fanfic or whatever. Dee and Ryo etc. are not mine. Don't sue, I'm poor ^_^; 

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Irish Speaks: Sorry this isn't a very smooth transition from the last chapter. I have been obsessing over what would be a catalyst for Ryo to change. I got hit with this idea, and well… it seemed to fit better than anything else. Please forgive me for the rough chapter transition, but I hope the emotion in this chapter will be beautiful enough for you to forgive me.

 

 

 

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Delicate:

Chapter Fourteen: Be and Be Not Afraid

 

 

By: Irish

 

 

I may think that I know the True Heart's needs

My pride may bring me low, unable to see

No closer than yester day, but tomorrow I may stand

Be and be not afraid, to reach for heaven.

- Tracy Chapman

- Be and Be Not Afraid

 

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It was the first third shift Ryo had worked in almost a year. Dee was working it too, but he was partnered with Drake, and Ryo hadn't even seen him at the precinct tonight. Just heard his voice over the police radio a time or two, just for minor beat calls.

 

It was sleeting so hard, the moment Ryo stepped out of the unmarked car, he was soaked. It was half frozen rain and immediately numbed his face and hands. He didn't know why he had stopped, but something told him he should. Maybe the street was just too quiet. He didn't know, but his hand rested on the butt of his service revolver.

 

“Ryo, what are you doing man?” Ted called, a few steps behind him.

 

“I don't know… just, something's wrong. I can feel it.” Ryo walked back up the street towards a narrow alley. Had he seen something back there? He just didn't know. Water was actually running down the sidewalk, the sleet falling so heavily that it had filled the gutters to overflowing. Ryo's shoes were already soaked through. The street was silent.

 

“Ryo—“ Ted started again

 

“Shh!” Ryo snapped, unholstering his flashlight with his off hand as he approached the alley. Had he heard something just under Ted's voice?

 

“Hello?” Ryo called from the mouth of the alleyway, trying to keep his hand steady. It was already numb, and Ryo was starting to shiver.

 

Thunder rolled overhead. Not the loud or booming sound of summer thunder, but a low grumbling sound, as if the thunder knew it was way too late in the season for it. Ryo cursed under his breath, sure he had just missed another sound in that thunder. He shone his maglite down alley.

 

“NYPD, is there anyone back here?” Ryo called, quietly, almost afraid to shout. The quiet of the neighborhood was almost eerie. When anything got this quiet in NYC, something was wrong. Dee had taught him that. It was like being in the woods, if all the `birds' shut up, there was a reason for it.

 

There was a low whimper, and Ryo swung his flashlight in that direction of the sound. Two golden eyes blinked at him, then yowled. Just a tomcat. Ryo sighed and dropped his flashlight hand to his side.

 

“Christ, its just a cat.” Ryo shook his head; sure Ted was going to call him nine kinds of fool.

 

“No… its not.” Ted whispered, the kind of whisper people in horror movies use when they are seeing their foe, or a dead friend, for the first time. Ryo turned to look at him quickly.

 

“What? What is it?”

 

“Look at your feet man.” Ted said in that same whisper, belatedly drawing his own gun and flashlight, pointing them down the alley. Ryo looked down at where his beam shown on the quarter inch deep stream of slush that poured from the alley out into the street.

 

“Oh my god,” Ryo drew his gun. The slush wasn't clear, or even the brown or gray one might associate with New York precipitation. It was red. And it wasn't paint.

 

“NYPD! Come out with your hands on your head!” Ted called, rather foolishly, Ryo thought, doubting anyone bleeding enough to stain the runoff would be anything but mostly dead.

 

“Can't.”

 

Ryo heard that. He pointed his flashlight in the direction of that pathetic gasp of sound. Off to one side, in the deepest of shadows, a prone form lay half curled in the fetal position, one hand outstretched towards the mouth of the alley. As Ryo's beam hit it, the hand lifted from the ground, reaching out for them.

 

Every cop instinct Ryo ever possessed flew out of his head. He holstered his weapon and rushed into the alley, dropping to his knees besides the person, taking that outstretched hand in his own.

 

“Where are you hurt?”

 

“Ryo!” Ted snapped, his beam dancing away from Ryo and the prone figure, sweeping the alleyway, looking for the perp that might have caused the damage, covering his partner's ass.

 

“Front.”

 

Ryo set down his flashlight and helped the person roll slowly over onto his or her back. His. At least Ryo thought so. The man's frame was so narrow and wiry it could have been a woman's, but Ryo guessed the man's height at around six feet tall, maybe a little more, and he lacked breasts. His clothes were completely soaked through, so even enough breast to warrant a training bra would have been noticeable. His hair was long though, very long, and Ryo swept it from the man's face. His lips were turning blue.

 

“What's your name?” Ryo asked, immediately able to see the front of the man's coat was black with blood. He took his utility knife out of his pocket, and cut away both jacket and shirt, baring the man's chest. The sleet did them one favor and washed away the blood, so Ryo could see the wounds on the moon-pale flesh.

 

“S-s-sascha.” Sascha gasped. His head was back, blue eyes staring vacantly up into the night. He was a mess, his torso all but shredded. With what, Ryo couldn't say for sure, but not something meant for cutting. High on his right side, Ryo could see, in the beam of his prone maglight, one of the wounds bubbled. Surely a punctured lung. Nor was Sascha shivering, even Ryo was shivering, and he wasn't losing blood by the pint. Sascha was in the final stages of hypothermia.

 

“Ted! We need a bus! Asap!” Ryo turned away from Sascha long enough to look and shout at Ted. Ted nodded and whipped out his cell phone.

 

“You're going to be okay Sascha.” Ryo whispered, tearing off his own coat and folding it over Sascha's chest and stomach, trying to press everywhere at once. There were so many wounds; his hands couldn't cover them all.

 

Sascha shook his head slightly, then coughed wetly, blood spraying from his mouth. “No… dying testament,” He rasped, his eyes quivered from side to side, as if he were searching the skies for some sort of answer to his pain.

 

“Nuh uh, I'm not accepting it, because you're not dying.” Ryo said, wiping droplets of blood from Sascha's mouth and chin. He was beautiful, Ryo saw, easily as beautiful as Lyn and in much the same way.

 

“Ryo, we got a problem!” Ted called from the mouth of the alley. “There are car accidents all over the city, and the streets are freezing. They'll get here as soon as they can, but…”

 

Ryo didn't need Ted to finish. He knew what the `but' meant. But there was no way they would get here fast enough to save Sascha's life. The detective couldn't help but shudder. It was eerily like the story Lyn had told him, when they first met, of how Dee had saved Lyn's life.

 

“Dying statement.” Sascha insisted, he lifted a fragile hand, also cut to pieces, Ryo saw, with defensive wounds, and gripped Ryo's wrist hard.

 

“Okay, okay, tell me.” Ryo whispered, moving his knee to take the place of his hand, switching around Sascha's grip on his wrist, so he was holding Sascha's hand.

 

“G-g-gay bashed. Was-was walking home, jumped me. Maybe six.” Sascha's teeth chatter, even though he wasn't shivering anywhere else. It was probably the shock. “No-no-no idea what they looked like. Ch-check the glass.”

 

“Check the glass? What do you mean?” Ryo asked, bringing the bleeding hand gripping and being gripped in his own so tightly against his chest, holding it there, trying to warm what couldn't be warmed.

 

“The gl-glass… in me. Broken-broken bottle.” Sascha tensed suddenly, sharply, almost a convulsion, his teeth clenching as he threw his head back, he let out a low guttural cry that seemed involuntary.

 

“Hang on Sascha, just hang on.” Ryo could hear sirens in the distance. Sascha went limp as suddenly as he tensed, his head lolling to the side. Ryo let go of his hand to grip his chin, turning his face back up again. His eyes had yet to focus on anything, not a good sign. “Stay with me Sascha! Do you have any family?”

 

“Y-y- no.”

 

“Yes or no?” Ryo demanded, giving Sascha's cold cheek a light slap. It didn't even turn a faint shade of pink. Ryo couldn't tell what was killing him faster, the blood loss or the hypothermia. He looked up at Ted, agonized. Should they move the man? Try and get him to the hospital themselves? Or would that make it worse? Ted shook his head helplessly. Their car wasn't a cruiser, and so didn't even have the rough blue blankets to give to victims.

 

“Yes… but…” Sascha shook his head again, but this time it seemed more to snap from side to side, as if he were not longer completely in control of the motion.

 

“But?” Ryo prompted.

 

Sascha closed his eyes, and tried to sigh, it ended in another bloody cough.

“Try and breath shallow, baby,” Ryo whispered, wiping more blood from the pale, handsome face. “Try not to cough.” Sascha nodded slightly and licked his lips.

 

“Lover. But… NYPD.” Sascha's blue lips curved upwards in a wary smiled.

 

“What?” Ryo shook his head, wondering if the man was losing lucidity.

 

“My lover.” Sascha managed a little more clearly as the sleet poured down on them. “NYPD, 52nd, Homicide. Don't w-w-want to Out him.”

 

Ryo's mind went blank and for a moment all he could do was stare. Sascha's lover was a cop? It shouldn't have been that shocking, Ryo knew there were gay cops besides he and Dee. Well, now, just Dee. But knowing was miles from actually being confronted with.

 

“You're very badly hurt. I don't think being Outted will be the first thing on his mind. It wouldn't be on mine.” Ryo tried to smile a little, the parallels to Lyn's past took a whole new twist, and for a moment, it wasn't Sascha or Lyn bleeding out right in front of him. It was Dee. He could see it all too clearly. Dee fading slowly into the Hereafter, and telling the poor son of a bitch holding his hand as he did, that he had a lover… but refusing to tell his name, for fear of outing him.

 

“It w-w-wouldn't.” Sascha agreed. “Bu-but I'm d-d-dying. Won't leave him a-a-alone and unemployed.” He managed another wan smile.

 

And Ryo could hear Dee's voice saying just that, and his throat fisted. The detective cleared it and coughed a few times. The sirens were almost there, and Ryo prayed it was the bus they called, not just the FDNY.

 

“Sascha, do you know how bad he'll feel, if he isn't at your side?” Ryo whispered, brushing another strand of hair out of sascha's face. “Trust me.” It was almost the same as acknowledging that Sascha was all but dead, but it suddenly seemed the most important thing in the world, to find Sascha's lover, to get him here if possible… maybe they could at least say their goodbyes. “Is he on duty?”

 

Sascha bit his lip, eyes closing. With the constant pattering of sleet on his face it was impossible to tell, but Ryo was pretty sure he had started to cry. Slowly, the man nodded. “Yes… S-Sean… Sean Lundgren.” Sascha whispered. Sascha may look like Lyn, but Ryo was growing more convinced that personality wise, he was closer to Dee. Maybe his mind was just filling in blanks, maybe the situation was just too close to his own heart, but Ryo was sure that if Sascha was crying, it was for his own weakness and allowing his lover to be called.

 

“Ted! Get dispatch to send a Detective Sean Lundgren. Homicide over at the 52nd. Tell them its lights and sirens. Have them tell him its Sascha.” Ryo called to his partner. Ted had been hovering near by, not sure what to do. He nodded quickly, grateful for something to do.

 

“Please…” Sascha whispered. “Tell him I'm sorry.”

 

“No, no way. Because if any one is going to tell him anything, its you. Quiet now. Save your breath.” Ryo murmured, taking up his hand again, and holding it to his chest. “Just hold on, just a little longer.” Ryo felt trails of heat mingling with the cold sleet streams, and knew that Sascha wasn't the only one crying.

The sirens screeched to a halt. Ryo could tell by the lights that it wasn't an ambulance. Probably a squad car. Doors opened and slammed, feet ran.

 

“Ryo?”

 

Ryo's head shot up at the familiar voice.

 

“Dee? What are you doing here?”

 

“I was the next closest car when Ted called for a bus. I have a squad car.” Dee's footfalls moved closer at a run, jingling slightly. Ryo was surprised to see that Dee was in uniform with a utility belt. The surprise only lasted a minute when he saw what Dee carried though. Two blankets, a bright orange poncho, and a first aid kit. “What are the wounds?” Dee dropped to his knees besides Ryo.

 

“Bad, I don't think you've got anything in there to help. He's so cold though.” Ryo said, already removing his jacket from Sascha's chest. It was too soaked to help form clots anyway.

 

Dee threw the poncho on the ground. “Lift him onto it on the count of three.” Dee said, already grabbing Sascha under the arms. Ryo quickly grabbed his legs. Neither detective needed to even bother counting out loud. They lifted in unison, laying him on the poncho, Dee then wrapped the blankets around sascha's still form, then wrapped a disposable emergency thermo blanket around him, which was also waterproof. Sascha was still wet, but at least he had dry blankets around him, it might be enough to at least keep him from losing any more heat.

 

“Do you know how long until the bus gets here?” Ryo asked, peering into Dee's face, trying to read what kind of prognosis Dee was giving the man. Dee had a little bit more medical training than Ryo did.

 

“Too long.” Dee shook his head, taking off his uniform hat, and placing it on Sascha's head, in an attempt to keep some more heat in.

 

“He… he has a lover who works for the 52nd, he's on duty… and on his way.”

 

“I hope he gets here soon,” was all Dee said. All three detectives fell silent, and Sascha made no more attempt at speech. His breathing seemed to grow more labored with each breath. Dee had taken over applying pressure to the wounds, and Ryo just held Sascha's hand, caressing his cheek with the other. When they heard sirens start to approach again, Dee and Ryo exchanged looks. At this point, it was probably better if it were detective Lundgren. Sascha was a little closer to his last breath with each one he drew, and would surely be dead on arrival if the ambulance whisked him away before Lundgren arrived.

 

The lights that screeched to a halt once again suggested a squad car, and Ryo let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Sascha let out a breath at the same time, but didn't draw another.

 

“Shit.” Dee hissed. “You breathe, I'll do compressions.”

 

Ryo moved closer to Sascha's head, tilting it back, sticking his fingers down sascha's throat, just to be sure it wasn't clogged with blood. It felt clear, and he pinched Sascha's nose close. Ryo covered his mouth and breathed. Dee counted for him, and almost as soon as Ryo sat up a bit, to take a breath or two for himself, he heard the sick crack of Dee breaking ribs to perform the compressions.

 

“Sascha!”

 

Ryo had never met Detective Sean Lundgren, but only someone watching his lover die could express so much pain in two syllables. Ryo leaned over to breath for Sascha again, and jumped back, startled. Sascha's eyes were wide open again, and staring listlessly. More importantly, Ryo felt a puff of air against his cheek.

 

“Stop Dee, he's breathing!” Ryo sat back, turning to see where the sound of a scuffle was coming from.

 

Ted was grappling with a redheaded man who had easily fifty pounds on him. He looked lean, but stood well over six feet, maybe half way to seven feet. And he looked ready to pull his gun on Ted to get past him. Ryo understood, Ted had been trying to keep Dee and Ryo from being interrupted in their life saving efforts by a frantic partner.

 

“Let him go, Ted!' Ryo called. Ted let the man go, and Ryo barely had a chance to scramble out of the way before the mount of a detective was skidding to his knees next to his dying lover.

 

“Sascha, honey?” The man who looked to be bigger than even Andrew, with calloused hands that looked like they would do better taking apart an engine then caressing a lover, was touching Sascha's cold cheek with a touch so tender it nearly made Ryo weep.

 

“Sean.” Sascha's angelic face lit in a smile. He lifted a hand that Ryo had been sure would never move again, and found Sean's face, tracing the plains and angles of his face.

 

“Shh, sweetheart, shh, don't talk, that will only make it worse.” Sean whispered. Ryo could see in his expression though, that Detective Lundgren knew that almost nothing could `make it worse' at the moment. His actions only proved that, as he slid a hand under Sascha's shoulders, sitting him up just enough to cradle the slighter man in his arms.

 

Sascha shook his head slightly. “I can't get any worse, and we both know it.” He spoke with an amazing clarity, though he could hardly be heard over the fall of sleet. “I'm so sorry. I love you, Sean.”

 

“No! Don't you dare say your good byes! You can't die damnit! Not now!”

 

“Please… please, say it for me? One last…?” Sascha's eyes slid closed again, and he started to tremble from head to toe, each shake growing more violent.

 

“I love you! Sascha, I love you, please!”

 

Ryo and Dee both knew they should turn away from this, give the two men their last moments together in peace, but both of them might have been made of cement. They couldn't avert their eyes from drama of reality before them.

 

“Love… you… to…” Sascha managed one last whisper, before the convulsions took him entirely. Sean lay him down with a gentleness his size didn't suggest was possible, then sat back on his heels, watching in stunned silence, as Dee and Ryo moved in again, trying to do anything to keep the man alive.

 

The ambulance arrived as the convulsions gave way to what Ryo was sure would have been a flat line, had Sascha been connected to anything. Dee started compressions again immediately, and Ryo returned to breathing. Detective Lundgren had taken up sascha's hand, and just held it to his cheek.

 

The paramedics took over for Dee and Ryo, not bothering to stabilize Sascha before they whisked him off; there was nothing to stabilize. Sean managed to find the presence of mind to run after the stretcher, and clamor into the passenger seat of the ambulance, out of the way. Dee and Ryo stood together at the mouth of the alley like lost children. Ted stood a few paces off; Drake was back with the squad car Dee had come in, reporting on the radio. As the bus took off on the slick roads, Ryo slowly turned to Dee, only to find Dee turning to him at the same time.

 

Ryo didn't speak a word, instead lifting his hand to Dee's cheek, cupping it lightly, in fingers that shook rather violently. Dee watched him for a long moment with those intense green eyes, before turning his head slowly, kissing Ryo's fingers.

 

Ryo caressed Dee's lips softly, praying Dee would take him in his arms, or say something, anything, something to make his soul stop trembling. Instead, Dee took Ryo's hand from his face, then turned away, walking away slowly, letting Ryo's hand slip from his grip.

 

He slid back into the police cruiser. A moment later, Drake followed, giving Ryo one last unfathomable look, then pulled away, leaving Ryo staring at sidewalk and night where his beloved had been standing.

 

 

 

Author's Notes: See, I'm still writing Delicate. Don't worry I will finish it; someday hopefully it will be easier after this chapter. Hopefully you consider this a nice hanuchrismakwanzstice present… and not coal in your stocking ;). Still writing Redefining Heaven too. Don't worry; I'll always be here. Also, I highly recommend you check out the title song, `Be and Be Not Afraid' by Tracy Chapman. I have made an imix for those of you who have itunes. I'm not sure if its up and running yet, but you can try searching `Irish's Delicate', or check back to my blog www.deskofirish.blog.com for further instructions once I know its been published. Oh, and Sean isn't actually my character, but I have given rights to use him by Wolfie. (Thanks Wolfie!)