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| "White Rose" Reviews/Comments [ 224 ] | | Pages (15): [ « ‹ 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 › » ] | Reviewed By: Inuyasha_SIT [MediaMiner Member] On: May 01, 2008 03:01 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ok, concrit, concrit...well, there are a few spelling/grammar mistakes throughout. For example: "That was most certainly a turn of events from the last time that they had kiss, not that either was complaining." - I'm pretty sure you meant 'kissed.' :) Um...you could be a bit more descriptive in what's going on in each scene. You seem to rely on the dialog to carry you through. ex: When Inuyasha rips the dress right off Kagome, does she really just stand there and complain, or does she jump and dunk herself into the water to hide from him - maybe even push him away first...I dunno, something like that. I hope that helps! :D I really enjoyed this chapter - nice and fluffy. Can't wait for what's next, though.
| Reviewed By: Thehybrid_02 On: April 30, 2008 23:14 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
flames are only given where they are deserved and you deserve none. Great story keep it up!
| Reviewed By: SliverCat On: April 28, 2008 15:11 CDT
Rating(s):Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 5 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
You asked for flames? Do you know what a paragraph is? At the beginning of your chapter, you managed to have a few nice neat paragraphs. Then as the chapter moved on you lost the concept. Every single sentence is in a different one. Look at this set of sentences; they all have a similar theme. Relearn what one is. Elipses are used when you leave something out, not when you are making time. Flamey enough for ya? OTOH, the story itself is nice enough. The characters are good Beauty and the Beast Characters, but not really wonderful InuYasha ones. Add in someone else to the mix to allow some of InuYasha's inherent distrust of humanity in. Add in some more of the action&adventure that defines InuYasha. You are doing well on the romance section of the story. It has been slow and gradual. Don't take this post as a real flame. I don't mean it snarky. Use it constructively.
| Title: '.'
Reviewed By: deipurple [MediaMiner Member] On: April 27, 2008 22:19 CDT
Comment/Review:
I am sorry I did not review you last chapter. I did read it and loved it but I just say it has been a very horrible month and reading you story is one of my most favorite distractions from this reality of life that has of late just seems so cruel. Are you talking about the ... things? (ellipses?) personally I use them alot so probably would not have been bothered by them. I have found one typo.. in this chapter int his paragraph? Once she had calmed down, Inu had provoked her into chasing him around the pond by splashing water at her. She had gotten her revenge on him, though she strongly suspected that it was only so because he had allowed her to dunk him in the water after he slowed down his pace because he was short of breath. She knew better then to believe that he really was out of breath. He was better at swimming then that and had much better endurance than herself. If he had truly been trying to get away from her, they MAYBE THEN he would have. Thank you again for writing and I look forward to reading more of this story and you new characters. Dei Dei
| Title: Now, on to the positives.
Reviewed By: Sparkly Faerie [MediaMiner Member] On: April 27, 2008 04:58 CDT
Comment/Review:
I didn't want to put the negatives and positives into one review; it would look a little weird, since MM.org doesn't allow paragraphs in reviews. Anyway, I do think it is a remarkably sweet story, which has given me more than one giggle as I read through. If you should chose to redo the story, power to you, I will definately read it, but if not, then just plow on ahead and we shall all be happy. ^^ Either way, I love your writing style; I've tried to write that way myself, but it never seems to come out very well. You certainly have a gift for words; I hope you continue writing as well as you have been, and continue to share with us for a long time coming.
| Title: Well, you wanted a negative review...
Reviewed By: Sparkly Faerie [MediaMiner Member] On: April 27, 2008 04:53 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hm, you want negatives? Well, my major qualm is that Inuyasha is so very out of character. Kagome is, too. Whatever happened to the sweet, little, blush-if-she-saw-a-half-naked-man Kagome? And the whole 'I will it, so it is' thing is just weird. Just because he's hanyou, how does that give him special powers like that? I don't recall anything like that in the original Beauty and the Beast, and Inuyasha certainly never had those powers in canon. If this were true to character at all, then Kouga (his role is Gaston, yes?) would be searching for Kagome high and low, Kagome's father would be trying to convince anyone and everyone that a monster is holding his daughter hostage, Inuyasha would be a total bastard, and Kagome would probably still be totally scared shitless and looking for a way out. At least, she would have been. Maybe by about this time she would have formed a tenuous trust in him, but not as soon as she did. In all honesty, I can't tell if you're adapting Inuyasha, recreating Beauty and the Beast, or trying to mesh the two together; which, by the way, could work well if done a little more in-character.
| Reviewed By: Kryptoinuyasha [MediaMiner Member] On: April 25, 2008 21:03 CDT
Comment/Review:
FLAMES!!! You want Flames?!?!?!?!!? Are you off your rocker or something???? But seriously, other than some punctuation and a little of the "ol'english" word play (though I thought this was set in France, no?), I think your doing a fantastic job! Every chapter has a purpose, so don't knock it. You may think it, but if there isn't the time line of the characters getting from point A to point H (ex- going from Kags hating Inu to then loving him) with nothing inbetween it would leave the reader disinterested and dissatisfied. So your 'useless' chapters are, infact, not so 'useless' after all. The history lesson was a little confusing at first but I eventually got it (a literary major, I'm not). The flow of chemistry between Inu and Kags to virtually seamless. Expression and visualization are definately your strong points. The only thing I can suggest (if you haven't already done this) is to read each chapter out loud to discover whether the wording sounds correct (grammer) when read and to find missed punctuation. It works for my kids when they get fustrated with their writting assignments. (oh geeze....did I just reveil a little bit of my age??? Oh damn! *smirk*) I'm sure your 'homework' will fair quite well at school. Update when you can, just don't leave us hanging too long. FYI - email is argirl27@hotmail.com for those movie questions you want answered.
| Reviewed By: Lil Babe0206 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 25, 2008 20:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
>.> i read it right away again....I LUV IT! ur an awsome writer! and tell ur betta dat he/she is awsome also! plllz update soon!
| Reviewed By: Silver Dog of the Snow [MediaMiner Member] On: April 25, 2008 20:48 CDT
Comment/Review:
That was so incredible! Sounds so much like fun! Something I can't enjoy because of the CST's and finals! I finally crashed from the sugar high, and it wasn't funny, but hey, its my fault. Personally your writing is quite marvelous (I think that's how you spell it and I'm not willing to look it up in the dictionary at the moment) and your description is incredible. How can you say the description of the sky and moon and stars were word vomit?! I wish I could spout out such beautiful imagery! This story is just as romantic as Romeo and Juliet, something my class is reading right now, minus the tragidies, just the passionate love! Oh, this is great! I give you two thumbs up, because that's all I have! Truly great job! Keep writing, and take your time rereading and revising, something I need to do.
| Reviewed By: Hitsugaya630 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 25, 2008 18:31 CDT
Comment/Review:
I can probably tell you that most of my reviews are going to be 'Already responded to' so, unless it's a question I, or no one else, has asked, you don't need to put the 'already responded to; thing, I'm pretty damn sure it wastes time. But I like how this is going. But, why are you jumping back to Ayame and Kouga? What purpose does that have? Or was it just o fill up space in this chapter. Because personally, I wouldn't jump back to them, it doesn't really have a meaning to the story as far as I can tell. And you've told me a lot. So . . . NOW I'M CONFUSED! Damn YOU! But it really makes like no sense to me. Really it doesn't. Well, I still love this chapter, besides the Ayame and Kouga thing it was great. I think I'm the only one who would rather have it all Inu and Kag then have a little bit of Ayame and Kouga.Hey I was wondering the other day, is there going to be a Sango and Miroku part in it? Cuz I know Sesshomaru ain't showing up, what about them? And in your last A/N you said that just because she was dead didn't mean she was going be insignificant. Does that mean that she's like going to come back to life or something? Because I'm pretty damn sure that the person who changed Inuyasha to Inu was Kikyo, and bringing her back would just . . . severally fuck things up. *excuse my language* But really, I just wanna say that there is like NO POINT to bringing her back. I'm not even sure if your going to being her back and yet I'm getting mad at you for even thinking about it, if you are thinking about it. But, I guess I'll stop my rambling, and let you take this story the way you want it to go. But I'm really warning you on the Kikyo thing, not a good idea. Not a good idea at all. Seriously though, if you are planning on bringing her back (God I hope you're not) reconsider it. I know I probably sound like a Kikyo hatter here,(nothing wrong with Kikyo hatters) But I'm not, it's just in this story it would really make things . . . complicated, and that's not something that would work. With it being as complicated as it is already. I mean Kagome had no idea that Inu is the prince of the castle she is now living in, Inu has no idea that Kagome is seeing - or was seeing - his past, and it's going to be one hell of a experience when they find out. Especially when Inu finds out that he could have given away who he was if he said one thing wrong. Hey, that might be a good idea for a chapter, or something. Dunno. Didn't I say I'd stop my rambling?Oh well, I guess I'll shut up now! XD hope things go good with your school work, hope this was a good enough review to explain how freakin confused I am right now, and hopefully I can wait until May 9th for the next update. Was that the right date? Oh well, doesn't matter all I need to know is it's in May. And that's when I gotta start checking my mail every half hour again. I did that when I couldn't remember the date you were going to update. I'd go for days checking my mail every half hour. Lol. Alright, fingers hurt. Lol. Well, (I ain't saying "Have A Nice Day!" cuz that's like . . . so over rated right now lol. and half the time you say it you want to strangle who ever said it! And I like my life as of now but I will say:) BYE! XD *waves* (god i sound like a prep! No offense to all the preps that may or may not be reading this review, it's so goddamn long that you probably gave up on reading it half way up it! Lol. I wouldn't be surprised if the writer of this story stopped reading it half way through. Lol.)See ya later, and can't wait for the next update even though I'm gonna because i don't have a choice. And this is like the longest review I wrote for ANY story I've ever read. God You're lucky, I wouldn't do this for every one. Just you! XD See ya latter peoples! Oh yeah, my brother says nice update, I better put that before I run out of space to type. I'm like officially below 100 characters left. So, hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it
| Reviewed By: Kryptoinuyasha [MediaMiner Member] On: April 20, 2008 00:18 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love it when the story actually makes me stop and think! Update soon! FYI - My stepmom is an actress and just finished with filming an HBO movie in Dec. She told me a little about it but if you want me to I could ask her some specific questions you want answers for.
| Reviewed By: Inuluver66613 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 17, 2008 14:11 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love the story! Thanks for the date and I think you should do two chapters, it will make me happier to see two chapters, lol. As I said, I love the story but I am also wondering about where Sango and Miroku are. It is not a big deal because I love to hear all about Inu and Kagome. And I finally understand why you have him as Inu all this time! I was like WTH? But I like it!
| Reviewed By: me amore On: April 14, 2008 16:03 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
This story is so good, and I know your grandfather would be pround to have such in his honor. AND thanks for the update dates, even if the next chapter is before prome. Well thanks for the chapter I loved it,now when dose songo come in?
| Reviewed By: Pirittokuru [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2008 23:00 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I love your story! Another great chapter cant wait for the next!
| Reviewed By: Inuyasha_SIT [MediaMiner Member] On: April 12, 2008 20:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
Yay! Great chapter. You had us all in such good spirits with this chapter and then BAM! Right at the end a new twist. Very nice...although, I am worried about Inu. That bit about his name was very sad, but very sweet. Can't wait until the 25th. :)
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